Soy Latte + V Shot

I just tried it.

I had a quick sip of the V shot first because those things are seriously not good. Then I dumped the rest in my coffee, stirred it up and knocked it back.

Can't say it was the smartest thing I've ever done...
But I live by that whole adage that you have to try crazy things before you get too old and 'bizarre' becomes 'immature'

What?
You mean I passed that age years ago?

Bummer

True Love Travels on a Gravel Road

I just realised that there have been many a reference to the mighty Elvis Presley in my bLogs as of late. I'm going through a bit of an Elvis phase at the mo' (lucky I always have plenty to keep myself going) and that could explain it. Well, explain it better than maybe saying a Stegosaurus once battled my ancestors in a game of Chess and the winner was declared the new Emperor of Star Fleet in the year 3524... though I do like that theory.

Elvis rules so get over it.

Anyways, the good vibes of From Elvis in Memphis has gotten me in a good mood for blogging for once. So I might drop by tomorrow and let you all know my opinion of the Abbey Road remaster as I had a good listen the other day (Managing Director brought it in for me to listen to as he was interested in my opinion - like everyone else is, I am sure).


But of course, now that I have said that I will probably look at my blog tomorrow and go 'Nah, I'd rather just see what happens when I mix this shot of V with a soy latte'

The BLog is Mightier Than the Blog... or something

I think Baron von Aaron of the Flying Doofus Brigade must read my blog; he's barely said a word to me since I posted my rant on how annoying he is. Hasn't even told me about how awesome it was to play lots of guitar in the weekend with his amazing musician friends, or even commented on the quality of the mix for the Elvis songs I'm listening to (for the record, right now it is disc 2 of I Believe. Awesome set this). I was half expecting a pointless conversation where he acted like he was seeking my advice on what to do about his broken Telecaster, only to completely ignore what I suggest (I've told him to purchase a new neck from the same place I purchased the one for my bass, so any day now I expect him to come to work and brag about how he fixed it himself with some parts from a ukulele and a lot of polyfiller).

While I am sure the good life won't last, it would be pretty awesome if everyone I worked with started reading my blog and following my advice. Especially the parts where I tell them they suck in comparison to my barrels of awesome! I doubt any of that would get me fired...

So for my work colleagues or whatever the crap you fools want to call yourselves, here are some more things you can do to make our office a better place to spend the day:


Better Use of the New TV
Our office won a fancy new TV, but instead of just giving it to me they decided that having a closed auction between staff would be better. Personally, I don't agree but am willing to compromise: place it behind my computer monitor and hook it up to my PC so I can play DVDs all day. You don't know how many times a day I think "This productivity analysis is boring - I wish I were watching Aloha From Hawaii right now"

New Computer Speakers
I realise that I really only get to use them on Fridays or lucky days when Claudine is sick or something. We'll get to that next. But I'm thinking to go with the TV, we should get some sort of home theatre system. I'm not in need of anything too fancy. A simple Wharfdale system will suffice. You can get rid of that big ugly cupboard behind me to make room for the rear speakers - it only has old papers and things in there anyway.

My Speakers Go Up to 11
Yeah the whole headphones thing is tiring. I get sick of having to take them off all time - effort is not my strong point. So you guys can all just start closing your office doors. And by closing, I mean lock them and build new ones that lead you through each other's offices and nowhere near my little space out here. Then I can watch Queen rock Wembley at an appropriate volume.

I Win All the Damn Time
You know that saying 'Are ya winning?' that you all just LOVE to use? Yeah... it sucks. Even more than you guys. I am not a lame old southerner like the rest of you so that automatically means I win whatever crappy game you think we are playing. And I drink Brawndo, so you are all completely p'wnd right now.

Where is My US Trip?
I've been here 3 years now and there is still no sign of my company paid trip to the good ol' U.S. of A. And on greater thought, Seattle is pretty lame; I mean, sure, when I was younger I wanted to go there because that was the home of grunge and my favourite bands like Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains and I wanted to see if the Mother Love Bone wall is still there. But I was young and foolish then. Now I have grown up and realised the error of my youth and really couldn't care less about any of that. Plus, learning more about the logging industry and spending all my time with Americans in a Starbucks really doesn't sound all that appealing. So why not send me to the one place in America I really do want to go: Graceland! Anything I learn there would be much more beneficial to my future than in our head office. I mean let's be real, what am I going to be doing in 10 years time; cutting down trees or performing as a washed up Elvis tribute artist in dingy clubs all over New Zealand?

Just don't touch my stuff while I'm away - especially my empty energy drink bottle collection that is now so large it takes up half my desk and blocks the calendar. That's just part of its charm.


I think this would be a good start to improving the moral in the office. And by "the", I mean 'my'. And by "moral", I mean 'possibilities to do even less work than I do now without being interrupted'

The King Liked His Burgers

I was just looking at the CD holder I have sitting on my desk today; quite fitting that being a big hamburger, it is filled with Elvis CD's today.*

There are a couple of Lindsay Lohan CD's in there too - and she could probably do with a couple of hamburgers herself.**


*Even when Elvis was overweight, he was still a hundred times cooler than should have been humanly possible.

**I still love you, Lindsay

Lessons in Annoying LOGMAN part 53

Aaron
A workmate and colleague...
And by far the biggest jackass I have ever met. You know those people who know nothing about a subject, but because you do they talk about it like they do? Well, that is Aaron; a guy in his very late 30's (pretty sure he turned 39 this year) with a wife and 2 young children, who for some reason (mid-life crisis perhaps?) decided when he started working here that he too needed to become a guitarist. And that means that every damn day I have to hear some story about his friends who happen to be "awesome musicians" (whoopideedoo) and his own exploits with the guitar. Then there are days I have to hear about some crappy New Zealand band or artist that he is currently listening to. Hey guess what? I don't care.

A fellow guitarist and I have a code name for him when discussing his latest idiotic ramblings - Australian Wood is Crap Guy (or AWCG); for you see, he asked about my acoustic one day and decided he would never buy one like it because it is Australian made and "Australian wood is crap". Oh really, fool? So my acoustic guitar that I have owned for 8 years and traveled all over Australasia with and is still in great condition and sounds beautiful and in fact gets better as it gets older is "crap"? Am I the one that bought a Telecaster that 3 months later developed a split in the neck, despite a knowledgeable guitarist (i.e. ME) telling you not to buy it?

Shut the fuck up.

Oh what was that? Today you want to take your stupidity to a WHOLE NEW FUCKING LEVEL OF DOOM???

“Last night I played all 4 of my guitars AND my
ukulele!”

Yes, because that makes a huge difference to how much of a complete tool you are. I mean, obviously the way to get better as a guitarist is just play on a range of shitty guitars instead of playing on one good guitar for an extended period of time. And I'm sure your young boys love that you choose your guitars over spending time with them. Well done *clap clap*

“That sounds like a good mix of Heartbreak Hotel”

Ummmm so you are an expert in mixing now? And considering it is the ORIGINAL mix, and I'm listening to it through the damn speakers on a PC, WTF DO YOU KNOW??!?!?!!??!??!

Please, just go back to playing your hilarious songs about putting the kids in the Hilux and going up to the mountain. At least I can get a chuckle out of that stuff.


Some days I just want to punch him in the face he makes me so mad

How About a 'Thank You' Next Time?

I went out busking today during my lunch break. Was fun; with some Sound Workshop gigs coming my way early next year, and some vocal recording planned in the next couple of months, I figured it would be a great way to keep my voice in top shape and such. And today was good as I felt really confident hammering out Third Eye Blind's Narcolepsy so that was kind of heart-warming.

Anyways some homeless dude came up and asked for a couple of dollars, to which I chuckled and explained that there was no real money in my guitar case - I use old NZ coins that are no longer in use (as in the old big 20's 10's and 5's) plus a couple of Australian coins I found around the house, and I hadn't been making anything (I legitimately had only made about $1 at this point). After he finally clicked as to what I was talking about, he took an Australian $2 coin and some old 20 cent pieces and said he was going to use them and just walked off... I couldn't help but just watch and think 'Y'know, a thank you would have been nice'

Homeless bums just have no manners these days