Music Talk: Kiss Goodbye - Day Three

I'm kicking my day off with MTV Unplugged. This was actually a tough decision; I wasn't sure if I make today the last day or increase to four, and add a day of all the 80's and 90's stuff. And then the question would be where to put that in my journey - do I do it today so that I end tomorrow on great stuff, and I can sandwich it between good times? In the end, I decided to continue my focus on the original line-up by kicking it off with their reunion. And, quite honestly, this is the best fucking album and a great way to start a day when you just want to sleep but have to get up and do life.

The only downer to this approach is I'm pretty much going to just be listening to live albums, so I'll just be hearing the same songs all day. But these are all great live albums and they are playing great songs, so it's not that bad. Then we hit the fun "live" compilation of You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!! I've already listened to, like, 80% of these tracks on day one, but this was an excuse to crank up Room Service and Two Timer, because I just love those tracks and these fake live versions are great. No one does fake live better than Kiss. 

Now it's time for a an actual reunion-era concert, thanks to the "Off the Soundboard" series - it's Kiss Live at Donington 1996! I have some bootleg video of this that sadly is not pro-shot, but I should totally sync the two up and watch some time. I've seen enough to know they all get a bit samey-samey, but goddamn I do love me some reunion tour stuff. And this is a very good concert that I enjoy a lot.

And we're now in the Psycho Circus! Ok, fine, I will listen to some Tommy Thayer. At least here I can kind of pretend it isn't him... and we do get Ace and Peter on one song, so that's something? I threw in It's My Life from The Box Set, because it was recorded around this time and it's actually a very cool song. And that bonus disc of live stuff is great as well.

Now we hit The Millenium Concert from the Alive box set, which I will forever label as Alive IV. I'm digging it today; I kinda like the slower tempo a lot of the songs have been given (even if some of the tempos are a little inconsistent), and everyone sounds in good form. It is so obvious Beth is not live that it is just downright hilarious. And just when I'm saying the slower tempos are cool, here they go and throw me the most pedestrian version of Rock'n Roll All Nite that probably only makes you want to party every other day...

And that will do me for today. I was going to finish off with Live in Tokyo from the "Off the Soundboard" series, but I don't have time. So instead, I will give Dressed to Kill another spin. Because I can.

YUME NO UKIYO NI SAITEMINA (2015)

The school girls would not allow Kiss to join in their game of hop-scotch. Especially with Tommy Thayer...

This is an EP with Momoiro Clover Z - a Japanese all-girl pop group. And it is just the same song done in two different ways: the first is sung in Japanese by the girls (with backing vocals from Kiss) and then it is performed by Kiss with Momoiro Clover Z providing backing vocals. I kind of prefer the Japanese version. Most likely because of my love affair with J-Pop. BUT the Kiss version (called Samurai Son) is probably just as good.

Not a bad song and a fun way to end Kissathon 2015.


Highlights:
Uh, Kiss rocking out with J-Pop. That is absolute good times.

Lowlights:
Tommy fucking Thayer



Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

SPACE INVADER (2014)

Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada...

Ace is back again!!!

And this time he is invading from Space!

This isn't Ace's best work by any stretch, but it is still pretty fun. Gimme a Feelin' is a good fun upbeat song and Toys is a really badass song about being a manly man and doing manly man things - so needless to say I can relate to that one very well. Past the Milky Way is surprisingly epic and his cover of The Joker is a lot of fun as well. And of course, the album ends with another stellar instrumental, Starship.

The rest of the album, however, is a bit ho-hum. Not bad, per se, but certainly not at the usual Ace Frehley level. Like, there is definitely not a bad song on this album, but some of it is just repetitive and all sounds similar.

But I'll take repetitive mediocre Ace Frehley over any of the hot sweaty garbage Tommy Thayer tries to pass off as music.


Highlights:
Gimme a Feelin', Past the Milky Way, Starship

Lowlights:
I still need more Ace in my life



Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

MONSTER (2012)

A Kiss tribute band crashed the Rammstein photo shoot...

These guys again???

Well, things are off to a better start with Hell or Hallelujah - admittedly a pretty cool song, if not for a terrible attempt at a guitar solo from Tommy Thayer. Same goes for Wall of Sound. I'm a Freak is a terrible name for a song but the song itself isn't quite that bad, if a little contrived. And by a little, I sure as hell mean totally. Maybe this album isn't going to be as bad as Sonic Boom? Maybe Gene and Paul have remembered how to write memorable songs that rock without being lame? Maybe Kiss are just as awesome as they've always been??

Nope.

Gene sings about going Back to the Stone Age and tries to make another shittier version of God of Thunder with The Devil is Me, Paul goes back to his usual crap with Shout Mercy and Eric Singer gets saddled with the corniest garbage possible, thanks to Paul and his never-ending quest to write another rock'n roll anthem. Spoiler alert: All For the Love of Rock & Roll failed yet again. And then we get Outta This World with mother fucking Tommy Thayer again...

Look, I get it - you are now 'The Spaceman'. But the problem is, we all know you really aren't. And it's bad enough that you steal all of Ace's guitar riffs and makeup and everything else that made him Ace, but you steal the whole gimmick about being from outer space and try and write garbage songs about this stuff? Seriously, just fuck off. Fuck the fuck off. And die. Fuck off and die.

Fuck off, Tommy Thayer.

There are other songs, but fuck writing about them. This album is shit and Tommy Thayer can just fuck off.


Highlights:
Is this a joke? Fuck you.

Lowlights:
Outta This World exposing all the levels of awful that Tommy Thayer possesses



Verdict = 4 Very Sad Tears of The Catman

SONIC BOOM (2009)

The mad scientist, Dr. Kiss, sent his 4 henchmen out to hypnotise the people with their brand of awful rock'n roll...

Kiss are back! With a new lineup! And... Tommy Thayer...

Fuck!

First thing I'll say, is that Paul's voice just does not sound like it used to. He sounds old and tired. Which happens when you sing like he does non-stop for 40 years. He's still cool, so I'll let it slide a little. Gene has stopped trying to sing all glam-metal, so the old voice thing works for him now.

The music? Well, this is just about as generic as you could ever imagine from Kiss: riffs that sound like they've been borrowed from previous songs, choruses that are desperate for a hook but have contrived lyrics about living life and working hard to be a rock star, refrains that go "Ah ah-ah-ah ah". It isn't that this stuff is terrible, it's just that it isn't really that great and is all really predictable.

Of special mention are songs like Never Enough, which comes across as the crappiest remake of Nothin' But a Good Time by Poison. That's an awesome song. Never Enough is quite crap. But not as bad as Stand - the verses are fine and sound like something off Psycho Circus. But then that chorus is the single cheesiest and most bullshit thing Kiss have ever done. Oh no, they just outdid it with the bridge section; bad enough they rip off themselves but to shout "Just look over your shoulder!"? Who the fuck they think they are now, the Jackson 5?? It's so bad, I'm surprised zombie Eric Carr didn't rise up and stab them all with his drum sticks before forming a new improved version of Kiss with Peter and Ace. That would have been the best choice of band to perform at the Rock'n Roll Hall of Fame.

You know, for all the claims that Tommy Thayer is an awesome guitarist, he sure doesn't do anything impressive on this album. Other than rip off Ace riffs.

Oh fuck, this album continues. Surely it gets better, right?

Wrong.
In fact, it just gets worse. Well, that's not entirely true - I like hearing Eric Singer sing, and All For the Glory is possibly the best song on this album. But like every other song on this album, it suffers from Super Try-hard Anthem Disorder. That's a real disease. Scott Stapp probably suffers from it too. Anyway, after that song it is just a barrel of clichés, from Danger Us ("Danger you/danger me/danger us!") to I'm an Animal (I thought you were supposed to be The Demon? And why are you stealing riffs from Lenny Kravitz?).


But the shit really hits the bottom when Tommy Thayer takes over on When Lightning Strikes. Stealing clichés from Ace's Spaceman character and using them to make a clichéd rock song with your shitty vocals? Yeah, shit doesn't get any worse than this. By the time Say Yeah offends me with its sheer terribleness, I'm ready to tell these guys to fuck off.


Highlights:
No one will think Ace Frehley was in any way responsible for this horse shit

Lowlights:
The chorus in Stand, Say Yeah, Tommy Thayer and his inescapable suckitude



Verdict = 4 Sad Tears of The Catman

ANOMALY (2009)

The sea monster used its x-ray glasses to see through everyone's swimsuits...

Ace is back!

Seeing as everyone else had already released albums, it made sense for Ace to finally show the 21st Century how it is done...

Foxy & Free is a great rockin' opening in true Ace style. Then he kicks up the heavy notch with Outer Space. I'm glad he's still rolling with the whole Spaceman gimmick, even if he isn't allowed to wear the makeup or anything. Ace calls someone a Pain in the Neck - I can only assume he means Paul and Gene. Or maybe even Tommy Thayer. Just because. Fox on the Run is a fairly harmless cover of Sweet's classic 70s groove. I prefer the original, but Ace's version is still pretty cool. Ace makes awesome instrumentals, and Genghis Khan is no exception. In fact, it is probably quite high on the example list.

Both Too Many Faces and Change the World follow the same Ace rock formula, before we get hit with another instrumental, Space Bear. A Little Below the Angels is pretty humorous when the little girl is singing and Ace is telling her a story or something. I'm not sure what was going on there. Sister is so kick ass, I wouldn't be surprised if it was like a b-side from Trouble Walkin'. It's a Great Life has some sort of 80s groove mixed with Ace's usual rock groove. That works well when I'm wearing my groovepants. Then we get the final Fractured instalment - Fractured Quantum. And it is absolutely one of the best, which is saying a lot considering how amazing Fractured Mirror and Fractured III are. I can not stress just how awesome Ace's instrumental work is. I wish I was able to meet him again so I could tell him.

Yeah, I met Ace.

Because I have graduated from novice level, I get a bonus track - The Return of Space Bear. It is just Space Bear with Ace re-enacting his legendary dialogue from The Tomorrow Show, where he was smashed off his head and claimed he was a plumber that played the trout. It is comedy gold, especially watching Gene get very grumpy at Ace getting attention instead of him.

Nice to have you back, Ace!


Highlights:
Genghis Khan, Sister, Fractured Quantum

Lowlights:
That it took 22 years for Ace to sort his shit out and make another album



Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

ONE FOR ALL (2007)

I don't want to live on this planet anymore...

Peter Criss returns!

And I wish he hadn't. I'm not going to waste time going song by song, because it all sounds the same - and that is not a good thing. For some reason Peter decided that singing well wasn't a good plan for this album, and then chose to write a bunch of garbage. And if that wasn't enough, he added in some covers of the most amazing songs possible, such as Send in the Clowns. Which he sings fucking terribly.

I can't even be mad, though. This whole album just sounds like background music you'd hear in a shopping mall or an elevator. Or maybe some bad busker on the street who thinks his music is awesome and tries to sell you his CD that he recorded at home.


Highlights:
No Tommy Thayer? Not as long as The Lord of the Rings?

Lowlights:
What a Difference a Day Makes, Send in the Clowns, and pretty much the rest of the album



Verdict = 4 Sad Tears of The Catman

ALIVE IV (2000)

Having reached the end of things they could do on stage, Kiss decided to try their hand at some Photoshop magic...

I call this Alive IV because it was supposed to be and I refuse to acknowledge the album that became Alive IV due to Tommy Thayer. I've also put it here in the Kissathon because it was recorded New Year's Eve 1999/2000, so it chronologically makes sense to me.

That said, it isn't too bad. I'm sure there is a fair bit of studio trickery going on and probably some Tommy Thayer guitar work inserted for giggles. And Peter's tempos are a bit all over the place - particularly in Do You Love Me? and I Love it Loud. Otherwise, this has kind of grown on. I mean, I loved the reunion tour and this just makes me kind of relive it.

Kind of. They didn't play 80s Kiss songs on the reunion tour and Tommy Thayer wasn't playing guitar.

Fuck that Tommy Thayer guy.


Highlights:
Deuce, Shout It Out Loud, Firehouse, Let Me Go Rock'n Roll, 100,000 Years, Love Gun, Black Diamond, Rock and Roll All Nite

Lowlights:
That sneaky suspicion that Tommy Thayer is listening to this at home and pointing to the speakers going "That's me!"



Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

PSYCHO CIRCUS (1998)

I always wondered why it was so easy to fade out Ace and Peter's faces on this '3D' cover...

Kiss are back!!!

The first album from the original line up in almost 20 years!!! Except it turned out Ace and Peter were barely allowed to be involved. But hey, their faces and names got to be plastered on the cover so that meant something...

The opening track is actually pretty darn awesome. Very much classic Paul, complete with him doing a cool ass solo. Within sounds like it came straight from the Carnival of Souls reject pile. Paul keeps going for his anthem thing with I Pledge Allegiance to the State of Rock'n Roll. Damn, that is a long ass song title. Ace gets in on the action with Into the Void and it is all kinds of awesome. Just classic Ace rockin' out styles. Then Gene decides he needs to cheese this shit up like it's his solo album in 1978 with We Are One. This song is where you realise you are not really listening to a Kiss album because there is no way Ace would play on a cheese ball sandwich like this. Hilarious lines like "You are me, I am you/What you see is all true". Apart from the credits to this album that say Peter Criss on drums, right Gene?

Shit gets even sillier with You Wanted the Best; everyone just spouts off lines about how much they hate each other and stuff, but then Gene says 'Hey the fans want us as a band so let's just play music and make them happy!'. SO MUCH FUCKING IRONY

Raise Your Glasses is Paul actually hitting that bullseye on the anthem target. I love this song so much I've ripped it off for one of my own. Just remind me to come delete that sentence when I become a big famous rock star and make millions off that one song. From the best song on the album, we go immediately to the absolute fucking dirge that is I Finally Found My Way - the schmaltziest, corniest, most terrible fucking ballad anyone in Kiss has ever even attempted. I pity Peter Criss for being saddled with this poor excuse for a song and being expected to make something of it that didn't resemble a pile of shit. I get that Paul Stanley just wanted another Beth, but he should have written something better. Or just used one of Peter's old songs. Nobody bought Let Me Rock You - just redo Let It Go as a band and it would have been one of the best songs on the album. Instead, we got this. Just no. NO. Fuck, no no no NO NO NO!!!

Dreamin' is some sort of dark brooding lost love song. So not Kiss, but Paul Stanley makes it work. Then we close off with Journey of 1,000 Years, which is some weird mess filled with strings and horns and Gene being boring and singing about crowds roaring. But because I play on a hard level, let's have that bonus track In Your Face, a song written by Gene but with Ace on lead vocals. It's nothing special.

Just like this album.


Highlights:
Psycho Circus, Into the Void, Raise Your Glasses

Lowlights:
I Finally Found My Way, Tommy Thayer getting to live out his dream and pretend to be Ace Frehley



Verdict = 3 Smoking Les Paul Guitars