Rocky vs Star Wars

It's an interesting thought, but there are now the same amount of Rocky movies as there are Star Wars movies. While both do have their good points (Star Wars has spaceships, and the Rocky movies are ALL watchable), I thought it would be interesting to finally dispel the myth and prove once and for all which is the greatest film franchise – in true Rocky fashion – with a ten round battle for the championship!

Round One: Story
The Star Wars "saga" – in its simplest explanation – is the story of Anakin Skywalker and his fall (episodes 1 – 3) and his redemption (episodes 4 – 6). Now I'm not going to get into the whole argument about whether that remains true, given the changes to Return of the Jedi, but it took George Lucas 3 films to show Anakin fall, and then another 3 to chronicle his redemption… Rocky does that in EVERY FILM

First round to Rocky

Round Two: Villains
All of Rocky's opponents are very worthy and challenge him to the end, and in the process make him a better person. The only opponents in the entire Star Wars story are Stormtroopers that couldn't shoot Jabba the Hut if he was lying on top of them, and are therefore no challenge to any real Jedi. But before they came about – when technology was somehow better – there were mindless droids that just fired randomly into the deep void of space. Would have been much more impressive if they could have at least joined together to make a big super droid… but then that would have required some work on the part of Obi Wan… and probably some acting. Bottom line; villains in Rocky are awesome, villains in Star Wars are useless

Except for Boba Fett. He was cool

Second round to Rocky

Round Three: Test of Character
Rocky had the heart of a champion and the spirit of a warrior – he never quit when things got tough. Anakin cried in every movie then quit and joined the dark side. His son cried in every movie and quit his training to get his butt kicked by his cry baby quitter dad. Skywalkers are wimps; Rocky is tough

Third round to Rocky

Round Four: Weapons
Jedi's fight using lightsabers, Stormtroopers fight using guns, and the Emperor fights using big crazy lightning bolts shooting from his fingers. Rocky didn't need no weapons – and he defeated Mr. T! Again proving the point that the Jedi are wimps and Rocky is tough

Fourth round to Rocky

Round Five: Story Continuity
Rocky has phenomenal story continuity throughout all 6 movies. George Lucas has a hard enough time understanding what a story is, without worrying about making it all tie together

Fifth round to Rocky

Round Six: Locations
Rocky has real locations – he stands proudly on those steps throwing his fists in the air. And in Rocky IV he stands proudly on top of a mountain in Russia and throws his fists in the air. Star Wars has a bunch of chumps standing awkwardly in front of blue screens

Sixth round to Rocky

Round Seven: Music
The Star Wars theme is pretty cool, but the rest of the music is just typical John Williams filler. Rocky's theme is awesome, and the rest of the music ranges from orchestral score, to cheesy 80's rock like Eye of the Tiger, to MC Hammer! Much more fun than that stupid new age Yanni-type song that now ends Return of the Jedi.

Seventh round to Rocky

Round Eight: Battles
The fight scenes in Rocky are realistic, engaging and exciting. The fight scenes in the Star Wars movies contain a of bunch silly acrobatics while they run around on bits of polystyrene and leave the rest to be filled in by computers so it all ends up boring me to the point where I start throwing popcorn at little children. And don't even get me started on Episode III when the Emperor is attacking Yoda – talk about over acting! Obi Wan vs Anakin = boring; Rocky vs Apollo Creed = knockout!

Eighth round to Rocky

Round Nine…
Jar- Jar

Ninth round to Rocky

Round Ten: Making the Films
Stallone is a better film maker than George Lucas. Oh yeah, THAT JUST HAPPENED! Seriously though, the difference between the two is astounding; where Stallone tries to keep things minimal and works more on the story, Lucas just ignores any sort of writing ability and tries to make up for it by just bombarding the screen with more digital effects than a cheesy 80's pop band. And also, with Rocky 6 Stallone knew what the fans wanted and also knew he could only go down that road to stay true to the character, while Lucas tries to tell the fans what they want – and if it doesn't tie in with anything from the previous films, then he goes back and changes that too! You wouldn't see Stallone go back and replace Burgess Meredith with Hayden Christensen. I doubt Stallone would be stupid enough to hire him for anything in the first place… George Lucas cares more about marketing and merchandise than he does for ever making a real movie, and has spent the last 30 years living off the glory of one movie. So generally I have to say Stallone – in each of the Rocky movies – invokes strong performances from his cast. Apart from Dolph Lundgren; I think maybe he just got told to look tough and keep his mouth shut.


Your winner, by knockout… and the greatest movie franchise of all time…
ROCKY!!!