LOGMAN Builds a Bass or: How To Make Something Take 20 Times Longer Than it Should Have

Our company's managing director recently made a trip to America, so while there I managed to get him to bring me back a large quantity of parts for a bass guitar. I figured this would be the cheapest way to make a great sounding bass guitar for all my recording needs - and I was right. However, as brilliant as I am, the process was not all smooth sailing, as you will find out below in:

The LOGMAN Step-by-Step Guide to Building a Bass Guitar


Step 1: Purchase parts as per below

Step 2: Attach pickups to control plate, feeding pickup wires through bass body chamber.

Step 3: Attach pickups to bass body.

Step 4: Attach control plate and bridge to bass body.

Step 6: Realise you forgot to place the mounting pads under the pickups, which was why you were having such a hard time screwing in the pickups.

Step 6: Remove pickups, attach mounting pads and replace pickups.

Step 7: Attach pickguard.

Step 8: Go to attach neck, but realise there are no screws to do so.

Step 9: Go to Mitre 10 to purchase screws that look the correct size but are too big.

Step 10: Laugh. A lot. Go watch Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan set a steel cage match for Halloween Havoc.

Step 11: After a week of ignoring the bass, install tuners to head of neck.

Step 12: After another week of ignoring the bass, finally order screws for the neck.

Step 13: Screws arrive a week later. Look for power drill that has somehow disappeared into a black hole so attempt to drill holes with someone's cheap and powerless drill. Fail.

Step 14: Borrow power drill, drill holes and attach neck.

Step 15: Install strings. Cut the G too short and have it somehow disintegrate during the tuning process, leaving it completely unusable and impossible to successfully set intonation and tuning.

Step 16: Order another set of bass strings from the US

Step 17: Install strings.

Step 18: Go to adjust action. Discover you do not have an allen key small enough to make adjustments on the bridge.

Step 19: Go to Mitre 10 and Bunnings to buy another set of allen keys - one that contains a super small allen key to adjust the bridge on the bass. They are lame, so you will fail.

Step 20: Find a cheap clearance open set of allen keys at The Warehouse that actually contains the desired size allen key. Say 'boo-yaa' and purchase.

Step 21: Make necessary adjustments to the truss rod and bridge, adjusting string height and intonation.

Step 22: Discover one pick-up is shorting out, so re-cut and solder neck pickup wire.

Step 23: Re-attach ground wire properly and screw control plate back on.

Step 24: Channel Strong Mad and go dow dow dow dow dow DOW DOW DOW DOW because you now have a kick ass bass!!!

Step 25: Don't worry that it could have been done in a matter of days instead of a month.Freak out because you no longer have any excuses to keep delaying your recording. SNAP!