And here we go!
As said in my earlier post, according to sources this is the most painfully terrible pro-wrestling TV show possible. But I'm here to test that theory! Certainly, the episode of Dark Side of the Ring sure piqued my interest a great deal - especially with Herb Abrams in charge of things. Dude seemed like a coked out crazy man who was happy to spend all his money on pro-wrestling. I personally like to spend none of my money on pro-wrestling, so I can't relate.
ANYWAYS according to wikipedia, this show won the following awards from the most prestigious Wrestling Observer:
1990 - Worst Television Announcer (Herb Abrams)
1991 - Worst Promotion of the Year (UWF)
1991 - Worst Television Show (Fury Hour)
1991 - Most Obnoxious (Herb Abrams)
1994 - Worst Major Wrestling Show (Blackjack Brawl)
SOUNDS FUN!!!
UWF Fury Hour Episode 1, 1st October 1990
The show opens with Herb screaming at the viewer, much like old (or young? Because he sure doesn't do it now he's an old piece of shit) Vince used to do on WWF programming. Our commentators are Herb Abrams and HOLY SHIT Bruno Sammartino?!?
This show already wins! They run through the legends that will be featured on the show and I'm like 'dang they got some names I recognise!'.
'Dr, Death' Steve Williams vs Davey Meltzer
Bahaha we have a dude that is supposed to be some sort of dig at Dave Meltzer? No wonder this show got such derision from the Wrestling Observer! Especially as Dr. Death just destroys Meltzer for like 5 minutes without Davey getting in a single offensive maneuver and the commentators just complete bury him.
Winner = 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams via SQUASHTASTICNESS
Dr. Death writes a note or something and stuffs it in Meltzer's mouth - was that him reviewing the match or something? Dr. Death gets his backstage info from the Torch, Dave!
David Sammartino vs 'The Unpredictable' Cactus Jack
Mick Foley! And a much less wide than I remember David Sammartino! David claims he can turn a walk in the park into a dangerous obstacle course and I'm thinking he's not the man to go on a date with. Commentators put over Cactus Jack as being crazy and Bruno is in disbelief when he is still standing after hitting a turnbuckle post. Bruno, I recommend you don't watch 2020 pro-wrestling. The match cuts away to backstage promos in front of cheesy 90's graphics. Then B. Brian Blair tries to sell us on some UWF merch, except he admits he won't buy one of the t-shirts. Cheapskate! Dr. Death talks about beating people up in bars, but then says he doesn't want to talk about bars. Then why'd you mention it? BACK TO THE MATCH and Bruno admits to being biased towards his son. This fact must have pissed off Cactus Jack because he just randomly headbutts the ref.
Winner = David Sammartino via disqualification
Ummm... ok?
Billy Jack Haynes vs Some Dude?
OH SHIT IT'S BILLY JACK HAYNES looking way less jacked and kinda... not as cool. But his opponent gets zero entrance and not even a name on the screen so I like Billy's chances here.
Winner = Billy Jack Haynes via submission due to Full fucking Nelson
For the past few months, I've been making my way through classic NWA shows from the mid-eighties onwards. It's been great. Billy Jack Haynes was there for a while in 1986, I believe. He was great. I remember when I did WrestleMania March Madness that I saw him in WrestleMania III and thought he was awesome. However, this is the UWF in 1990. Great and awesome this was not.
There was a press conference to announce the formation of the UWF and the biggest stars they had were B. Brian Blair and Dan Spivey? THE WARNING SIGNS WERE RIGHT THERE, HERB!
B. Brian talked shit and got hit, but apparently he's the hero?
Captain Lou's Corner with Captain Lou Albano
His guest this week is B. Brian Blair. He plays the victim and claims he was being a gentleman. Fuck off, there is video of you insulting the dude! Then he buzzes.
Billy Jack Haynes cuts a promo. It's not good.
Colonel DeBeers cuts a promo about winning a world title. UWF has a world title? They seem to have a roster of about 8 wrestlers right now. Plus you only have one eye - no reputable commission should licence you to fight!
Colonel DeBeers vs Michael Allan
I at least caught this jobber's name at the start. But he got less offense in than the last guy.
Winner = Colonel DeBeers via the worst DDT I may have ever seen
'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Some Other Dude
The jobber this time is Japanese so the commentators have no interest in repeating his name. Bruno tells us the piledriver is Orndorff's "move". And that he "fights like a very hangry man".
Winner = Paul Orndorff via piledriver
Dr. Death gets in Orndorff's face and Herb is losing his shit!
But Dr. Death just kinda hulks up and leaves the ring. Suspense?
'Killer Bee' B. Brian Blair vs 'Dangerous' Dan Spivey
"He's a fan favourite and a real favourite of the fans." Well explained, Herb.
"You're not going to see a lot of beautiful wrestling maneuvers here." Thanks for the warning, Bruno.
Double Count-Out after the fastest 10-count I've ever seen
Herb tells us he hates the ending and we should too. Seriously.
Then we get a preview for next week's main event - Colonel DeBeers vs Billy Jack Haynes - before I say goodnight.
So initial thoughts:
- Herb Abrams goes from being the sleepiest cokehead on the planet to angry deranged crazy man every match.
- The matches were all pretty bad.
- Bruno seems happy to be here!
- Seeing what's become of Billy Jack Haynes is kinda depressing.
- B. Brian Blair is apparently the number one babyface. This company should have died on day-fucking-one.
