Some New Zealanders Don't Like Rugby

Note to Bluebird:

While I do enjoy eating your potato chips, I don't particularly enjoy finding a picture of a rugby player in the packet. Jerome Kaino may be "one of the most athletic loose forwards in New Zealand rugby", but to me that just makes him even more of a jackass.

I Am the One and Only LOGMAN

Yesterday I read about a promo Bret Hart gave a few years ago, in which he made a direct quote from the song "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins. So, naturally, I spent the rest of the day trying to see if I could find a copy of it online for my viewing pleasure. And to show Brad once and for all just how awesome Bret Hart truly is.

Don't worry - this is going somewhere.

Anyways, I tried many different approaches, until I searched google using the term "bret hart + smashing pumpins". Try it, and then go to page 2 of the searches. And what do you see at the top of that page?

MY blog!

Crazy. The link it comes up with is to my May 2007 entries. It made me laugh, anyway.

So in that vein, I decided to google "Logman". Want to know how long it took before this blog appeared?

4 pages!!!

And even then it was at the bottom of the 4th page! My blogger profile came up before it, showing me how little hits this blog gets. I feel so insignificant.

But what was worse was seeing some guy on here called LogMan - because he build houses. Chump.

Oh what a sad way to end the day...


No wait. It's not over yet...

More Conversations with Jay-Z

Back to Jay-Z and his new deal with Live Nation.

I was thinking about how he is contracted to deliver one last album on Def Jam before he can start with Live Nation, and it got me thinking - considering Jay was the CEO of Def Jam up until the start of the year, wouldn't that mean HE was the one who brokered a record deal with himself???

I can only imagine how negotiations went...

Jay-Z “Man, all these rappers today are lame. We need someone awesome to come back and make us lots of money. Ms. Roberts, get me Jay-Z on the phone!”
Ms. Roberts “Certainly sir… He’s in your office now”
Jay-Z “Thanks. Yo, Jay my man, how you been? How’s retirement?”
Jay-Z “Yeah pretty good – not as many bitches and hoes, but I still got my bling so it’s all good”
Jay-Z “How would you like to come back and make a few albums?”
Jay-Z “I dunno… would they have to be any good?”
Jay-Z “Nah, don’t worry about that. But if you can give us 3 albums really quick, we’ll give you millions of dollars!”
Jay-Z “Make it a few more million and you got yo’self a deal. But I want these albums more promoted than anyone else – no matter how bad they are!”
Jay-Z “ALLLLRRIIIIIGHT!!! Now, let me take you out for dinner tonight – Def Jam’s treat, of course”

Old News is Good News

Again with old news, but hey - shows you just how backwards I am sometimes.

I just read that Jay-Z and Beyonce` finally got married in the weekend. Personally, I think it is about damn time. No offense to Jay-Z - everyone should know how much I enjoy his work and respect him as a rapper - but dude, with your looks and history, that is one deal you should have finalised a long time ago.

I've often wondered a guy engaged to one of the hottest women in pop music would postpone their wedding for so long; does he worry about their age gap? Does he want them to focus on their careers while she's still young? Does he want to keep sleeping with other women and not risk them getting divorced and her taking half of his fortune? Probably.

Anyways, here is my theory, presented to you in what I believe would be a typical conversation between the two:

Beyonce “Baby can we get married this year?”
Jay-Z “Sorry, B, but I only made 36 million dollars this year, and a small percentage of that has got to pay for all our champagne and jewellery, some new clothes – and my car is now 6 months old! I can’t have people making fun of me for having such an old car! And that’s only gonna leave me around 25 million to live off for the rest of the year. Maybe you could do a new video in a bikini to help boost sales?”

But then last week, with the news of his HUGE new deal with Live Nation, things changed...

Jay-Z “Good news! I just got me a deal where they give a 25 million advance on the new album. Let’s get married!”
Beyonce “Great! I’ll book the venue and get everything organized…”
Jay-Z “Whoa slow down. It’s only 25 million dollars, so we’ll have to keep it real low key – probably have to have in the apartment. We just can’t afford to spend this too quickly – won’t get another advance until I do another album, which could be a few weeks away”
Beyonce “Can we at least have a honeymoon?”
Jay-Z “Sorry but we just can’t afford it. Plus, I gotta do a sold out concert the next night just to help pay for this damn wedding. Do you think we is made of money or something? Now leave me alone - I gotta buy me some new million dollar sunglasses to use in my latest video. And go put on some hot pants - you ain’t lookin skanky enough today!”

And One Quick Funny Story to End Today's Blogging

This is quite old - surprising I didn't stumble upon sooner given I found the link via DDT Digest. But anyways, it is sure to raise a giggle or two:

Old People Should Not Be Allowed Phones

Oh yeah

Speaking of stupid things that I have been watching...

I watched Mean Girls a while back. And then again last weekend.

I think it is now one of my favourite movies.

I also watched Freaky Friday a few weeks ago and that also is fantastic. I blame Jamie Lee Curtis.

I may dislike Disney and Lindsay Lohan, but they sure do make some cool movies when they join forces.

To complete my Lindsay Lohan kick at the time (myself and a friend also watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and Just My Luck) I got a copy of her A Little More Personal album - if anyone would like a review, let me know.

That Reminds Me...

Does anyone else remember Shooting Stars?

That show was fantastic!

Talk About Bored

Seriously. I can't even think of anything to blog about at the moment!

I have started on blogs regarding all the musical activity from last month, but decided it really needed some sort of visual aids so they will not be posted until after this weekend. But that leaves me with very little options, as my time outside of the office has been filled with drum beats that rock my head until I can't do anything but sit in bed quietly watching old episodes of South Park.

Yes, very old episodes of South Park.

Though it may surprise some people, despite the seriously crude sexual humour, I really do enjoy South Park - though I have a very up and down attitude towards it; when it first came out in '98 it was one of the TV shows that I never dared to miss (along with WCW Nitro, WWF Raw and Shooting Stars), but then as season 2 continued I got very bored with the show very quickly. I went and saw the movie, but at the time I didn't enjoy it at all (more on that later) and then my old pal Steve downloaded season 3 (back when downloading a 20mb TV show was AMAZING) I was hooked again... for about a month. Then a year later he got me to watch season 4 with him and that was it - I was officially a fan again! I blame the "Finger Bang" episode. This made me revisit the movie, and I saw the error of my ways and finally realised the cinematic gold that it truly is. I seriously think I watched it every day for about a month... though that could be because I was in a really weird space and was totally latching on to anything that made me feel slightly entertained, including staying up for 3 days playing Pirates! on my Commodore 64... but that's another story.

Anyways, after Steve downloaded season 5 - which, for the record, took about 5 years to actually air on NZ television - I was excited, but then after watching it I was way too grossed out and it sort of killed my fandom for the show. And yeah, since then I haven't watched it, except for maybe 1 episode where the US Government is trying to start a war with heaven because they believe Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction up there (I think that was season 6) and then 1 from season 10 - the mighty Make Love Not Warcraft episode (if you haven't seen that I recommend downloading it at your next convenient time).

Anyways, as part of my way of getting back in the mood to re-record all of this old material, I decided to revisit some old episodes of South Park and downloaded the entire 1st and 2nd seasons. And boy did I forget just how funny they were! While Mr. Hankey still creeps me out to the highest degree, there are some hilariously funny moments. And these versions have the added bonus of introductions by Matt Stone and Trey Parker (which I had seen on the home video versions, but not all of them) - when they are "entertaining" the old people, I can't imagine anything funnier. Well, OK those do get a bit old pretty quick. But there is one that has me in stitches every time (I'm going to upload it to youtube so I may post a link).

And Not Without My Anus is still far and away my favourite cartoon episode of all time. Terrance and Philip rule!

So yeah, a huge mighty post about how much I like South Park. I would say I'm pretty bored

An Easy Way to Annoy the Kid

I think Lou will understand this one:

I received an email from an acquaintance regarding the movie Juno (which, by the way, if you haven't seen it I highly recommend going to see it right now! Well, maybe finish reading this blog first. Because my ramblings are much more important than going to the cinema. Unless of course you plan to illegally download the movie from the internet, in which case you can start your downloading on a separate tab and then resume reading if you desire)

Oh yeah, the dumbass email:

Ahahaha, speaking of absolutely. WEIRDEST no-point-at-all dream last night. I
saw the Juno ad yesterday so I'm guesing that influenced it.

(look
it up if you dont know what its about, stupidest film ever, I never want to see
it, it looks like a lame story, lame acting, and that little punk was nominated
for best actress, she should NOT have been) THEN read:

My dream was
Rocky standing in front of the Juno poster with little marie going "y'know I
think it's ridiculous, I mean you got these people sayin' its absolutely some
kinda tragic thing havin a kid that young, but yknow its absolutely the wrong
spin, I mean sure you gotta un'erstand it'd be hard, but ykno, that's absolutely
a lil person bein brought to daylight, ykno? I mean I do not see how a
person would call that some kinda dark think ykno? it's this lil person, an it's
got rights, an you gotta respect that, dont see how this is somethin tragic.
thats jus' what i think"

Personally, I think this is the typical reason most normal people don't like Christians - judging something they have no real knowledge of, purely because they have some stupid opposition to something. And then to say an actress is untalented and didn't deserve a nomination for an award without having seen the performance is just completely annoying.

As I said, Juno is a fantastic movie, and anyone who says otherwise is pretty well retarded. I am no longer any good at articulating film reviews, so just ask Lou and I'm sure she will reiterate how good he movie.