Logan vs The Computer v3.2

Long time no blog

How are we all? Good? Bored? Not even here???

So where has Logan been?
Working. Yes the place that pays my salary actually began requiring actual effort from me. Lots of effort, in fact. And people should know by now that I basically refuse to blog at home due to the painfully slow slow behaviour of my PC (it's only real use is copying DVDs and downloading wrestling. It's not even that particularly talented at playing music. And no, I don't take my Mac online because it is far too busy doing other things). So yes, mix the work with a completely uninspired and grumpy Logan and what do you get?

2 months of nothing

So why blog today? Well, for starters, a certain afro-sporting Luchadore returned and that inspired me to revive the blog. Like the 28th anniversary of the murder of John Lennon inspired me to listen to his music non-stop at work this week (it felt weird playing songs that weren't his today, but I can't really remember many of his songs except Instant Karma! and a couple of old Beatles numbers that people don't know/like). But yeah, I figure if Rogan Rodriguez can blog about how a ninja stole his laptop, then I can blog about something...

Can I?

The only thing worth blogging about today is my readings on Expelled, but that thing is so old that I would feel even more behind the times than I actually am (but not - I think that it actually is a fair representation of just how far behind in things I am).

You know what? I think I am just going to blame me not blogging on the emotional trauma of Hulk Hogan's divorce. Not to mention those recordings of him talking to his son in jail - that was awesome heelish Hollywood Hogan at his best.

What? That wasn't a promo? He really is scum bag with no regard for human life?
Fair enough. But not like he gave the guy a legdrop or anything.
Get over it

To the Piece of Shit I Saw Run Over a Family of Ducks This Morning:

I HATE YOU!!!

Quote of the Week

"I am more determined than ever to fight to clear my name."
- Tony Veitch outside court after he was charged with 7 counts of assault.

Ummm, dude - you already admitted to beating her. Remember that?
Unless you plan on taking that back and find some magical spell to make EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE FORGET, then I don't know how you plan to clear your name.

Also, pretty funny that he claimed it was a one-off 'lashing out' (you know, when he made all those excuses about it being a very dark time for him and all that), yet he's been charged with another 6 counts of man on woman assault for incidents between 2002 and 2006.

Enjoy calling the inter-prison rugby tournaments, scumbag!

Where Has Logan Been?

On his couch.

Yes, Logan got a bit sick a couple of weeks ago. And by quite sick, I mean had no energy to go anywhere or do anything or walk or talk. So he spent a week or so lying on his couch watching Miami Viec and La Parka. Not at the same time, silly. But how awesome would it have been if La Parka was on Miami Vice? You don't care? You don't even know who La Parka is?

Don't say I never do anything for you.

Anyways, I'm feeling much better now - thanks for asking.

So much better, in fact, that I have been spending my evenings back at work on my music. Figured I need to resume the work I started 4 months ago and finally get all these songs done and over. Have laid down the drums on about 40 of them now, so that is good progress (I hope).

The problem is, I totally lack inspiration. So if anyone has any ideas or wants to get me some for Christmas, I would gladly appreciate it.

That said, I am actually alive and can now resume my life online.

Tales From NZ - The Land of Idiots

Looking at all this furore over Tony Veitch beating the stuffing out of his partner in 2006, I find one thing very interesting:

Namely, so many people think he is still a "great guy" and that this is no one's business. Furthermore, that he shouldn't be prosecuted because he paid her so much money and has said he is sorry.

I'm sorry, but what freekin' century is this country stuck in?!?! Have we all gone backwards and decided that hitting a woman is OK? How about knocking her to the ground and repeatedly kicking her with such force that she suffers broken vertebrae and head injuries - is that what a "great guy" does??? Or was it the fact that he gave her $100,000 to keep her mouth shut so he wouldn't lose her job? Yeah I guess that was pretty "great"

I am honestly sickened by the reaction by people of this country. On the radio the other night, countless women called in to say that people should just leave him alone and that if she didn't press charges then it must be OK. Yes, I'm sure that's why she didn't press charges - I wouldn't be at all afraid of someone who had just beaten me to the point where I had a broken back and couldn't walk.

The other common argument in his defence is 'If he was just an average guy not on TV then no one would care.'

WRONG! And on so many levels.

Firstly, if he were not on television it would still be reported by police and therefore public knowledge. And a court case that garners public attention, as such a violent crime would, is not going to be attractive to ANY employer.

Secondly, the fact is this guy IS on television every night (and the radio as well) and as such has the public image of his employers at stake. Would you hire Mike Tyson to present your sports news? No. And not just because his speech is mangled and less intelligent than an old man eating a box of marbles. You wouldn't hire him to do that job because it would make your station look completely bogus to have it fronted by a nut job that beats women.

And thirdly, if this was just an average guy from down the road you would all condemn him and expect him to be prosecuted. I hope.


And if it is indeed true that TVNZ knew about this incident long before the public, then someone needs to answer some questions over there too.

Maybe Tony Veitch can place a big rugby ball under his arm and the hell off my TV as well?

I'm Right! Now Get Lost

I had to laugh this morning...

Everytime I bash rugby, people tell me how much money it brings the country - despite the fact that 'the country' doesn't actually see that money, but the rugby clubs and and players with their ludicrous salaries do. Sure tourism can help, but I doubt many people come to New Zealand specifically to see the Canterbury Crusaders play against the Auckland Blues. If they do, then they need to be shot on entry to the country.

Anyways, despite all the claims about how profitable rugby is for our country, the NZRU released a report today stating that last year's Super (crappy) 14 lost them $10 million. Wow. Good to know those billions of dollars spent promoting the sport are worthwhile.

This renews my anger at the New Zealand government putting $20 million into the redevelopment of Eden Park for the Rugby World Cup. Oh yeah sure, you can all try and tell me just how much tourism the competition brings into the country - and I will always just tell you to go read how much tourism it brought to Australia in 2003. The answer? WAY under what they expected. In fact, their numbers actually dropped by 2% from the previous year. The Tourism Minister at the time tried to pretend that any increases they saw was a benefit of the World Cup, but last year even the Australian Rugby Union admitted that they lost money by hosting the cup there.

$20,000,000 is a lot of money that this country could use for something a whole lot better, especially at this time when we are looking more and more like a third-world country every day. I keep waiting to see a World Vision ad with that big grey hairy dude, and he goes up to some little kid and says "This is Tania - say 'Hi', Tania' "Hi" ' Tania lives in Wainoni with her Parents, her Grand-parents, her cousins and her next door neighbours. They stay inside all day because they can't afford to use the car, and they don't use the lights because they can't afford to pay for the electricity. They had to sell all their furniture so they could buy fruit and vegetables last week"

Seriously though, why do my taxes have to go towards a game I hate just because some people wanted to make a living doing something stupid and are now finding that it doesn't make money? Curses to you, rugby and your year long season of doom!

I hope they keep losing more and more money. Take your incompetent business abilites and get the hell out of my life!

You Wanted a Post?

So, Louise has requested I make a new post. Fair enough, as I haven't done anything of note on here in about 4 years...

The problem is I have nothing to blog about. I spend most of my time never reading anything of interest - other than the continuing troubles of Zimbabwe - and can never seem to find the energy or steely determination it requires to write a blog worthy of my award winning* blog site.

Of course, a short time ago, I did consider posting a review for Corduroy's album Dad Man Cat. Would you like to read that? I was also considering posting future album reviews on here too - just to solidify my status as a music geek. If that would meet your approval, then please let me know.

As you can tell, I have a serious lack of sources for humorous material at the moment (George Lucas and Paul McCartney haven't anything remotely annoying lately. Bastards). And I don't like it when this blog isn't funny. I can't even think of something witty to put in this particular blog! So with all creativity lost, I decided to head to the newspaper...

Turns out Bill Gates is retiring in 2 days. I had no idea - I guess he must have taken me buying a Mac pretty hard. Sorry, Bill, don't take it personal; it's not that I completely hate your company for trying to monopolise the computer industry while continuing to give customers the same bug-infested crappy software every year, resulting in the development of the worst operating system possible and office applications that are basically the same as they were 10 years ago except the buttons are round and there are now probably 2000 more security issues, and Hotmail is totally pants, and Internet Explorer is slow and just begs undesirable internet surfers to send you viruses. Pfish, not even.

Enjoy your retirement, Bill. You have enough money to not be bored for the both of us.


Does that even make sense???


I guess it is true what they say; an Apple a day keeps Bill Gates away.


*Logman vs The Human Race won the Academy award for "Best Performance by a Blog in a Supporting Role" and a Grammy award for "Best Music Geekdom" which was subsequently returned because we here at Logman vs The Human Race think the Grammy awards are about as fantastic as eating deep-fried shoes. And I'm not talking about good shoes - I mean a pair of cruddy old B-52s that some snot-nosed little kid has been wearing to school all year. Even on mufti days. What a clown. I hope all the other kids made fun of him.

Sometimes It's NOT Worth the Trouble

I just wrote a big long blog. And for some reason stupid blogger only saved half of it. Bastards

Nazi's Should At Least Be Consistent

With the recent threat of power shortages and all that malarkey, our forest tech guy in the office has started getting on his high horse about our power consumption - as in, when he leaves he turns off the light in other people's offices if they are out, telling people off when they leave something on, etc. I don't have any problem with this - I am a firm believer in environmental awareness (as well as other forms of mental awareness). But what I find most entertaining is this:

When he goes home every night, he refuses to turn off his TWO 22 inch wide screen monitors.

Needless to say, I chuckle quite a bit every night. It's like dude, you are getting annoyed because someone leaves on a 60 watt light bulb, yet you can't turn off the biggest power suckers in your office? Not like turning them means you can't turn them back on in the morning.

And now all I'm thinking about it is the classic Alan Partridge line: "Needles to say... I took drugs"*

I hate it when a funny moment of a TV show completely takes precedent over something to the point where the mention of one word or line will be associated with that funny TV show moment for the rest of your life. What's worse, is how my flatmate can basically twist anything I say into a conversation from Corner Gas. She really needs to get out more.

This from a guy who has based all his love and relationship advice on what he has learnt watching Felicity.

But it works, dammit.
Next time you have relationship troubles, come to Dr. LogLove and test his Felicity theory for yourself. Comes with a 60 day money back guarantee



*for those who don't know, that line is when Alan and another woman are on a talk show discussing their auto-biographies; hers documenting her drug addiction, and his following his complete failure in life. When she comments that all his anecdotes end with "Needless to say, I had the last laugh" he tries to come back with "Your book could have said 'Needles to say... I took drugs'". Not quite as funny as the whole "I forgot - you're not Bono" line, or "Fe-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an ungrateful bunch of bastards!" but still, quality television

Your Kids are Stupid? Then Don't Take Them to the Movies

The other night I went to the cinema for the first time in many, many months. In fact, it has been so long since I went to see a movie, that I can not recall the last time I did.

Anyways, it was such an exciting experience that I was steadily reminded of the 2 main reasons I never go to movies any more:

1. People take children to movies they aren't interested in seeing because the parents can't find babysitters. So said children talk and fidget all through the movie and piss Logan off like they've been playing with his 20th anniversary Optimus Prime.

You see, next to me was a young boy and his idiot young father. And for the duration of the entire movie, aside from the boy stamping his feet on the ground and constantly reshuffling himself and his noisy jacket of doom, the man was having to explain all that was happening to his son. And I'm not just saying complex things (it was Indiana Jones, after all) but crap like the boy asking his dad "Who's Oxley?" when they had only been talking about him for about 40 minutes and Indy and his son had been going into GREAT detail about who Oxley was and what he meant to them both only 10 minutes earlier. I almost turned to him and said "Oxley is my boot and he is going to be stomping your ugly face in if you don't shut your pie-hole!!!"

I had the same problem when I first went to see Return of the King; some idiot kid kept asking his mother to explain the movie to him the whole way through. I don't get why parents insist on taking their children to movies far beyond their mental capacity. If I had children and they dared to ask me stupid questions during Kill Bill, they would get a samurai sword through the eye.

It is also beyond me why parents think it is acceptable to take their children to long movies so late at night - I go to later showings to avoid stupid annoying people and their annoying stupid little brats, only to find that some parents insist on their children living the same crappy life as them. Seriously, would you take a child to see Return of the King if it started at 8pm on a Tuesday night? Or Indiana Jones and the Long Movie of Doom at a similar time??

Sure, my dad took me to see all 3 original Star Wars movies late at night when I was 5, but that's because he has no parenting skills.

2. People refuse to turn off their cellphones.

I've said it before and I will no doubt say it many more times before I am murdered by a crazed religious nut - human beings these days have a sick dependency on their cellphones. And it is never better shown than in a movie theatre, where people will either txt the whole time or turn on their phone as soon as the movie is over. The next time you go, watch the crowd and laugh as you will see everyone turn on their phones at the same time. But anyways, what really bugs me is having to see people's big bright cellphone screens glow while they txt away thinking they aren't bothering anyone.

NEWSFLASH: PEOPLE CAN SEE LIGHTS!!!
Idiots.

But really, why is it people can't handle breaking away from their phones for 2 hours to watch something they have paid $17 to see?


Of course, nothing will ever compare to my worst movie-going experience ever, which involved a group of drunk people in the front row drinking and yelling, walking around and yelling to each other, and then lighting up joints periodically. Good times.

Let's Get Green, Fools!!!

Word up to Jim Anderton - easily my favourite person in the current NZ Government - for this bold but necessary move:

New Dolphin Protection Measures

But what I wish was in the article online, was all the backlash printed on the front page of today's paper. Comments like "Jim Anderton may well go down as the man who took the fish out of fish and chips" and how now people will have to "go without fish in their diets"

Seriously, I am sick of humans and their ignorance to the plight of other species - a plight that WE have caused. Without serious action like this, this would be the end of another 2 species of Dolphins. That means we would never see them again, people! They can't come back once we've wiped them out. If that means that people have to fish more sensibly, then so be it. Fishing nets cause a complete waste of marine life that is totally unnecessary, especially considering how 'advanced' our culture is supposed to be - yet these people are still using the same technique they have forever. Why? Because it is cheap and causes the least amount of hassle.

I realise this also means some people are going to lose their jobs - and I do feel bad for that. But I am in the same boat, and I will get to that in a minute...

Anyways, this Dolphin issue very much reminds me of the plight facing the Big Cats - you know, Lions and Tigers and the like. They are being wiped out at an alarming rate, and purely because humans are encroaching on their habitats for themselves. And before anyone tries to justify that sort of thing to me by saying we need more room for people to build homes, let me ask you this: if I knocked down half your home, built a new home on your property and moved my family in, and then shot you when you complained and tried to defend yourself, how would you feel?

OK now on to Kyoto It is so sad to see how little this world is willing to make changes to try and keep this world together, environmentally speaking. It's bad enough that countries like the USA refuse to join and now Canada are considering pulling out because of the cost it is going to mean (i.e. loss of jobs and such), but for the Wall Street Journal to ridicule New Zealand for moving to implement it starting next year is just disgusting. I work for a forestry company and have sat through many a meeting about Kyoto, so I know what it means for this country... as best as I can, anyways. I mean, things still are quite up in the air about this stuff right now. But quite frankly, we've left it late enough to start worrying about how much we are destroying the environment and if we don't get our shit together soon then it is going to be too late to do anything about it. This planet's resources are infinite, and with the population ever increasing our natural resources are dwindling away. Not to mention the fact that we are killing off every other living thing on the planet without the slightest concern. That has always been my biggest gripe with religions (not just Christianity) and why I could never align myself with any of them; they are all based on the fact that man (that is 'man' - not just humans in general) is superior to everything on the planet. But why would God put us in charge of everything and everyone when we can't even take care of other humans???

I have no doubt that if the Kyoto treaty is adhered to in this country, then I - like the fisherman who can't fish without killing dolphins - will not have a job in a year or so. But the fact is there are other jobs out there. And losing a job is a small price to pay to see some improvement in the way we think about the environment. I can think of so many people that have given their lives for so much less.

So stop whining, people! Change needs to be made and they need to start now. If it means you can't kill some dolphins, then so be it. If it means you can't move into land that is occupied by Lions, then by all means stay where you are. And if it means we all have stop using so much of everything then let's hope people can find a way.

A Good Sign

May is now officially my most blogged month this year!
Still only managed to get the average up to around 1 blog every 2.5 days.

Remember when I used to blog everyday about something in a humorous way?

Me neither

Who is More Important?

I was thinking the other day, and while that sounds scary, try and figure this one out for me:


There are 2 continents that use the name 'America' - North America and South America

South America contains 12 countries.

North America contains 23 countries (jeepers I didn't know that! I always just thought it was just Canada and USA - forgot Central America is really a part of the Northern continent)


Yet, only those from the United States of America - 1 country out of the 35 that occupy the American continents - are called Americans.

Random Notes from My Day at Work

I thought it might be fun to jot down some things as I think of them today. And not just because I have nothing to blog about. Not at all.

So anyways, here are some of my random thoughts from the day, which seem to relate mostly to my poor typing skills. But considering that was pretty much all I did today, we are all pretty lucky I managed to keep my composure and not go on a kill-crazy rampage on the 12th floor.

• I get so confused having to enter dates in the American format.
  
• SK isn’t a valid tax code? Curses to you, FAS Asset Accounting!
  
• Every time I enter the ‘OC’ code, I just picture Jason Bateman looking at me and saying “Don’t call it that”
  
• Gilchrikst does sound a lot cooler
  
• Sno is also not a valid tax code. I look forward to playing in the sno sometime this winter (with luck – not too hopeful considering I move close to the beach in 8 days)
  
• On a related topic, isn’t it odd how if you say to people that you like the snow, they automatically assume you ski or snowboard?
  
• For the record, I can’t do either and don’t care if I ever do. I just want to make snowballs and throw them at old people

Anyone else get the feeling my typing is pretty lousy???

Me and My Lousy Typing

Everytime I have been typing From Dusk Till Dawn, it has been coming up as From Duck Till Dawn.

I think someone needs to make a spoof


but what's worse?
how about going to type From Duck Till Dawn, and instead typing From Dick Till Dawn.
Seriously.

I'm going back to bed now

And Speaking of THAT Wonderful Vampire Movie...

Given my love for From Dusk Till Dawn, I can't figure out why I was so surprised by Planet Terror.

I mean, I just did NOT expect it to be that cool. It was almost like someone had erased my memories of all previous Robert Rodriguez films so I wasn't going "Damn this movie is sure to ROCK!"

Let's recap:
The man is responsible for the aforementioned From Dusk Till Dawn, El Mariachi, Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico (undoubtedly the weakest of the trilogy), The Spy Kids trilogy, and of course the amazing Sin City. So how in the blue hell would the knowledge of him making a crazy zombie action/horror movie cause me to suffer mass indifference and not an incurable case of excitement? It would be like Brian May putting out a new solo album and me wondering if there would be any good guitar solos on it.

Someone times I wonder what goes on in my head.

No Romance for the LOGMAN

I seem to be cursed.

When I first moved back to NZ about 4 years ago, I was just beginning to start buying DVDs. Of course, my first purchases were only necessary items, such as the complete original Transformers cartoon series, but I soon realised that in order make my life complete I needed to replace my Quentin Tarantino video collection with all the special edition DVD versions available from the US. My first purchases were (of course) Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown. All fantastic 2 disc sets full of all sorts of goodies. After that, I placed an order for the 2 disc sets for From Dusk till Dawn (one of favourite Tarantino related movies and probably my favourite Robert Rodriguez film) and True Romance. These were very exciting for me, because not only is True Romance chock full of bonus features, but BOTH boasted commentary from QT himself - something that was quite unheard of at the time as he doesn't do that for any of his movies.

Alas, dues to some stupid snaffu with Amazon that I will never understand, I never received that last order. I was pretty bummed and it pretty much stopped me buying Tarantino movies, as well as from Amazon (though I later resumed because DVD Empire stopped giving me discounts. Cheap bastards).

Until a few weeks ago, I finally got my butt and ordered the 15th Anniversary Edition Reservoir Dogs. Now I know some people will be like "But LOGMAN, you are awesome and everything, but do you really need 2 different versions of the same movie?" to which I reply "Of course I do, you simple fools! The transfer is reportedly vastly improved from the 10th Anniversary Edition that I currently own. AND it comes in a gasoline can-style case - LOGMAN doesn't ignore cool packaging for one of his favourite movies. At least, not for too many years anyways. Now go polish my chucks!"

And so, to make ordering this DVD worthwhile with the shipping, I also finally got around to replacing True Romance (even though I should never have had to)

But then of course what should happen? Like the Spice World DVD before them, they were stolen from my letterbox. Alas, no super cool Reservoir Dogs of supremacy. And once again, no True Romance for me to listen to Quentin Tarantino talk about how brilliantly funny his script was.

sigh

Oh well, I guess 3rd times the charm. Time to get me that darn From Dusk Till Dawn set too.

We Should Live in a Yellow Submarine

A big THANK YOU to The Louminator for sending me some special presents.

My second beautiful Yellow Submarine envelope contained some wonderful things, like this bookmark...

and this postcard, combining my two favourite Beatles (as Lou so aptly put it, "George & John - it just seemed perfect for Logman"

And a rather funky John Lennon pick, which also happened to be the cause of an amusing blog of Lou's. All very wonderful items that have brightened my day. It is a nice reminder to know that I do some pretty awesome friends - even if they do all seem to live in London.

Also is a sad reminder that I seem to be lacking in people who fully appreciate the greatness of groups like The Beatles. Notice to anyone wanting to be my friend (I'm looking accusingly at you, people of Christchurch):

BE MORE LIKE LOUISE!!!

It's not that I want presents, but being able to discuss the finer points of George Harrison and John Lennon is a very special quality indeed.

In saying that, I did have a long conversation with Koia last night, where we discussed the latest offerings from the hip-hop community (and just how much the world needs a new album from Missy Elliott)

Resuming Relationships with My Old Friends...

Aaaaahhhh I love it when dear old friends come back. That's right, I'm talking about George Lucas and Paul McCartney

Firstly, the most amazingly brilliant movie ever - Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I accidentally saw the trailer yesterday. Seriously. It was tagged on the end of the latest episode of impact! that I downloaded. And for something made with "state of the art CGI", it sure looks like one crappy video game.

I thought the CGI in episodes 2 & 3 were bad, but I have to congratulate Mr. Lucas on making this look even dumber than I had thought possible. I honestly believe Lucas Films code these things using an Amstrad. I have a Return of the Jedi game for my Commodore 64 that looks better. Well, I HAD that... my mother through out my Commodore 64 and all my games when I moved to Melbourne. Not fun to come home and find out your mother killed your best friend.

And secondly, I was having a good laugh at the last Paul McCartney live DVD (it's kinda old, but I was bored in Whitcoulls this morning) when I finally realised - in the last few years he has only released live material from the US. Does that mean he doesn't play live in the UK? Or that people don't like to go see him in the UK? Or that people are just more willing to spend money to see him in the US and therefore prove to me that these people are dumber than George Lucas?

Hmmm... not feeling overly witty or creative today.
George Lucas and Paul McCartney are a couple of stupid heads

There is a Time For Giving...

Did anyone else notice that the week or 2 before ANZAC Day, many other charities started running collections as well? I mean, outside my office alone I saw people collecting donations for guide dogs, the deaf, and the Salvation Army (how rude of another defence force to seek donations at the time of remembrance - I don't know how many troops THEY lost in the World Wars)

Now I'm not saying ANZAC Day is sacred or anything, but since there are 52 weeks in a year, why would you choose to time your collections at the same time as another organisation?

Obviously I do see why they would do it; the general feeling of New Zealanders actually giving for ANZAC Day and hoping that while they are in a generous mood they will give to their cause too.

But my issue is, a lot of people don't really think like that. Most people are really only going to choose ONE charity to give to at a time, and therefore they are losing the real spirit of charity and putting themselves in competition with each other.

And before people say I don't know what I'm talking about, please remember that I worked for a charitable organisation before I moved to Christchurch - competition CAN manifest when seeking contributions at the same time.

And it's not that I don't think people should be generous. Not at all. But I do live by the Gene Simmons theory of 'You should give to charity, but don't give and then go around telling everyone because then you are just doing it for the glory'. It's why I've always had a real problem with churches and the whole keeping a record of your "tithes" thing so at the end of the year you can see how much you gave and then claim it back in your tax return. It's conceited to say the least.

So yeah, if you are looking for donations from Logman - or kid ego (because according to blogger we are two different identities) - then don't run your campaign at the same time as another charity. It is like when 50 Cent and Kanye West released their albums at the same time - you know one of them had to miss out.

Wow I actually just compared charitable organisations to millionaire rappers!

More of the Old News

Due to my lack of blogging over the last few weeks, there is a build up of things I was supposed to write about. I'm getting there, back off!

But I figure today is the day to do it; the person who sits behind me is away today, and my work is boring. So, with the King singing all his hits and some peanut butter toast on my desk, let's see what obnoxious things I can say today.

On a side note, after offending Louise, I finally thought about something I could write about that wouldn't offend anyone... but now I've forgotten.

How To Start Your Birthday Well

It was my birthday a short while ago, and thought I would share the two highlights of the evening before:

1. I bought a coffin

2. When getting on the bus, the driver called me "Young fella"


As you can imagine, the second one made me happy for the rest of the night

Some New Zealanders Don't Like Rugby

Note to Bluebird:

While I do enjoy eating your potato chips, I don't particularly enjoy finding a picture of a rugby player in the packet. Jerome Kaino may be "one of the most athletic loose forwards in New Zealand rugby", but to me that just makes him even more of a jackass.

I Am the One and Only LOGMAN

Yesterday I read about a promo Bret Hart gave a few years ago, in which he made a direct quote from the song "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins. So, naturally, I spent the rest of the day trying to see if I could find a copy of it online for my viewing pleasure. And to show Brad once and for all just how awesome Bret Hart truly is.

Don't worry - this is going somewhere.

Anyways, I tried many different approaches, until I searched google using the term "bret hart + smashing pumpins". Try it, and then go to page 2 of the searches. And what do you see at the top of that page?

MY blog!

Crazy. The link it comes up with is to my May 2007 entries. It made me laugh, anyway.

So in that vein, I decided to google "Logman". Want to know how long it took before this blog appeared?

4 pages!!!

And even then it was at the bottom of the 4th page! My blogger profile came up before it, showing me how little hits this blog gets. I feel so insignificant.

But what was worse was seeing some guy on here called LogMan - because he build houses. Chump.

Oh what a sad way to end the day...


No wait. It's not over yet...

More Conversations with Jay-Z

Back to Jay-Z and his new deal with Live Nation.

I was thinking about how he is contracted to deliver one last album on Def Jam before he can start with Live Nation, and it got me thinking - considering Jay was the CEO of Def Jam up until the start of the year, wouldn't that mean HE was the one who brokered a record deal with himself???

I can only imagine how negotiations went...

Jay-Z “Man, all these rappers today are lame. We need someone awesome to come back and make us lots of money. Ms. Roberts, get me Jay-Z on the phone!”
Ms. Roberts “Certainly sir… He’s in your office now”
Jay-Z “Thanks. Yo, Jay my man, how you been? How’s retirement?”
Jay-Z “Yeah pretty good – not as many bitches and hoes, but I still got my bling so it’s all good”
Jay-Z “How would you like to come back and make a few albums?”
Jay-Z “I dunno… would they have to be any good?”
Jay-Z “Nah, don’t worry about that. But if you can give us 3 albums really quick, we’ll give you millions of dollars!”
Jay-Z “Make it a few more million and you got yo’self a deal. But I want these albums more promoted than anyone else – no matter how bad they are!”
Jay-Z “ALLLLRRIIIIIGHT!!! Now, let me take you out for dinner tonight – Def Jam’s treat, of course”

Old News is Good News

Again with old news, but hey - shows you just how backwards I am sometimes.

I just read that Jay-Z and Beyonce` finally got married in the weekend. Personally, I think it is about damn time. No offense to Jay-Z - everyone should know how much I enjoy his work and respect him as a rapper - but dude, with your looks and history, that is one deal you should have finalised a long time ago.

I've often wondered a guy engaged to one of the hottest women in pop music would postpone their wedding for so long; does he worry about their age gap? Does he want them to focus on their careers while she's still young? Does he want to keep sleeping with other women and not risk them getting divorced and her taking half of his fortune? Probably.

Anyways, here is my theory, presented to you in what I believe would be a typical conversation between the two:

Beyonce “Baby can we get married this year?”
Jay-Z “Sorry, B, but I only made 36 million dollars this year, and a small percentage of that has got to pay for all our champagne and jewellery, some new clothes – and my car is now 6 months old! I can’t have people making fun of me for having such an old car! And that’s only gonna leave me around 25 million to live off for the rest of the year. Maybe you could do a new video in a bikini to help boost sales?”

But then last week, with the news of his HUGE new deal with Live Nation, things changed...

Jay-Z “Good news! I just got me a deal where they give a 25 million advance on the new album. Let’s get married!”
Beyonce “Great! I’ll book the venue and get everything organized…”
Jay-Z “Whoa slow down. It’s only 25 million dollars, so we’ll have to keep it real low key – probably have to have in the apartment. We just can’t afford to spend this too quickly – won’t get another advance until I do another album, which could be a few weeks away”
Beyonce “Can we at least have a honeymoon?”
Jay-Z “Sorry but we just can’t afford it. Plus, I gotta do a sold out concert the next night just to help pay for this damn wedding. Do you think we is made of money or something? Now leave me alone - I gotta buy me some new million dollar sunglasses to use in my latest video. And go put on some hot pants - you ain’t lookin skanky enough today!”

And One Quick Funny Story to End Today's Blogging

This is quite old - surprising I didn't stumble upon sooner given I found the link via DDT Digest. But anyways, it is sure to raise a giggle or two:

Old People Should Not Be Allowed Phones

Oh yeah

Speaking of stupid things that I have been watching...

I watched Mean Girls a while back. And then again last weekend.

I think it is now one of my favourite movies.

I also watched Freaky Friday a few weeks ago and that also is fantastic. I blame Jamie Lee Curtis.

I may dislike Disney and Lindsay Lohan, but they sure do make some cool movies when they join forces.

To complete my Lindsay Lohan kick at the time (myself and a friend also watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and Just My Luck) I got a copy of her A Little More Personal album - if anyone would like a review, let me know.

That Reminds Me...

Does anyone else remember Shooting Stars?

That show was fantastic!

Talk About Bored

Seriously. I can't even think of anything to blog about at the moment!

I have started on blogs regarding all the musical activity from last month, but decided it really needed some sort of visual aids so they will not be posted until after this weekend. But that leaves me with very little options, as my time outside of the office has been filled with drum beats that rock my head until I can't do anything but sit in bed quietly watching old episodes of South Park.

Yes, very old episodes of South Park.

Though it may surprise some people, despite the seriously crude sexual humour, I really do enjoy South Park - though I have a very up and down attitude towards it; when it first came out in '98 it was one of the TV shows that I never dared to miss (along with WCW Nitro, WWF Raw and Shooting Stars), but then as season 2 continued I got very bored with the show very quickly. I went and saw the movie, but at the time I didn't enjoy it at all (more on that later) and then my old pal Steve downloaded season 3 (back when downloading a 20mb TV show was AMAZING) I was hooked again... for about a month. Then a year later he got me to watch season 4 with him and that was it - I was officially a fan again! I blame the "Finger Bang" episode. This made me revisit the movie, and I saw the error of my ways and finally realised the cinematic gold that it truly is. I seriously think I watched it every day for about a month... though that could be because I was in a really weird space and was totally latching on to anything that made me feel slightly entertained, including staying up for 3 days playing Pirates! on my Commodore 64... but that's another story.

Anyways, after Steve downloaded season 5 - which, for the record, took about 5 years to actually air on NZ television - I was excited, but then after watching it I was way too grossed out and it sort of killed my fandom for the show. And yeah, since then I haven't watched it, except for maybe 1 episode where the US Government is trying to start a war with heaven because they believe Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction up there (I think that was season 6) and then 1 from season 10 - the mighty Make Love Not Warcraft episode (if you haven't seen that I recommend downloading it at your next convenient time).

Anyways, as part of my way of getting back in the mood to re-record all of this old material, I decided to revisit some old episodes of South Park and downloaded the entire 1st and 2nd seasons. And boy did I forget just how funny they were! While Mr. Hankey still creeps me out to the highest degree, there are some hilariously funny moments. And these versions have the added bonus of introductions by Matt Stone and Trey Parker (which I had seen on the home video versions, but not all of them) - when they are "entertaining" the old people, I can't imagine anything funnier. Well, OK those do get a bit old pretty quick. But there is one that has me in stitches every time (I'm going to upload it to youtube so I may post a link).

And Not Without My Anus is still far and away my favourite cartoon episode of all time. Terrance and Philip rule!

So yeah, a huge mighty post about how much I like South Park. I would say I'm pretty bored

An Easy Way to Annoy the Kid

I think Lou will understand this one:

I received an email from an acquaintance regarding the movie Juno (which, by the way, if you haven't seen it I highly recommend going to see it right now! Well, maybe finish reading this blog first. Because my ramblings are much more important than going to the cinema. Unless of course you plan to illegally download the movie from the internet, in which case you can start your downloading on a separate tab and then resume reading if you desire)

Oh yeah, the dumbass email:

Ahahaha, speaking of absolutely. WEIRDEST no-point-at-all dream last night. I
saw the Juno ad yesterday so I'm guesing that influenced it.

(look
it up if you dont know what its about, stupidest film ever, I never want to see
it, it looks like a lame story, lame acting, and that little punk was nominated
for best actress, she should NOT have been) THEN read:

My dream was
Rocky standing in front of the Juno poster with little marie going "y'know I
think it's ridiculous, I mean you got these people sayin' its absolutely some
kinda tragic thing havin a kid that young, but yknow its absolutely the wrong
spin, I mean sure you gotta un'erstand it'd be hard, but ykno, that's absolutely
a lil person bein brought to daylight, ykno? I mean I do not see how a
person would call that some kinda dark think ykno? it's this lil person, an it's
got rights, an you gotta respect that, dont see how this is somethin tragic.
thats jus' what i think"

Personally, I think this is the typical reason most normal people don't like Christians - judging something they have no real knowledge of, purely because they have some stupid opposition to something. And then to say an actress is untalented and didn't deserve a nomination for an award without having seen the performance is just completely annoying.

As I said, Juno is a fantastic movie, and anyone who says otherwise is pretty well retarded. I am no longer any good at articulating film reviews, so just ask Lou and I'm sure she will reiterate how good he movie.

Mega Music Mayhem Month of March

I had planned to make big posts about each concert I have been to this wonderfully rocky month. However my original plan called for the inclusion of the photos taken at each event... but sadly, I still have not managed to get copies. So you will just have to put up with uninteresting written reviews of my experiences. I may throw in some official pics from Rock2Wgtn just for fun though.

On a side note, bubble wrap is fun. Every home should have some. Unless they have small children who may suffocate when it is placed over their heads. But you should keep it out of reach and not place it over their mouths just because you are bored and think it might look funny. Be responsible!!!

Funniest Pictures of the Week

bah that didn't do it justice, so go to this link here:

Evil Villain Flow Charts

Random Thoughts for the Day

Why was John Lennon such a better song-writer than me?

When will La Parka begin appearing in WCW (LOG Time)?

I would dearly love to play with a full band at a campaign event for Hilary Clinton and play 'Woman is the Nigger of the World' just to see if they would all understand.

And then I would probably finish my set with 'Gimme Some Truth'


Can you guess I'm in another one of my Lennon phases?

Jeepers, Logan, You Sure Are Slow

I was perusing my collection of draft blogs that are yet to be posted, when I discovered the one posted underneath. Originally written on the 9th of November 2007, I have no idea why I did not publish it (maybe because it is a bit of a 'Na-na, na-na' kind of blog) but hopefully it will show people that I honestly have been thinking about my blog. Honest.

OLD BLOG BELOW!!!

I'm Sorry, Lou!

I"M BACK!!!

After quite the hiatus, I am returning. I've been aware that I haven't been blogging at all, but it wasn't until I received an email from the wonderful Louise that I realised the full magnitude of my slack behaviour. I logged in this morning to find that the last blog I actually posted was on September 27th! What is wrong with me?

Please be sure this was not intentional - I have still got 3 blogs in my draft folder that I just never finished and posted (the first was me continuing to make fun of churches and their love for rugby, the second was me relishing in the defeat of the All Blacks like so many world cups before, and of course the third was me declaring that I was through with not blogging and that I was back - of course that one's only half done. And this one almost ended up the same). In fact, I wanted to make a point after the last blogs to keep blogging, just so that certain people didn't think they had shut me down! You see, for those that aren't aware, my previous blogs regarding New Life churches preaching rugby to the masses caused quite a stir, and resulted in one church in particular almost calling for me to crucified! (though they gave me so much advertising it was quite ridiculous - my traffic that week went through the roof) I received a very angry phone call from one pastor in particular whose sense of self-importance led him to believe I was aiming most of my comments towards him, and who even had the audacity to call me a hypocrite because I was (in his mind) telling people not to watch rugby, when I listen to rock music which is all based on sex and drugs.

For the record, I have no problem with anyone in the world enjoying a game of rugby. I don't like it, but then I love pro-wrestling so what do I really care about violence? My issue was that instead of combating the worship that this country heaps upon our national rugby team, New Life churches (and no, Paul Bennetts, I'm not just saying Northwest New Life - I'm talking about all those cheesy churches in Christchurch that all declared they were going to play the rugby in their church) chose to say "Hey, you don't have to choose between rugby and church - you can have both in a nice friendly package, and make some use of our million dollar facilites!" and then place it under the guise of "community outreach". To me "outreach" is only genuine when you are actually doing something to help people, and I don't really see how watching rugby helps anyone unless they are allergic to their couch and their TV gives them hayfever. Especially when the only people really attending were the congregations of your churches.

Anyways it's 2 months later now and I'm sick of having to defend what I wrote; if you clowns still have problems please feel free to email me here

And while I did shut down my MySpace page (well, one of them - the music page is still up), there is no way I'll ever stop ranting and complaining about things. The drama that blog caused, while frustrating, is also amusing; it's kinda nice to know that I've still got the punk in me.

But the only reason I haven't been able to maintain all this constant blogging is very simple: my old boss returned and Julian's contract expired so now I actually have to do work again! And lots of it, too. I forgot what it's like to actually earn your income. And I've never really been one to blog at home, so I've just always forgotten about it...

And that's it. I've been awfully busy with music, recording and mixing a few tracks here and there... and I've been away a fair bit as always... not that you all care. Either way, I've realised that I've shown a terrible lack of commitment the last couple of months, so it's time I corrected my ways and got my blogging back in order.

OK well I am going away again tomorrow morning, so I will make sure the constant insanity returns with me.

Just Because I Am Polite Doesn't Mean I Want to Be Your Friend

I feel the need to reiterate something I stated many months ago:

I hate churches

Seriuosly, they are pants. But more than that, I hate the people involved in churches; from the "Pastors" right through to every stupid member of the congregation. I want you all to know that I hate you and your stupidity.

As my fans are aware, last year I left a church I had been attending for over a year, and soon after I left there came quite a ruckus due to some comments I made about that church and their pandering to the needs of rugby fans so they could get more people to help pay for their million dollar building. After that commotion, I decided to severe ties with all the clown shoes that attend that church as a way to preserve my sanity.

Recently, I had a slight change of heart and resumed contact with a few harmless people from that church, thinking "Yeah I'm sure this will be OK"


My, how wrong I was.


Like all good cultists, as soon as I begin having friendly online chit-chats with a couple of Northwesties, the rest soon follow with friend requests on Facebook and MySpace, invitations to events, etc...

Don't you people get it? Most of you chose loyalty to your church over me questioning some of their questionable actions (and some of you commited some even more questionable actions), so why would I want to hang out with any of you? I have better things to do with the very little spare time I have. Yes I've been chatting with Zeek, but that's because I trust his motives in life. And quite honestly, he is the only person aside from Alan Marshall that I would. The rest of you can just take your churchianity and keep as far away from me as possible.

I know the way you crazy cults work - you become friends with someone, talk about your wonderful church and then occassionaly hint that they should come check it out. Been there, done that and, unlike most pentecostal idiots, I didn't buy a freekin' t-shirt.

So to repeat, anyone from Northwest New Life Church that wants to talk to me or requests my friendship on an online network will be declined. Because I'm a nice guy. And I don't want anything to do with your "church"; it took me long enough to break free from your cult, and there is no way I would ever go back.

FREEEEEEEEDOM!!!


So yeah...

And don't worry, Monster Music Month of March has been fantastic so far. I do plan on posting on it all, but I want to do it in order and I don't have the photos from Jimmy Barnes/Tom Jones yet. Once I do, expect to be informed.

FINALLY Get Myself Sorted

Ever wanted to know why I haven't been blogging much over the last couple of months? No, it's not that I'm busy at work. I mean, yes I am busy at work, but these days I'm not too busy to blog. Well, actually, I am - but I am sure I could make time.

No, the real reason is that I intially set this blogger up using my hotmail account, which is pants and not an email account I use often. Nowadays I primarily use my gmail account, and in order to use blogger and access this blog I would have to log out of my gmail account and sign in to my hotmail account. That sort of thing annoys me and most people know that when something annoys me, I can't be bothered with it.

So finally I got around to setting my gmail account up with the blog. Hurrah. So look forward to more blogs coming your way.

2008 is the Year of Rock

It's good to know when you are going to rock.

I think the Gods of Music must have understood my suffering last year - being stuck in Christchurch meant I missed on many great concerts in 2007, like Justin Timberlake and The Cure. And even when I tried to make the effort to go up to Auckland to go see Christina Aguilera, she got sick and had to cancel. Oh well, I have a cool ticket that has her name on it...

But this year is already looking a million times better. First up, in 9 days is the long awaited Bon Jovi concert. Darn, I am excited about that one - nothing like a classic 80's glam rock band playing in a big stadium. Even if they sound more like a country rock band these days. But I missed out on their spectacular concert at Mt Smart in 1995*, so hopefully this will make amends for that.

Next up we have the return of two guys I also wanted to see live previously; Tom Jones and Jimmy Barnes. Seriously. I've grown up on both singer's music (especially Jimmy) and I did intend to go to Tom Jones' concert at the Civic a few years back, but I believe I ended up having a gig that night so couldn't attend. Bummer. And as for Jimmy... well, I've pretty much always been in the right place at the wrong time (or vice versa - whichever you would prefer). So when I was told that both men were performing in Napier at this year's annual Mission Bay Concert... well, it was a no brainer. That should be a lot of fun.

And then of course in Easter is the big Rock 2 Wellington festival. Makes the Big Day Out look like the big piece crap that it is. Getting to see Lordi, Alice Cooper and KISS - let alone on the same night - is just an opportunity I couldn't pass up. And though KISS may continue to use the awful Tommy Thayer as an awful Ace Frehley impersonator, I'm excited to see them live again after all these if for only one reason: God Gave Rock'n Roll to You. Of course, they didn't play songs like that on the reunion tour, and from what I've read it has become pretty much the guaranteed set closer with this line up so that will make it all worthwhile. That and Eric Singer on drums. I've said it before and I'll say it again, he gets mad respect for me for doing double duty that night (he also plays drums in Alice Cooper's touring band). Eric Singer is cool.

And aside from my gigs with The Sound Workshop that seem to be happening every so often (I don't really mind being flown up to Auckland every so often) I'm planning a kid ego show. Yes that's right. I'll confirm date and venue at a later time, but just keep it in mind.

Hi Lou :-)

New BLog for New Year (and no, BLog isn't a typo)

Yes that's right, for 2008 I will use the term BLog. It's more fun. And you love it.

So what does 2008 mean for the mighty LOGMAN?
For a start, no more lousy Facebook. I do like some of the fun features - please don't get me wrong. Just Log doesn't enjoy receiving 10 spam messages a day from people that he hasn't had a real conversation with in about 2 years.

What else... lots of Kiss.
The band.
Get your mind out of the gutter!!!

But seriously, I had forgotten just how much fun that band is! I was the last of my circle to remain a fan (Warwick punked out by the end of 7th form, and Sam got too snobbish towards them by about 2000. Yes, Sam, I just called you a snob. But in the musical sense... and believe me, if I was going to allow anyone to be a music snob it would be you) but I guess I lost interest in them around 2003. I cranked up Alive! over the Christmas break and tried to play along, but couldn't remember much more than the basic riffs. And considering I used to know that album note for note, I think I best get my cool back and play some Kiss. Def looking forward to seeing them live again in March, even if it is without Ace.

And I'll probably post a review or 2 of the box sets I bought when I finally get a chance to see them. Just warning you all.

Oh and for the record, it is NOT my birthday this month. However, if you are silly enough to believe that when I deleted all my info off my old MySpace page, then you deserve to buy me presents for a mock birthday now.