Today is a special day for my family. Special in a sad way, but that's not the point of this blog.
You see, despite today being an important anniversary, I woke up and came to work worrying only about one thing; what Kiss albums I was going to listen to today.
I'm serious.
For my overseas friends, Wellington is holding a huge 2 day rock concert called "Rock 2 Wellington" next Easter - oh wait, I posted that link about churches not wanting it there, right? Cool, so you are up to speed and all aware that Kiss are headlining the first night. Well anyways, most people who know will know that Kiss (after Queen, of course) are the reason I am such a nut case on stage. My last year of high school and the next 3 or 4 years after that were spent listening to Kiss, and I will always give Ace Frehley credit for being the man who inspired me to learn how to play guitar solos - especially ones like his.
And though Tommy Thayer is playing instead of Ace (BOOOOOOOOO), I'm actually terribly excited at the prospect of seeing them live again. It was almost 11 years ago I saw them live, and it always ranks very high on my list of greatest concerts ever.
So I've dusted off my old Kiss cds and getting my glam rock on. Hilarious, considering the day before all I was listening to was Kanye West. And then to further my collection, I ordered all 3 Kissology DVDs from the states like a fool. 12 discs of live Kiss. That is going to mean some serious Kiss watching next year.
Good to know that when it comes down to it, the only thing on my mind is rockin' out
Friday 14 December 2007
Tuesday 4 December 2007
Rock Music is of the Devil
Some people might find this a good read:
Wellington Church Doesn't Want to Rock
Now before anyone starts to think I am going to go on some rambling tirade about how great Kiss are, or some anti-church rant because they don't like rock music, I will make 2 points:
1 - at this stage, it seems there is only 1 church protesting the concert.
2 - the whole thing is so laughable I can't take it seriously.
Not even the Catholic Priest they spoke seems to be taking the situation seriously, and quite frankly what he had to say was the best response.
What I will say is this, though; if this woman believes that these people are feeling "hurt", then why isn't her church trying to do something to help them? She seems to be thinking like a preacher from the 1950's, where anyone who plays a guitar and moves around on stage must be a tool of evil spirits. Kiss are from satanic, and Lordi are just plain hilarious. And as a friend of mine pointed out, there are many Christian bands who play similar music - would they be considered evil too?
I'm quite interested as to how anyone from other Pentecostal churches feel about this - anyone reading this wish to offer their thoughts? In fact, I'm quite curious to see if any other church in Wellington gets behind this one.
Wellington Church Doesn't Want to Rock
Now before anyone starts to think I am going to go on some rambling tirade about how great Kiss are, or some anti-church rant because they don't like rock music, I will make 2 points:
1 - at this stage, it seems there is only 1 church protesting the concert.
2 - the whole thing is so laughable I can't take it seriously.
Not even the Catholic Priest they spoke seems to be taking the situation seriously, and quite frankly what he had to say was the best response.
What I will say is this, though; if this woman believes that these people are feeling "hurt", then why isn't her church trying to do something to help them? She seems to be thinking like a preacher from the 1950's, where anyone who plays a guitar and moves around on stage must be a tool of evil spirits. Kiss are from satanic, and Lordi are just plain hilarious. And as a friend of mine pointed out, there are many Christian bands who play similar music - would they be considered evil too?
I'm quite interested as to how anyone from other Pentecostal churches feel about this - anyone reading this wish to offer their thoughts? In fact, I'm quite curious to see if any other church in Wellington gets behind this one.
Friday 30 November 2007
I Know
Not sure if this is applicable to my overseas friends, but the marketing machine has just started over here for a something in particular. Posters are now up all over town asking "Who is Ben's Brother?"
This reminds me of when Franz Ferdinand were releasing their first album, and there were posters everywhere that simply said "Franz Ferdinand" and nothing else. It was a huge marketing plan that got people talking and created a fairly large buzz. And then, when they released their first single, it all came together perfectly; all the interest already created combined with the greatness of the song Take Me Out, plus the look and style of the band themselves, made us all sit back and say "Darn, that Franz Ferdinand are pretty good."
Of course, their 2nd album bombed big time. But then so did Alanis Morissette's and I still love her dearly.*
Which brings me to Ben's Brother. In case you aren't aware or haven't figured it out yet, Ben's Brother are a band and they have just released their first single.
It is pants.
Actually, it is less than pants. It's like underpants, but not half as funny sounding. Believe me, there is nothing funny about their first single. If you haven't heard it, take the song "How to Save a Life", pull out any passion or feeling from the song, add some teen-angst lyrics for good measure, and then replace the vocals with a guy who sounds like Marge Simpson. A whiny Marge Simpson.
The song (which I can not remember the title of - shows how darn impressive the song is) is nothing more than a boring by-the-numbers ballad that seriously goes nowhere. It's the sort of thing that a High School band would write if they were trying to be like Coldplay or Keane - and failing miserably. They even have some lame ass gimmick for how they got their name; apparently the singer has lived in the shadow of his brother Ben all his life, and was always know as Ben's Brother.
So if it is such a pain for you, why the smack would you name your band in a way that brings more glory to your superior brother Ben, thus making his name even more loved? If it were me, I would have named the band Logan is Better Than You - that would teach them!
Stupid emo kids.
So now you know who Ben's Brother is. I wish I didn't.
I just feel sorry for Ben.
*For the record, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie is probably my favourite Alanis Morissette album. I realise 99% of the world disagree and consider it to be downright awful, but what do they know?
This reminds me of when Franz Ferdinand were releasing their first album, and there were posters everywhere that simply said "Franz Ferdinand" and nothing else. It was a huge marketing plan that got people talking and created a fairly large buzz. And then, when they released their first single, it all came together perfectly; all the interest already created combined with the greatness of the song Take Me Out, plus the look and style of the band themselves, made us all sit back and say "Darn, that Franz Ferdinand are pretty good."
Of course, their 2nd album bombed big time. But then so did Alanis Morissette's and I still love her dearly.*
Which brings me to Ben's Brother. In case you aren't aware or haven't figured it out yet, Ben's Brother are a band and they have just released their first single.
It is pants.
Actually, it is less than pants. It's like underpants, but not half as funny sounding. Believe me, there is nothing funny about their first single. If you haven't heard it, take the song "How to Save a Life", pull out any passion or feeling from the song, add some teen-angst lyrics for good measure, and then replace the vocals with a guy who sounds like Marge Simpson. A whiny Marge Simpson.
The song (which I can not remember the title of - shows how darn impressive the song is) is nothing more than a boring by-the-numbers ballad that seriously goes nowhere. It's the sort of thing that a High School band would write if they were trying to be like Coldplay or Keane - and failing miserably. They even have some lame ass gimmick for how they got their name; apparently the singer has lived in the shadow of his brother Ben all his life, and was always know as Ben's Brother.
So if it is such a pain for you, why the smack would you name your band in a way that brings more glory to your superior brother Ben, thus making his name even more loved? If it were me, I would have named the band Logan is Better Than You - that would teach them!
Stupid emo kids.
So now you know who Ben's Brother is. I wish I didn't.
I just feel sorry for Ben.
*For the record, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie is probably my favourite Alanis Morissette album. I realise 99% of the world disagree and consider it to be downright awful, but what do they know?
Thursday 22 November 2007
I Hate Emo Kids
For anyone unaware, I live with a 16 year-old emo kid. He pretends he is 28, but I know better.
His name is Craig
I went away for a weekend and when I came home, I found that Craig had been in my bedroom to do some repairs on the hot water cylinder which is positioned in my bedroom. Now you may be thinking "that was nice of him - that's not emo!" but you must understand that:
a) he never informed me that he was doing that and didn't even have the decency to tell me after he had done it.
b) has previously gone into my room without permission, including recently taking the landlord in there without my knowledge
c) he turned off my computer while it was processing some work and then went through my cupboards and took some things.
I know what you are thinking now: "That's not emo, that's just creepy and dishonest!"
Well, I hope you are thinking that. I am quite a private person and treat my bedroom as my refuge from the world. And I respect the privacy of others and going into another's bedroom without permission is not something I would ever do, let alone go through their cupboards and things. But anyways, I agree that isn't emo.
So as you can imagine I told him off and the whole time he just refused to look at me - he just kept pulling a sulky face and mumbling pathetic excuses. That was last Tuesday. It is now 8 days later and he still can't look at me or speak above a mumble. And to top it off he leaves notes around the house for me like a child. It's like Dude, grow up! I hate teenagers as it is, but old people who can't grow out of that emo phase of their teens piss me off even more!
I guess this will kind of test that story I read today, about how people pay attention to what people write in blogs about each other. This may damage his reputation! Then maybe he and Paul Bennetts can join forces to rid the world of my evil writings!
After all, they are both equally as important to me.
Important like an All Blacks game.
His name is Craig
I went away for a weekend and when I came home, I found that Craig had been in my bedroom to do some repairs on the hot water cylinder which is positioned in my bedroom. Now you may be thinking "that was nice of him - that's not emo!" but you must understand that:
a) he never informed me that he was doing that and didn't even have the decency to tell me after he had done it.
b) has previously gone into my room without permission, including recently taking the landlord in there without my knowledge
c) he turned off my computer while it was processing some work and then went through my cupboards and took some things.
I know what you are thinking now: "That's not emo, that's just creepy and dishonest!"
Well, I hope you are thinking that. I am quite a private person and treat my bedroom as my refuge from the world. And I respect the privacy of others and going into another's bedroom without permission is not something I would ever do, let alone go through their cupboards and things. But anyways, I agree that isn't emo.
So as you can imagine I told him off and the whole time he just refused to look at me - he just kept pulling a sulky face and mumbling pathetic excuses. That was last Tuesday. It is now 8 days later and he still can't look at me or speak above a mumble. And to top it off he leaves notes around the house for me like a child. It's like Dude, grow up! I hate teenagers as it is, but old people who can't grow out of that emo phase of their teens piss me off even more!
I guess this will kind of test that story I read today, about how people pay attention to what people write in blogs about each other. This may damage his reputation! Then maybe he and Paul Bennetts can join forces to rid the world of my evil writings!
After all, they are both equally as important to me.
Important like an All Blacks game.
Ten Points of Interest
Shawn Michaels is bald. I can’t stand him and his bald head that he tries to cover with long hair.
Bon Jovi’s New Jersey album is so underrated – has been my favourite album of theirs since it came out.
I despise the current WWE product, yet I keep reading the results and such on the internet. And this probably means that come March, I will end up downloading Wrestlemania 24. and it will be even worse than SummerSlam 2007.
Why would anyone insist on keeping windows closed during beautiful Christchurch summer weather? Are they allergic to fresh air?
Someone needs to release the music Hammer and Tupac did together.
Corner Gas is the funniest show I’ve seen in a long time. I suggest anyone reading this goes directly to Amazon.ca and purchase it. Maybe I could write a blog about that show…
Superpoke! Needs a function where I can smash a bottle over someone’s head for continuing to add me as a friend even though I have repeatedly refused their request.
Ducks rock.
My coffee is delicious, but it is far too hot to be drinking coffee.
I should do some work.
Bon Jovi’s New Jersey album is so underrated – has been my favourite album of theirs since it came out.
I despise the current WWE product, yet I keep reading the results and such on the internet. And this probably means that come March, I will end up downloading Wrestlemania 24. and it will be even worse than SummerSlam 2007.
Why would anyone insist on keeping windows closed during beautiful Christchurch summer weather? Are they allergic to fresh air?
Someone needs to release the music Hammer and Tupac did together.
Corner Gas is the funniest show I’ve seen in a long time. I suggest anyone reading this goes directly to Amazon.ca and purchase it. Maybe I could write a blog about that show…
Superpoke! Needs a function where I can smash a bottle over someone’s head for continuing to add me as a friend even though I have repeatedly refused their request.
Ducks rock.
My coffee is delicious, but it is far too hot to be drinking coffee.
I should do some work.
Is There Anybody Out There?
I'm really quite curious as to who is actually reading my blog nowadays.
After offending the entire congregation of Northwest New Life Church and taking a long hiatus to finally earn myself a living, I'm of the opinion that I'm probably left with 2 readers. One would be a 39 year-old man named Kyle that lives in his parent's basement in South Mexico (Hi Kyle, glad you are still with me) and the other I'm sure is Vince McMahon. Because he likes to make sure I still hate him. True story. Why else would WWE suck so badly?
So in order to actually discover whether or not I have any readers left (other than the mighty Kyle) I am going to dedicate my time to making a few blogs that are sure to garner the interest of anyone foolish enough to still be reading.
Sorry, Kyle - looks like we'll have to discuss the comparitive analysis of the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels at a later date
After offending the entire congregation of Northwest New Life Church and taking a long hiatus to finally earn myself a living, I'm of the opinion that I'm probably left with 2 readers. One would be a 39 year-old man named Kyle that lives in his parent's basement in South Mexico (Hi Kyle, glad you are still with me) and the other I'm sure is Vince McMahon. Because he likes to make sure I still hate him. True story. Why else would WWE suck so badly?
So in order to actually discover whether or not I have any readers left (other than the mighty Kyle) I am going to dedicate my time to making a few blogs that are sure to garner the interest of anyone foolish enough to still be reading.
Sorry, Kyle - looks like we'll have to discuss the comparitive analysis of the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels at a later date
No Offense to All I Hate
I was just reading about a report about how blogs and other "internet networking tools" are influencing the reputations of young people.
My favourite part was talking about a young women who made a comment on her Facebook about going to her "skanky job" and "doing nothing", forgetting that her boss is one of her Facebook contacts. Smart move there. But the real idea behind the article was that young people are being judged by employers for what they have written on their blogs and what they do on Facebook or MySpace - all that sort of stuff.
It got me thinking "What would my employers think of what I've written?"
Can't say I would ever be too worried; what I write in my blogs is what I want to write - no matter how ludicrous it is. And as I have proved to myself in the past, I will defend what I have written. But then I remembered that my main employers are based in Seattle. Yes that Seattle - the one in the good ol' United States of America.
I can't count how many times I have bashed America and everything about them in this blog. I really wonder what they would think about that...
But see, this is why I don't add my colleagues as friends on Facebook; I wouldn't want them to know that I'm on there all day looking for things to do, and throwing chickens at anyone walking past. Because Facebook is real life, with footpaths and roads and chickens I can throw. And did I mention that I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds and once wrestled Hulk Hogan for the title of Greatest Rock'n Roller in the Entire History of the Planet Earth?
Now let's see how long it takes for the rest of the world to find all this out
My favourite part was talking about a young women who made a comment on her Facebook about going to her "skanky job" and "doing nothing", forgetting that her boss is one of her Facebook contacts. Smart move there. But the real idea behind the article was that young people are being judged by employers for what they have written on their blogs and what they do on Facebook or MySpace - all that sort of stuff.
It got me thinking "What would my employers think of what I've written?"
Can't say I would ever be too worried; what I write in my blogs is what I want to write - no matter how ludicrous it is. And as I have proved to myself in the past, I will defend what I have written. But then I remembered that my main employers are based in Seattle. Yes that Seattle - the one in the good ol' United States of America.
I can't count how many times I have bashed America and everything about them in this blog. I really wonder what they would think about that...
But see, this is why I don't add my colleagues as friends on Facebook; I wouldn't want them to know that I'm on there all day looking for things to do, and throwing chickens at anyone walking past. Because Facebook is real life, with footpaths and roads and chickens I can throw. And did I mention that I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds and once wrestled Hulk Hogan for the title of Greatest Rock'n Roller in the Entire History of the Planet Earth?
Now let's see how long it takes for the rest of the world to find all this out
Friday 28 September 2007
A NEW Worship Song for New Life Church
Ooooooooh black jerseys
Running across a big square field
Ooooooooh they tackle each other
And spit because they are so tough
I want to be just like them
If only I could be just like them
That’s my only goal – to be like them
And no one else ‘coz they’re my reason for living
Thank you, Jesus
For giving us the All blacks
Thank you, Jesus
For making them the greatest people in the world
Thank you, Jesus
For giving your life for me
There is nothing that could take me away from you
Except for when there is an All Blacks game on TV
So thank you most of all for the All Blacks
Their drinking/fighting/group sex culture is on-ly way to beeeeeee
Yeah
Running across a big square field
Ooooooooh they tackle each other
And spit because they are so tough
I want to be just like them
If only I could be just like them
That’s my only goal – to be like them
And no one else ‘coz they’re my reason for living
Thank you, Jesus
For giving us the All blacks
Thank you, Jesus
For making them the greatest people in the world
Thank you, Jesus
For giving your life for me
There is nothing that could take me away from you
Except for when there is an All Blacks game on TV
So thank you most of all for the All Blacks
Their drinking/fighting/group sex culture is on-ly way to beeeeeee
Yeah
Rugby: The One Holy Game
I am now officially ashamed to have ever been a part of a "New Life" church:
Let's Watch the All Blacks at Church
I'm not really sure why a church would actually promote staying up all night and eating junk food (especially to teenagers), but I guess it's all about making people happy and all that.
The actual printed version of the article I read this morning is even more ridiculous, so if you have the means I recommend reading it. It stated that other churches are planning on screening the final rounds before church services start, and even included this quote from "a spokeswoman for the Northwest New Life Church (I don't even want to know who it was) :
Now doesn't this just completely go against what some people in that very same church often preach about? Aren't certain 'leaders' always saying "put God first in every area of your life", yet the whole church is getting put to the side in order to accommodate the congregation's need to watch the All Blacks lose another World Cup? And her statement is basically saying when the All Blacks lose, those people are going to find it hard to worship God - so I guess that means that everyone will be able to praise God so much more if they actually win.
Oh yeah, I'm sure that's who you will be praising.
No offense to all the people from Northwest that read my blog, but I surely will not be attending any of your services when those games are shown.
Go New Life churches! Good to see those hundreds of thousands of dollars you all spend on state of the art audio & visual systems are finally being put to good use!
Let's Watch the All Blacks at Church
I'm not really sure why a church would actually promote staying up all night and eating junk food (especially to teenagers), but I guess it's all about making people happy and all that.
The actual printed version of the article I read this morning is even more ridiculous, so if you have the means I recommend reading it. It stated that other churches are planning on screening the final rounds before church services start, and even included this quote from "a spokeswoman for the Northwest New Life Church (I don't even want to know who it was) :
"We didn't want to make people choose between rugby and church. It
will be a good test of faith if we lose."
Now doesn't this just completely go against what some people in that very same church often preach about? Aren't certain 'leaders' always saying "put God first in every area of your life", yet the whole church is getting put to the side in order to accommodate the congregation's need to watch the All Blacks lose another World Cup? And her statement is basically saying when the All Blacks lose, those people are going to find it hard to worship God - so I guess that means that everyone will be able to praise God so much more if they actually win.
Oh yeah, I'm sure that's who you will be praising.
No offense to all the people from Northwest that read my blog, but I surely will not be attending any of your services when those games are shown.
Go New Life churches! Good to see those hundreds of thousands of dollars you all spend on state of the art audio & visual systems are finally being put to good use!
Saturday 22 September 2007
This Is Freedom of Speech???
Quick blog time...
This is a link to the recent blog from my friend Lou. I want you to go view it now and then come back and read the rest of my blog.
reduced to banality
Done?
You get what was happening?
Are you as angry as I am?
I don't get it; I'm surrounded by so many people in the church who are so in love with America and act like it is the promised land. You can all argue about Iraq, you can argue about this "war on terror" and you can argue about the 2000 election all you want. But answer me this: where the hell is the justice in this? America preaches that line about having "Freedom of Speech", yet when someone asks questions they get arrested and tazered?
I want to hear some of you American wannabes justify that to me. I really do.
That scene angered me that all I could say involved a swear word (hence the swearing in my comment to Lou, and anyone who knows me knows that that it takes a lot for me to swear outright). I'm still angry and sick to my stomach. I can't be bothered writing anything else here. It will be continued in my next blog (when I finally get around to finishing this whole The U.S. vs John Lennon stuff - and how ironic considering this sort of crap is what I was going to write about)
Can I get a "F*** You, USA!" from the congregation?
Sunday 16 September 2007
Terror Toons
What do you get when you cross a group of porn 'film' makers, $2,000 and a script written in the backseat of a car? I wish didn't know... but you are about to find out, as I present to you a review of Terror Toons!
We are introduced to the 'film' by a man standing in front of a black tarpol
an with white circles painted on it - so you just know this movie is high budget entertainment! He begins to tell us the background of the evil main characters "from the cartoon dimension" (the most evil of places), Dr. Carnage and Max Assassin! I'm sure I would be scared, but he delivers his lines like Hayden Christensen trying to cut a wrestling promo. And he's about as menacing as a 15 year-old working on the drive-thru at Burger King.
And so the movie begins, as we suddenly see a man-child tied to a table in carto
on world. Dr. Carnage enters and attacks with his "cartoon" violence. He looks a lot like a puppet to me, and call me a purist, but I don't consider puppets to be cartoons. Anyway this retard keeps making silly faces, while Dr. Carnage begins to hack at him with a large novelty scalpel until he disembowels him and completely removes the skull - with eyes still attached. 
The purist in me wants to bitch about how I've never seen that in any of the cartoons I watch, but then I decide that if I'm stupid enough to watch this then I deserve what I get. I'm sure this movie is like a forgotten plague from the bible:
"And on the 7th day, all of Egypt will watch in horror as a man in a poorly made costume butchers the worst actors in the world, while one dimensional gif images bounce along after him"
So it would seem that whole opening sequence had nothing to do with the rest of the movie, because now we are back from the "cartoon dimension" and join someone in the bath tub. And whoever they are, they must be pretty freekin' stupid, because they can't get the words right to "Rubber Ducky"! The just keep singing "Rubber Ducky, hmmmm mmmm mmmm... Rubber Ducky, hmmmm mmmm mmmm". Turns out this musically impaired individual is some guy dressed up like a 6 year old girl. No wait - he just stood up and I'm guessing those giant brown balloons pinned its chest means it is actually a female. Either way, she is still dressed like a 6 year-old (even though she looks like she's about 30) - the whole thing is just a little too creepy for my liking.
She calls for her "Mom", who turns out to be an old man in drag. She a
nd her strangely normal looking Husband are going away on holiday, leaving this surgically enhanced little boy and her sister alone. The Mother says they aren't allowed any boys over and then leaves. Firstly, after saying "No Boys", I wonder if they will follow that rule? And secondly, what normal parent expects their 5 year-old fake-chested hermaphrodite to invite boys over?
That was the weirdest sentence I think I've ever written.
Anyway, little miss "I got basketballs stuck to my chest so people would stop thinking I was a guy" sits down to watch a video she got in the mail called "Terror Toons". If I'm going on about her chest, I can't help it. It is seriously disgusting - she's not a large girl and these plastic sacks look like they weigh more than her. It's amazing how much money some girls will pay to look so much worse. And the fact that they've cast her as a little girl just really makes me question what audience they made this for, and if the FBI are going to soon raid my house and arrest me for purchasing soft kiddy porn. Actually, I didn't buy this - Jeremy bought it for me for my birthday. So if I'm going down, you're coming with me, sucka! That'll teach you to buy me birthday presents that cause my brain to vomit inside my head.
Where was I?
Enter the sister we haven't seen yet, and jeepers she looks old!
There are some seriously weird genes going on in this family; either there is supposed to be a 40 year age gap between the two, or she also looks very old for her age. I think they have names, but I don't care right now. The old one is with a friend and she looks about half her age. The young one leaves and the friend says "Y'know, your sister's kinda weird"
Amen to that
So inflata-sister goes to watch the evil cartoon. And just in case you didn't guess this cartoon was evil. we see it was directed by THE DEVIL!!!
The cartoon involves the Dr. back in the cartoon dimension with his side-kick Max Assassin - a guy in a monkey costume. More like a monkey mask and gloves, because other than that he's wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and they're pretty lousy even by a monkey's standard.The older sister and her friend invite over some boys (OH NO - they didn't listen to their parents! I hope that doesn't come back to haunt them...) And then it's back to the pain of Dr. Carnage and his wonderful cartoon world, where he and his monkey attack people in 'wacky' ways
I've seen better animation from disabled children in India using an Amiga 500 and some string. The string is to hang themselves instead of having to watch this. Alas, I gave my flatmates my shoelaces earlier in anticipation of such an act, so there is no escape for me. The things I do for you all...
The other girls and their fellas can't decide on what game to play - strip poker, or ouija board. So they agree on a compromise; strip ouija. The ouija board will tell them what clothes to take off. And who said this script isn't intelligent? But again the creep factor climbs another notch; that one girl is so much older than the rest, it's like they are playing with their Mother!
Meanwhile, Dr. Carnage and the monkey magically fly out of the TV and kill little Barbie wannabe girl. Lesson to all women; having a cartoon body won't protect you from cartoon violence.
The game of strip ouija winds down after Cindy (yes I finally caught the older
sister's name) ignores the constant pressure from the guys to take her shirt off. Thank you Cindy for not giving in to peer pressure, even if it does mean disobeying the ouija. No wait, they are starting another "Shirt, shirt, shirt" chant. But Cindy stays strong. Good for you - you are a model to middle-aged Mothers everywhere.
Suddenly, a mirror ball is lit up in the living room and some crappy attempt at dance music starts playing. One of the hunks asks Cindy "Who are they?" but of course, because this movie is so well made, we don't actually see who he is talking about until 10 minutes later! I'm not kidding - we didn't even see an image of them before he asked it. What kind of crap amateur video is this? Anyway, after what is possibly the worst reveal shot in the history of film (just to really compound the stupidity here) we eventually see Dr. Carnage and Max the Monkey Faced Man in the lounge. And they begin dancing. Remember that scene in Hitch where Will Smith is teaching Kevin James how to dance, and when Will doesn't like his dancing he slaps him? Well, judging by his reaction in that scene, Will Smith would have rolled in here and Chris Benoit'd a whole lot of morons had he seen this. But I don't think he would have bothered leaving Bibles next to their rotting carcases, because I don't even think God's mercy covers awful stuff like this. Cindy and her children show their mental capacity by laughing at them, until Eddie laughs his brain out. And no I'm not kidding.
Sorry Doc, but I can't give you the credit for that kill. Eddie's lousy personal hygiene must have had something to do with it.
The others escape, but not for long; Rick gets hypnotised by a spinning picture outside the door and blows chunks on the girls. Don't think he'll be scoring tonight. He gets captured by the villains and tortured with cardboard knives anyway. About time
And now everyone is captured, leading to a magic show (?) where Cindy yells "You're animals - both of you! Horrible, filthy
animals!" at Dr. Carnage and Max Assassin. Considering Max is a monkey, that was quite astute of her. Long story short, Cindy screams a lot, her friend gets cut in half, and cartoon vultures fill the screen. And I drink some battery acid to numb the pain
Now Cindy gets magically sent to Hell to meet the Devil, who is reading the latest Hollywood news. He explains his evil plan to destroy the world and finally gain some respect. I'm surprised; despite the fact that he sounds terribly drunk and it looks like he's reading cue cards, he is easily the best actor in this entire movie. It's just a pity he is overshadowed by ground-breaking special effects.
Cindy turns into a superhero and threatens to kick the devil's ass, to which he turns himself into a cheesy flame and disappears. On a side note, that was the longest part of dialogue in this entire pile of junk (other than the "shirt" chants) - took up at least 15 minutes.
Cindy finds the machine that is making the DVDs, and instead of destroying it and defeating the Devil like she said she would, she just stands there and looks at it for about
2 years. Then she plays with some buttons, until she is attacked by Max Assassin. She quickly uses her super powers to defeat him, and then kills Dr. Carnage when she slices his rubber head in half and some more drawings fill the screen. I hope when I die that some crappy drawings of Kiss can come out and rock the house...
Then her parents come home and find all the carnage.
They scream in terror, she screams with laughter, and I sing a merry song to celebrate the end of 70 minutes of pure agony.
Until we go to the neighbour's house and see a little boy excitedly grab his Terror Toons DVD out of the mailbox.
I'm not even touching the sequel.
We are introduced to the 'film' by a man standing in front of a black tarpol
an with white circles painted on it - so you just know this movie is high budget entertainment! He begins to tell us the background of the evil main characters "from the cartoon dimension" (the most evil of places), Dr. Carnage and Max Assassin! I'm sure I would be scared, but he delivers his lines like Hayden Christensen trying to cut a wrestling promo. And he's about as menacing as a 15 year-old working on the drive-thru at Burger King.And so the movie begins, as we suddenly see a man-child tied to a table in carto
on world. Dr. Carnage enters and attacks with his "cartoon" violence. He looks a lot like a puppet to me, and call me a purist, but I don't consider puppets to be cartoons. Anyway this retard keeps making silly faces, while Dr. Carnage begins to hack at him with a large novelty scalpel until he disembowels him and completely removes the skull - with eyes still attached. 
The purist in me wants to bitch about how I've never seen that in any of the cartoons I watch, but then I decide that if I'm stupid enough to watch this then I deserve what I get. I'm sure this movie is like a forgotten plague from the bible:
"And on the 7th day, all of Egypt will watch in horror as a man in a poorly made costume butchers the worst actors in the world, while one dimensional gif images bounce along after him"
So it would seem that whole opening sequence had nothing to do with the rest of the movie, because now we are back from the "cartoon dimension" and join someone in the bath tub. And whoever they are, they must be pretty freekin' stupid, because they can't get the words right to "Rubber Ducky"! The just keep singing "Rubber Ducky, hmmmm mmmm mmmm... Rubber Ducky, hmmmm mmmm mmmm". Turns out this musically impaired individual is some guy dressed up like a 6 year old girl. No wait - he just stood up and I'm guessing those giant brown balloons pinned its chest means it is actually a female. Either way, she is still dressed like a 6 year-old (even though she looks like she's about 30) - the whole thing is just a little too creepy for my liking.She calls for her "Mom", who turns out to be an old man in drag. She a
nd her strangely normal looking Husband are going away on holiday, leaving this surgically enhanced little boy and her sister alone. The Mother says they aren't allowed any boys over and then leaves. Firstly, after saying "No Boys", I wonder if they will follow that rule? And secondly, what normal parent expects their 5 year-old fake-chested hermaphrodite to invite boys over?That was the weirdest sentence I think I've ever written.
Anyway, little miss "I got basketballs stuck to my chest so people would stop thinking I was a guy" sits down to watch a video she got in the mail called "Terror Toons". If I'm going on about her chest, I can't help it. It is seriously disgusting - she's not a large girl and these plastic sacks look like they weigh more than her. It's amazing how much money some girls will pay to look so much worse. And the fact that they've cast her as a little girl just really makes me question what audience they made this for, and if the FBI are going to soon raid my house and arrest me for purchasing soft kiddy porn. Actually, I didn't buy this - Jeremy bought it for me for my birthday. So if I'm going down, you're coming with me, sucka! That'll teach you to buy me birthday presents that cause my brain to vomit inside my head.
Where was I?
Enter the sister we haven't seen yet, and jeepers she looks old!
There are some seriously weird genes going on in this family; either there is supposed to be a 40 year age gap between the two, or she also looks very old for her age. I think they have names, but I don't care right now. The old one is with a friend and she looks about half her age. The young one leaves and the friend says "Y'know, your sister's kinda weird"
Amen to that
So inflata-sister goes to watch the evil cartoon. And just in case you didn't guess this cartoon was evil. we see it was directed by THE DEVIL!!!
The cartoon involves the Dr. back in the cartoon dimension with his side-kick Max Assassin - a guy in a monkey costume. More like a monkey mask and gloves, because other than that he's wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and they're pretty lousy even by a monkey's standard.The older sister and her friend invite over some boys (OH NO - they didn't listen to their parents! I hope that doesn't come back to haunt them...) And then it's back to the pain of Dr. Carnage and his wonderful cartoon world, where he and his monkey attack people in 'wacky' waysI've seen better animation from disabled children in India using an Amiga 500 and some string. The string is to hang themselves instead of having to watch this. Alas, I gave my flatmates my shoelaces earlier in anticipation of such an act, so there is no escape for me. The things I do for you all...The other girls and their fellas can't decide on what game to play - strip poker, or ouija board. So they agree on a compromise; strip ouija. The ouija board will tell them what clothes to take off. And who said this script isn't intelligent? But again the creep factor climbs another notch; that one girl is so much older than the rest, it's like they are playing with their Mother!
Meanwhile, Dr. Carnage and the monkey magically fly out of the TV and kill little Barbie wannabe girl. Lesson to all women; having a cartoon body won't protect you from cartoon violence.The game of strip ouija winds down after Cindy (yes I finally caught the older
sister's name) ignores the constant pressure from the guys to take her shirt off. Thank you Cindy for not giving in to peer pressure, even if it does mean disobeying the ouija. No wait, they are starting another "Shirt, shirt, shirt" chant. But Cindy stays strong. Good for you - you are a model to middle-aged Mothers everywhere.Suddenly, a mirror ball is lit up in the living room and some crappy attempt at dance music starts playing. One of the hunks asks Cindy "Who are they?" but of course, because this movie is so well made, we don't actually see who he is talking about until 10 minutes later! I'm not kidding - we didn't even see an image of them before he asked it. What kind of crap amateur video is this? Anyway, after what is possibly the worst reveal shot in the history of film (just to really compound the stupidity here) we eventually see Dr. Carnage and Max the Monkey Faced Man in the lounge. And they begin dancing. Remember that scene in Hitch where Will Smith is teaching Kevin James how to dance, and when Will doesn't like his dancing he slaps him? Well, judging by his reaction in that scene, Will Smith would have rolled in here and Chris Benoit'd a whole lot of morons had he seen this. But I don't think he would have bothered leaving Bibles next to their rotting carcases, because I don't even think God's mercy covers awful stuff like this. Cindy and her children show their mental capacity by laughing at them, until Eddie laughs his brain out. And no I'm not kidding.
Sorry Doc, but I can't give you the credit for that kill. Eddie's lousy personal hygiene must have had something to do with it.
The others escape, but not for long; Rick gets hypnotised by a spinning picture outside the door and blows chunks on the girls. Don't think he'll be scoring tonight. He gets captured by the villains and tortured with cardboard knives anyway. About time
And now everyone is captured, leading to a magic show (?) where Cindy yells "You're animals - both of you! Horrible, filthy
animals!" at Dr. Carnage and Max Assassin. Considering Max is a monkey, that was quite astute of her. Long story short, Cindy screams a lot, her friend gets cut in half, and cartoon vultures fill the screen. And I drink some battery acid to numb the painNow Cindy gets magically sent to Hell to meet the Devil, who is reading the latest Hollywood news. He explains his evil plan to destroy the world and finally gain some respect. I'm surprised; despite the fact that he sounds terribly drunk and it looks like he's reading cue cards, he is easily the best actor in this entire movie. It's just a pity he is overshadowed by ground-breaking special effects.Cindy turns into a superhero and threatens to kick the devil's ass, to which he turns himself into a cheesy flame and disappears. On a side note, that was the longest part of dialogue in this entire pile of junk (other than the "shirt" chants) - took up at least 15 minutes.Cindy finds the machine that is making the DVDs, and instead of destroying it and defeating the Devil like she said she would, she just stands there and looks at it for about
2 years. Then she plays with some buttons, until she is attacked by Max Assassin. She quickly uses her super powers to defeat him, and then kills Dr. Carnage when she slices his rubber head in half and some more drawings fill the screen. I hope when I die that some crappy drawings of Kiss can come out and rock the house...Then her parents come home and find all the carnage.
They scream in terror, she screams with laughter, and I sing a merry song to celebrate the end of 70 minutes of pure agony.
Until we go to the neighbour's house and see a little boy excitedly grab his Terror Toons DVD out of the mailbox.
I'm not even touching the sequel.
Saturday 15 September 2007
The U.S. vs John Lennon pt 1
One report out of the way, so I thought I would squeeze a little bit of blog action.
So as said in my previous blog, I watched The U.S. vs John Lennon a few nights ago and it really touched a couple of nerves with me. The first thing I want to touch on is this: John Lennon kicked ass!
With all that has been going on in the world the last few years, with the comparisons of Georgie W. Bush to Richard Nixon, and with all the comparisons of the war in Iraq to Vietnam, I think it is very easy to also say John Lennon's music has relevance to our times. And in fact, I say that - nay, I declare that - with full confidence.
The last few years has seen many musicians speak out against the Bush administration (except for idiots like Britney and Bono. Don't get me wrong, I like U2, but anyone who supported Bush invading Iraq has a table reserved in the stupid section) and a lot of it has really just seemed so superficial to me. Most of the music we get exposed to is such blatant protest, but yet fails to make any real connection. The latest example I can use would be Pink's single Dear Mr. President, where she explains to Bush that he doesn't know what it is like for struggling Mothers. Sorry, but neither do you, Pink - unless you've suddenly gained some children and all those millions you made from being a cheesy pop skank have suddenly disappeared.
What's lost is the genuine desire for peace, the genuine love. Something that I was reminded of while watching this documentary: Lennon's message of peace and love in his music was so simple and so true - the message that we can have peace, but we've got to want it. He wasn't saying "I hate Nixon/We should all hate Nixon/You don't know what it's like for us struggling people/I hate Nixon"*, he was singing "Give Peace a Chance" and "Imagine all the people/living life in peace"
And he didn't just sing it - he lived it. He wasn't just hiding behind a song; he was involved with protests to free wrongfully imprisoned activists, he was marching on the streets with everyone else against the Vietnam War, and he was using every single bit of his celebrity status to raise awareness of the issues and promote the idea of peace - no matter how stupid it often made him look. That to me is one of the big key differences between Lennon and most of these modern "protestors"; while they say "George Bush sucks!" to look cool, most people shook their heads at Lennon's protesting.
Another major difference is that not only was Lennon terribly outspoken, but being a Beatle he had huge influence over younger people, and that was what really terrified Nixon and his administration at the time - hence Nixon got the FBI on to him. I can only just imagine how the Bush Administration reacted before the last election when there were some bands doing some sort of "Get Bush Out of Office" concert:
Staff Member: "Sir, there is a concert going on and the sole purpose is to get people to vote against you in the election!"
Bush: "Oh no! Who's performing?"
Staff Member: "The Dixie Chicks"
Bush: "Are they any kind of threat?"
Staff Member: "Well, their main audience used to be Southerners who already believe you to be a God amongst men. And now they are really only popular in other countries that don't matter."
Bush: "OK, who else?"
Staff Member: "There's also Bruce Springsteen!"
Bush: "Oh no! He's actually a well respected musician and sure to have influence!"
Staff Member: "Yes sir, but most of his fans are all burnt out old hippies that don't vote anyway"
Bush: "Well... anyone else?"
Staff Member: "Dave Grohl, and he just called you an asshole..."
Bush: "Who?"
Staff Member: "Dave Grohl - lead singer for Foo Fighters"
Bush: "A washing detergent?"
Staff member: "No sir they are a band of some sort. And they target apathetic teenagers so are about as much of a threat as a basket of daffodils"
Bush: "So what should I do?"
Staff Member: "Go home and plan for your next term as President"
Kind of shows you how gutless these musicians are these days, when Nixon uses all sorts of illegal activities to kill the voice of one man, and yet though the same tactics are now legal under Bush (that's coming up in my next one, I think) he didn't even need to use any of it because they all knew that all these musicians "speaking out against Bush" are all talk and no action. And even if they showed some sort of action, this generation is so whiny and annoying that they wouldn't stand up for anything. Except maybe Panic! at the Disco concert tickets. I hate that band.
Now I'm not saying John Lennon made a huge difference in the world - not saying that at all. But I am saying that he could have made more of an impact if Nixon hadn't have got the FBI on to him and shut him down. Darn that Nixon was a smart man. Maybe I should have started this by saying he kicked ass?
*John Lennon did write songs that were anti-Nixon such as "Gimme Some Truth", but that message is woven into the main theme of his contempt for politicians and their lack of concern for the common man or woman. That is the difference between an artist and whatever the crap you wanna call someone like Dave Grohl. I'd go with long-haired ego-centric charisma-lacking yawn-maker, but you may like to choose something else
So as said in my previous blog, I watched The U.S. vs John Lennon a few nights ago and it really touched a couple of nerves with me. The first thing I want to touch on is this: John Lennon kicked ass!
With all that has been going on in the world the last few years, with the comparisons of Georgie W. Bush to Richard Nixon, and with all the comparisons of the war in Iraq to Vietnam, I think it is very easy to also say John Lennon's music has relevance to our times. And in fact, I say that - nay, I declare that - with full confidence.
The last few years has seen many musicians speak out against the Bush administration (except for idiots like Britney and Bono. Don't get me wrong, I like U2, but anyone who supported Bush invading Iraq has a table reserved in the stupid section) and a lot of it has really just seemed so superficial to me. Most of the music we get exposed to is such blatant protest, but yet fails to make any real connection. The latest example I can use would be Pink's single Dear Mr. President, where she explains to Bush that he doesn't know what it is like for struggling Mothers. Sorry, but neither do you, Pink - unless you've suddenly gained some children and all those millions you made from being a cheesy pop skank have suddenly disappeared.
What's lost is the genuine desire for peace, the genuine love. Something that I was reminded of while watching this documentary: Lennon's message of peace and love in his music was so simple and so true - the message that we can have peace, but we've got to want it. He wasn't saying "I hate Nixon/We should all hate Nixon/You don't know what it's like for us struggling people/I hate Nixon"*, he was singing "Give Peace a Chance" and "Imagine all the people/living life in peace"
And he didn't just sing it - he lived it. He wasn't just hiding behind a song; he was involved with protests to free wrongfully imprisoned activists, he was marching on the streets with everyone else against the Vietnam War, and he was using every single bit of his celebrity status to raise awareness of the issues and promote the idea of peace - no matter how stupid it often made him look. That to me is one of the big key differences between Lennon and most of these modern "protestors"; while they say "George Bush sucks!" to look cool, most people shook their heads at Lennon's protesting.
Another major difference is that not only was Lennon terribly outspoken, but being a Beatle he had huge influence over younger people, and that was what really terrified Nixon and his administration at the time - hence Nixon got the FBI on to him. I can only just imagine how the Bush Administration reacted before the last election when there were some bands doing some sort of "Get Bush Out of Office" concert:
Staff Member: "Sir, there is a concert going on and the sole purpose is to get people to vote against you in the election!"
Bush: "Oh no! Who's performing?"
Staff Member: "The Dixie Chicks"
Bush: "Are they any kind of threat?"
Staff Member: "Well, their main audience used to be Southerners who already believe you to be a God amongst men. And now they are really only popular in other countries that don't matter."
Bush: "OK, who else?"
Staff Member: "There's also Bruce Springsteen!"
Bush: "Oh no! He's actually a well respected musician and sure to have influence!"
Staff Member: "Yes sir, but most of his fans are all burnt out old hippies that don't vote anyway"
Bush: "Well... anyone else?"
Staff Member: "Dave Grohl, and he just called you an asshole..."
Bush: "Who?"
Staff Member: "Dave Grohl - lead singer for Foo Fighters"
Bush: "A washing detergent?"
Staff member: "No sir they are a band of some sort. And they target apathetic teenagers so are about as much of a threat as a basket of daffodils"
Bush: "So what should I do?"
Staff Member: "Go home and plan for your next term as President"
Kind of shows you how gutless these musicians are these days, when Nixon uses all sorts of illegal activities to kill the voice of one man, and yet though the same tactics are now legal under Bush (that's coming up in my next one, I think) he didn't even need to use any of it because they all knew that all these musicians "speaking out against Bush" are all talk and no action. And even if they showed some sort of action, this generation is so whiny and annoying that they wouldn't stand up for anything. Except maybe Panic! at the Disco concert tickets. I hate that band.
Now I'm not saying John Lennon made a huge difference in the world - not saying that at all. But I am saying that he could have made more of an impact if Nixon hadn't have got the FBI on to him and shut him down. Darn that Nixon was a smart man. Maybe I should have started this by saying he kicked ass?
*John Lennon did write songs that were anti-Nixon such as "Gimme Some Truth", but that message is woven into the main theme of his contempt for politicians and their lack of concern for the common man or woman. That is the difference between an artist and whatever the crap you wanna call someone like Dave Grohl. I'd go with long-haired ego-centric charisma-lacking yawn-maker, but you may like to choose something else
Thursday 13 September 2007
Too Little Time
Ever have one of those weeks where you have lots to say, but not enough time?
Well, my blog is suffering that very fate; I have many things to write about, yet can't find the time. My old boss came back recently and I am now actually beginning to earn my wages by doing real financial work and not as a full time blogger. In fact, I haven't been this busy since December when I was preparing for year end. Of course, that lasted 2 days before I left everything scattered on my desk and abandoned it for Julian to finish while I ran away for a few weeks... so let's hope this time I make the most of it.
The unfortunate timing of this relates to the fact that I recently watched The U.S. vs John Lennon and it gave me many things to write about. Seriously. Not because it is an amazing documentary or anything, but mainly because there are some parts of it that really touched some nerves with me and I really want to put it all in here. So hopefully I can make time. I mean, who do I think I am trying to this boring reporting when I should be blogging?
What I will say right now is that The U.S. vs John Lennon is a very interesting watch if you don't really have much knowledge of John Lennon's involvement in the peace movement of the 70's. It starts back in the 60's with the American backlash towards his whole 'bigger than Jesus' comments (still one of the most widely misunderstood statements I know of) and goes right through to when he was finally given his green card in 1976. For me, it was a little too vague on some things, but then I pretty much knew most of what was going on.
However, there is some great footage that even I hadn't seen before, such as the last half of his argument with the editor of the New York Times (the first half can be found in the Imagine film, where John begins by complaining she put in an article about him that didn't mention anything about "Peace" - he didn't care that she was calling him a nutcase, so long as she mentioned "Peace"). But for me, even after his arrogance about people using Give Peace a Chance as the anthem for the Peace movement, showed how much ferocity he had towards getting the message out there. The look in his eyes when he tells her he was "proud they were singing my song and I'll be proud to sing it with them" was pretty intense.
And then there was his very public declaration of support for the Black Panthers, and the footage of him at various anti-war demonstrations/concerts in New York. All very worthwhile for a fan like me, and again gives a good view of his dedication to the cause.
So I do recommend this film to anyone who wants to understand how much the U.S. Government hated John Lennon, even if it isn't as detailed as I would have liked. You will still get a good understanding of how the FBI worked in those days and how it all relates to the modern times... but that I will go into in my next blog. Hopefully I'll get that up tonight or tomorrow.
Now I have to get this report finished... somehow.
Well, my blog is suffering that very fate; I have many things to write about, yet can't find the time. My old boss came back recently and I am now actually beginning to earn my wages by doing real financial work and not as a full time blogger. In fact, I haven't been this busy since December when I was preparing for year end. Of course, that lasted 2 days before I left everything scattered on my desk and abandoned it for Julian to finish while I ran away for a few weeks... so let's hope this time I make the most of it.
The unfortunate timing of this relates to the fact that I recently watched The U.S. vs John Lennon and it gave me many things to write about. Seriously. Not because it is an amazing documentary or anything, but mainly because there are some parts of it that really touched some nerves with me and I really want to put it all in here. So hopefully I can make time. I mean, who do I think I am trying to this boring reporting when I should be blogging?
What I will say right now is that The U.S. vs John Lennon is a very interesting watch if you don't really have much knowledge of John Lennon's involvement in the peace movement of the 70's. It starts back in the 60's with the American backlash towards his whole 'bigger than Jesus' comments (still one of the most widely misunderstood statements I know of) and goes right through to when he was finally given his green card in 1976. For me, it was a little too vague on some things, but then I pretty much knew most of what was going on.
However, there is some great footage that even I hadn't seen before, such as the last half of his argument with the editor of the New York Times (the first half can be found in the Imagine film, where John begins by complaining she put in an article about him that didn't mention anything about "Peace" - he didn't care that she was calling him a nutcase, so long as she mentioned "Peace"). But for me, even after his arrogance about people using Give Peace a Chance as the anthem for the Peace movement, showed how much ferocity he had towards getting the message out there. The look in his eyes when he tells her he was "proud they were singing my song and I'll be proud to sing it with them" was pretty intense.
And then there was his very public declaration of support for the Black Panthers, and the footage of him at various anti-war demonstrations/concerts in New York. All very worthwhile for a fan like me, and again gives a good view of his dedication to the cause.
So I do recommend this film to anyone who wants to understand how much the U.S. Government hated John Lennon, even if it isn't as detailed as I would have liked. You will still get a good understanding of how the FBI worked in those days and how it all relates to the modern times... but that I will go into in my next blog. Hopefully I'll get that up tonight or tomorrow.
Now I have to get this report finished... somehow.
Friday 7 September 2007
My New Friend
Last night I met a new friend who is now very dear to me. In fact, he moved into my room and will be there for a while. His name is Rocky:
And no, I didn't name him - his previous owners did.
Since living in Christchurch, the last couple of months have been my first times of living without a cat. Back at glorious old Clonbern we had the lovely Oscar (who loved me when Sarah was away), and then when I first moved into Bealey Ave I soon made Ashley become my friend. But of course the ever so friendly Miriam moved out in June and took Ashley with her, leaving me without a cat to pretend was my own...
So I've thought about getting a cat since then. And then I decided against it. And then Rochelle saw Rocky on TradeMe on Tuesday, and I just couldn't resist. I mean look at him - he has markings like a cow!
So when we went round to meet him I was very scared he wouldn't like me. And he was very moody; really wasn't interested in meeting me or finding a new home. But then we got him home and it didn't take long for him to realise that I rock. He's awfully cuddly. I like him a lot and am very glad to call him my friend.
On a side note, I love that I visit Louise's blog everyday and find thought provoking blogs on politics and such... while all I can blog about it is "I like my cat".
And no, I didn't name him - his previous owners did.
Since living in Christchurch, the last couple of months have been my first times of living without a cat. Back at glorious old Clonbern we had the lovely Oscar (who loved me when Sarah was away), and then when I first moved into Bealey Ave I soon made Ashley become my friend. But of course the ever so friendly Miriam moved out in June and took Ashley with her, leaving me without a cat to pretend was my own...
So I've thought about getting a cat since then. And then I decided against it. And then Rochelle saw Rocky on TradeMe on Tuesday, and I just couldn't resist. I mean look at him - he has markings like a cow!
So when we went round to meet him I was very scared he wouldn't like me. And he was very moody; really wasn't interested in meeting me or finding a new home. But then we got him home and it didn't take long for him to realise that I rock. He's awfully cuddly. I like him a lot and am very glad to call him my friend.
On a side note, I love that I visit Louise's blog everyday and find thought provoking blogs on politics and such... while all I can blog about it is "I like my cat".
Thursday 6 September 2007
I Continue to Sell Out
So last night I caved to public pressure... and I signed up on Facebook.
First MySpace, then Blogger, now Facebook - it's like I have to sign up for every single one of these internet-based popularity contests. And it is even more ironic, considering how much I hate people. Seriously, I have no interest in making friends in the real world, so why should I care so much about making friends on the internet?
Well, I think I can argue my case a little here. Firstly, I don't accept everyone to be my friend on MySpace; of my 68 friends, there are only 12 that I do not personally know - and that includes the Transformers, Autobots, Decepticons, each of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, MC Hammer and The Cure. But then, I do consider those to be my bestest friends in the whole wide world... Plus there are 2 people on my friends list that I really don't like. I keep them on there so I can write mean comments on their page. And they still don't delete me. Losers.
I think maybe I just like writing stupid things and having places to show my pictures of La Parka. And I like looking at the numbers; such as my blog viewing number now reaching 3000. That sort of stuff appeals to the nerd in me. That and having Donatello as my friend.
But most of all, I like the internet. I'm not really sure why, but I find it the easiest way to waste my time. There is always some sort of scandal or something that I can read about. Heck, I'm sure I can find at least 100 stories on my brother alone! Plus there is a never ending supply of pro-wrestling related humour that always provides me with entertainment.
Now I'm not sure how any of that relates to me being on Facebook... but it does, I can promise yout that. And in the end it all makes sense doesn't it?
The answer is:
No
Seriously, what was I just writing about?
Firstly we establish that I am addicted to MySpace and will soon be as addicted to Facebook. Yet I despise humans and interaction with them. Why don't I ever make sense?
Next I'll be saying I own a cellphone because I needed something black to go with my pocket.
First MySpace, then Blogger, now Facebook - it's like I have to sign up for every single one of these internet-based popularity contests. And it is even more ironic, considering how much I hate people. Seriously, I have no interest in making friends in the real world, so why should I care so much about making friends on the internet?
Well, I think I can argue my case a little here. Firstly, I don't accept everyone to be my friend on MySpace; of my 68 friends, there are only 12 that I do not personally know - and that includes the Transformers, Autobots, Decepticons, each of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, MC Hammer and The Cure. But then, I do consider those to be my bestest friends in the whole wide world... Plus there are 2 people on my friends list that I really don't like. I keep them on there so I can write mean comments on their page. And they still don't delete me. Losers.
I think maybe I just like writing stupid things and having places to show my pictures of La Parka. And I like looking at the numbers; such as my blog viewing number now reaching 3000. That sort of stuff appeals to the nerd in me. That and having Donatello as my friend.
But most of all, I like the internet. I'm not really sure why, but I find it the easiest way to waste my time. There is always some sort of scandal or something that I can read about. Heck, I'm sure I can find at least 100 stories on my brother alone! Plus there is a never ending supply of pro-wrestling related humour that always provides me with entertainment.
Now I'm not sure how any of that relates to me being on Facebook... but it does, I can promise yout that. And in the end it all makes sense doesn't it?
The answer is:
No
Seriously, what was I just writing about?
Firstly we establish that I am addicted to MySpace and will soon be as addicted to Facebook. Yet I despise humans and interaction with them. Why don't I ever make sense?
Next I'll be saying I own a cellphone because I needed something black to go with my pocket.
Wednesday 5 September 2007
And Because You Asked For It...
SummerSlam '07 was OK.
From what I've read, it was much better than the last few PPV's, but I guess that really isn't saying much. Some of the matches were pretty good... actually no, most were actually pretty darn boring. And then there was the pointless fake beer drinking contest (which just involved Steve Austin appearing, drinking some beer and then giving MVP a stunner. And he got the loudest cheer of the night too. Kind of makes you wonder when a guy who has been retired for how many years now gets cheered louder than people that are actually there to wrestle). The Diva Battle Royal was a mess, but not as terrible as I would have thought (but really it is just an excuse to have women in skimpy clothing). And as for Batista vs The Great Kahli...
Rey Mysterio vs Chavo Guerrero, Jr. was pretty good, though Michael Cole is officially the worst commentator I've ever heard. Makes me very glad I don't watch Smackdown! - if I yelled at my TV every week the way I kept yelling at it during this match, I wouldn't have much of a voice. Michael Cole is the Batista of commentating.
Even Triple H's return match was kinda good. I think maybe I just enjoyed seeing his entrance again - even if he did do the same darn pose about 76 times!
Anyways, for me it was all about the main event; John Cena vs Randy Orton. The crowd were so anti-Cena I couldn't believe it. And despite some reviews I've read, I thought it was a really good match. Cena won and has now been champion for almost a year - that's pretty sweet for modern pro-wrestling. No one's held it this long since Hulk Hogan in '89. Good work, Cena. Not that anyone reading this cares.
So yeah it was OK. Not great, but not terrible. Except for Batista vs The Great Kahli. That was beyond terrible. It's bad enough putting The Great Kahli in any match when he moves like a giant old-man with bad arthritis, and it's bad enough to book him in a match with a guy who must be weighed down by all the steroids he takes because he moves and has about as much talent as a block of ear wax. And it's bad enough that the wrestling highlight of the entire match was Kahli putting Batista in a freekin' "nerve hold" for around 5 minutes (to me it just looked like he was massaging his shoulder in a tender moment). But the ending just made me want to see this event as a major opportunity for terrorists to blow something up. But I knew they wouldn't save me from the torture, because who would care if you blew up those chumps?
Terrorist: "I am going to blow up SummerSlam and destroy the celebrated match between The Great Kahli and Batista!"
UN Humanitarian: "Thanks - you'll be doing my job for me!"
The match sucked - I can't stress that enough. It was worse than suckage. It was like maybe it should have been saved for Survivor Series so we could claim that as Bret Hart's revenge...
No. Bret Hart loves wrestling too much to do something like that to it.
Oh You Didn't Know?
I'm sure most people are aware of all the drama surrounding pro-wrestling at the moment. Either that or they don't care. Well, let me bring you up to speed:
After the whole Chris Benoit tragedy, there was tonnes of media attention in regards to the blatant use of steroids and other drugs in pro-wrestling, and in particular, WWE. Congress has even stepped in and requested all information that WWE has in regards to their Wellness Policy and subsequent testing. Rumour has it that Vince McMahon has not been taking this very seriously. And why should he? I mean, he's been through steroid trials before and gotten away with it - not to mention every other crime possible. I imagine he could walk into congress and say "I don't even know what steroids are! I'm an honest, church-going man living the American dream! Here - have some money" and they would just say "Thank you, kind sir. You truly are a model citizen!" and that will be it. And some poor wrestling promotion will end up getting shut down instead, just because someone has to be.
And just last week WWE got caught out yet again, when 14 of their "Superstars" were implicated in an investigation as customers of a corrupt internet pharmacy - basically they had all been buying steroids and related hormones via this internet company while this so-called "Wellness Policy" has been in place. And at least 3 of them have claimed in recent weeks that they have either never used steroids, or did but stopped when the Wellness Policy was put in place last year. 10 of them have been suspended, 1 was cleared by the company (he apparently confessed before the story broke, so they don't consider him to have commited any crime. I guess being scheduled to main event the next PPV and win the WWE Championship has nothing to do with that decision) and the others have all denied any involvement whatsoever. Again, I doubt that has anything to do with the fact that they are considered the top draws at the moment. But then my own personal favourite article in this whole thing comes from a Repulican Congressman, who basically said the WWE Wellness Policy was a big load of crap, and that this shows they really don't follow any guidelines. It's an interesting read, so you should check it out. Personally, if you don't think half the guys in WWE are using steroids, then you are stupid. Of course they are going to deny it, because it is illegal, but Vince McMahon is known for pushing big oversized men into the spotlight - the whole promotion is based on that. I'm hoping that in true Vince McMahon style, this will all get turned into another angle. Over the next month or two, we'll see the company start to fall apart and it will look like he is going to prison for distributing steroids again. All the wrestlers who use drugs are all suspended or fired, so the roster consists of two "Divas", 3 referees and a steel chair. But then at Survivor Series in November to mark the 10th Anniversary of "The Montreal Screwjob", Bret Hart will come down and reveal it was him all along! He had killed Chris Benoit and filled his home with steroids and other drugs. He started this phony internet pharmacy and faked patient records to trap half of the roster. He had instructed Congress to start investigating WWE. And he had doctored all the information WWE had supplied to make it look like everyone is on steroids when they really aren't - just to get back at Vince for what happened 10 years ago! And with the depleted roster, Bret then comes down to the ring and puts Triple H's sledgehammer in the sharpshooter and wins the WWE Championship! That would keep me watching non-stop for the next few months, that's for sure. Unfortunately, it would also mean Batista and The Great Kahli would return soon after for yet another pointless and terrible match. If only they could get busted for real. Or someone had killed them instead. I'd trade you a psychotic Chris Benoit for those two no-talent oversized sloths any day.Friday 31 August 2007
Pluralities and Facial Stubbery
I keep seeing signs around town for "The Three Elvis'"
Am I the only person that believes the plural for Elvis would be Elvi? It's much the same in regards to moose: if the plural for goose is geese, shouldn't the plural for moose for be meese?
And what is the deal with all these musicians growing moustaches? Brandon Flowers looks like a redneck from the 70's - the rest of The Killers don't look too good either - and Daniel Johns looks like a drunken hobo. Just because you don't work real jobs doesn't mean you can't look good. In fact, you guys have less to do during the day than most of us, so you have plenty of time to make use of a razor on your face. I'm sure you can afford to buy a good one too.
Am I the only person that believes the plural for Elvis would be Elvi? It's much the same in regards to moose: if the plural for goose is geese, shouldn't the plural for moose for be meese?
And what is the deal with all these musicians growing moustaches? Brandon Flowers looks like a redneck from the 70's - the rest of The Killers don't look too good either - and Daniel Johns looks like a drunken hobo. Just because you don't work real jobs doesn't mean you can't look good. In fact, you guys have less to do during the day than most of us, so you have plenty of time to make use of a razor on your face. I'm sure you can afford to buy a good one too.
Summer Time Traditions
I think Summerslam has ruined my week. And I'm not just saying that so I have something else to blame to Vince McMahon for.
Summerslam is my all-time favourite pro-wrestling PPV. I like it more than Wrestlemania, Spring Stampede and even The Great American Bash. It all goes back to Summerslam '89; I believe it was the first actual PPV shown on NZ television (I could be wrong on this, but I don't really remember anything before it), and I couldn't have been happier. Sure, I'd watched the last 3 or 4 Wrestlemanias on video, but to watch it on TV and therefore keep up to date with the story continuity... well, that was special. Especially in the 80's, because WWF shown on NZ TV was usually around 2 - 3 months behind. But then we didn't have internet back then either, so finding out info was pretty hard. Plus we all thought it was real...
Anyway... Summerslam '89 was actually the 2nd Summerslam, and in my opinion was the best ever! It started with one of my favourite matches ever - The Brain Busters vs The Hart Foundation. This was a non-title match, because in those days title matches only happened once or twice a year. Didn't matter anyway, because The Hart Foundation lost. But this was the match that really made me realise how awesome Bret Hart was - the match was full of classic Hitman greatness; faking a knee injury to catch the wrestler off guard, kicking someone in the back from outside the ring and then looking at the ref like "I don't know what happened!". There was also the greatest of main events ever - Hulk Hogan & Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake vs "Macho Man" Randy Savage & Zeus. This was Zeus:
He was the greatest. And by "the greatest", I mean "so bad and ridiculous that watching him made me howl with laughter and he will be the biggest joke I ever make for the rest of my life"... y'know - that kind of awesome that I love. He was like watching a wrestling mummy. A really crappy wrestling mummy that does nothing but lift its arms up and down. And yes, WCW did have a wrestling mummy... but that's for another time.
Anyways, the rest of the event was awesome too. If anyone ever wants to understand why I love old school wrestling so much, they only need to watch that PPV. I really must get it on DVD...
After that, Summerslam kept rockin' every year. Bret Hart always had awesome matches (apart from in '95, which was probably the worst Summerslam ever) and it was usually one of the more consistent cards of the year. I've seen all of them up to 2003, and I can only really name a handful that I didn't enjoy. And that brings us to 2007.
As I said earlier, I spend a lot of time reading on a couple of websites so I keep up to date with what is happening with pro-wrestling nowadays. And most of the time when I'm reading these recaps of the latest shows or PPV's, I read and go "Oh man, that is so stupid - glad I'm not wasting my time watching that". But this last month, the build up for Summerslam was awesome. Sure, Vince McMahon is back which makes me want to puke (especially the whole stupid story about his illegitimate love-child), but for the first time in years the card has left me actually caring about who will win. Booker vs Triple H, Kennedy vs Umaga vs Carlito, and especially Cena vs Orton - I actually am dying to see that match. Heck, even The Great Kahli vs Batista has me intrigued, and these are two of the worst wrestlers in history! With every other match on the card, it is basically the same thing; I have no idea who is going to win so I really want to know. And not just read about - I want to see it and enjoy the suspense.
Yes, I did denounce WWE and everything associated with it shortly before the whole Benoit tragedy. And yes, I did say I would not watch their programming ever again. I guess I'm full of crap. I'm not going to make excuses about how the Benoit stuff changed my mind, because really after that the show still sucked. And Vince McMahon is still scum. But I want to watch Summerslam. It's a winter (?) tradition for me.
And I downloaded the entire PPV, so Vince ain't benefiting from it.
But yeah, I still haven't managed to find the time to watch it (it was live in the US on Sunday night - Monday lunch time NZ). At this stage I'm planning on a Saturday night showdown, much like the old days when it was on TV (Channel 2 used to play WWF on Saturday nights, as did Channel 4 back in '98) as it looks like it will be the easiest time, but that means that since Monday I have had to avoid the websites. Think of all the gossip I may have missed! And all the work I've had to do instead! (And yes, I do see how I have just opened myself up to a repeat of Wrestlemania X-7 where Eamonn found the results online and came over to spoil them for me the day before it was on TV!)
Summerslam '07 better be worth all this trouble. But hey, at least we know that if it isn't, then I will at least have something humorous to write on Monday.
You see, most of my employment consists of me having every aspect of my job explained to me countless times, while I then retreat to the oasis that is pro-wrestling to ease the pain. I scour the "dirt sheets" and find out what's going on, who's doing what and everything else so that I don't feel like I'm missing out by not watching the show anymore. There are 2 pro-wrestling websites that I would say gain about 50% of my attention during every day. In fact WrestleView is one of the first I hit in the mornings, and then again in the afternoon after the shows have aired.But this week I haven't been able to visit them yet, as they will have results for Summerslam all over the front of their pages.
A little history lesson...Summerslam is my all-time favourite pro-wrestling PPV. I like it more than Wrestlemania, Spring Stampede and even The Great American Bash. It all goes back to Summerslam '89; I believe it was the first actual PPV shown on NZ television (I could be wrong on this, but I don't really remember anything before it), and I couldn't have been happier. Sure, I'd watched the last 3 or 4 Wrestlemanias on video, but to watch it on TV and therefore keep up to date with the story continuity... well, that was special. Especially in the 80's, because WWF shown on NZ TV was usually around 2 - 3 months behind. But then we didn't have internet back then either, so finding out info was pretty hard. Plus we all thought it was real...
Anyway... Summerslam '89 was actually the 2nd Summerslam, and in my opinion was the best ever! It started with one of my favourite matches ever - The Brain Busters vs The Hart Foundation. This was a non-title match, because in those days title matches only happened once or twice a year. Didn't matter anyway, because The Hart Foundation lost. But this was the match that really made me realise how awesome Bret Hart was - the match was full of classic Hitman greatness; faking a knee injury to catch the wrestler off guard, kicking someone in the back from outside the ring and then looking at the ref like "I don't know what happened!". There was also the greatest of main events ever - Hulk Hogan & Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake vs "Macho Man" Randy Savage & Zeus. This was Zeus:
He was the greatest. And by "the greatest", I mean "so bad and ridiculous that watching him made me howl with laughter and he will be the biggest joke I ever make for the rest of my life"... y'know - that kind of awesome that I love. He was like watching a wrestling mummy. A really crappy wrestling mummy that does nothing but lift its arms up and down. And yes, WCW did have a wrestling mummy... but that's for another time.
Anyways, the rest of the event was awesome too. If anyone ever wants to understand why I love old school wrestling so much, they only need to watch that PPV. I really must get it on DVD...
After that, Summerslam kept rockin' every year. Bret Hart always had awesome matches (apart from in '95, which was probably the worst Summerslam ever) and it was usually one of the more consistent cards of the year. I've seen all of them up to 2003, and I can only really name a handful that I didn't enjoy. And that brings us to 2007.
As I said earlier, I spend a lot of time reading on a couple of websites so I keep up to date with what is happening with pro-wrestling nowadays. And most of the time when I'm reading these recaps of the latest shows or PPV's, I read and go "Oh man, that is so stupid - glad I'm not wasting my time watching that". But this last month, the build up for Summerslam was awesome. Sure, Vince McMahon is back which makes me want to puke (especially the whole stupid story about his illegitimate love-child), but for the first time in years the card has left me actually caring about who will win. Booker vs Triple H, Kennedy vs Umaga vs Carlito, and especially Cena vs Orton - I actually am dying to see that match. Heck, even The Great Kahli vs Batista has me intrigued, and these are two of the worst wrestlers in history! With every other match on the card, it is basically the same thing; I have no idea who is going to win so I really want to know. And not just read about - I want to see it and enjoy the suspense.
Yes, I did denounce WWE and everything associated with it shortly before the whole Benoit tragedy. And yes, I did say I would not watch their programming ever again. I guess I'm full of crap. I'm not going to make excuses about how the Benoit stuff changed my mind, because really after that the show still sucked. And Vince McMahon is still scum. But I want to watch Summerslam. It's a winter (?) tradition for me.
And I downloaded the entire PPV, so Vince ain't benefiting from it.
But yeah, I still haven't managed to find the time to watch it (it was live in the US on Sunday night - Monday lunch time NZ). At this stage I'm planning on a Saturday night showdown, much like the old days when it was on TV (Channel 2 used to play WWF on Saturday nights, as did Channel 4 back in '98) as it looks like it will be the easiest time, but that means that since Monday I have had to avoid the websites. Think of all the gossip I may have missed! And all the work I've had to do instead! (And yes, I do see how I have just opened myself up to a repeat of Wrestlemania X-7 where Eamonn found the results online and came over to spoil them for me the day before it was on TV!)
Summerslam '07 better be worth all this trouble. But hey, at least we know that if it isn't, then I will at least have something humorous to write on Monday.
Saturday 25 August 2007
My Dream Match
I just had a great thought.
What would be better than the All Blacks being eliminated from this year's rugby world cup?
How about the All Blacks making the final, then just as one of them is going for a try... La Parka runs on the field and smacks him with a steel chair! "Macho Man" Randy Savage then leaps from the advertising barrier and drops a flying elbow on the prone All Blacks' body, while La Parka continues to dish out chair shots on the remaining players. Scott Steiner comes in and yells a lot about him being bigger and stronger than rugby players (though we all find it hard to understand him) and throws a few in the Steiner Recliner. Then that awesome theme music hits and Bret Hart comes down and throws the All Blacks' captain in the Sharpshooter... and I run down and talk trash to him while Bret Hart keeps him in the hold. Then after a while I just sort of stand over his lifeless body with the World Championship belt held high in the air. Then George W. Bush declares rugby a terrorist organisation and blows up the stadium, killing thousands of rugby players and fans alike.
Memo to Vince McMahon:
I smell crossover ratings glory!
What would be better than the All Blacks being eliminated from this year's rugby world cup?
How about the All Blacks making the final, then just as one of them is going for a try... La Parka runs on the field and smacks him with a steel chair! "Macho Man" Randy Savage then leaps from the advertising barrier and drops a flying elbow on the prone All Blacks' body, while La Parka continues to dish out chair shots on the remaining players. Scott Steiner comes in and yells a lot about him being bigger and stronger than rugby players (though we all find it hard to understand him) and throws a few in the Steiner Recliner. Then that awesome theme music hits and Bret Hart comes down and throws the All Blacks' captain in the Sharpshooter... and I run down and talk trash to him while Bret Hart keeps him in the hold. Then after a while I just sort of stand over his lifeless body with the World Championship belt held high in the air. Then George W. Bush declares rugby a terrorist organisation and blows up the stadium, killing thousands of rugby players and fans alike.
Memo to Vince McMahon:
I smell crossover ratings glory!
A Mesage to All Rugby Fans
Your sport is stupid.
Seriously, what is the thrill? There is no mental challenge to the game (other than the fact you need to be mentally retarded to choose to play), and the only real skill involved is being big and being able to run.
I hate the All Blacks. No seriously - I HATE them. I see products in the store with an All Blacks picture on it, and I buy something else. I used to eat Weetbix every morning until last year when they started making the box black and covered with those idiots... And I refuse to buy any products that uses them in advertising; I'd rather give my money to a company that uses child labour than support more money being given to these untalented jokers.
The players themselves are chumps and I can't stand them at all. Rugby players in general annoy me.
And I'm not fond of Rugby fans either.
Why is it when I tell someone where I am from they automatically start talking to me about the team from there? For all I care, they could be the champions of every rugby competition and make their mascot a giant cuddly duck - it still wouldn't make care or want to move back there and hang out with all the brainless thugs that play for the team. Yeah, we could drink some beer, go to The Outback and pick up some girls... that would be fun! And then I could move to America, sign up for service in Iraq and vote Republican...
I hope that at this year's world cup - which people can't seem to stop going on about, even though it hasn't even started yet - the All Blacks lose to some team like France. Or Argentina. Heck, even Australia. I just can't wait to see us lose yet another world cup and see everyone crying again. Every four years it is the same thing, and it has become my favourte part of the whole event.
If you want to watch real athletes, catch this weekend's Summerslam. I have more respect for the contestants in the Diva Battle Royal than I do for any of those losers in black jerseys that are supposed to be our national heroes.
Rugby sucks.
Seriously, what is the thrill? There is no mental challenge to the game (other than the fact you need to be mentally retarded to choose to play), and the only real skill involved is being big and being able to run.
I hate the All Blacks. No seriously - I HATE them. I see products in the store with an All Blacks picture on it, and I buy something else. I used to eat Weetbix every morning until last year when they started making the box black and covered with those idiots... And I refuse to buy any products that uses them in advertising; I'd rather give my money to a company that uses child labour than support more money being given to these untalented jokers.
The players themselves are chumps and I can't stand them at all. Rugby players in general annoy me.
And I'm not fond of Rugby fans either.
Why is it when I tell someone where I am from they automatically start talking to me about the team from there? For all I care, they could be the champions of every rugby competition and make their mascot a giant cuddly duck - it still wouldn't make care or want to move back there and hang out with all the brainless thugs that play for the team. Yeah, we could drink some beer, go to The Outback and pick up some girls... that would be fun! And then I could move to America, sign up for service in Iraq and vote Republican...
I hope that at this year's world cup - which people can't seem to stop going on about, even though it hasn't even started yet - the All Blacks lose to some team like France. Or Argentina. Heck, even Australia. I just can't wait to see us lose yet another world cup and see everyone crying again. Every four years it is the same thing, and it has become my favourte part of the whole event.
If you want to watch real athletes, catch this weekend's Summerslam. I have more respect for the contestants in the Diva Battle Royal than I do for any of those losers in black jerseys that are supposed to be our national heroes.
Rugby sucks.
Thursday 23 August 2007
My Boss - My Hero
Y'know, I always find it curious when my boss does something that we've been told not to do. I remember a few months ago, when we first got our new printers, and we were all explicitly told to never use colour as the ink is too expensive. Yet Julian always uses colour; I would have thought that a money pinching accountant would be the first person to complain about people costing the company money. Maybe he knows something that I don't know, and that the colour ink is actually cheaper? I bet that is what it is, because Julian is a smart guy!
I also love that he expects me to work the same motivating hours that he does. The Saturday he called me and told me to come in to the office was very exciting - I felt totally privileged! I mean, I had never had the honour of working on a Saturday with this company until then. And when I found that it was to fix a mistake that he had made... well, let's just say it made my day that much sweeter. Who gets those kinds of opportunities?
And then there are days he asks me to start early, and then gets frustrated when I go to leave at my usual finish time. Last week, I had the nerve to try and leave half an hour early, using my hour early start as an excuse - but he was strong, and told me no. I think he realises that I am very lazy, and is teaching me that I need to put in extra hours and work at least a full-time schedule (possibly more) if I want to earn my part-time wages.
Or maybe it is my incompetent work skills that are forcing him to keep me here longer; I mean, I, apparently, am not good enough to do half the work I was doing before he started here. Heck, I don't even know what actually goes on with the finance side of Blakely Pacific anymore! Apart from the tasks that he emails me, instructing me how to do them and so forth. I mean, entering data is such a scary thing to do, and I've only been using our software for a full year now - whereas he's been using it since February and probably has a much better understanding of the data I was maintaining before he even started here.
It is such a shame that Julian's contract with Blakely Pacific finishes in a little over a fortnight. The idea that this company could be back to utilising my time is very scary, and I truly hope we can cope without his expertise and leadership.
Thank you, Julian, for such an enjoyable 6 months.
I also love that he expects me to work the same motivating hours that he does. The Saturday he called me and told me to come in to the office was very exciting - I felt totally privileged! I mean, I had never had the honour of working on a Saturday with this company until then. And when I found that it was to fix a mistake that he had made... well, let's just say it made my day that much sweeter. Who gets those kinds of opportunities?
And then there are days he asks me to start early, and then gets frustrated when I go to leave at my usual finish time. Last week, I had the nerve to try and leave half an hour early, using my hour early start as an excuse - but he was strong, and told me no. I think he realises that I am very lazy, and is teaching me that I need to put in extra hours and work at least a full-time schedule (possibly more) if I want to earn my part-time wages.
Or maybe it is my incompetent work skills that are forcing him to keep me here longer; I mean, I, apparently, am not good enough to do half the work I was doing before he started here. Heck, I don't even know what actually goes on with the finance side of Blakely Pacific anymore! Apart from the tasks that he emails me, instructing me how to do them and so forth. I mean, entering data is such a scary thing to do, and I've only been using our software for a full year now - whereas he's been using it since February and probably has a much better understanding of the data I was maintaining before he even started here.
It is such a shame that Julian's contract with Blakely Pacific finishes in a little over a fortnight. The idea that this company could be back to utilising my time is very scary, and I truly hope we can cope without his expertise and leadership.
Thank you, Julian, for such an enjoyable 6 months.
Wednesday 22 August 2007
Who Broke Up The Beatles?
First off, let's get one thing clear: I was not a member of The Beatles. I was not part of the band, or did I even know any of them while the band was together. Heck, I wasn't even alive when they were a band! So whenever I make statements regarding The Beatles, they are based on information that I have been collecting in my music-geek brain over the last 27 years. There is a lot out there that is pure myth (like Ringo didn't play drums on the recordings - anyone who believes that is stupid), but there are some things you can easily research and find the truth on. And you always have to take into account one major factor; Paul McCartney has been alive 27 years after John Lennon died, and he'll be damned if he'll let anyone pretend he wasn't the greatest of the all The Beatles.
That, I'll say, is one of the toughest parts of reading about The Beatles; most are huge supporters of Paul McCartney and take whatever he says as being gospel. Why did the 3 remaining members never reform? Because Paul said "No" - despite George publicly saying that he would never put himself under Paul again. Paul said Let It Be... Naked was exactly how The Beatles always wanted it to sound, so it must be the case. Never mind the fact that both John and George stated the original was the best you could make of the crappy recordings they had made, or that Paul actually just suffered an ego blow that lasted 30 years because for one time he and George Martin didn't have final control over an album. And according to Paul, George walking out on the band was all John's fault. Interviews with George where he straight out says he was sick of Paul (and even wrote a song about him when he went home - Wah Wah. Damn awesome song, too) are not considered to be accurate.
So anyway, in my opinon, one of the biggest misunderstandings in The Beatles' History is how they split and the blame being firmly placed on the shoulders of one Yoko Ono. So in order for me to prove that she is not the one to blame (well, not in the way most blame her), let's go back in time...
Firstly, it is true that Yoko did come between John and Paul. Paul did not approve of John leaving his wife for another woman, and this he made no secret of. I mean, he even went over to Cynthia's house to play "Hey Jude" for her and Julian, to show them he was on their side. So to say she came between them is true.
On a side note, I guess Paul felt that his engagement being called off due to his unfaithfulness, and then meeting Linda Eastman, was a much more reasonable situation.
But that last point is what was the real beginning of the end for The Beatles; Paul met Linda Eastman
The Beatles were in need of new management; with Brian Epstein dead and The Beatles in charge of their own affairs, nothing was getting done properly and everyone was fighting. So John sought out the notorious Allan Kovac, while Paul recommended Eastman & Associates, a firm owned and operated by Linda's Father. Citing this would give Paul favourable treatment, the rest of the band refused to sign with Eastman and eventually The Beatles signed with Allan Kovac.
This was a large blow to Paul's ego; it was like John, George and Ringo were all saying "you are not out leader - we don't have to do what you tell us to do!" and would become the basis of Paul's lawsuit against his former bandmates in 1970. And, again in my opinion, is what really began the break-up of The Beatles.
Until this, Paul had a measure of control over the band and was able assert himself. But as the others also gained more confidence in themselves, they were more willing to stand up to his demands, until eventually he decided that if he wasn't going to be the star of the group, then he was better off on his own, and in April 1970 announced he was leaving The Beatles. I've always loved how him quitting was the end, even though the others had already quit in the last 2 years; Ringo walked out while recording the 'white' album after Paul took over drumming duties for Back in the U.S.S.R, George left when Paul was telling him how to play guitar, and John quit 6 months earlier because he was basically sick of everything. I've always found it interesting that in each of these previous cases, they were talked in to returning to the group. Yet no one tried to persuade Paul to stay...
So there you have it - a rather brief glimpse into my view on why The Beatles' split. Of course, after this Paul went on to form Wings where he was able to lord his musical talent over a bunch of average musicians (including the below average abilities of Linda) and make rather average 70's pop music (though I admit some of it was pretty good), so I'm sure he made the right decision.
Unfortunately, it also took one awfully messy lawsuit against John, George and Ringo... but that's for another blog.
That, I'll say, is one of the toughest parts of reading about The Beatles; most are huge supporters of Paul McCartney and take whatever he says as being gospel. Why did the 3 remaining members never reform? Because Paul said "No" - despite George publicly saying that he would never put himself under Paul again. Paul said Let It Be... Naked was exactly how The Beatles always wanted it to sound, so it must be the case. Never mind the fact that both John and George stated the original was the best you could make of the crappy recordings they had made, or that Paul actually just suffered an ego blow that lasted 30 years because for one time he and George Martin didn't have final control over an album. And according to Paul, George walking out on the band was all John's fault. Interviews with George where he straight out says he was sick of Paul (and even wrote a song about him when he went home - Wah Wah. Damn awesome song, too) are not considered to be accurate.
So anyway, in my opinon, one of the biggest misunderstandings in The Beatles' History is how they split and the blame being firmly placed on the shoulders of one Yoko Ono. So in order for me to prove that she is not the one to blame (well, not in the way most blame her), let's go back in time...
Firstly, it is true that Yoko did come between John and Paul. Paul did not approve of John leaving his wife for another woman, and this he made no secret of. I mean, he even went over to Cynthia's house to play "Hey Jude" for her and Julian, to show them he was on their side. So to say she came between them is true.
On a side note, I guess Paul felt that his engagement being called off due to his unfaithfulness, and then meeting Linda Eastman, was a much more reasonable situation.
But that last point is what was the real beginning of the end for The Beatles; Paul met Linda Eastman
The Beatles were in need of new management; with Brian Epstein dead and The Beatles in charge of their own affairs, nothing was getting done properly and everyone was fighting. So John sought out the notorious Allan Kovac, while Paul recommended Eastman & Associates, a firm owned and operated by Linda's Father. Citing this would give Paul favourable treatment, the rest of the band refused to sign with Eastman and eventually The Beatles signed with Allan Kovac.
This was a large blow to Paul's ego; it was like John, George and Ringo were all saying "you are not out leader - we don't have to do what you tell us to do!" and would become the basis of Paul's lawsuit against his former bandmates in 1970. And, again in my opinion, is what really began the break-up of The Beatles.
Until this, Paul had a measure of control over the band and was able assert himself. But as the others also gained more confidence in themselves, they were more willing to stand up to his demands, until eventually he decided that if he wasn't going to be the star of the group, then he was better off on his own, and in April 1970 announced he was leaving The Beatles. I've always loved how him quitting was the end, even though the others had already quit in the last 2 years; Ringo walked out while recording the 'white' album after Paul took over drumming duties for Back in the U.S.S.R, George left when Paul was telling him how to play guitar, and John quit 6 months earlier because he was basically sick of everything. I've always found it interesting that in each of these previous cases, they were talked in to returning to the group. Yet no one tried to persuade Paul to stay...
So there you have it - a rather brief glimpse into my view on why The Beatles' split. Of course, after this Paul went on to form Wings where he was able to lord his musical talent over a bunch of average musicians (including the below average abilities of Linda) and make rather average 70's pop music (though I admit some of it was pretty good), so I'm sure he made the right decision.
Unfortunately, it also took one awfully messy lawsuit against John, George and Ringo... but that's for another blog.
Tuesday 21 August 2007
I Am Not a Violent Person
After watching the Rocky movies again in the weekend, I went home last night and a strange thought occurred to me; has anyone else noticed that my favourite things to watch are all based on violence? I mean, first you have The Rocky movies, then pro-wrestling – Miami Vice and The A-Team both have excessive use of weapons and firearms. Heck, even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles suffered the wrath of caring parents when I was a kid for being too violent!
It isn’t really something I can explain, because for the most part I would dare to say that I love these shows for reasons other than the action/violence. In the case of TMNT and the A-Team, it is the humour that has always made me appreciate the shows, while Rocky and Miami Vice have strong stories and characters that I can really care about and get involved in. And as for pro-wrestling… I’m not sure - I think that is just the redneck in me.
But do we think this exposure to violence has affected me, like groups have always claimed it would? Well, my blogs usually are filled with references to hurting someone in some way… but does that make me a violent person?
Perhaps
But then, I’ve never actually engaged in any sort of ‘physical violence’ myself; at school, I managed to avoid any actual fights (somehow – like, seriously, just thinking about it now I’m amazed. I was such a smart arse and used to be a lot smaller than what I am now… and at the roughest school in Hamilton… how on Earth did I not get beat up?) And any time I have ever had any sort of ‘injury’ was through complete stupidity on my part (like falling over on to a chair and slicing the side of my face – that sort of thing). I’ve been watching pro-wrestling on and off for 20 years, and other than a sharpshooter for everyone I meet in this life, I don’t think I’ve tried many wrestling manoeuvres on people. I’ve been on the receiving end on many, but I’ve never actually slammed anyone. Maybe if I was bigger…
And as for The A-Team and Miami Vice, I don’t see me buying guns or building tanks out of washing machines.
But I do have to concede defeat on the TMNT side, as my friends and I all had serious desires to become ninjas when we were 10; we wouldn’t hit each other, more tried to make our own nunchukas and practiced using them. We were even planning a venture into the sewers one day via the manhole in my front yard. Luckily we decided it wouldn’t be worth it, as the TMNT lived in New York.
I loved being a kid.
What was I saying about violence? I think I was trying to say that it doesn’t have influence on children. I get really annoyed every time I see someone in the paper or on TV saying that young people commit crimes because of what they see in movies, on television or in video games. To me, it is a complete cop out and an excuse for lousy parents. It also gives society something new to complain about. But I think I have actually given some weight to their argument here… I do want to put everyone in a sharpshooter. I do want to perform a corkscrew plancha over my fence onto pedestrians. I do want to live in the sewers and fight evil forces that try and take over the Earth.
But do I want to go beat someone up? No. Do I enjoy watching someone get legitimately hurt? No. For me, any sort of violence has a limit; any time I see a wrestler injure themselves, I cringe and think “arrrgh”. Every time Tubbs & Crockett shoot someone, I laugh at the lack of blood (and how there really shouldn’t be any drug dealers left in Miami, as I’m sure they had killed them all by the 4th season). And despite being weapons specialists in the Vietnam War, no one in The A-Team ever shot anyone.
Bah I hate how ‘on the fence’ I’m sounding on this. I’m really not – like I said, I’ve watched so much violence in my life that if we are to believe some people, I should have committed numerous killing sprees by now, and left everyone else injured from multiple power bombs. Saying someone is going to be violent because they have seen it in media is like saying a rich white kid is gangster because he listens to 50 Cent.
What I’m dancing around is this:
‘Fake’ violence is funny
Real violence is not
It isn’t really something I can explain, because for the most part I would dare to say that I love these shows for reasons other than the action/violence. In the case of TMNT and the A-Team, it is the humour that has always made me appreciate the shows, while Rocky and Miami Vice have strong stories and characters that I can really care about and get involved in. And as for pro-wrestling… I’m not sure - I think that is just the redneck in me.
But do we think this exposure to violence has affected me, like groups have always claimed it would? Well, my blogs usually are filled with references to hurting someone in some way… but does that make me a violent person?
Perhaps
But then, I’ve never actually engaged in any sort of ‘physical violence’ myself; at school, I managed to avoid any actual fights (somehow – like, seriously, just thinking about it now I’m amazed. I was such a smart arse and used to be a lot smaller than what I am now… and at the roughest school in Hamilton… how on Earth did I not get beat up?) And any time I have ever had any sort of ‘injury’ was through complete stupidity on my part (like falling over on to a chair and slicing the side of my face – that sort of thing). I’ve been watching pro-wrestling on and off for 20 years, and other than a sharpshooter for everyone I meet in this life, I don’t think I’ve tried many wrestling manoeuvres on people. I’ve been on the receiving end on many, but I’ve never actually slammed anyone. Maybe if I was bigger…
And as for The A-Team and Miami Vice, I don’t see me buying guns or building tanks out of washing machines.
But I do have to concede defeat on the TMNT side, as my friends and I all had serious desires to become ninjas when we were 10; we wouldn’t hit each other, more tried to make our own nunchukas and practiced using them. We were even planning a venture into the sewers one day via the manhole in my front yard. Luckily we decided it wouldn’t be worth it, as the TMNT lived in New York.
I loved being a kid.
What was I saying about violence? I think I was trying to say that it doesn’t have influence on children. I get really annoyed every time I see someone in the paper or on TV saying that young people commit crimes because of what they see in movies, on television or in video games. To me, it is a complete cop out and an excuse for lousy parents. It also gives society something new to complain about. But I think I have actually given some weight to their argument here… I do want to put everyone in a sharpshooter. I do want to perform a corkscrew plancha over my fence onto pedestrians. I do want to live in the sewers and fight evil forces that try and take over the Earth.
But do I want to go beat someone up? No. Do I enjoy watching someone get legitimately hurt? No. For me, any sort of violence has a limit; any time I see a wrestler injure themselves, I cringe and think “arrrgh”. Every time Tubbs & Crockett shoot someone, I laugh at the lack of blood (and how there really shouldn’t be any drug dealers left in Miami, as I’m sure they had killed them all by the 4th season). And despite being weapons specialists in the Vietnam War, no one in The A-Team ever shot anyone.
Bah I hate how ‘on the fence’ I’m sounding on this. I’m really not – like I said, I’ve watched so much violence in my life that if we are to believe some people, I should have committed numerous killing sprees by now, and left everyone else injured from multiple power bombs. Saying someone is going to be violent because they have seen it in media is like saying a rich white kid is gangster because he listens to 50 Cent.
What I’m dancing around is this:
‘Fake’ violence is funny
Real violence is not
Thursday 16 August 2007
New Fan Mail
I received this lovely email from a fan named Todd and thought I would post it here out of interest:
"I'll never forget the time I was fishing with my brother Sammy and we were drinking lots of beer. We both got pretty drunk and Sammy said, "I'M THE MESSIAH! LOOK AT ME, I CAN WALK ON THE WATER!" Well, Sammy started walking off the shore, and fell straight in sinking way out of my sight. I was afraid to get in the water, so I just sat at the edge of the shore, petrified. This freaky looking big guy in a Skeleton Suit came running up the bank with this crazy ass strut. He pulled a big metal folding chair out and tied a rope to it. He then strummed it like a guitar for about 10 seconds then threw it in the lake. After doing the crazy strut a bit more, he pulled on the rope, and my brother Sammy came flying out of the water, landing right on the bank. Sammy wasn't breathing, so this guy started hitting his stomach with the chair. Water and fish flew out of Sammy's mouth as he started breathing again. I told this strange man, "Thanks!" and asked him what his name was. He handed me a card that simply read "La Parka". I told him thanks again, then Sammy did the same. Then, this man named La Parka hit us both on the head with his chair and strutted off into the sunset. I love La Parka. Long live La Parka!"
Long live La Parka indeed!
"I'll never forget the time I was fishing with my brother Sammy and we were drinking lots of beer. We both got pretty drunk and Sammy said, "I'M THE MESSIAH! LOOK AT ME, I CAN WALK ON THE WATER!" Well, Sammy started walking off the shore, and fell straight in sinking way out of my sight. I was afraid to get in the water, so I just sat at the edge of the shore, petrified. This freaky looking big guy in a Skeleton Suit came running up the bank with this crazy ass strut. He pulled a big metal folding chair out and tied a rope to it. He then strummed it like a guitar for about 10 seconds then threw it in the lake. After doing the crazy strut a bit more, he pulled on the rope, and my brother Sammy came flying out of the water, landing right on the bank. Sammy wasn't breathing, so this guy started hitting his stomach with the chair. Water and fish flew out of Sammy's mouth as he started breathing again. I told this strange man, "Thanks!" and asked him what his name was. He handed me a card that simply read "La Parka". I told him thanks again, then Sammy did the same. Then, this man named La Parka hit us both on the head with his chair and strutted off into the sunset. I love La Parka. Long live La Parka!"
Long live La Parka indeed!
Txting Etiquette
Over the last few months, I have had numerous txts from people for ridiculous reasons. Whether it has been Miriam asking the same question for 7th time that day, or someone just asking me about lunch at 7am, they have all served in the greater purpose of making LOGMAN hate having a cellphone. So with that in mind, I thought it would be great to share some simple rules for people planning on txting me who don't me to reply with a cellphone up their nose.
Please note these rules apply to everyone in the universe, with the exceptions of Sam, Warwick and Louise. These 3 make their own rules, and I live by them. Their drunken txts in the middle of the night are what I live for.
1. If you have more than 2 questions, don't bother txting.
I know this sounds harsh, but putting questions into a txt requires me to answer you. And most of the time I can't be bothered. While moving my thumbs across the keypad, I could miss La Parka doing a corkscrew plancha onto Super Calo. And then I would have to give you a corkscrew plancha to make up for it. And I'm just not as good as La Parka.
2. If you are going to insult me, don't bother txting.
Not that I'm against insulting people - it is one of my strongest giftings, after all - but again it means that I have to retaliate. And chances are reading your nasty txt has interrupted me, and that means my rebuttal won't be so friendly. And really, the difference between a txt and a verbal argument means I have time to think of 500 ways I'm going to kill you before you can even txt me intelligent responses like "u r a dik". Don't waste mine or vodafone's time.
3. If it is after 10pm, don't bother txting.
Now this one is a prickly situation. I know most nights I'm not usually in bed until around 2am. But there are the occasional times when I am tricked into thinking sleep is good, and I go to bed at a time that would put my Grandparents to shame. But they won't have to live with that shame because they are all dead. Anyway, it seems that on these mystical evenings most people want to converse with me via txt message at midnight. And usually about the most pointless things. So before you txt me in the middle of the night, ask yourself: LOGMAN wouldn't even be slightly interested in your latest escapades on World of Warcraft during the day, so is waking him up to tell him you've just married a magical fire elf really worth the fun of a magical Sharpshooter?
4. If you are asking the same question you have been asking numerous times, don't bother txting.
Now this really bothers me. If you asked me something yesterday and I gave a response, where is the point in txting me about it again? Chances are, if you haven't heard from me about it nothing has changed. Let's look at my friend Sam Seay: I txt'd him a few times asking for my Nightmare game back, and after getting no responses I stopped txting him. Why? Because he has no plans on giving it back and me txting him is not going to change his mind. It's only going to make him sit at home and go "Stop txting me, maggott! I AM... THE GATE-KEEPER!!!". I know I would. But like I said, if I say I will txt you when a situation changes, unless you hear from me you should assume it hasn't. Otherwise the situation will change... the situation of you having thumbs to txt with!
5. If it is before 8am, don't bother txting.
This is much like the 3rd rule. Someone once bitched at me about how my cellphone has an off button, and that my alarm will still work when my phone is off, so it is my fault if someone wakes me up. Well that's nice in your perfect little fairy world, but I have learnt first-hand that my phone needs to be on 24/7 in case of emergencies. So with that in mind, remember that LOGMAN is not a morning person and asking him anything before he has had a chance to switch his brain out of neutral will result in you receiving incomprehensible mutterings and severe whiplash.
6. If you are going to write "LOL", don't bother txting.
Seriously, it isn't a word. Don't pretend it is - you will only make yourself look stupid. If I was a teacher and a student used that in an essay, I would get La Parka to smack the student with their own chair. Seriously, I sometimes wonder if this is really what Hitler was fighting against; maybe his view of a "master race" was one that never used crack-inspired abbreviations like "LOL" or "BRB" or "LMAO". Maybe he had a good idea with those concentration camps. Maybe I'm about to get some hate mail. Send it here.
I may add more as time goes on, but for now I think this is a good start. Be sure to follow these rules, and you can be sure you may live a long and fruitful life.
Please note these rules apply to everyone in the universe, with the exceptions of Sam, Warwick and Louise. These 3 make their own rules, and I live by them. Their drunken txts in the middle of the night are what I live for.
1. If you have more than 2 questions, don't bother txting.
I know this sounds harsh, but putting questions into a txt requires me to answer you. And most of the time I can't be bothered. While moving my thumbs across the keypad, I could miss La Parka doing a corkscrew plancha onto Super Calo. And then I would have to give you a corkscrew plancha to make up for it. And I'm just not as good as La Parka.
2. If you are going to insult me, don't bother txting.
Not that I'm against insulting people - it is one of my strongest giftings, after all - but again it means that I have to retaliate. And chances are reading your nasty txt has interrupted me, and that means my rebuttal won't be so friendly. And really, the difference between a txt and a verbal argument means I have time to think of 500 ways I'm going to kill you before you can even txt me intelligent responses like "u r a dik". Don't waste mine or vodafone's time.
3. If it is after 10pm, don't bother txting.
Now this one is a prickly situation. I know most nights I'm not usually in bed until around 2am. But there are the occasional times when I am tricked into thinking sleep is good, and I go to bed at a time that would put my Grandparents to shame. But they won't have to live with that shame because they are all dead. Anyway, it seems that on these mystical evenings most people want to converse with me via txt message at midnight. And usually about the most pointless things. So before you txt me in the middle of the night, ask yourself: LOGMAN wouldn't even be slightly interested in your latest escapades on World of Warcraft during the day, so is waking him up to tell him you've just married a magical fire elf really worth the fun of a magical Sharpshooter?
4. If you are asking the same question you have been asking numerous times, don't bother txting.
Now this really bothers me. If you asked me something yesterday and I gave a response, where is the point in txting me about it again? Chances are, if you haven't heard from me about it nothing has changed. Let's look at my friend Sam Seay: I txt'd him a few times asking for my Nightmare game back, and after getting no responses I stopped txting him. Why? Because he has no plans on giving it back and me txting him is not going to change his mind. It's only going to make him sit at home and go "Stop txting me, maggott! I AM... THE GATE-KEEPER!!!". I know I would. But like I said, if I say I will txt you when a situation changes, unless you hear from me you should assume it hasn't. Otherwise the situation will change... the situation of you having thumbs to txt with!
5. If it is before 8am, don't bother txting.
This is much like the 3rd rule. Someone once bitched at me about how my cellphone has an off button, and that my alarm will still work when my phone is off, so it is my fault if someone wakes me up. Well that's nice in your perfect little fairy world, but I have learnt first-hand that my phone needs to be on 24/7 in case of emergencies. So with that in mind, remember that LOGMAN is not a morning person and asking him anything before he has had a chance to switch his brain out of neutral will result in you receiving incomprehensible mutterings and severe whiplash.
6. If you are going to write "LOL", don't bother txting.
Seriously, it isn't a word. Don't pretend it is - you will only make yourself look stupid. If I was a teacher and a student used that in an essay, I would get La Parka to smack the student with their own chair. Seriously, I sometimes wonder if this is really what Hitler was fighting against; maybe his view of a "master race" was one that never used crack-inspired abbreviations like "LOL" or "BRB" or "LMAO". Maybe he had a good idea with those concentration camps. Maybe I'm about to get some hate mail. Send it here.
I may add more as time goes on, but for now I think this is a good start. Be sure to follow these rules, and you can be sure you may live a long and fruitful life.
Saturday 11 August 2007
Why Do I Have To Remember?
At work I have 3 seperate passwords for 3 seperate programs: my computer login, CT3 (our US log tracking software) and PC Banking.
It wasn't a problem when first setting up my computer, as I just used the same password for each program. But then came a problem... not sure if I should blame my employers or Windows, but someone needs the blame. You see, the passwords expire at different times - my login seems to expire every so often, CT3 requests I change not quite as often, and PC Banking just has a completely different set of rules that I choose not to care about.
So now I'm using 3 different passwords. Not that it's too confusing, but still. The real problem when comes when I have to keep changing them, because once a password has been used I'm not allowed to use it again on that program. And that is where the real problem lies.
I am a pretty imaginative guy, and thinking of passwords isn't the problem. However, remembering these passwords is not my strong point. I have a core group of 3 passwords I use in my life, so anything after that just becomes a mash of letters and numbers that I couldn't remember if it was stapled to my hand in neon lighting. I had a month off between December and January - do you think I could remember my passwords when I returned? Do you think an elephant would remember the passwords if they were away that long?
Anyway, I was thinking about this as all week my login has been stating that my password is about to expire, and I'm really in no hurry to change it. I was really grasping at straws for my last CT3 password (and I'm amazed I have not forgotten it, even though it is longer than the Russian alphabet), and I'm just not sure I have anything memorable left in me.
So instead I'm going to suggest a new login system for Windows (Yo Bill Gates - take note!) that involves a series of pictures that must be matched with various statements via multiple choice, such as show below:
1 - The Traveling Wilburys
2 - Open Mic Night at The Cathedral
3 - Iron Maiden World Tour 2000
1 - The Goblin King
2 - Peter Pan
3 - Cher
1 - Popeye
2 - The Head Chef at Medieval World
3 - Please Don't Tell Scott Steiner I Was Making Fun of Him - If He Asks, Tell Him I Said He Is A Nice Guy And A True Role Model To Society
1 - The Latest Hallensteins Mailer
2 - Chillin' Out, Miami Vice Style
3 - A Scene From 'The Lion King'
I think this way we could cut out the use of passwords and make a much more secure process to use our computers
It wasn't a problem when first setting up my computer, as I just used the same password for each program. But then came a problem... not sure if I should blame my employers or Windows, but someone needs the blame. You see, the passwords expire at different times - my login seems to expire every so often, CT3 requests I change not quite as often, and PC Banking just has a completely different set of rules that I choose not to care about.
So now I'm using 3 different passwords. Not that it's too confusing, but still. The real problem when comes when I have to keep changing them, because once a password has been used I'm not allowed to use it again on that program. And that is where the real problem lies.
I am a pretty imaginative guy, and thinking of passwords isn't the problem. However, remembering these passwords is not my strong point. I have a core group of 3 passwords I use in my life, so anything after that just becomes a mash of letters and numbers that I couldn't remember if it was stapled to my hand in neon lighting. I had a month off between December and January - do you think I could remember my passwords when I returned? Do you think an elephant would remember the passwords if they were away that long?
Anyway, I was thinking about this as all week my login has been stating that my password is about to expire, and I'm really in no hurry to change it. I was really grasping at straws for my last CT3 password (and I'm amazed I have not forgotten it, even though it is longer than the Russian alphabet), and I'm just not sure I have anything memorable left in me.
So instead I'm going to suggest a new login system for Windows (Yo Bill Gates - take note!) that involves a series of pictures that must be matched with various statements via multiple choice, such as show below:
1 - The Traveling Wilburys
2 - Open Mic Night at The Cathedral
3 - Iron Maiden World Tour 2000
1 - The Goblin King
2 - Peter Pan
3 - Cher
1 - Popeye
2 - The Head Chef at Medieval World
3 - Please Don't Tell Scott Steiner I Was Making Fun of Him - If He Asks, Tell Him I Said He Is A Nice Guy And A True Role Model To Society
1 - The Latest Hallensteins Mailer
2 - Chillin' Out, Miami Vice Style
3 - A Scene From 'The Lion King'
I think this way we could cut out the use of passwords and make a much more secure process to use our computers
Thursday 9 August 2007
Serving God Ain't Hard With a Credit Card
I know I'm going to get blasted by a lot of people, but I had to share this short video. It may be old, but it is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.
And yes, it is funny because it is true
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6MbinakS7ITuesday 31 July 2007
Spacifix Was a BAD Choice
So it has been confirmed that Spacifix are the opening act for Christina Aguilera on Thursday & Friday.
Yawn.
Let's take one of the hottest pop acts in the world, put her on stage in Auckland for the first time ever, and then warm up the crowd with the lamest bunch of Supergroove wannabe losers since the birth of Liberace!
Seriously, I would rather have seen a lame pop act from Australia. Heck, I would take an Idol winner over Spacifix. Even an NZ Idol winner! At least that could give me humour.
It is times like this I am glad I have reserved seating, so I can take my time and not get there early. Otherwise I will be wearing out my voice when Spacifix are on stage - someone has to tell them how much they suck
Yawn.
Let's take one of the hottest pop acts in the world, put her on stage in Auckland for the first time ever, and then warm up the crowd with the lamest bunch of Supergroove wannabe losers since the birth of Liberace!
Seriously, I would rather have seen a lame pop act from Australia. Heck, I would take an Idol winner over Spacifix. Even an NZ Idol winner! At least that could give me humour.
It is times like this I am glad I have reserved seating, so I can take my time and not get there early. Otherwise I will be wearing out my voice when Spacifix are on stage - someone has to tell them how much they suck
Thursday 12 July 2007
Praise the Lord for Coffee
I have realised lately just how addicted to caffeine I have become.
I'm not even sure how it started, but it would seem that the only way I can get through my day without being too cranky and horrible to everyone is to have a nice strong coffee. I blame my grumpiness on being tired and not sleeping well, but then having caffeine has always induced insomnia with me, so it is really just a vicious cycle; the more caffeine I have, the less I sleep - and the less sleep I get, the more caffeine I need.
But while others may say "Logan, maybe you should stop having coffee" I say "I need more coffee"; I don't like being grumpy, and if having a dose of caffeine makes me fun again, then I won't complain. And besides, who really needs sleep? I mean, there are only 24 hours in a day so why should I waste a third of them with my eyes shut when there are so many silly things to watch on YouTube?!
Tuesday 10 July 2007
My Favourite Band
Often I am asked about my favourite band, and usually I give the same repsonse: The Cure and/or Queen. It is a fair statement, as both bands have been hugely influential in my music and their albums have been a cornerstone of periods of my life; I really latched onto The Cure when I left High School, and became suitable obsessed with their dark and epic sounds while on the road, and I've been listening to Queen since I can remember. We had a live concert of them in Rio from '84 which Dad used to watch and even then I wanted a guitar like Brian May's. I also wanted to be like Freddie Mercury on stage.
But anyways, there is always one band I seem to overlook and I really can't understand why. I am, of course, talking about The Traveling Wilburys.
Yeah I have no problems shilling a cool CD.
Dreams do come true.
But anyways, there is always one band I seem to overlook and I really can't understand why. I am, of course, talking about The Traveling Wilburys.
For those who aren't aware, The Traveling Wilburys were (from left to right) : Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, George Harrison and Roy Orbison. They weren't so much a band, more some friends that decided it would be fun to record some songs together.
It originally started when George Harrison needed a B-side for a single of his latest album, Cloud Nine, which he had recently completed with Jeff Lynne co-producing. They both agreed that they really wanted to work with Roy Orbison, so they took Roy to Bob Dylan's studio, invited Tom Petty along and wrote and recorded Handle with Care. They enjoyed it so much, they decided to make an album - the only difficulty being that Dylan had to go on tour in just over a week, so they had to write and record the album in 9 days (as George put it, "a song a day").
The result is even more than you would expect from a group of rock'n roll legends - a true collaborative effort (they all wrote the songs and take turns singing on each track), and is quite easily one of the greatest albums of all time. I'm not going to go into detail, but what I will say is that this album has such a great vibe to it, their friendships just shine through. You can tell just by listening that they were having a great time making this album; there is a quote in the new re-issue that puts it best by saying it "is like wandering into a park somewhere and finding some of the best and best-known baseball players in the world playing a pick-up game just for the hell of it. They're rich, famous, and successful, and they could be anywhere, doing anything. But they're playing just because that's what they enjoy doing most."
Sadly, Roy Orbison passed away soon after. The Wilburys did record another album 2 years later, and though more country rock than pop, it still has that same infectious joy that makes Vol. 1 so incredible.
Basically, both albums are awesome and I couldn't recommend them highly enough. And thankfully, they have recently been re-released in a box set that contains both albums (Vol. 1 & Vol. 3 - a personal joke from George Harrison) and a special DVD that contains footage shot while making the first album. Considering these albums were out of print for the last 15 years, its very cool to see them back in stores (and in my collection in a fancy box set). So if you are looking to spend $30 on a cool album, I say go buy these 2 and enjoy old school rock'n roll at it's finest.
Yeah I have no problems shilling a cool CD.
Friday 29 June 2007
'Til All Are One
Dude, give me back my toy truck!
Well, I saw Transformers last night. Lots of people saw Transformers lat night. At least, the smart people saw Transformers last night.
But instead of getting an actual review today, I am instead going to write a little bit of defence for Michael Bay and what he has done with the Transformers.
It seems there are a wide selection of geeks that grew up with Transformers that have a problem with the new movie and designs for the Transformers. Apparently, Michael Bay has even been receiving death threats since beginning work on the movie. You only have to take a quick look at the IMDB message boards to see it is filled with disgruntled fans of the G1 Transformers and their constant whining and complaining - when they haven't even seen the movie yet! While I don't consider Transformers to be the greatest movie ever - and it does have it's flaws - I have one thing to say to anyone who complains about this movie not being like the Transformers of old:
This is not 1986.
I know, that's pretty huge coming from me - Lord knows, I seem to be permanently stuck in a time warp where it is 1987 and Miami Vice is still new and exciting. But the fact is, if the Transformers looked and acted like they did in this movie like they did 20 years ago, this movie would look stupid. How many trucks do you see around that look like Optimus Prime did? Who makes square cars anymore? So why would a robot choose that design if they were trying to disguise themselves? Personally, I thought the new designs were amazing; they had to be done if this movie was to work, and they came up with fantastic creations.
Also, there have been a lot of people complaining about it not following the original Transformers storyline. Well, I want to know what storyline they are talking about, because none of the comics or various cartoon inceptions of Transformers have ever followed the same story arc - not even in the 80's.
Look, I'm an 80's loving-internet living-Transformers geek-fanboy as well, but sometimes the bitching is pathetic and there is no need for it. This movie could never have followed the original movie because there would be far too many characters to bring in, and it would just turn into one big mess... which is why they will no doubt make a sequel. And while I was against that at first, I read that my two favourite characters will be featured in the sequel - and I can't even begin to imagine how amazing Unicron would be!
So anyways, the movie rocks and the animation is absolutely incredible; even if the movie is cheesy and predictable, I can't describe the action as anything but massive (it is a Michael Bay movie, after all) and in the end isn't that what "summer blockbuster" movies are supposed to be about? It certainly makes all these crappy sequels we've been getting all year look like... well, crappy sequels.
So go see it, enjoy the spectacle, then go see it again and let's show these losers they are wrong by making this one of the highest grossing movies ever!
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Chris Benoit R.I.P
I know I'm breaking my self-imposed ban, but I it had to be done.
As some of you may be aware, WWF wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife and their son were all found dead in their home this morning (NZ time). I read the news when it first broke, and I knew I wanted to say something about this... but I didn't know what. I sat there for most of the next hour trying to find any information I could - hoping that it was just another addition to the 'Death of Mr. McMahon' angle - only to keep finding the same things. Little by little, information has been coming out as they piece together what has happened. I'm still in disbelief... in fact, I'm struggling to understand it, making my own scenarios...
I can't claim to have known Benoit, or have even met him, but I can offer my views as a fan. I realised today that I have been watching his work for 10 years now; when a friend of mine was getting me back into wrestling when we were 17, she always used to tell me about Chris Benoit and how he was her favourite. I remember not being impressed at first; he was awesome to watch in the ring, but he wasn't a big guy, and he didn't yell in promos at all! He always talked so softly, and I would be like "Come on, man, start shouting about tough you are!" But as I watched WCW more, I too began to appreciate "The Crippler" - he was far and away the best wrestler in the business at the time, and always seemed to put everything into his matches.
As years went on, Benoit just got better and better; and after heading to the WWF in 2000 we soon saw some seriously great action from him. He had become one of favourite wrestlers - I suffered many a crossface from Eamonn because of him - just because he was so darn good! He was intense, had serious skills in the ring, and the way he did everything you just thought he was going to seriously hurt someone. He would have to be my number 3 wrestler of all time... I don't think I saw many matches from him that I didn't enjoy. Even though he never did learn to shout in his promos. 
I'll always remember how much commentators in WCW always referred to him as the greatest wrestler to never win a title - until he finally won his first in 1998 (and even then it was only a minor belt). And although he got a few title shots in the WWF, I think people were worried he was going to get the same treatment there too. At Wrestlemania XX in 2004, Chris Benoit finally achieved his dream and became WWE World Heavyweight Champion. I finally watched that match just a couple of weeks ago, and have to say it was one of the best Wrestlemania matches ever.
It was to be his only World Title win. He was apparently booked to win the ECW World Title this past Sunday, but of course that changed when he didn't show up to the event.
This really is a huge tragedy for the world of pro-wrestling, to lose one of the most talented and respected athletes to ever grace the squared circle - and in such a dark, tragic way. My utmost love and heartfelt prayers go out to the family and friends that they leave behind.
And I must give a quick little nod to the WWE for how they have handled this: not only did they remove all articles relating to the 'Death of Mr. McMahon' from their website, as soon as the story broke they cancelled their live show and replaced the night's 3 hour Mr. McMahon Memorial Service with a tribute show to Chris Benoit - and sent all the wrestlers home to deal with their grief. Nice to see they are learning, and giving this great athlete the respect he deserves.
I'm going to go watch the Owen Hart tribute match between Bret Hart and Chris Benoit, from 1999. I'm glad I have at least 1 great match he was involved in.
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