You Wanted a Post?

So, Louise has requested I make a new post. Fair enough, as I haven't done anything of note on here in about 4 years...

The problem is I have nothing to blog about. I spend most of my time never reading anything of interest - other than the continuing troubles of Zimbabwe - and can never seem to find the energy or steely determination it requires to write a blog worthy of my award winning* blog site.

Of course, a short time ago, I did consider posting a review for Corduroy's album Dad Man Cat. Would you like to read that? I was also considering posting future album reviews on here too - just to solidify my status as a music geek. If that would meet your approval, then please let me know.

As you can tell, I have a serious lack of sources for humorous material at the moment (George Lucas and Paul McCartney haven't anything remotely annoying lately. Bastards). And I don't like it when this blog isn't funny. I can't even think of something witty to put in this particular blog! So with all creativity lost, I decided to head to the newspaper...

Turns out Bill Gates is retiring in 2 days. I had no idea - I guess he must have taken me buying a Mac pretty hard. Sorry, Bill, don't take it personal; it's not that I completely hate your company for trying to monopolise the computer industry while continuing to give customers the same bug-infested crappy software every year, resulting in the development of the worst operating system possible and office applications that are basically the same as they were 10 years ago except the buttons are round and there are now probably 2000 more security issues, and Hotmail is totally pants, and Internet Explorer is slow and just begs undesirable internet surfers to send you viruses. Pfish, not even.

Enjoy your retirement, Bill. You have enough money to not be bored for the both of us.


Does that even make sense???


I guess it is true what they say; an Apple a day keeps Bill Gates away.


*Logman vs The Human Race won the Academy award for "Best Performance by a Blog in a Supporting Role" and a Grammy award for "Best Music Geekdom" which was subsequently returned because we here at Logman vs The Human Race think the Grammy awards are about as fantastic as eating deep-fried shoes. And I'm not talking about good shoes - I mean a pair of cruddy old B-52s that some snot-nosed little kid has been wearing to school all year. Even on mufti days. What a clown. I hope all the other kids made fun of him.

Sometimes It's NOT Worth the Trouble

I just wrote a big long blog. And for some reason stupid blogger only saved half of it. Bastards

Nazi's Should At Least Be Consistent

With the recent threat of power shortages and all that malarkey, our forest tech guy in the office has started getting on his high horse about our power consumption - as in, when he leaves he turns off the light in other people's offices if they are out, telling people off when they leave something on, etc. I don't have any problem with this - I am a firm believer in environmental awareness (as well as other forms of mental awareness). But what I find most entertaining is this:

When he goes home every night, he refuses to turn off his TWO 22 inch wide screen monitors.

Needless to say, I chuckle quite a bit every night. It's like dude, you are getting annoyed because someone leaves on a 60 watt light bulb, yet you can't turn off the biggest power suckers in your office? Not like turning them means you can't turn them back on in the morning.

And now all I'm thinking about it is the classic Alan Partridge line: "Needles to say... I took drugs"*

I hate it when a funny moment of a TV show completely takes precedent over something to the point where the mention of one word or line will be associated with that funny TV show moment for the rest of your life. What's worse, is how my flatmate can basically twist anything I say into a conversation from Corner Gas. She really needs to get out more.

This from a guy who has based all his love and relationship advice on what he has learnt watching Felicity.

But it works, dammit.
Next time you have relationship troubles, come to Dr. LogLove and test his Felicity theory for yourself. Comes with a 60 day money back guarantee



*for those who don't know, that line is when Alan and another woman are on a talk show discussing their auto-biographies; hers documenting her drug addiction, and his following his complete failure in life. When she comments that all his anecdotes end with "Needless to say, I had the last laugh" he tries to come back with "Your book could have said 'Needles to say... I took drugs'". Not quite as funny as the whole "I forgot - you're not Bono" line, or "Fe-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an ungrateful bunch of bastards!" but still, quality television

Your Kids are Stupid? Then Don't Take Them to the Movies

The other night I went to the cinema for the first time in many, many months. In fact, it has been so long since I went to see a movie, that I can not recall the last time I did.

Anyways, it was such an exciting experience that I was steadily reminded of the 2 main reasons I never go to movies any more:

1. People take children to movies they aren't interested in seeing because the parents can't find babysitters. So said children talk and fidget all through the movie and piss Logan off like they've been playing with his 20th anniversary Optimus Prime.

You see, next to me was a young boy and his idiot young father. And for the duration of the entire movie, aside from the boy stamping his feet on the ground and constantly reshuffling himself and his noisy jacket of doom, the man was having to explain all that was happening to his son. And I'm not just saying complex things (it was Indiana Jones, after all) but crap like the boy asking his dad "Who's Oxley?" when they had only been talking about him for about 40 minutes and Indy and his son had been going into GREAT detail about who Oxley was and what he meant to them both only 10 minutes earlier. I almost turned to him and said "Oxley is my boot and he is going to be stomping your ugly face in if you don't shut your pie-hole!!!"

I had the same problem when I first went to see Return of the King; some idiot kid kept asking his mother to explain the movie to him the whole way through. I don't get why parents insist on taking their children to movies far beyond their mental capacity. If I had children and they dared to ask me stupid questions during Kill Bill, they would get a samurai sword through the eye.

It is also beyond me why parents think it is acceptable to take their children to long movies so late at night - I go to later showings to avoid stupid annoying people and their annoying stupid little brats, only to find that some parents insist on their children living the same crappy life as them. Seriously, would you take a child to see Return of the King if it started at 8pm on a Tuesday night? Or Indiana Jones and the Long Movie of Doom at a similar time??

Sure, my dad took me to see all 3 original Star Wars movies late at night when I was 5, but that's because he has no parenting skills.

2. People refuse to turn off their cellphones.

I've said it before and I will no doubt say it many more times before I am murdered by a crazed religious nut - human beings these days have a sick dependency on their cellphones. And it is never better shown than in a movie theatre, where people will either txt the whole time or turn on their phone as soon as the movie is over. The next time you go, watch the crowd and laugh as you will see everyone turn on their phones at the same time. But anyways, what really bugs me is having to see people's big bright cellphone screens glow while they txt away thinking they aren't bothering anyone.

NEWSFLASH: PEOPLE CAN SEE LIGHTS!!!
Idiots.

But really, why is it people can't handle breaking away from their phones for 2 hours to watch something they have paid $17 to see?


Of course, nothing will ever compare to my worst movie-going experience ever, which involved a group of drunk people in the front row drinking and yelling, walking around and yelling to each other, and then lighting up joints periodically. Good times.