TAKE☆OFF

The reaction when I asked the flight attendants to borrow a pen to fill in my Arrival card

PASSPO☆'s first album! What a crazy place to start, huh?

This was likely the second album from PASSPO☆ that I listened to (the first being the mighty Cinema Trip); I had been checking out some live performances on YouTube and discovered Pretty Lie, which meant I had to track down this album and hear how it sounds in its original form.

I became a fan of 7-member PASSPO☆, so I find myself wondering if I want or need these other 3. And the fact is, I couldn't tell you what they actually do in the group because in 2010 all 10 girls sound exactly the same and it doesn't sound like anyone even does any solo lines.

The album opens with Let It Go!!, a killer happy-funtimes pop-punk track. This song never fails to lift my mood or make me feel superkickass if I'm already in a good mood (reader's note: not likely. LOGMAN's a grumpy old bastard!). Then comes GPP (Girl's Pajama Party), which is more upbeat rockin' awesomeness while the girls sing about about having a sleepover and gossiping and all those other fun things teenage girls do. There's some seriously cool harmonies and shit going on in this. There's actually some solo parts, but I have NO idea who is singing what because they're all so young and sound the same. I'm going to pretend all the best parts are Yellow and White and definitely not the 3 that I don't know.

Next is Go On A Highway which is superkickass pop-punk awesome. This album is just getting better and better! Then we continue the upward trend with the balladish Pretty Lie. Legit one of my all-time favourite songs. And it's even better without idol otaku yelling all the way through it. In fact, I think this has now overtaken Ayumi Hamasaki's Out of Control for the 2nd spot in my iTunes Top 25 Most Played list. That's crazy! Right now I'm thinking 'Holy shit, how can 1 album start with 4 perfect songs in a row? Surely they can't keep this up?!?'

And I'm right, because the album immediately falls off a cliff with 無敵GIRL. I mean, it's not the worst song in the world. But that's probably because it is PASSPO☆ singing and I will give them a pass on bad songs, whereas if this were, say, Metallica I would likely be calling it the worst thing to ever happen to my ears. Because Metallica could never be PASSPO☆ no matter how hard they try. Try and rock out with a glow stick at a Metallica concert and see where that gets you!

BREAK OUT!! is next. It's kinda OK. LA LA LOVE TRAIN〜恋の片道切符〜 is kinda less OK. It's the type of song you immediately think of when someone mentions Japanese Idol music. Not me - I immediately think of BiSH giving the middle finger and screaming about beating people with baseball bats. But the average Joe that doesn't follow this type of music would likely be picturing a bunch of young Japanese girls dancing and singing to super happy dance music with lots of keyboards that sounds like it's from the mid-nineties. Again, I'd give a lesser band more shit for it. But I'm a hypocrite and my dear PASSPO☆ are mighty young here, so I'll not hold it against them.

ハレルヤ is a step back in the right direction. 夏空ダッシュ is another step up in upbeat pop-punk fun. And then 夢パスポート keeps the fun going, before サクラ色 kind of closes off the album with a bit of a ballad. I say "kind of" because it is followed by a bunch of instrumentals, depending on which version of the album you have. The instrumentals are only Let It Go!! and サクラ色 in varying degrees of stripped-ness. In all honestly, I quite enjoy the slower take on Let It Go!!. It sounds like a completely different song and isn't a bad way to send me home. I mean, I don't need 3 different versions of it, but I'll take any of them over LA LA LOVE TRAIN again.

Now let's talk about some of the other important details... like HOLY SHIT WHAT IS UP WITH THAT COVER?!?! If all I had were the Economy Class cover, I'd think 'These 10 girls fucking HATE being idols and people and don't even have a cool gimmick'. And I'd be wrong and a dick and need a beating for questioning the wonderful PASSPO☆. But seriously, they look miserable. And super young. And unimpressed. And while they have matching outfits, they don't have the pizzazz their later costumes would have. At this stage, they look like a budget airline. At least the First Class version shows the girls smiling and happy to be taking you on this flight. But I guess that's kinda what happens when you're actually flying as well...

Overall, this is a welcome start to the PASSPO☆ journey; I always get confused because the first 4 songs are SO awesome that I think of the rest of the album as being disappointing, but it's actually a fairly decent offering and a very welcoming introduction to the coolest girls on the planet.

Highlights:
Let It Go!!, GPP, Go On A Highway, Pretty Lie

Lowlights:
LA LA LOVE TRAIN〜恋の片道切符〜, the cover for the Economy Class edition

4.5 / 7 Glowsticks
✈✈✈✈🛄

PASSPO☆ Week

It's PASSPO☆ week here on the bLog!

I wanted to commemorate the anniversary of the PASSPO☆'s disbandment by doing a bit of a PASSPO☆ marathon. And then bLogging about everything. Because bLogging about a Japanese pop-punk idol group is exactly why you're here and why I get paid.

I may even include some DVD watching in all this as well! Which is why I went out and ordered all their albums in the limited editions that are no longer in print so I had to spend about double what I could have just buying their regular albums secondhand. LOGMAN plays expert level!

So unlike Kissathon and the Ryan Adams (is cancelled) marathon, I'll be spending a whole day on each album before moving on to the next. Because PASSPO☆ don't have 60 albums. They only have 6. Plus I've made a compilation of all their b-sides. So that makes 7 albums. And even then, if I were to listen to them all back-to-back that would only take ONE day of work. And that seems like I'm just half-assing this. I will only half-ass my actual employment, thank you very much!

So here is how the week is shaping up:

Monday:       TAKE☆OFF + Bonus DVD (4 Music Videos + the making of 2)
Tuesday:       CHECK-IN + Bonus DVD (possibly a live concert from 2011)
Wednesday:  One World + Bonus DVD (9 Music Videos)
Thursday:      JEJEJEJET!! + Bonus DVD (live concert from 2013 + Growing Up MV + Making of)
Friday:           Beef or Chicken? + Bonus DVD (2 Music Videos)
Saturday:      Tracks - LOGMAN's specially curated compilation of b-sides + Live in Shibuya 2015
Sunday:         Cinema Trip + すてんだっぷガールズ！～第1話 ダメダメ怪獣にご用心～ + Last Flight Concert

The whole thing will culminate nicely with their final live concert 1 year after it took place. I had to cram Cinema Trip and すてんだっぷガールズ！～第1話 ダメダメ怪獣にご用心～ onto the same day to make it work, but I'm fine with that because I've listened to them the most.

I really do make the best use of my time...

PASSPO☆ - Let the Good Times End

So fun facts:

A year ago, I discovered PASSPO☆ - a super fun Japanese idol group. Now, normally idol music is really not my thing. But PASSPO☆ just so happen to make music that is pure super fun pop punk goodness and I can't help but listen to it all the time. And their gimmick is they are flight attendants, and I'm a bit of a sucker for gimmicks. Anyways, their album Cinema Trip is brilliant. Second best album of 2017, in my opinion.

So a year ago they released their last single, Stand Up Girls! (すてんだっぷガールズ！～第1話 ダメダメ怪獣にご用心～). It was my first exposure to PASSPO☆. It is awesome.

Today, their song Bachelorette wa Owaranai (バチェロレッテは終わらない) has become my most played song in iTunes, knocking 3eb's Shipboard Cook off the top spot after 3 years. I haven't even had the Cinema Trip album in my iTunes for a year - it's just that darn fun.

And today, PASSPO☆ will perform their final concert.

It's kind of my own little PASSPO☆ circle. I'm sad they are disbanding, but that just seems to be what happens to every Japanese band I become a fan of. I was disappointed to miss them in concert during my trips to Japan and now I won't get the chance. But at least I will always have their super fun pop punk music to make smile. And it's ever so fitting that they take the top spot in my iTunes library on the day they go their separate ways.

Safe travels, PASSPO☆. Logman is your passenger for life!

WrestleMania April Madness: WrestleMania XXXIII

2 April 2017
Camping World Stadium
Orlando, Florida

Attendance: 75,245

Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips, John "Bradshaw" Layfield, David Otunga

My thoughts before this viewing:
It's Good Friday! So I'm watching WrestleMania - which makes it Bad Friday?
I have no idea what to expect here... what's on the menu? Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar? Interesting... a rematch of their "classic" bout 13 years ago, featuring an old man who hasn't wrestled since their joke of a bout 13 years ago. What else? Undertaker vs Roman Reigns? Why should I care? AJ Styles!! Vs Shane fucking McMahon?? What in the actual fuck is that supposed to be?!?!

Fuck this show.

America the Beautiful
Tinashe? Who??
The crowd agrees and boos her into oblivion. But then they like her at the end because she sang about America and shit.
6/10

Opening Video Package
WrestleMania is an amusement park ride. Gawd these muthafuckers love their video game graphics. I wish WrestleMania was as fun as a video game.
2/10

New Day are our hosts this year. I'm not sure why WrestleMania ever needs a host; in my experience, the hosts appear at the start and then only return for some tragic unfunny skit. Maybe. It takes them half an hour to make their way to the ring, which gives WWE time to introduce all 97 different commentary teams. Michael Cole pretends to know everything about Final Fantasy so kids will think he's cool. It might work, because kids are stupid. Luckily, I'm not, so fuck him.

Ad for some shit WWE phone game. It's just Bejewelled Blitz but with WWE pictures.
Kill my phone.

Video Package
AJ Styles loses. A lot.
He's angry. So am I.
He better be getting paid some serious coin to put up with this nonsense.
5/10

AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon
The commentary team are very offended that AJ would be fighting his "boss". But when Steve Austin did it, it was cool? Now they're hyping Shane like he's some sort of MMA legend. I guess that's why he throws the ugliest, fakest punches on the planet.

"Shane doesn't know fear!"
He also doesn't know how to wrestle. BUT he does know how to throw fake ugly punches.
Constantly. For 15 minutes. In fact, he's been winning this entire time - what the actual fuck is this?!? He's not a wrestler and AJ Styles is the best in the world. AJ should have come in and smoked this fucker in 2 minutes, not have Shane kick out of his finisher - and then AJ has to fight off 20 different fakeass looking BJJ submission attempts. Now the Spanish announce desk gets destroyed - first match? How are they supposed to call the action for the next 5 hours? Good luck with your coverage, Mexico - your announcers will have to watch the rest of the show on their phones. They'll need to sign up to the WWE Network right away. Actually, that means 2 new subscribers - smart thinking, WWE! Unlike having Shance McMahon look better than AJ FUCKING STYLES.
Winner = AJ Styles via pinfall following Phenomenal Forearm and not any of his actual awesome finishers
4/10

Styles won but was made to look like a chump.
Fuck this show.

Snickers made another ad where some loser eats a Snickers and then turns into Ric Flair's daughter.
Next year I will eat a Snickers with WrestleMania. And a shotgun.

Video Package
Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens were the best of friends! Except Owens was just pretending. So Jericho put Owens on his "list". Is it a list of people who think Y2J is lame and should fuck off? Feel free to add me to it.
2/10

US Championship
Chris Jericho (c) vs Kevin Owens
Twitter likes Jericho's light-up scarf. Muthafuckers obviously need to pay attention at Xmas. If it were Xmas now, I wouldn't have to be watching WrestleMania. Let's go Xmas! *Clap clap clap clap*
Winner = Kevin Owens via pinfall following powerbomb thing on the ring apron that no one cared about
3/10
New champion!

Aaaaaand I'm bored already. Maybe I should try some tequila. Or at least overdosing on Easter eggs?

Ad for the next event - Payback.
Fuck that show, too.

They give thanks to Tinashe for singing tonight. The cover for her new single is mighty skanky, so thanks for that too?

Video Package
It looks like Charlotte and Sasha had like 158 matches. Seems boring - are there no other women in this company? Oh, now we have Bayley who I'm completely indifferent towards until they show a picture of her as a child with Bret Hart, so clearly now she must win. None of this matters, because the whole thing is set to the cheesiest music possible and is just a promo for some teen drama series like The OC.
4/10

Women's Championship
Fatal 4-Way
Bayley (c) vs Charlotte Flair vs Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
Champ out first because not even a photo with Bret Hart means Bayley has personality. It just means Bret Hart will take a picture with anyone - which gives me great hope, should I ever meet him. The happy inflatable things are cooler than anyone in this match.

Nia Jax is the only woman in the history of WWE that isn't just a playboy stripper. She's The Rock's cousin and, according to Corey Graves, "wants to have the same WrestleMania success as The Rock". Didn't The Rock lose every big match he ever had at WrestleMania? I mean, he lost 3 consecutive main events at his best - if that's your goal, then feel free to aim for the fucking bottom.

Shasha gets a car or something to take her to the ring - pays to have a relative more famous than you or the WWE. Her and Bayley just look like a couple of kids playing dress-up or something - there is nothing believable about them being wrestlers whatsoever.

These entrances are taking forever. They've taken so long I could have made my birthday cake, then celebrated my birthday and eaten the cake, then done my dishes. It's not my birthday for another month. I'm totally going to order pizza and not watch WrestleMania.

Nia just destroys these women and it makes me smile. The highlight of the fucking show is watching a fat lady beat these chicks with ease. I'm telling you, being fat is a completely underrated skill in pro-wrestling.
Nia eliminated via pinfall

Oh cool - you finally get a woman that is a big unstoppable monster... and then have her stopped right away.
Sasha eliminated via head hitting an exposed turnbuckle
That's a great move. Everyone should use it all the time - except do it harder so it knocks them all out and they stop wrestling.
Winner = Bayley via pinfall on Charlotte following top rope elbow drop
4/10

Commentators call it the "Macho Man elbow". Does it make her opponent have a heart attack and crash? Apparently Randy Savage is her hero, despite her being a mere child when he died and she's probably never even seen one of his matches. But whatever.

Hall of Fame Class of 2018
They actually inducted some legit people for once. Except for some dude in a wheelchair whose only tie to pro-wrestling is he maybe bought a John Cena t-shirt once. I'm here writing about every WrestleMania ever so I am way more deserving. Kurt Angle spilled milk all over his tuxedo - someone please find that man a doctor.

WWE Tag-Team Titles
Ladder Match
The Club (c) vs Sheamus & Cesaro vs Enzo Amore & Big Cass

New Day are back because they've remembered they are hosting and probably only get paid per appearance. And they're still dressed as pirates... so they add the The Hardy Boyz to the match.

WWE Tag-Team Titles
Fatal 4-Way Ladder Match
The Club (c) vs Sheamus & Cesaro vs Enzo Amore & Big Cass vs The Hardy Boyz
Holy shit these guys have aged 100 years since they were last here. How on Earth did they pass the drug tests?
"The crowd is in shock!"
No they aren't - mutherfuckers were chanting for the Hardy's before New Day even came out. The crowd knew what was going down. Probably better than the Hardy's.

Wait - a fatal 4-way ladder match? How the fuck does that even make sense? You can't eliminate people in a ladder match! Fucking stupid WWE are so fucking stupid they don't even understand how their own fucking matches work. Fuck you.

But that match was a lot of fun. So fuck me?
Winners = The Hardy Boyz via Matt Hardy climbing a ladder and not failing a drug test. Yet.
8/10
New champions!

Ad for the WWE Network.
Everything it has to offer can be downloaded for free. Or not. I have better things to watch.
Fuck your network.

Jimmy Fallon is in the crowd, if you needed more reasons to hate the guy.

Video Package
Maryse tried talking shit to John Cena, but her trash-talk is so terrible not even he can keep a straight face. You know, despite WWE's money and resources, Miz and Maryse make shittier YouTube videos than your average basement High School student.
6/10

John Cena & Nikki Bella vs The Miz & Maryse
Special Guest Commentator: Jerry "the King" Lawler
Special Guest Ring Announcer: Al Roker
This is such a big deal we need Jerry Lawler to make his perverted comments? Al Roker calls himself "Chocolate Thunder". BWAHAHAHAHAHA I'm actually laughing my ass off right now. This show has immediately improved beyond belief. End now and you get top marks!
Instead you continue... and... give me... The Miz?

Fuck you.

The Miz is such a superstar that the WWE consider his entrance the perfect time introduce the other 621 commentary teams for all the third-world countries.
As always, the fans get a kick out of someone beating up John Cena. Though I don't understand their joy this year - The Miz is fucking terrible.
And now I've lost sound. I'd complain, but it means I no longer have to listen to JBL and Jerry Lawler. This show truly has improved!
Winners = John Cena & Nikki Bella via double pinfall
3/10

John Cena is so happy about finally defeating The Miz at WrestleMania that he asks some woman named Stephanie to marry him. Nikki Bella says yes her place? Odd. And now grown men in the front row are straight up bawling while John and Nikki make out in the middle of the ring.

Video Package
HHH made Seth Rollins a star! But Seth followed the H Bomb's example by getting injured all the time, and that shit only flies when you're married to the boss' daughter. I miss Rollins' hairstyle with the white streak. And his naked pictures. You know what I don't miss but would love to? HHH. And Metallica. It's actually like WWE hate me.
5/10

Unsanctioned Match
Seth Rollins vs HHH
Well now, let's see how much they decided to spend on Big Nose Jerk Face's entrance this year...
Oh, this year he has a team of motorcycle cops to accompany him to the ring. And he has his own stupid ugly bike. It doesn't even sound tough - just sounds like a toy. This guy... he does strike me as the type to get a motorbike in order to combat some sort of midlife crisis.

Holy zombie Jeebus, he really does make me hate the show so fucking much. How about next WrestleMania you put this asshole on first so I can get all the bad shit out of the way immediately? He looks like he's been following the Vince McMahon diet of tanning and steroid sandwiches. Maybe he could also follow the Vince McMahon "looks like he's about to die" lifestyle and fuck off?
Seth Rollins thinks he is Kane and turns the runway into some sort of magic lava that only he can walk on.

Hey now - they replaced the broken table from earlier? Better make sure you break this one as well, then.
You know, for an "unsanctioned" match, they sure are doing a whole lot of basic pro-wrasslin'.
Apparently, shouting "I want to cripple Seth Rollins" is cryptic? Sounds pretty fucking clear to me. That's like when I say "I want tequila". Who knows what I'm asking for, right? Tequila? A Volkswagon?
Fuck you, commentators.
Why does Stephanie have to keep waiting for the referee to be distracted before she can interfere? This is an "unsanctioned" match - there are no rules! She could be in the ring all the time, just kicking Seth Rollins in the balls. In fact, if the WWE have not "sanctioned" this match, why did they provide a referee? And a ring? And a time slot in the biggest show of the year?
Rollins and HHH trade submission moves - but it just comes across like they're hugging.
According to Corey douchehaircut Graves, Rollins has the flu, which "might actually aid him in this fight!". Because if you talk to any Olympian, they'll tell you how they compete at their very best when they are sick and injured. At weigh-ins for combat sports, the fighters usually say stuff like "I had a great training camp and I'm feeling in shape, ready to take him on! It's a real bummer. I wish I were sick, because I think that would be really give me the edge in our fight!"
Corey Graves now thinks "Cerebral Assassin" means beating people with sledgehammers. Fucking. Moron.
"This is very, VERY real!"
No, it's not. It's fucking acting. Most of it terrible. Seth Rollins and HHH aren't even their real fucking names.
You know what would have been fun? Seth Rollins vs AJ Styles. They could have had HHH open the show with a long, shitty match against Shane McMahon, and then had AJ Styles against Seth Rollins - minus the fake injury that has kept him from doing anything awesome in this match. I'm pretty sure I would have given more than one shit about that match. I would have given all of the shits!
Winner = Seth Rollins via pinfall following pedigree
5/10

Musical Performance
Pitbull with Stephen Marley. Pitbull hangs out with Enrique Iglesias and that is cool. Pity his music is balls and not cool. Anyone that needs to rap with another vocal track is garbage in my books. Oh great, now some other fat dude is here to sing along. They've just got the song up loud and these three are singing along. Barely.
1/10

And that 1 is only because some of the dancers are hot.

Dancers have the best butts.

Video Package
Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt were enemies. Then best friends. Now they're enemies again because Randy was just pretending! Wrestlers really suck at knowing who their friends are. Y'all should get some friends outside of wrestling - but not me. I think you're all stupid.
2/10

WWE Championship
Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt (c)
Champ out first again? Maybe everyone sucks so much that they just don't even care anymore?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is the worst graphic I've seen since that kid and his photoshop for WM17

It's fucking 2017. WWE has money but can't do something better than that? A kid with an iPhone could do a better job. Sharknado could do a better job!
I'd like to know what Corey Graves and his stupid haircut think "apex predator" means. Randy hunts apexes?
More stupid graphics BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Winner = Randy Orton via not succumbing to the black hole of terrible projections
2/10
New champion!

I think the crowd cared even less than me.

When you are sweaty and pulling a stupid face, Tapout is the clothing for you!

Ad for Total Divas.
I'd sooner review WrestleMania 34.

Recap of some planes flying earlier so they can introduce some dudes that want to be like Val Kilmer. Or me. I was fucking ace at F-14 Tomcat on the Commodore 64.

Video Package
Goldberg became a legend when he did the unthinkable and defeated La Parka! Oh, and he beat Brock Lesnar twice or something. So now they have to fight again? Paul Heyman makes it all seem way more important than it probably is. And yet still not as important as defeating La Parka.
8/10

WWE Universal Championship
Goldberg (c) vs Brock Lesnar
Paul Heyman also announces Brock Lesnar because he does everything better than anyone else in the WWE. Hahahahaha these guys only have two wrestling moves between them; all Goldberg do is the "spear" and all Lesnar can do is suplex (city, bitch). It's like I am playing a wrestling game but I'm not even good enough to mash the buttons. Eventually, Brock decides he is tired from all the suplexes and ends the game before he dies.
Winner = Brock Lesnar via pinfall following 10 German suplexes and an F5
7/10
New champion!

Brock Lesnar finally defeats Goldberg? Took him 20 years and 3 attempts. Bret Hart beat Goldberg twice - so Brock Lesnar is only half as good as Bret Hart.

Corey Graves didn't watch Superman II with his eyes open and thinks Superman lost.

Buy WWE merch! 33% off my entire order? Wow - that's only 67% I'm totally not interested in paying!

Oh shit, I'd forgotten there was another match - I was about to pack up and go home.

Smackdown Women's Championship - I don't even know what this is called
Alexa Bliss (c) vs Becky Lynch vs Mickie James vs Carmella vs Nattie vs Naomi
Naomi decides to use as much of energy as she possibly can by having her own private dance party on the stage and on her way to the ring.

That seems like a great plan right before the biggest match of your career. Her slogan is "Feel the Glow!" You can't make this shit up! Well, actually you can because someone did. You just have to be a fucking moron.
Becky Lynch still looks like a troll from Labyrinth.

Mickie James thinks she is Tatanka.

I'm like a reporter at the OSCARs asking women what they are wearing and commenting on their outfits, instead of asking them anything relevant or paying attention to their skills and accomplishments. Except most actresses deserve respect and dress awesome at the OSCARS. These women have a stupid job, aren't good at their stupid job and look stupid while doing it. Poorly.
Turns out the first person to get a pin wins the championship, so the current champion just hides and doesn't even get involved 90% of the match.
No.
Sense.
Ever.
Winner = Naomi via some weird submission thing
2/10

You mean that the hometown girl that was given an entrance the length and spectacle of all the other women's combined - including the current champion - was booked to win the match? Shocking!

Feel the glow!

Ad for Payback.
Why do they even bother advertising these shows? The only way I can watch is on the WWE Network, which I must already be subscribed to if I am watching this show. It doesn't cost any extra. I'd declare that a bargain, but this shit's not even worth my internet usage to illegally download.

New Day are back! Of course - the other job of the "host" is to announce the attendance number! Good job, New Day. You are 3 wrestlers at the biggest wrestling event of the year and WWE can't even be bothered booking you in a wrestling match. You should be proud.

Video Package
The Undertaker is old. He and Roman Reigns both think they are dogs living in a yard. I can probably excuse Undertaker for that, as he has taken many a blow to the head over his career. And is old. Then we get some highlights of The Undertaker's career. Foreboding...
6/10

The Undertaker vs Roman Reigns
Guest commentator: Jim Ross
JR is here to commentate? More foreboding...
And no disqualification? EVEN MORE FOREBODING...
If this is The Undertaker's final match, he better come dressed as an undertaker again and shoot some lightning bolts and bring his urn - none of this old man leather cowboy nonsense, ok? If he came out in his Limp Bizkit redneck biker outfit, that would actually be the funniest.

Nope - old man leather cowboy. Lame. And now the commentators are hyping Roman as the underdog. More lame.
Now Roman is a "young machine". I thought he was a dog and he was intruding on Undertaker's yard?
They keep saying Undertaker is the "greatest performer in WrestleMania history!". Muthafuckers should be forced to watching his first 10 WrestleMania matches and then find the balls to say that.
Wait - now this is the biggest match in Roman Reigns' career? Uh, last year he was in the main event for the WWE Championship in front of the biggest crowd in WWE history. But sure, you're right - wrestling an old man that is basically retired in front of a smaller crowd and with no championship implications is totally more important.
This was apparently a "Superman punch":

Well, that explains Corey Graves' plot description of Superman II. He obviously watched a movie about a retard kid playing wrestling, probably saw a Superman t-shirt in it, is a retard himself, and assumed "FHOYFODSHFLNJ SUUUUPERMAN OERIUELLDHFS".

Fuck you, Corey Graves.

Roman Reigns is now "a monster. But Undertaker is a legitimate monster!"
So, Roman is just a fake monster? Is he like a dude online pretending to be a monster but he's really just a dog machine? I don't know, a dog machine sounds a lot like a monster. Or at least, something a monster would battle.

This match is just a one-sided beatdown that shamelessly mimics Undertaker's previous WrestleMania matches with HBK and HHH. Except with Roman doing the beating. Because Undertaker is old. And Roman Reigns is the new young dog machine faux monster.
Winner = Roman Reigns via pinfall following punches and spears and other boring shit
3/10

"Roman Reigns is the future!"
Seriously?
Muthafucka has now main-evented the last THREE WrestleManias - he's the fucking now!

This says a lot about the state of WWE; when The Rock was in his third WrestleMania main event, he was the biggest star in the company and on the verge of Hollywood stardom. Roman Reigns main events for the third time and people still barely give a shit about him. Hell, he's about to main event his FOURTH WrestleMania and is probably liked even less!

Celebrations
The crowd chant for "Undertaker" so he puts all his gear back on and gives the crowd a little twirl, then takes it all off again and leaves it in the ring for someone else to deal with. Lazy bastard. I get that it is heavy and you've just had a long match and the walk to the back is long, but your sweaty gloves and coat and hat should be your responsibility. Fucking diva.

WrestleMania XXXIII: The Awards

1. Best Match
   I have to go with the Fatal(ly Flawed) Four-Way Tag Team Ladder Match. It was way more fun than I had anticipated.
2. Worst Match
   Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt. As if the boredom was bad enough, we got some shitty pictures on the ring to complete the cycle of suck.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Hmmm... AJ Styles did some cool moves. There was a picture of Bret Hart. Hot dancers, maybe?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Those graphics they projected during the Wyatt/Orton match. Ooooh Bray Wyatt you are so scary!
5. Star of the Show
   A.J. Fucking. Styles! Dude was saddled with Shane McMahon and still did his best to make it awesome. He failed, but he fucking tried!!!
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   I don't know... the cover for Tinashe's single?
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Pitbull and his collection of idiots. Well done, Jimmy Fallon - your annoyingness was outdone.
8. Tonight's Meal
   This time I went with straight up vege wraps; baby spinach, red onion, red & green capsicum, mushroom, tomato, avocado and olives topped with an aubergine & cashew hummus. Quite refreshing!
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   I tried to make a mess on it to distract me from the stupidity of this show. I couldn't even get that right. Thanks WWE!
10. Overall Score
    Again, soooooo fucking long! OK, not nearly as long as that last exercise in torture... but still! The entrances were all unnecessary - next time they do one of these giant stadiums, they should use that little cart they had for WrestleMania III so we don't have to wait 7 minutes for each wrestler to get to the ring. And so many fucking ads! Is that what your WWE Network fee pays for each month? A bunch of shitty ads for shitty products? If I were a subscriber, I'd want a refund. And less shitty wrestling.
    4 out of 10

100 Days of Ayum Hamasaki: What Happened?

I'm sure you're dying to know.

You're not?
Well, forget you - I'll tell you anyway!

Firstly, did I succeed in my mission? Yes and no.

When I got to about Rainbow, I hit a crisis and almost cancelled the trip. So once I hit A Ballads, I kinda didn't want to keep listening, because listening to Ayu when I was going to miss out on seeing her live for the millionth time was just frustrating. But after a few weeks, crisis was averted and the trip was back. Which meant I was back to my listening schedule, just with a reduced time frame - each album got 3 days now. So not quite 100 days of listening. So that "yes and no" is quite a Nigel Tufnell "yes and no".

Secondly, why didn't I keep the bLog going?
No idea on that one. I have my draft sitting there for A Song for xx. Maybe I got a bit behind and didn't quite know how to catch up? Maybe I was so focused on trip planning and learning Japanese that I forgot to update the bLog? Maybe I was actually working?

Bahahahaha we all know that wasn't it.

So I apologise to anyone that was looking for my input there. But then also, I like it when I write funny satirical bLogs, and I'm hardly going to do that with Ayu because she is my future wife and it would be rude to mock her livelihood in any way. I'm a respectful and caring young man!

Maybe I'll do something like Kissathon, where I just listen to the albums once and then make quick notes while I'm listening? Maybe? Again, it worked with Kissathon, because for every album that made me cheer there were 2 that made me "WTF?" and then another that made me go "Fuck you, Tommy Thayer!".

Either way, before then I have to do last year's WrestleMania, then this year's Royal Rumble, and then the next WrestleMania. Because I hate myself and want you to hate me even more. And before all that, I am going to finally write up about my trip to Japan. Because it was amazing and you should all be jealous like I am of the people that live in Japan or get to go there. So jealous. Seriously, even watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the other day and Lisa Rinna went to Tokyo with Erika - bah gawd was I jealous. And her fucking kids got to go and hang out with Japanese people and enjoy Japan and oooooh I'm so jealous right now!

Hmmm... maybe I should try and do an Ayu-thon for her 20th Anniversary? It would be the perfect occasion to explore her catalogue and make a totally chronological playlist. But I don't have 100 days between then and now, so I could just do it like Kissathon and try and find ways to make some jokes. Most likely they'll be made at my expense, as I'll enjoy it so much and will get so annoyed when people interrupt me during a great song. But I don't have anything to write about next month - could be a good idea.

Look at this free-flowing thought, growing in front of you. I'm like a fucking tree: long goofy arms and growing up right in front of your eyes, albeit in a boring and slow fashion that you really don't want to stand around and watch. Just pass by every so often on your way to work and enjoy the beautiful leaves. Probably produce some nuts. But if you think your dog is going to pee near me, boy howdy we got a problem!

100 Days of Ayumi Hamasaki: Pre-Avex Recordings

I always play on a level above where I should. Always. So true to that attitude, I am starting the 100 days with some recordings that are completely irrelevant. This 'album' is called Moon and is nothing more than a collection of demos and whatnot. I say "whatnot" because I totally saw a video of Ayu performing one of these songs on a TV show in 1995. She would have been 17 at the time.

Being snippets and demos, the quality of the actual recordings varies between each song. As does the vocal quality. The actual music quality doesn't, however - it all sounds like it was taken from either a karaoke bar or an early 90's anime. Seriously, this stuff would be right at home in my 4-disc Japanese Transformers theme music collection.

Moon is a song. It probably could have been an OK song, had it been recorded better and Ayu's voice was better. She's not awful, but she sounds young and still learning to sing.

Get Out of My Life is actually really fun. Kind of disco. Ayu + disco = good times.

Raspberry Dream is a cool song title

Dance Dance Dance is not a cover of Fall Out Boy's Dance Dance with an added Dance for more dancing. It is instead some sort of latin-sounding boogie number. Picture Miami Sound Machine. But picture it with ears instead of your eyes, because music is for listening - not for drawing.

Roppongi Shinjuu has an awesome intro and some badass electric guitar

Mizuiro no Koi (Love is Blue) is a fun little ditty. I think pitch it up a few notches and it would have been more fun.

Stranger Tonight is just kinda here. I honestly don't know what to say.

Jingi Aishitemoraimasu is legit great. I wish the whole song was on here. Or Ayu had gone on to re-record it circa 2001. Hell, I'd be happy if she made it now, given she hasn't released anything in 2017.

Hold On Me is also kinda fun

Heart De Shoubu honestly sounds like the theme song for a game show. Picture a Japanese man in a bright coloured suit, wearing thick-rimmed glasses, running on a stage and acting hilariously while his mild-mannered female co-host giggles politely.

I decided to use the interwebs to find more information on these recordings and it turns out this is just a collection of old performances on Idol Stage or something. The videos can mostly be found on YouTube - minus the actually worthwhile songs. But this now explains the differing quality of the recordings. I feel like Ayu needs to buy the rights to this entire show and release a full DVD set of this so I have something to watch every weekend.

Then we move on to the Nothing From Nothing EP. This was Ayumi Hamasaki's first legit release - though this was not with Avex (it was released by Columbia Japan) and is more of a collaboration with a hip-hop artist. I believe she was also credited as "Ayumi". Because most of the time just having one name makes you more awesome. Luckily she realised that simply being her full Ayumi Hamasaki was even MORE awesomer.

Nothing From Nothing [Single Version] is an old school hip-hop jam totally what you would expect from 1995. Just in Japanese. And with squeaky little girl Ayu rapping as well singing the hook. I love old school hip-hop - the late 80's to mid-90's is the golden age and quite frankly soothes my soul in a way no other genre can - so this single gets a solid thumbs up from me.

Limit is the kind of summertime R&B groove that makes you want to cruise through your neighbourhood in the sun. Or groove in the backyard with a cold glass of orange juice. Or watch some Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Paper Doll is another R&B slow jam. Ayu getting her South Philly on!

Gut-it-pez is like listening to a baddass classic Arrested Development jam crossed with De la Soul but all busted out in Japanese. Ayu's rapping is cool, and the other dudes on this track have serious character as well. Also, where else could you find Ayumi Hamasaki spitting "A-Y, U to the M to the I"?!?!

Nothing From Nothing [Album Version] seems to be somewhat darker than the single version. Either way, it's a cool song. This is EP is cool. Ayumi Hamasaki is cool.

Nothing From Nothing is genuinely much better than I anticipated. Fun little way to start 100 days of Ayu's awesomeness.