Music Talk: Aqours

A brief introduction:

I was first introduced to the world of Love Live! through the second series idol group, Aqours. I had no idea what any of this "Love Live!" business was, but decided to go to some live concert experience at the cinema (a friend suggested I get out and try and meet people with similar interests. I quickly found idol otaku are not that). Anyways, after that, I went back to the beginning and watched the original series. It was great fun. So then I watched season 1 of the sequel, Love Live! Sunshine!! - I think season 2 had just started airing, perhaps? Anyways, my takeaway at the time was that Sunshine!! was the better show, but the original show had better music. I think on rewatch, my opinion of the shows reversed, so let's see what happens with the music - because if this is worse than μ's, I'm in for a hell of a day...

My collection is only their singles from 2015 to the end of 2017. Which is still 50 songs, surprisingly...

Maybe I'm just in a better mood today? Because so far, this is a barrel of fun! Like, it's all still cheesy and some songs are typical IDOL is SHiT, but I find their voices less annoying than μ's (sorry, Pile). I think what maybe swayed me earlier was that the good songs by μ's and SUPER good, whereas the good songs by Aqours are just mostly good. Except for the Opening/Closing songs - particularly 勇気はどこに？君の胸に！, which is actually amazeballs - I would really just say these songs are harmless fun pop songs. So where μ's have far more peaks, Aqours just kinds of hover around the middle.

I will probably be keeping half of these songs. Sure, I still won't listen to them around the house in fear of divorce, but when I need harmless total upbeat vibes, this could be a good go-to. Like, if I could delete the bad songs now, I'd probably give this all a re-listen on shuffle right about now.

Crazy times.

There are 4 more years of Aqours songs out there. And another 2 Love Live! series' that I haven't seen. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that...

Music Talk: Buddy Holly and μ's

You know, I have the complete Buddy Holly recordings on vinyl, via some box set released in the 70's, AND on CD via Hip-O's release to mark the 50th anniversary of his death... yet, whenever I find myself listening to his works, I do a google search to make sure there isn't anything out there I'm missing.

Shows how awesome Buddy Holly was.

You know what isn't as awesome?
Idol music.

I decided to start some sort of cleanup in my iTunes library. This has been a long time coming; I have like 23,000 songs and I know there are a bunch I either have never listened to or don't want to listen to again. So I'm starting with my Japanese artists, as that's where most of my listening is these days. And at the start of that section is none other than μ's - the stars of that wonderful anime show, Love Live! School Idol Project. 

The show rules. And some of these songs are still awesome. But I've never actually sat through the full 77 song compilation I have in my iTunes.

Today I did.

Holy shit balls - some of this is pure and utter trash. Like, I don't like idol music at the worst of times. And this is surely the worst of them. Who the fuck writes this nonsense? And are they the same people that actually write the good songs?? Because μ's actually have some good songs. Otherwise, I would never have bothered going out of my way to download 77 of their fucking songs. And believe me, the good songs are SUPER good; NO BRAND GIRLS is the kind of pop-punk good times I would expect from PASSPO☆, 僕らは今のなかで invokes good feelings from the show, Wonderful Rush is just an all-round great song. So there are good parts.

And then there are hilarious moments like LOVELESS WORLD that make me think maybe I'm listening to Babymetal. I'm not. But that would probably suck, too.

Anyways, this has sure been an experience. As I've been listening, I've been giving the songs a score out of 10, with the idea that anything from a 5 or 6 will be saved, while everything else will be deleted. About halfway through I was hoping for it to be over and had only marked a third of the songs 5 or above. But then ooh I forgot that the end credits song from the 2nd season is the totally awesome feel good vibes of the Summer. That was a highlight.

Then everything just sounded like a collection of the same songs over and over; cheesy pop-ballads or weird songs with big techno beats, and all with the cheeriest girlie voices possible. But you know what? It was actually worthwhile; I finally ticked off these songs as being listened to, I can safely delete the ones I won't listen to every again, I reminded myself of the fun of some of these songs (looking at you, NO BRAND GIRLS) AND I actually discovered a few good songs in here that I'd never heard before:

So in total, of the 77 songs, 23 made the cut! And apparently there are another 50 songs they released? Wow! There's no way I am listening to all of those!

Love Live! needed more songs by Pile, because she's awesome. I should listen to more Pile. Instead, tomorrow I'm going to listen to all of the idol music from Love Live! Sunshine!!

WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXVII, Night Two

11 April 2021

Raymond James Stadium
Tampa, Florida - USA

Attendance: 18,501

Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Samoa Joe & Byron Saxton

My thoughts before this viewing:
It's night two! And I think I said all I needed to say in my previous bLog. Because I just finished Night One, it's still Good Friday/Bad Friday, and I wrote about what I knew yesterday because I had no idea what matches were on which night. But now I know what matches are on tonight: Roman Reigns vs Daniel Bryan vs Edge, Asuka vs That Australian Wrestler I Can't Remember the Name of Right Now, Kevin Owens Mac vs Sami Zayn with Logan Paul somehow involved, and maybe some other bullshit I didn't care about in the first place!

NIGHT TWO

America the Beautiful
Today's performer is "the new voice of country music", some blonde bitch! She has yellow nail polish, so she gets points for that. It's certainly better than her singing or guitar playing.

BAHAHAH they're actually mixing in footage of the wrestlers watching last night's performance.
5/10

Opening Video Package
We get a repeat of last night's video package, now with added highlights from Night One. Yawn.
2/10

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are back to "host". This time they're dressed like pirates. Hulk is actually pulling this off - apart from his sneakers. There are lots of pirate jokes. And piped in crowd noises.

Video Package
Oh shit I had actually forgotten about The Fiend! Bah gawd I miss forgetting about The Fiend... Randy Orton set The Fiend on fire - don't worry, it was a match stipulation. Alexa Bliss is now a crazy little girl. They're trying so hard to make some sort of spooky horror movie, but it all just looks childish. Then The Fiend magically transforms to heal his burns.

-5/10

Opening Match
Randy Orton vs The Fiend
Orton is walking to the ring slowly like he thinks he's the Undertaker. Alexa Bliss comes out to children's music because she's crazy.

Oh there is a big jack-in-the-box next to the ring. Wow. Bliss winds the handle and The Fiend comes out the top.

The match hasn't even started and I don't see how they could cram any more bullshit into this. Oh cool - they are going to wrestle under a "spooky" red light. The Fiend pretty much just no sells everything. Then there are some flames and Bliss appears on the box with some black goo leaking on her head.

The crowd chant "Holy Shit!". I think they meant "This is shit!".

Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following an RKO.
-10/10

The arena goes black and everything magically disappears. This was worse than anything the UWF ever did. Are people genuinely cheering this???

I guess things can only get better from here?

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are backstage with Eric Bischoff. Bayley interrupts again. She wants Bischoff to appear on her "show" - which I guess is a talking segment on one of the shitty WWE shows. He says he would rather have Bianca Belair appear on his podcast. He and Hogan make up some story about a boat and then plug Bischoff's podcast again as they run away.

Women's Tag-Team Championship
Natalya & Tamina vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c)

Am I even going to make it through the first hour?? Baszler just smashes Natalya with mean looking knees and it is a lot of fun. Nia Jax gets in the ring and it is substantially less fun. Same for Tamina. Natalya goes for a move and hilariously misses. Her and Tamina just stand in the ring watching Jax for like 10 minutes so she can eventually land a splash on them. Bah gawd. Tamina attempts another shitty superfly splash but fails. Natalya puts the Sharpshooter on the wrong person.

Winners = Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax via submission
2/10

Video Package
Sami Zayn is being silenced. His best friend Kevin Owens didn't support him. Logan Paul got involved somehow. They list Paul's roles in life, like YouTuber & actor, but leave out 'Piece of Shit'.
2/10

JBL is given a special introduction as he joins the commentary team. At least they are giving me fair warning...

Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn
Zayn needs a new theme song, because this one is far too happy and upbeat for an angry bad guy. Hahaha he introduces Logan Paul and the booing starts immediately, but are quickly replaced with some totally real cheering. During the match, we constantly cut to Logan Paul "reacting" to the action.

Back and forth, back and forth. Crazy moves here and there. It always seems these days that when real friends wrestle each other, they try to hurt each other best they can.

Winner = Kevin Owens via pinfall following a Stunner.
7/10

Corey Graves complains about Kevin Owens ruining the night for Sami Zayn. Logan Paul congratulates Owens, so Zayn gets up in his face. Paul pushes him and mocks him as he leaves. The crowd boo Logan Paul some more and Owens is like 'don't touch me' and gives him a stunner to rousing cheers.

Matt Riddle talks to The Great Khali backstage. Riddle talks like an absolute fucking moron. If Khali just slapped him down now, it would be the WrestleMania highlight of his career.

WWE Shop. Old Spice. Manther? I don't even know anymore.

Three weeks ago, Sheamus beat Matt Riddle with his scooter. Fuck yeah!

WWE US Championship
Matt Riddle (c) vs Sheamus
How is it Sheamus has been living in the USA for so long, and is yet still so gawdam white? My tolerance for this show is fading fast, and douchnozzlesupremes like Matt Riddle are not helping. Sheamus botches a top rope move that almost hurt Riddle - do it again! That said, the ending was pretty cool.

Winner = Sheamus via pinfall following that gif.
3/10

New Champion!

Baron Corbin needs a Snickers to sort out his costume problems. What, he is going to wear the Snickers wrapper instead?

Out in front of some bad green screen on the street somewhere, Triple HHH gives Bad Bunny an ugly microphone. That was his payment for WrestleMania?

WrestleMania Sunday has a different theme song. Don't worry - it sounds a lot like last night's.

Video Package
Big E won the Intercontinental Championship to the excitement of many computer screens in attendance. Apollo wants respect because he comes from Nigerian royalty. Dude should be hanging out with Israel Adesanya and Kamaru Usman, if that's his story. Big E thinks coming from Florida makes him a better person. Seriously.
4/10

Nigerian Drum Fight
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Big E (c) vs Apollo
Yet again, a no disqualification match with a silly name - and some African drums and shit around the ring. They beat each other with Kendo sticks, which I do not believe are Nigerian drums. Graves compares all the instruments to a concert by The Who. I'm not their biographer, but I don't recall them using congas and assorted African percussion. Big E has it won, but then some massive dude comes out and destroys him.

Winner = Apollo via pinfall following some other dude smashing Big E for him.
7/10

New Champion!

It felt like the match was only just getting started, but it was fun while it lasted.

We get some "highlights" of last night's WrestleMania. There's a whole bunch of footage of Bianca Belair celebrating with her husband that they didn't air last night.

Get the COVID vaccine like WWE Superstars! Well, a few of them. Probably only the five that appeared in this PSA .

'Stone Cold' Steve Austin will be at WrestleMania in Texas. Good for him.

2021 Hall of Fame.
Molly Holly is still super cute. Ozzy Osborne went in, but not Nigel Tufnel? Eric Bischoff was also inducted, which explains why he's backstage with Hulk Hogan plugging his podcast. And Kane was the headliner? He can hang out with Donald Trump and Kid Rock in the RIGHT-wing hurdy hurr.

Video Package
Asuka has done it all in WWE - including losing to Charlotte Flair. Rhea Ripley has also lost to Charlotte Flair, so that means she's ready for Asuka. They had a contract signing that ended with fisitcuffs. I'm shocked.
5/10

Raw Women's Championship
Asuka (c) vs Rhea Ripley
There is some shitty band to play for Ripley's entrance and holy shit! Is the singer even in time? Holy fuck I AM DYING HERE! Finally some entertainment! They have some fast action to start. Asuka gets in some dancing and seems to be enjoying herself. She misses her butt attack. Twice. Ripley kinda taunts her, but she is not very good at trash talk. Eventually, Asuka turns it around. She finally lands the butt attack. I would think Asuka kicking a woman in the chest would hurt a lot, but apparently not enough.

Winner = Rhea Ripley via pinfall following Riptide
6/10

New Champion!

Has Asuka even won a match at WrestleMania? WWE don't deserve her.

We get a recap of the Orton/Fiend nonsense from the start of the show because things were getting enjoyable again.

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan come out to do some actual hosting. Titus says "Thank You" to everyone, so Bayley interrupts again. She wants pyro and the WWE production crew oblige - that's all it takes? She complains about having to carry the hosting duties and on one hand I'm like, yeah I guess she did appear more than the actual hosts, but on the other hand it doesn't sound like that was her job. And what else was she going to do? The Bella Twins come out and Bayley shuts them down straight away. They beat her up for making a John Cena joke and the crowd boo. Hahahaha.

There are shitty WWE shows on the shitty WWE Network which is now part of Peacock. Which is probably shitty, too.

Video Package
Edge won the Royal Rumble and challenged Roman Reigns, but somehow Daniel Bryan got involved. Roman Reigns is as boring as ever: head of the table, tribal chief, blah blah blah. Daniel Bryan kind of beat him but Edge cost him the match. That makes no sense. He could have had a match against Daniel Bryan instead!
7/10

Main Event
Triple Threat Match
WWE Universal Championship
Daniel Bryan vs Edge vs Roman Reigns (c) (w/Paul Heyman & Jey Uso)
Holy moly Edge is quite over with this crowd! Uso takes out Daniel Bryan right away, because that is how WWE triple threat matches have to work. Then Edge beats up Uso and he has to be taken to the back, so that means Uso will come back at the end and help Reigns win, because that's how WWE matches always have to work. Edge just throws Reigns in the ring apron and then the barrier, over and over again. The crazy bug-eyed look Edge does is so silly; it's not like he follows it up by going for some sort of crazy killer move - he just does something super basic every time. Hahaha he and Reigns spear each other at the same time like a video game. Daniel Bryan gets a "Yes" lock on Reigns, and Heyman's reactions are just hilarious.

Reigns powerbombs Bryan on Edge and one of them can be heard comically moaning. The crowd chants "Roman Sucks" and he gets all sad-face about it. I thought he was supposed to be a tough angry man? Edge spears him outside so now everyone is dead. Does anyone have a Money in the Bank briefcase they could cash in right now? Ummm ouch?

Bahahaha even more ouch!

Reigns should have tapped so we could have double champions right now. Edge beats everyone with a chair - see, this is where you should use your silly bug-eye look. He sets up a double con-chairto and oh look - here comes Jey Uso to interfere!

Winner = Roman Reigns via pinfall on BOTH Edge and Daniel Bryan after bashing their heads with a chair.
6/10

I think Daniel Bryan vs Edge would have been a better match.

Pyro. Posing. Fuck you. Good night.

WrestleMania XXXVII: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Big E vs Apollo
   It wasn't anything special, but it was fun while it lasted. I would have said Owens/Zayn, but Logan Paul being involved is a big no.
2. Worst Match
   Randy Orton vs The Fiend
   I don't know what's more insane; that someone thought Alexa Bliss having black goo ooze all over her face was good storytelling, or that the crowd were actually chanting "holy shit" like it was awesome or something.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Fucked if I know. Shayna Baszler's knees?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Goto #2.
5. Star of the Show
   There are no stars in this company.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Bad Bunny? He was pretty much the main talking-point all night.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Logan Paul and his shitty self doing nothing but bad acting.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Today I rocked another couple of flavours: first, vege chicken strips, baked, with a salad base and burger sauce. Then a Hoki filet with salad and Burger sauce. Good times were had by my taste buds. There was not enough Pepsi in the world to get me through some of this...
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   The nice hoodie was put away and I'm glad as there were a couple of spills, but I am now in my Easter pyjamas, so it's all good.
10. Overall Score
    Fuck... I don't know. It started horribly, got better before getting painfully boring, and the wrong people kept winning. The main event was predictable. Maybe they should have had Bayley as host?
    4 out of 10

WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXVII, Night One

10 April 2021
Raymond James Stadium
Tampa, Florida - USA

Attendance: 17,946

Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Samoa Joe & Byron Saxton

My thoughts before this viewing:
Oh yeah we are back at it! It's Good Friday, which makes it Bad Friday again! I am trying to keep this as an Easter tradition, because Good Friday means all the shops are closed and it's cold - so what else am I going to do? Enjoy my day? Forget that silliness! Especially because this shit is just getting longer and longer each year. But last year, WrestleMania got delayed by a couple of weeks and ended up taking place the week after Easter, which completely fudged my plan - once again, Vince McMahon trying his best to make things difficult for me. But, joke's on him! This year, I'll watch last year's WrestleMania today and then this year's WrestleMania on Easter Sunday. Two days - two WrestleManias! So joke's on... me?!?

I'm not too sure what we have in store tonight; I watched the Royal Rumble last year, and from that I recall both Edge and Bianca Belair will be receiving title shots. Against who, I'm not that sure. I also assume Roman Reigns will be in the main event like always. And a bunch of old dudes that will actually get the crowd to cheer in ways the current "superstars" can't. 

NIGHT ONE

They've saved all the pirate decorations from last year - glad those record profits aren't actually going back into the product. Vince McMahon decides to open the show with some rousing speech about welcoming back the fans or some shit. Fuck him and fuck them and fuck you, WWE.

America the Beautiful

Bebe who? And some other girl on guitar that didn't warrant an introduction? The guitar playing isn't bad. The singing is. This song is still the worst. And what in the fuck happened at the end?

3/10

Opening Video Package

I don't recall Mankind jumping off a cage at WrestleMania? Oh my gawd - they're even repeating the whole Captain Jack Sparrow nonsense from last year's opening video package. Though I do enjoy every year we hear the "Once in a lifetime!" tagline from The Rock/Cena which was actually twice in a lifetime. This shit gets dumber every year and I'm dumb for watching.

2/10

There is some sort of weather delay? What, lightning might strike and blow up the arena? Well then, LET'S GET THIS SHOW STARTED!

Backstage Interview
Sarah Not Kayla is with Shane McMahon and he is looking worse than ever - and he hasn't even started wrestling! He thinks Braun Strowman is stupid and it's fun to make fun of him. Sarah tells him to pick on someone his own size - so someone smaller?

MVP and Bobby Lashley interrupt to say "this is The All Mighty Era!" or something? Drew McIntyre takes issue with this. He then takes over the interview time to tell us he's all about keeping his emotions together. Ummm coming out before your match to act like a crazy man towards the guy you'll be having a match against is a clear sign you do not have your emotions under control.
2/10

Now we have to talk to the Pre-Show Panel? I already had to sit through an hour of these morons and there is only so much of this Peter Shillburger I can take.

Backstage Interview
Some British Nerd is with New Day's Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston. Kofi is looking old and his chest is collapsing. He isn't sure AJ Styles and Omos are a registered tag-team. What?? Woods talks about New Day being small, but I'm pretty sure AJ Styles may actually be smaller than them. Big E comes in and gives a rousing sermon.
4/10

Michael Cole calls this "WrestleRainia" and it sounds like Samoa Joe used all the restraint in the world to not punch him in the mouth.

Backstage Interview
Sarah talks to Braun Strowman, who claims he is standing up for all the people in the world who have been bullied. This dude is like 6'9" and 300 pounds. He isn't getting bullied by anyone. His vision of winning the match sounds an awful lot like murder - Shane should probably call the cops.
3/10

Back to the Pre-Show Panel. Peter Peter Shill-O-Meter tells us how amazing Vince McMahon is and I'm going to puke. On him.

Backstage Interview
British Nerd wants to interview Kevin Owens Mac, but Kevin Owens Mac is like 'Dude, you're too lame - give me the microphone'. He gives some sort of history of his friendship with Sami Zayn and oh my fucking gawd we are doing yet another 'Kevin Owens was best friends with Wrestler X and now they are enemies and must fight at WrestleMania' story. He also threatens Logan Paul. Just because? Or is Logan Paul going to be at WrestleMania to complete the suckitude?
5/10

Michael Cole and Samoa Joe are being rained on. Joe should drown Cole.

Backstage Interview
Bianca Belair tells Sarah she is nervous because she cares. Sarah tells her she is "making HERstory".
4/10

Backstage Interview
British Nerdburger interviews Seth Rollins who apparently gets his name wrong, but I'm hardly going to fault him for that given what I'm calling him. But at least I now know his name isn't Mike. Rollins laughs a lot and can't pronounce Cesaro properly. This guy actually used to be enjoyable, you know.
2/10

Sarah is joined by The Miz and John Morrison. Tonight they'll be facing Damian Priest and Bad Bunny. Maybe this rain delay could last forever? The Miz: "The fun & games are over!". He's never been more right; I'm watching The Miz at WrestleRainia and there is no fun to be had at all.
-2/10

Video Package
Drew McIntyre was WWE Champion, but somehow Bobby Lashley became champion by helping The Miz become champion? McIntyre thinks Lashley is afraid to fight him. He could have just not agreed to this match if he didn't want to do it... It is now "The All Mighty Era."
6/10

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are our hosts, so I'm guessing we are finally ready to get started. And Titus is here to help rehabilitate our racist American hero. O'Neil welcomes the crowd, while Hogan just stands there looking old, throwing out the occasional "brother".

Opening Match
WWE Championship
Drew McIntyre vs Bobby Lashley (c) (w/MVP)
All this CGI stuff around the ring is sooooo bad!

Lashley gets lightning for his introduction? Did the production team mistake him for The Undertaker? They're having a kinda fun big-man match - except for when McIntyre decides to do some silly fake Jiu-Jitsu. So Lashley just pounds on him and it is fun! Big dudes should just fight like this!
Lots of back and forth with big moves. Drew kinda fucks up a superplex so they just beat on each other on top of the turnbuckle. McIntyre puts Lashley in a Kimura and Cole makes some reference to McIntyre and Brock Lesnar and I have no idea what he's on about, because I saw that match and it was legit only two different big moves. And neither of them were a Kimura. McIntyre taunts Lashley with a "Bring it, Bitch!" and then Lashley beats the snot out of him HAHAHA. McIntyre spams the shittiest looking DDT I've ever seen, then dives over the top rope. They run a slow-mo replay and it shows his wang clipping the top rope as he went over hee hee.

It's 2021 and giving the Full Nelson a new name doesn't make it any less lame than it was 50 years ago.

Winner = Bobby Lashley via Hurt Lock/Full Nelson
6/10

Drew McIntyre squashed Brock Lesnar last WrestleMania when no one was around to care. The minute they get fans back in the building, and he just gets smoked. WrestleMania moments!

The Super Old NWO are backstage with Titus O'Neil and Bayley. And nothing happens.

Undertaker NFT's are a great way of separating the normal people from the criminally stupid.

Tag-Team Turmoil Match
Match #1
Lana & Naomi vs Billie Kay & Carmella
Lana & Naomi do some raving or some shit before the match.

It's stupid and so are they. Oh great, the idea of this match wasn't bad enough, so they have to add Corey Graves on commentary. He's actually married to Carmella, so he likely insists on calling her matches. I insist on calling her garbage and annoying. Why the fuck is this match actually on WrestleMania? I know they fired a lot of wrestlers due to "budget cuts" but surely they have better wrestlers who could have wrestled instead? Lana is about as talented as my man Death Row 3260.

Winners = Billie Kay & Carmella via some cheating pin nonsense.

At least that was quick?

Match #2
The Riott Squad vs Billie Kay & Carmella
I want to like The Riott Squad, but bah gawd do I hate Billie Kay & Carmella. They both just fill the arena with high-pitched yelling.

Winners = The Riott Squad via doubleteam.

OK now I do like The Riott Squad!

Match #3
The Riott Squad vs Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke

BAHAHAHAHA that may be my favourite "WrestleMania Moment" tonight!

Winners = The Riott Squad via rollup pin.

The ring announcer declares The Riott Squad have been eliminated, then after a minute of confusion, announces they actually won, because no one in this company can actually be good at their jobs.

Match #4
The Riott Squad vs Natalya & Tamina

Wow, Natalya is still here? And still so average?? She hits the slowest Hart Attack ever, I can only assume Bret would give it a 2 out of 10.

Winners = Natalya & Tamina via shitty superfly splash from Tamina
1/10

So tomorrow, Natalya & Tamina will receive a title-shot at the women's tag-team champions, Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax. Gawdam, I thought this match was bad enough!

WWE Shop. WrestleMania specials. Fuck you.

WWE Superstars want you to get vaccinated. Except for QAnon followers like Nia Jax that think the vaccine is a form of mind control designed by Bill Gates. Fun fact: they also think The Rock eats human babies. As his cousin, I wonder how she reconciles that type of nonsense in her lizard-brain.

There is a story about the 24/7 title and some guy called Average Joe. It's an advertisement for Old Spice? I genuinely have no idea.

Cesaro vs Seth Rollins
Rollins plays some type of political hit-piece about Cesaro being no good? So he's Veep, now?
Rollins hits a superplex and rolls through to another suplex. Cesaro spams uppercuts in creative ways. The story of this match is Cesaro want to give Rollins the Giant Swing, even though he already hit Rollins with it a couple of days ago and got like 23 revolutions. It was probably only 16, because no one ever counts it properly. Cesaro gets the Giant Swing for only 6 or 7 swings, and then follows up with a Sharpshooter. I'm a fair man, so I'll be honest and say it was not so well done. Rollins hits a corkscrew splash. He's no Hector Garza, but I'll give him points for trying something different. Reversals, reversals, reversals. How is it strikes to the back of the head are illegal in all forms of combat sport, but totally fine in pro-wrestling - where you aren't even allowed to use a closed fist? Cesaro gets funky!

He hits the Giant Swing again and everyone counts way too fast; they say it's 24 revolutions, but I'm pretty sure it was only 14.

Winner = Cesaro via pin following Neutraliser.
8/10

The Andre the Giant Battle Royal was on Smackdown, instead of the WrestleMania Pre-Show like previous years. That match sure lost esteem VERY quickly.

Backstage Interview
Kayla is with Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode. Ziggler references the gold of the tag-team title belts that he is holding, except the belts are actually silver you fucking moron.
2/10

Raw Tag-Team Championship
New Day (c) vs AJ Styles & Omos

Big E introduces New Day. They're 11-time tag-team champions now? Holy shit, they're just throwing around belts like pancakes these days. Omos isn't even dressed to wrestle. New Day demand Styles start the match because they are cowards. Kofi Kingston hits a move on Styles, which means New Day have a party and mock Styles. Then they double-team him FOREVER and talk endless shit. Umm they're the good guys here?? Omos is bored. Styles goes for the tag and Woods begs him not to do it. Seriously. Woods kicks Omos, who just totally no sells it and tells him he hits like a bitch. But then he just does jack shit himself. Dude is 7'3" - he should just be throwing these fools around the ring for 5 minutes. Styles leaps off Omos to hit a forearm.

Winners = AJ Styles & Omos via Omos pinning Kofi Kingston with one foot.
3/10

New Champions!

That was possibly the worst planning I have ever seen in a match. I get you don't want Omos in there because he's not very good. At all. But having the good guys double-team and mock the smaller bad guy for eternity is just dumb. And then Omos barely did shit when he got in, so even that part wasn't exciting.

Baron Corbin is dressed for the Tour de France, so he needs a Snickers.

WWE2K22. When I type that, it just looks like some kid's username on some shitty forum where I am making fun of him for liking dumb things.

Tonight's "Official WrestleMania Theme Song" is provided by The Weeknd. I don't know what it is called. It is more boring than my bLog.

Video Package
Braun Strowman is sad because Shane McMahon thinks he is stupid. Shane even dumped green slime on him. How cruel! They were booked for a match, but Shane got injured in training. Because he's fucking old? If Shane is scared to fight this guy, why did he accept a match at WrestleMania and then say it could be any match Strowman wanted?
4/10

Steel Cage Match
Braun Strowman vs Shane McMahon
Jerry 'The King' Lawler joins the commentary team, because this is match will likely be awful and they want to distract the viewer by having someone say awful things for total non-entertainment enjoyment. Elias and some other dude attack Strowman before he enters the cage. I'm happy for Elias to finally have a friend! Commentators say "Shane has great hands" and think they must mean he does hand modelling or something, because his punches are awful. He pulls a piece off the top of the cage - budget cuts are hitting the cages now? Byron Saxton seems to be over this show already and starts promoting Night Two as being "more exciting". Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler is making the worst old-man jokes it is like I'm listening to Captain Lou Albano. There is a toolbox conveniently placed at the top of the cage, so of course Shane hits Strowman with it. Which of course means he could win, but instead chooses to do something stupid and end up back in the ring. Strowman breaks the cage some more. So why have a cage if you're just going to break it? He gives Shane an armdrag or something off the top of the cage and is all "Who's stupid now?!?" and I'm thinking "You are, because you could just walk down and win but instead chose to get back in the ring".

Winner = Braun Strowman via pinfall following a powerslam.
2/10

Bayley is here to annoy the commentators. She's now appeared more than the "official" hosts.

Hall of Fame 2020
They couldn't have a ceremony for the Class of 2020, so they will get their moment tonight. This featured a bunch of people that have nothing to do with WWE, like Japanese star Jushin "Thunder" Liger - who has never wrestled for WWE - and William Shatner?? They show a clip of him with Bret Hart, so now his induction makes sense. Oh, the NWO were the 'headline' act. There were like 500 members of that group, so they only inducted Hulk Hogan and H-Bomb Cockface's friends.

'Stone Cold' Steve Austin is excited about WrestleMania next year (this year?) because it's in Texas. Ever notice how WrestleMania is often in the most backwards parts of America?

Booker T joins commentary. Why? Oh that's right - it must be time for Bad Bunny to have his match and Bad Bunny wrote that song about Booker T that was super fucking awful.

A large group of people in rabbit costumes run down to the ring. It's Easter! Time for an Easter Egg Hunt! Or time for The Miz and John Morrison to come out and lip sync to some shitty song they wrote about Bad Bunny. The Commentators pretend it is good. The people in rabbit costumes have filled the ring and are jumping around.

Fuck-a.

My-a.

Life-a.

Video Package
We are shown all the success Bad Bunny has had in his career. I legit hadn't heard of him until he appeared in WWE, but apparently he is super popular. His music seems fucking terrible, that's for sure. He's also got "2023" written on a t-shirt he wears under a bulletproof vest like he thinks he fucking Death Row 3260. These four men have issues because... hahah oh come on now - we all know I have ZERO fucks to give about that.
3/10

The Miz & John Morrison had to stand in the ring and wait while that video package aired. They really need someone with a functional brain to put these shows together.

Damian Priest & Bad Bunny vs The Miz & John Morrison
Bad Bunny enters riding on top of a truck like he's Batman. Or Becky Lynch? The crowd sure seem to love him. The crowd also seems to love WWE and WrestleMania, so fuck them. Bad Bunny is so small he makes The Miz look, well, not so small. Bad Bunny beats up The Miz a lot. Then, The Miz turns it around and I immediately lose interest.
Booker T: "You guys don't know Bad Bunny the way that I know him". Let's keep it that way.
Holy shit Bad Bunny just hit a destroyer?!!?

Don't get me wrong - Morrison is very athletic and did all the real work here, but damned if it didn't look good

Winners = Damian Priest & Bad Bunny via pinfall following a splash from Bad Bunny.
3/10

Bad Bunny wasn't that bad at all! The Miz, however, continues to be a vacuum of enjoyment.

You can fight hard to achieve your dreams and win a WWE Championship belt... or just buy one from WWE Shop.

Promo for WrestleMania Night Two. Why are people paying Logan Paul to do anything except fuck off and die?

Video Package
Bianca Belair won the Royal Rumble. She calls herself "The EST". Sasha Banks calls herself "The Best". I call her overrated and fucking annoying. Wait, now Banks is some sort of pioneer? She broke down barriers for blue-haired children?
3/10

Main Event
Smackdown Women's Championship
Bianca Belair vs Sasha Banks (c)
Belair is legit crying before the match even starts. I might, too; I'm out of Pepsi. Bianca Belair is strong.

This match is at its best when Belair is doing fun power moves. It's at its worst when Banks is in control. Belair does some crazy long suplex and as soon as they hit the mat, the referee starts counting them down. Haha Banks uses Belair's long braid to tie up her arm. Belair gets a two count and has the most hilarious meltdown.

Graves: "Bianca nailed the 450 splash!". No she didn't - your feet aren't supposed to hit the floor first. Belair slaps Banks with her braid and WWE edit in some type of gunshot sound BAHAHAHA.

Winner = Bianca Belair via pinfall following a Death Valley Driver that they seem to be calling the Kiss of Death or KOD. Look, I'm just following what Michael Cole said, though after listening to Craig in the UWF, I should know better than to trust these goofs.
6/10

New Champion!

Fireworks and good night!

WrestleMania XXXVII - Night One: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Cesaro vs Seth Rollins
   They are good wrestlers and their powers combined to make a good match.
2. Worst Match
   Lana & Naomi vs Carmella & Billie Kay
   I would say the whole women's tag-team turmoil match, but I will specifically call this match out as the absolute shit burger with cheese. If this had been a UWF show, even Bruno would have been burying these four women.
   Shout-out to the person that laid out the New Day/AJ Styles & Omos match.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Mandy Rose falling on the entrance? Bret Hart with William Shatner?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   People in bunny costumes partying in the ring to The Miz & John Morrison's "hit song".
5. Star of the Show
   Bad Bunny. I may not know who he is, but he is certainly very popular. AND he didn't look too bad in the match.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Bad Bunny.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   The Pete dude on the pre-show panel. Not a celebrity by any stretch, but bah gawd he needs a kick in the balls.
8. Tonight's Meal
   I've hit this early, because motherfucking WWE decided to move to two nights. So I had two flavours today; first a breakfast wrap, featuring scrambled eggs, avocado, baby spinach and honey mustard. Then my second wrap featured avocado, baby spinach, cucumber, spring onion and corn fritters, topped with honey mustard again. Simple and effective. PepsiMax kept me alive. I need more if I want to survive another 4 hours of this...
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   I did not spill a thing! Which is handy, because I'm wearing a nice hoodie that has no wrestling connection whatsoever.
10. Overall Score
    This was an okay show. The opening match was fun, the Cesaro/Rollins match was great, and the main event wasn't bad. The rest was burning garbage with zero heat, or just total vibe killing slow nonsense. As always, the "hosts" did zero hosting. Why do they bother with that every year?? But at least once things got going after the weather delay, they didn't waste a lot of time, so the show didn't drag like some years.
    5 out of 10