I Want To Be a REAL American Too

I'm not a man known for his respectful feelings towards America; in fact, I guess you could almost claim I am more known for my absolute contempt for the USA and it's people. Admittedly, I have been a little less outspoken this past year or so, but nevertheless my distrust and lack of love for America has always stayed strong.

I guess I've always been fairly misguided with my view: I've always seen America as a country with an unhealthy obsession with personal firearms, and an atrocious handling of their health & welfare systems. I mean, their public education is in such poor condition that I often used to wonder if they're aware there are other things happening in the world – that there is more to this world other than USA (of course they do know that… otherwise they wouldn't know which country they were invading next). And don't even get me started on their politicians or foreign policy or the defence force – yes, let's ignore the poor, the homeless & those who are in need and just make more bombs!!! Then throw in McDonald's and a fake moon landing, and you've got yourself one nation that deserves a public flogging from Bret Hart

But last night that changed when I was shown a video… a video of power… a video of inspiration… a video of a REAL American

Yes that's right – I am talking about REAL American; a video so truly powerful and exciting that I had no choice but to post it on my MySpace. So if you haven't had a chance to view it yet, I suggest you hit that back button and load it up right now. What are you waiting for? Do it! It's what a REAL American would do

You see, I always had the wrong view of what it meant to be an American; it's not about all those horrible, selfish things I mentioned previously. It's not even about buying SUV's and more fast food than you can shake a cruise missile at. Being a REAL American is all about being tough, waving a flag… and rocking out with a guitar in front of blue screen fireworks!

If this is what it means to be a REAL American, you can count me in!

And if any of those dirty commies get in your way, no need to get upset and go to war. Just show them what you think of their country with a good old fashioned headbutt to the flag

George W. Bush wants to fight the war on terror? Well this video is the perfect answer; just head on down to Iran, slap this video in the DVD player, and I bet those Arabs will be falling all over themselves to become REAL Americans too. I have no doubt that if Osama Bin Laden could see it, he would put an end to this Jihad against the USA. And while we're at it, let's send a copy to Sadam Hussein; he's got plenty of time on his hands while waiting for the hangman's noose, so I'm sure once he views this video he will repent from his evil ways and make a bold decision to be a REAL American too before his meeting with the Grim Reaper (whom, by the way, I also believe to be a REAL American)

So George, Mr. President, sir – because I know you will be reading this – this is the answer to all your troubles at the moment. First, you need to fire ol' Rummy; the guys not popular anymore and he's just dragging you down. Then, hire Hulk Hogan as your new Secretary of Defence. And let's take that word Secretary out of the title – sounds a little girlie don't you think? So we'll rename it REAL American of Defence… and then if we all train hard, say our prayers and eat our vitamins, we too can be REAL Americans

And before anyone can comment, yes this is the start of something... along the lines of something I have thought/dreamed about since I was 18

Stay Tuned