New Fan Mail

I received this lovely email from a fan named Todd and thought I would post it here out of interest:

"I'll never forget the time I was fishing with my brother Sammy and we were drinking lots of beer. We both got pretty drunk and Sammy said, "I'M THE MESSIAH! LOOK AT ME, I CAN WALK ON THE WATER!" Well, Sammy started walking off the shore, and fell straight in sinking way out of my sight. I was afraid to get in the water, so I just sat at the edge of the shore, petrified. This freaky looking big guy in a Skeleton Suit came running up the bank with this crazy ass strut. He pulled a big metal folding chair out and tied a rope to it. He then strummed it like a guitar for about 10 seconds then threw it in the lake. After doing the crazy strut a bit more, he pulled on the rope, and my brother Sammy came flying out of the water, landing right on the bank. Sammy wasn't breathing, so this guy started hitting his stomach with the chair. Water and fish flew out of Sammy's mouth as he started breathing again. I told this strange man, "Thanks!" and asked him what his name was. He handed me a card that simply read "La Parka". I told him thanks again, then Sammy did the same. Then, this man named La Parka hit us both on the head with his chair and strutted off into the sunset. I love La Parka. Long live La Parka!"

Long live La Parka indeed!

Txting Etiquette

Over the last few months, I have had numerous txts from people for ridiculous reasons. Whether it has been Miriam asking the same question for 7th time that day, or someone just asking me about lunch at 7am, they have all served in the greater purpose of making LOGMAN hate having a cellphone. So with that in mind, I thought it would be great to share some simple rules for people planning on txting me who don't me to reply with a cellphone up their nose.

Please note these rules apply to everyone in the universe, with the exceptions of Sam, Warwick and Louise. These 3 make their own rules, and I live by them. Their drunken txts in the middle of the night are what I live for.

1. If you have more than 2 questions, don't bother txting.
I know this sounds harsh, but putting questions into a txt requires me to answer you. And most of the time I can't be bothered. While moving my thumbs across the keypad, I could miss La Parka doing a corkscrew plancha onto Super Calo. And then I would have to give you a corkscrew plancha to make up for it. And I'm just not as good as La Parka.

2. If you are going to insult me, don't bother txting.
Not that I'm against insulting people - it is one of my strongest giftings, after all - but again it means that I have to retaliate. And chances are reading your nasty txt has interrupted me, and that means my rebuttal won't be so friendly. And really, the difference between a txt and a verbal argument means I have time to think of 500 ways I'm going to kill you before you can even txt me intelligent responses like "u r a dik". Don't waste mine or vodafone's time.

3. If it is after 10pm, don't bother txting.
Now this one is a prickly situation. I know most nights I'm not usually in bed until around 2am. But there are the occasional times when I am tricked into thinking sleep is good, and I go to bed at a time that would put my Grandparents to shame. But they won't have to live with that shame because they are all dead. Anyway, it seems that on these mystical evenings most people want to converse with me via txt message at midnight. And usually about the most pointless things. So before you txt me in the middle of the night, ask yourself: LOGMAN wouldn't even be slightly interested in your latest escapades on World of Warcraft during the day, so is waking him up to tell him you've just married a magical fire elf really worth the fun of a magical Sharpshooter?

4. If you are asking the same question you have been asking numerous times, don't bother txting.
Now this really bothers me. If you asked me something yesterday and I gave a response, where is the point in txting me about it again? Chances are, if you haven't heard from me about it nothing has changed. Let's look at my friend Sam Seay: I txt'd him a few times asking for my Nightmare game back, and after getting no responses I stopped txting him. Why? Because he has no plans on giving it back and me txting him is not going to change his mind. It's only going to make him sit at home and go "Stop txting me, maggott! I AM... THE GATE-KEEPER!!!". I know I would. But like I said, if I say I will txt you when a situation changes, unless you hear from me you should assume it hasn't. Otherwise the situation will change... the situation of you having thumbs to txt with!

5. If it is before 8am, don't bother txting.
This is much like the 3rd rule. Someone once bitched at me about how my cellphone has an off button, and that my alarm will still work when my phone is off, so it is my fault if someone wakes me up. Well that's nice in your perfect little fairy world, but I have learnt first-hand that my phone needs to be on 24/7 in case of emergencies. So with that in mind, remember that LOGMAN is not a morning person and asking him anything before he has had a chance to switch his brain out of neutral will result in you receiving incomprehensible mutterings and severe whiplash.

6. If you are going to write "LOL", don't bother txting.
Seriously, it isn't a word. Don't pretend it is - you will only make yourself look stupid. If I was a teacher and a student used that in an essay, I would get La Parka to smack the student with their own chair. Seriously, I sometimes wonder if this is really what Hitler was fighting against; maybe his view of a "master race" was one that never used crack-inspired abbreviations like "LOL" or "BRB" or "LMAO". Maybe he had a good idea with those concentration camps. Maybe I'm about to get some hate mail. Send it here.

I may add more as time goes on, but for now I think this is a good start. Be sure to follow these rules, and you can be sure you may live a long and fruitful life.

Why Do I Have To Remember?

At work I have 3 seperate passwords for 3 seperate programs: my computer login, CT3 (our US log tracking software) and PC Banking.

It wasn't a problem when first setting up my computer, as I just used the same password for each program. But then came a problem... not sure if I should blame my employers or Windows, but someone needs the blame. You see, the passwords expire at different times - my login seems to expire every so often, CT3 requests I change not quite as often, and PC Banking just has a completely different set of rules that I choose not to care about.

So now I'm using 3 different passwords. Not that it's too confusing, but still. The real problem when comes when I have to keep changing them, because once a password has been used I'm not allowed to use it again on that program. And that is where the real problem lies.
I am a pretty imaginative guy, and thinking of passwords isn't the problem. However, remembering these passwords is not my strong point. I have a core group of 3 passwords I use in my life, so anything after that just becomes a mash of letters and numbers that I couldn't remember if it was stapled to my hand in neon lighting. I had a month off between December and January - do you think I could remember my passwords when I returned? Do you think an elephant would remember the passwords if they were away that long?

Anyway, I was thinking about this as all week my login has been stating that my password is about to expire, and I'm really in no hurry to change it. I was really grasping at straws for my last CT3 password (and I'm amazed I have not forgotten it, even though it is longer than the Russian alphabet), and I'm just not sure I have anything memorable left in me.

So instead I'm going to suggest a new login system for Windows (Yo Bill Gates - take note!) that involves a series of pictures that must be matched with various statements via multiple choice, such as show below:





1 - The Traveling Wilburys
2 - Open Mic Night at The Cathedral
3 - Iron Maiden World Tour 2000





1 - The Goblin King
2 - Peter Pan
3 - Cher





1 - Popeye
2 - The Head Chef at Medieval World
3 - Please Don't Tell Scott Steiner I Was Making Fun of Him - If He Asks, Tell Him I Said He Is A Nice Guy And A True Role Model To Society





1 - The Latest Hallensteins Mailer
2 - Chillin' Out, Miami Vice Style
3 - A Scene From 'The Lion King'


I think this way we could cut out the use of passwords and make a much more secure process to use our computers

Serving God Ain't Hard With a Credit Card

I know I'm going to get blasted by a lot of people, but I had to share this short video. It may be old, but it is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.

And yes, it is funny because it is true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6MbinakS7I

Spacifix Was a BAD Choice

So it has been confirmed that Spacifix are the opening act for Christina Aguilera on Thursday & Friday.

Yawn.

Let's take one of the hottest pop acts in the world, put her on stage in Auckland for the first time ever, and then warm up the crowd with the lamest bunch of Supergroove wannabe losers since the birth of Liberace!

Seriously, I would rather have seen a lame pop act from Australia. Heck, I would take an Idol winner over Spacifix. Even an NZ Idol winner! At least that could give me humour.

It is times like this I am glad I have reserved seating, so I can take my time and not get there early. Otherwise I will be wearing out my voice when Spacifix are on stage - someone has to tell them how much they suck

Praise the Lord for Coffee

I have realised lately just how addicted to caffeine I have become.

I'm not even sure how it started, but it would seem that the only way I can get through my day without being too cranky and horrible to everyone is to have a nice strong coffee. I blame my grumpiness on being tired and not sleeping well, but then having caffeine has always induced insomnia with me, so it is really just a vicious cycle; the more caffeine I have, the less I sleep - and the less sleep I get, the more caffeine I need.

But while others may say "Logan, maybe you should stop having coffee" I say "I need more coffee"; I don't like being grumpy, and if having a dose of caffeine makes me fun again, then I won't complain. And besides, who really needs sleep? I mean, there are only 24 hours in a day so why should I waste a third of them with my eyes shut when there are so many silly things to watch on YouTube?!

My Favourite Band

Often I am asked about my favourite band, and usually I give the same repsonse: The Cure and/or Queen. It is a fair statement, as both bands have been hugely influential in my music and their albums have been a cornerstone of periods of my life; I really latched onto The Cure when I left High School, and became suitable obsessed with their dark and epic sounds while on the road, and I've been listening to Queen since I can remember. We had a live concert of them in Rio from '84 which Dad used to watch and even then I wanted a guitar like Brian May's. I also wanted to be like Freddie Mercury on stage.

Dreams do come true.

But anyways, there is always one band I seem to overlook and I really can't understand why. I am, of course, talking about The Traveling Wilburys.

For those who aren't aware, The Traveling Wilburys were (from left to right) : Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, George Harrison and Roy Orbison. They weren't so much a band, more some friends that decided it would be fun to record some songs together.

It originally started when George Harrison needed a B-side for a single of his latest album, Cloud Nine, which he had recently completed with Jeff Lynne co-producing. They both agreed that they really wanted to work with Roy Orbison, so they took Roy to Bob Dylan's studio, invited Tom Petty along and wrote and recorded Handle with Care. They enjoyed it so much, they decided to make an album - the only difficulty being that Dylan had to go on tour in just over a week, so they had to write and record the album in 9 days (as George put it, "a song a day").

The result is even more than you would expect from a group of rock'n roll legends - a true collaborative effort (they all wrote the songs and take turns singing on each track), and is quite easily one of the greatest albums of all time. I'm not going to go into detail, but what I will say is that this album has such a great vibe to it, their friendships just shine through. You can tell just by listening that they were having a great time making this album; there is a quote in the new re-issue that puts it best by saying it "is like wandering into a park somewhere and finding some of the best and best-known baseball players in the world playing a pick-up game just for the hell of it. They're rich, famous, and successful, and they could be anywhere, doing anything. But they're playing just because that's what they enjoy doing most."

Sadly, Roy Orbison passed away soon after. The Wilburys did record another album 2 years later, and though more country rock than pop, it still has that same infectious joy that makes Vol. 1 so incredible.

Basically, both albums are awesome and I couldn't recommend them highly enough. And thankfully, they have recently been re-released in a box set that contains both albums (Vol. 1 & Vol. 3 - a personal joke from George Harrison) and a special DVD that contains footage shot while making the first album. Considering these albums were out of print for the last 15 years, its very cool to see them back in stores (and in my collection in a fancy box set). So if you are looking to spend $30 on a cool album, I say go buy these 2 and enjoy old school rock'n roll at it's finest.

Yeah I have no problems shilling a cool CD.