Well the wait is over - the new Miami Vice movie came out today. For those who are not aware, Miami Vice was a tv show that ran from 1984 - 1989 and was extremely influential on pop culture at the time. It is also one of my all-time favourite shows, so this movie has been high on my 'must see' list.
When I first heard they were making a Miami Vice movie, I was a little skeptical. Then I heard Colin Farrell had been cast as Sonny Crockett (originally played by Don Johnson). This quickly moved the film to my 'never watch' list, given that Colin Farrell is one of my least favourite actors, thanks in part to great films like Daredevil and the awe-inspiring Alexander. Also, I was worried this was just going to be another cheesy tongue-in-cheek revival movie like Dukes of Hazard or Starsky & Hutch. In fact everytime I saw the poster in Riccarton Mall these past few months I have offered nothing but contempt for the whole project.
That all changed a couple of months ago when I saw the trailer; not only did it look like they had followed the original dark serious & gritty attitude of the original series, but it was directed by Michael Mann - the man who created the show! Suddenly there was hope...
Ok, so the original show followed Detectives Crockett & Tubbs as they battled drug dealers and low-lives in Miami. What made the show popular was not only the music, fashion & actors, but the show had a very serious tone to it and really broke ground as far as television goes. Every episode involved loads of action that always resulted in gunfire and criminals (and sometimes cops) getting shot or blown up. But it had great stories, and the good guys didn't always win... well, they hardly ever did really. Needless to say I was not allowed to watch this as a child. Anyways, it had this basic formula that worked really well: total action for the opening 5 minutes to set up the story, then the next half hour to develop the characters and give you the whole story, then action for the final 10 minutes as they take down the bad guy. Great stuff 
I've gone off track a little...
So I went to see the movie tonight full of excitement. looking forward to seeing how Michael Mann would bring this legendary show of the 80's into the 21st century. The opening 5 minutes were vintage Vice; big car chase and then feds get killed (which btw had the most gruesome shot since Robocop). The story was set up very nicely...
From there, the movie quickly moved to the MOST POORLY SHOT, BADLY ACTED, BORINGLY STRUCTURED MOVIE you could ever imagine. It was the sort of "film" that would give a High School film student nightmares. I've seen infomercials from China with more coherent dialogue!
Firstly, the whole thing looks like it was shot on super 8. That's cool if you're going for a realistic-doco type movie - not so cool when making an action film. Everything was grainy, shaky and out of focus. There must have been a serious shortage of tripods in Hollywood because the camera could not sit still at all. And other than Jamie Foxx (who was comletely underused) the rest of the cast should have been replaced. I would have rather watched Macho Man Randy Savage play Crockett, than put up with Colin Farrell looking lost in his mullet and moustache for 2 1/2 hours! I've seen Primary School Productions with less annoying attempts for acting.
And as for dialogue, I can't comment because I don't think I could ever understand what they were saying. Everyone mumbled (or in the case of the bad woman, talked like a retarded brick with a speech impediment. Seriously, her acting was that bad) their way through the seemingly endless script with complete boredom. At least you could always hear the dialgue in the show... probably because they yelled most of the time. And there was absolutely no character development AT ALL! If I hadn't seen the tv show, I don't think I would have known what the character's names were. By the end, all the average viewer would know is that a black guy and an 80's porn star could drive, shoot at people and liked sex, thanks to the 5,000 completely irrelevant sex scenes in the opening half hour. I can just imagine what the writer was thinking...
"The movie is up to 3 hours now - guess I should cut some stuff out. I know; I'll scrap all the parts of the story that get deep into the heart of the characters and really help the viewer get to know them. And we don't need much more from Tubbs (Jamie Foxx's character) - he's got a good 10 minutes of screen time already! I'll just fill in the remaining 2 hours with random dialogue between Crockett and the bad woman. Then I'll just randomly insert a sex scene wherever I open the script"
And I promise you this is not some angry disappointed fan tirade. If anything, I think maybe I only liked parts because I am such a fan of the show. Don't believe me? Check out what Jeremy had to say...
Hopefully I have vented enough to sleep easier. I am going now to vote for it on IMDB as one of the worst movies ever, and then watch an episode from the original show so I can erase the image of Miami Vice that now invades my memory.
Do yourself a favour: avoid the movie and just rent the show from the video store. And if you see Colin Farrell, give him an extra kick in ghoulies from me
After all that... it still wasn't as bad as Attack of the Clones
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