20 March 1994
Madison Square Garden
New York City, New York - USA
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon & Jerry 'the King' Lawler
My thoughts before this viewing:
I remember most of this show; obviously the opening match and the main event are etched in my brain for all of time. There are other matches I remember, too. And even the celebrities. Though it hasn't worked out too well so far, I do remember this show being really good. I also recall I only ever saw this via the old home video and it was really edited. So I am really looking forward to seeing this live and uncut for the first time ever...
Opening Video Package
We get some cheesy instrumental music over a montage of the first WrestleMania. Then it hits some cheesy early 90's music and some quick graphics. It's like a whirlpool or something? WWF is going down the drain??
4/10
America the Beautiful
Little Richard is here with a big choir.
He is one scary looking dude... but this is sure jammin'!
8/10
Jerry Lawler botches his first joke of the night.
Loser.
Video Package
History of the building feud between Bret 'Hitman' Hart and his younger brother, Owen. Owen grew jealous of Bret and wanted a match to prove himself, but Bret refused to fight his brother. So Owen attacked and injured Bret's leg. Tonight they settle the score. Kind of?
8/10
Best feud ever.
Opening Match
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Owen Hart
Win or lose, Bret will face the WWF World Heavyweight Champion at the end of the show. Because he is awesome.
Owen comes out wearing some patented Hitman shades.
They were probably a gift from his awesome brother, Bret. Owen then shows he means business by breaking them.
And yeah, this match is all kinds of brilliant.
Bret goes for a victory roll but Owen stuffs it and picks up the pin instead!
Winner = Owen Hart via pinfall following rollup
10/10
Owen can't believe it - he is in so much shock he doesn't even notice the big gob on the side of his face.
Then in a truly great moment I wish the cameras had caught properly, Owen sticks up three fingers and shoves them in Bret's face.
Bret looks devastated. His knee is badly hurt and he still has to wrestle the champion in a couple of hours!
Backstage
Todd Pettingill is with Owen who still has a big gob on his face. You would think someone would tell him before doing this segment? I'm guessing they did and he thought it was funny. Says there is no way Bret will win the title tonight - what a crappy unsupportive brother.
6/10
Gorilla Monsoon recaps WrestleMania II for us.
Hairclub for Men gave The Fink a toupee. No joke. They even had the big boss of Hairclub for Men in the ring to announce it. I'm guessing they were a sponsor or Vince McMahon was in need of a toupee he could wear for the next 20 years. He really should have tried to mix it up a bit more.
Mixed Tag Team Match
Doink & Dink vs Bam Bam Bigelow & Luna Vachon
Dink is a midget clown. That is awesome. I know people who would probably consider that their greatest fear.
Vince is impressed with the agility of Bam Bam Bigelow. He's worked for you on and off for the last 10 years, and you are only noticing now? Pay some gawdam attention to your show, Vince.
Winners = Bam Bam Bigelow & Luna Vachon via pinfall following top rope splash
5/10
Dink tries to take on Bam Bam. Luna gets involved. It ends with botch.
President Clinton is in the crowd. But not really.
Remember WrestleMania III? It was the biggest WrestleMania, so most people would.
Falls Count Anywhere Match
'Macho Man' Randy Savage vs Crush (w/Mr. Fuji)
Turns out to win this match you have to pin your opponent outside the ring and he then gets 60 seconds to make it back to the ring. Sounds way more complicated than just pinning a dude.
Mr. Fuji has his salt - that shit should be illegal after last year. Macho Man throws Crush through some doors until they end up in some backstage area, and showing superior fight IQ, Savage ties up Crush and hangs him by his legs from some handily placed scaffolding so he can't make it back to the ring in time.
Well played.
Where is Mr. Fuji? Why isn't he untying Crush? Oh, he is in the ring getting beaten up by Macho Man. Good.
Winner = 'Macho Man' Randy Savage
6/10
In The Crowd
Todd Pettingill says 'Hi' to 'The President'. IRS seems to work with The President.
-1/10
Fan Fest was this weekend. Looks like it was a lot of fun.
Macho Man has already made his way to some theatre to pump up the crowd. What a legend.
Gorilla reminds us how awesome Macho Man was at WrestleMania IV.
WWF Women's Championship
Alundra Blayze (c) vs Leilani Kai
Hey now, Leilani Kai had her chance at the first WrestleMania - why does she get another shot now? The WWF must really like Alundra Blayze because they give her some pretty pyro.
They won't like her so much in 18 months when she throws the WWF Women's championship belt in the trash on live television.
Winner = Alundra Blayze via pinfall
3/10
Men on a Mission come out rapping. They are no Run DMC. But they look like they may have eaten them.
Randomly, Shawn Michaels is backstage trying to mack on Rhonda Shear. And it looks like he's getting somewhere... then Burt Reynolds enters and totally cockblocks him.
5/10
WWF Tag Team Championship
Men on a Mission vs The Quebecers (c) (w/Johnny Polo)
Men on a Mission are both fat, so they should be invincible. I'm somewhat right.
Winners = Men on a Mission via countout
3/10
Men on a Mission start rapping again and steal the title belts. Remind me again, who were the good guys here?
WrestleMania VI happened. I must have missed the part about WrestleMania V - someone please tell me that show actually happened as well!?!?
Video Package
7/10
WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Guest Ring Announcer: Donnie Wahlberg
Guest Timekeeper: Rhonda Shear
Guest Referee: Mr. Perfect
Donnie Wahlberg gets some serious boos. I find it hard to believe that New Kids on the Block were not a popular musical act with pro-wrestling fans in 1994.
The champion comes out first. Why? Because America, I guess. Fuck you.
Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji get in the ring but Mr. Perfect doesn't disqualify anyone. But then he won't count the pin for
Winner = Yokozuna via disqualification
Mr. Perfect didn't like being shoved and he is out of there.
5/10
The crowd start chanting for that all-time popular wrestler - Bull Shit.
Backstage
Todd Pettingill talks to Mr. Perfect and
Call the hotline! The only way to listen to Owen Hart brag about beating his brother.
WrestleMania VII happened. I do not need to be reminded. They choose to focus on the blindfold match? Bahaha good one.
Harvey Wippleman insults The Fink and rips his tuxedo. Jerk
Earthquake vs Adam Bomb (w/Harvey Wippleman)
A couple of slams and it's time for Earthquake to take a seat with his big fat ass.
Winner = Earthquake via pinfall following big fat ass
4/10
Vince thinks that is some kind of record. Pay attention to your gawdam show - there have been quicker matches at every WrestleMania so far. Dick.
Backstage
Todd Pettingill is with Yokozuna, Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji. Cornette does all the talking; he is happy with what happened already and Yokozuna is a shark that will end Bret Hart's career.
8/10
WrestleMania VIII also happened. What do they think I've been doing this week?
Ladder Match
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Razor Ramon (c) vs Shawn Michaels (w/Diesel)
Both men have a claim to being the champion and actually have a belt each, so both belts are above the ring and they need a ladder to retrieve them. Michaels' mullet is getting seriously epic. He climbs the ladder and Razor Ramon pulls down his pants, so Michaels ends up doing a massive elbow drop off the ladder with his butt hanging out.
Almost gave the people a front show, too. Doubt he would have cared - he did pose for Playgirl, after all. Michaels gets his foot tangles in the ropes and I'm wondering where Diesel is, then I remember he got thrown out near the start of this match. Hilariously, Michaels gets his foot untangled but Razor hasn't quite got the belts down, so Michaels throws his arm into the ropes and somehow gets that tangled up.
Winner = Razor Ramon via retrieval of the belts
9/10
Backstage
A team of bad guys can't decide who will be team captain, so their match gets cancelled.
Sounds legit.
In The Crowd
Todd Pettingill is with 'The President' who is now taking bribes from 'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase. In case you didn't know, Vince McMahon is a super-staunch republican and any President from the democrat party gets mercilessly mocked on his shows - Obama has been feeling his wrath for years now. Fuck you, Vince.
-1/10
Remember WrestleMania IX? You should, I only wrote about it yesterday.
King of the Ring Promo.
Spoiler alert: Owen Hart wins. They should just rename it The Harts Are Awesome.
Video Package
Bret 'Hitman' Hart highlights package set to Makin' Some Noise by Tom Petty. Clips of the Hitman beating everyone in the WWF, including getting Ric Flair in the sharpshooter to win the WWF World Heavyweight Championship!
10/10
Video Package
Yokozuna squashing everyone in the WWF set to a basic WWF instrumental.
8/10
Main Event
WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Yokozuna (c) (w/Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji)
Guest Ring Announcer: Burt Reynolds
Guest Timekeeper: Jennie Garth
Guest Referee: 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper
I totally had the hots for Jennie Garth when I was about 12. I didn't have the hots for Burt Reynolds, though. He has a cast on his hand because he apparently beat up some criminals.
The champion comes out first again because aaah who cares...
Bret Hart hobbles out on his injured leg and Yokozuna jumps him before the bell. Cheating bastard!
Yokozuna is really fat. Jim Cornette tries to interfere so Pipe decks him. Yokozuna misses his banzai drop and hits his head.
Winner = Bret Hart via pinfall following Yokozuna being fat and stupid
New Champion!
7/10
Even Burt Reynolds is losing his shit over this.
Bret is basically dead in the ring. The entire locker room empties - even Gorilla Monsson is there - to shower Bret with praise for finally defeating the evil fat Japanese monster, Godzilla. Wait, Yokozuna? Oh, Godzilla is next week...
Owen Hart hits the entranceway and the wrestlers invite him in to the ring to join the celebrations, but he'd rather fume outside and give Bret the evils.
He leaves so Bret goes back to celebrating while his awesome theme blasts throughout Madison Square Garden to send us out.
WrestleMania X: The Awards
- Best Match
Bret 'the Hitman' Hart vs Owen Hart
No words do this match justice. - Worst Match
Men on a Mission vs The Quebecers
I like Jacques Rougeau. I like their theme song. But Men on a Mission were terrible in every conceivable way. - Highlight of the Show
Aside from that opening match, I'd have to go with the music video they did with Makin' Some Noise by Tom Petty. It was seriously great, and I long Bret Hart had to put someone in a sharpshooter to them to use that song (he is a big Tom Petty fan, so I doubt that was a coincidence) - Lowlight of the Show
President Clinton. Seriously, Vince, you are cockhead and politics are completely unnecessary in the world of professional wrestling. I doubt we'll get any skits involving George W. Bush once we hit WrestleManias 16 - 24. Fuck you. - Star of the Show
Bret 'Hitman' Hart. No question; he bookmarked the show with great matches and got the celebrations at the end. That moment with all the good guys joining him for the celebrations was the stuff. - Best Celebrity Appearance
Jennie Garth. She did nothing, but she was Jennie Garth and that is a good thing. - Worst Celebrity Appearance
Hard to say - they didn't do a lot and I don't feel like punishing Donnie Wahlberg just because NKOTB weren't the hottest band in the world in 1994. - Tonight's Meal
Tonight's wrap was a return to the hoki fillet with avocado, baby spinach, spring onion and tomato, topped with tartare sauce. I stuck with the Pepsi Next as I was need of some serious caffeine and it is really quite tasty. I don't even recall if the Oatmeal Creme Pie has any flavour tonight... - T-Shirt Cleanliness
If the iron-on transfer didn't protect this t-shirt so much, it would be looking much worse after tonight. - Overall Score
Awesome show. Bret Hart opened the show with the greatest match and then ended the show with a feel good moment. Sure, he was bookending some pretty average stuff, then some pretty crappy stuff. But the ladder match was also crazy good. And Jennie Garth. I'm going to watch that Makin' Some Noise music video again.
8 out of 10
No comments:
Post a Comment