Old News is Good News

Again with old news, but hey - shows you just how backwards I am sometimes.

I just read that Jay-Z and Beyonce` finally got married in the weekend. Personally, I think it is about damn time. No offense to Jay-Z - everyone should know how much I enjoy his work and respect him as a rapper - but dude, with your looks and history, that is one deal you should have finalised a long time ago.

I've often wondered a guy engaged to one of the hottest women in pop music would postpone their wedding for so long; does he worry about their age gap? Does he want them to focus on their careers while she's still young? Does he want to keep sleeping with other women and not risk them getting divorced and her taking half of his fortune? Probably.

Anyways, here is my theory, presented to you in what I believe would be a typical conversation between the two:

Beyonce “Baby can we get married this year?”
Jay-Z “Sorry, B, but I only made 36 million dollars this year, and a small percentage of that has got to pay for all our champagne and jewellery, some new clothes – and my car is now 6 months old! I can’t have people making fun of me for having such an old car! And that’s only gonna leave me around 25 million to live off for the rest of the year. Maybe you could do a new video in a bikini to help boost sales?”

But then last week, with the news of his HUGE new deal with Live Nation, things changed...

Jay-Z “Good news! I just got me a deal where they give a 25 million advance on the new album. Let’s get married!”
Beyonce “Great! I’ll book the venue and get everything organized…”
Jay-Z “Whoa slow down. It’s only 25 million dollars, so we’ll have to keep it real low key – probably have to have in the apartment. We just can’t afford to spend this too quickly – won’t get another advance until I do another album, which could be a few weeks away”
Beyonce “Can we at least have a honeymoon?”
Jay-Z “Sorry but we just can’t afford it. Plus, I gotta do a sold out concert the next night just to help pay for this damn wedding. Do you think we is made of money or something? Now leave me alone - I gotta buy me some new million dollar sunglasses to use in my latest video. And go put on some hot pants - you ain’t lookin skanky enough today!”