THE BOX SET (2001)

The Kiss Ice Block! Now with added black for pointlessness...

Kiss box set! Full of demos and the usual songs you find on every other compilation!

Things kick off with the greatest demo of Strutter possible. I can't begin to explain why, but this version makes me smile and groove. It is awesome. Then we get the original Wicked Lester demos - the band Gene and Paul were in before Kiss. It is just hilariously laughable rubbish. They sound like a mid-60s flower power hippy band, which is equally hilarious considering Gene has said in interviews how much he hates hippies. The original version of She is fucking laughable - sounds like some sort of flower power remix, complete with soft falsetto vocals. Bahahahahahah. And then Love Her All I Can is actually EVEN FUNNIER!!! This is like The Room of music recordings.

Back to Kiss demos. I'd say these were less funny, except Gene forgets half the lyrics to Let Me Know and then fucks up the bass line on 100,000 Years. Oh cool, now we get a Paul demo from 1966 called Stop, Look to Listen. Holy fuck, his singing is actually all kinds of horrendous here. Then the guitar solo turns up and is like "You want to hear terrible? I'll show you terrible!". But then the lyrics just stand over both and say "Fuck you both - we are the worst part of this song!!!". Just to compound the fun even further, we are treated to a Gene demo from 1969 called Leeta. It's very much in the style of Gene being The Beatles. If The Beatles are the worst band in the history of the universe.


The rest of the first disc is just Kiss songs from the first 3 albums that I have listened to a few times but are still awesome so I shan't complain. They're certainly better than listening to Wicked Lester again.


Verdict = 3 Smoking Les Pauls and a thumbs up


Disc 2 is more of the same; some bad demos mixed in with songs from Alive! through to Love Gun. Highlights include the demo of God of Thunder where Paul sings lead vocals, an early demo of Calling Dr. Love that is called Bad, Bad Lovin', and a demo of a song called Love is Blind where Gene once again thinks he is The Beatles eating a shit pie.


Verdict = 3 Smoking Les Pauls and a thumbs up


Disc 3 is the most pointless so far; a couple of demos and a live version of Talk to Me mixed in with tracks from Alive II through to Creatures of the Night.


Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Pauls


So Disc 4 steps up the pointless game to serious levels of "WHY?" by not even being an interesting collection of songs from the 80s. Seriously, it's like they aren't even trying right now.


Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Pauls


At least Disc 5 contains a few songs that aren't available elsewhere; we get the Unplugged rendition of Got to Choose that was left off the album for reasons of being silly, Nothing Can Keep Me From You from the Detroit Rock City soundtrack, which is a bit of a sappy ballad but actually done well compared to the usual sappy bullshit Paul tries to dish up. And there's It's My Life - not the Bon Jovi song, surprisingly. Great song.

Pointless fucking box set though - if it weren't for the fact it collected a lot of awesome Kiss songs in one place, it would score very poorly because almost everything that was previously unreleased is either terrible or hilariously terrible.


Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Pauls and a thumbs up

CARNIVAL OF SOULS (1997)

A rare photo from Cher's collaboration with Pearl Jam...

Kiss are back from the future with an album recorded with a lineup that no longer exists!

Make sense? Not my fault Kiss went back to the makeup and awesomeness before they were ready to put this music out to the public.

Anyway, this was the mid-90s, so Kiss were doing their best Soundgarden impersonation. Gene is all angry on Hate and it actually works. Then Paul really turns up the alt. rock vibes with Rain and Master/Slave, which is admittedly based on a really cool riff. It's just the riff doesn't really go anywhere after that... Childhood's End is a cool song. I Will Be There isn't; it is right up there with Paul's sappiest ballads. I'm not sure why he doesn't just make a solo album and put all his cheesy ballads on there instead.

Luckily, Paul shows he can still rock with Jungle, which is a really bad ass tune. So Gene takes that as his cue to ride the suck train with the most plodding, heavy, brain-numbingly boring song possible - In My Head. After that it is just on to generic alt. rock styled songs with mostly decent choruses. And Bruce Kulick says goodbye with his only lead vocal contribution ever, I Walk Alone. This song is all kinds of brilliant and is basically a solo song, because I'm pretty sure he played everything except the drums. Oh wait, Gene and Paul do some backing vocals at the end. And Bruce does some backwards guitar solos. Wowsers!


Highlights:
Jungle, I Walk Alone

Lowlights:
I Will Be There, In My Head, It Never Goes Away



Verdict = 3 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

MTV UNPLUGGED (1995)

Having lost all their costumes and make-up in a robbery, Kiss started busking to make ends meet...

Ooooh Yeah!!!

This album is proof that you don't need electric guitars and amps to make the best rock'n roll in the universe. And what's even crazier, is that some of these songs sound even better unplugged than they did in their original studio incarnation!

Songs like Comin' Home and Goin' Blind, where the studio version was still pretty good, are now totally enhanced by the massive drumming of Eric Singer and the thoroughly improved singing of Paul and Gene. Seriously, all three are barrels of awesome throughout this show. But especially Eric Singer. But especially Paul Stanley. Sure Know Something is even more powerful than the studio version. Rock Bottom finally sounds like a gawdam rock song. How on Earth is the acoustic version a million times more rocking than every other electric version out there??

It isn't until track 9 that we get something I can even pretend to complain about with See You Tonite. I'm not sure why they chose a boring song from Gene's awful solo album when they have like 342 albums to choose from at this point in their careers, but whatever. It isn't totally awful and is at least better than the original version. And it isn't Tunnel of Love or Man of 1,000 Faces or something...

Besides, Paul makes up for it with I Still Love You, where his singing hits that point where the audience is melted and Godzilla is forced to retreat to his bedroom and cry into his journal. And after he's relaxed to the soothing melody of Every Time I Look at You (complete with a live string section), the world implodes with the return of Ace and Peter! And then after they perform a couple of classics together, because the world has now been turned upside down and we all live in Bizarro-land, Bruce and Eric come back out and everyone rocks the house as one big happy family. Including the greatest version of Nothin' to Lose ever, with Eric singing lead and Peter singing the chorus, and the rowdiest version of Rock'n Roll All Nite possible - complete with Ace and Peter singing the final verse between them, and then Ace and Bruce engaging in duelling guitar solo.

Just phenomenal stuff.


Highlights:
The whole motherfucking show

Lowlights:
That there were actually some awesome songs left off the CD, including a country version of God of Thunder and Spit



Verdict = 5 Smoking Les Paul Guitars and a hearty thumbs up

ALIVE III (1993)

Kiss tried their best to battle their way out of the phantom zone...

Explosions!

This album was my first exposure to a lot of the 80s & 90s songs that Kiss perform on this album. Sadly, they don't perform many of these nowadays so it is cool to have them on here. I once read something that said these performances with Eric Singer on drums was like a racing car driver taking your normal everyday car for a crazy spin. I'm not doing that metaphor justice in anyway whatsoever, but it's totally true, because with him behind the kit the classic tracks all have a very different feel. It isn't bad - it's kinda fun, actually. The only kind of downer is that Bruce Kulick is such an epic guitarist that he just ignores the classic licks and shreds all over the old songs. That's less fun sometimes.

I Just Wanna is actually way cooler than the studio version. Paul gets the crowd to say a naughty word very loud. What a bad man! I Was Made For Lovin' You gets a hard rock attitude and quite frankly this is my favourite version. I don't care if it wasn't really recorded at a concert. Same goes for Lick It Up - the 'favourite version' part, not the 'recorded at a concert' part. Though I'm equally not concerned, I guess. Take It Off is in the same category, though I prefer to know this was live otherwise the section with the strippers would be really awkward...

Paul sings the shit out of Detroit Rock City, God Gave Rock 'N' Roll to You II is in some ways just as awesome as the studio version, and then things end in a weirdly patriotic manner with The Star Spangled Banner. I'm not sure why, but it makes me want to stand and salute.


Highlights:
Lick It Up, Forever, Detroit Rock City, God Gave Rock 'N' Roll to You II, The Star Spangled Banner

Lowlights:
Lack of Ace Frehley guitar licks



Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

REVENGE (1992)

Graffiti was becoming a serious problem in Kissland...

Kiss are back!

And this time Gene is opening the album? What the what?? That's normally Paul's job!

That's ok, Unholy is a pretty damn good song to open with. And Paul is straight back to his normal self with Take It Off. No guesses as to what he's singing about. The production on this album is so much tighter than anything I've heard in a while and it really suits the added attitude the songs have. Spit is pretty much Gene's best song in almost a decade. Which is then followed by God Gave Rock 'N' Roll to You II - the greatest song in the history of mankind. The future as well. If you plan on writing a better song, you should just give up now and watch Arrested Development because it is impossible.

Paul's voice is super awesome on this album. Heart of Chrome is a lesson in badassery, and Thou Shalt Not continues Gene's trend of being awesome again. Amazing the difference leaving the 80s behind has done for him. No more of that speed hair metal wannabe garbage - he's back to making songs that make it sound like he is going to stomp around Tokyo like Godzilla. Or maybe even battle against Godzilla in a fire breathing competition. My money's on Godzilla, but you never know what tricks Gene might be up to...

Paul serves up possibly the sappiest ballad since that sachrine mess he left on his solo album, though at least Every Time I Look at You is somewhat better. So Gene goes back to being an angry arrogant man with Paralyzed. He's quite good at that. Then Paul talks about making not so sweet love to a woman, before we are treated to a demo version of Frehley's Comet's Breakout, but with Ace's guitar work replaced by Bruce Kulick. I guess that's what he gets for doing Hide Your Heart first...


Highlights:
Spit, God Gave Rock 'N' Roll to You II

Lowlights:
None. Kiss rocked this shit up!!!



Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Paul Guitars

HOT IN THE SHADE (1989)

The Sphinx tried its best to go incognito at the Kiss concert...

Kiss are back! And this time with their longest album ever! And Michael Bolton co-writing songs!

Shit.

Rise to It is your standard opener, with Paul singing and making hilarious innuendos. Betrayed is just the typical Gene trying to do 80s speed metal thing, just even less 'heavy' than normal. And his singing is less annoying. Hey, it's that Ace Frehley hit - Hide Your Heart! I really can't decide which version is better, as they both have equal merits and different things that make them equally awesome. Alas, the awesome gives way to generic 80s rocking songs, including Read My Body - which is just a direct rip off of Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me. Minus the awesomeness.

What is awesome, however, is Forever. Despite me mocking it for being co-written by Michael Bolton, it is without a doubt the best ballad Kiss have ever done. Probably more of a power ballad, I guess, but either way it makes this album worth the money. Silver Spoon is just icing on the cupcake with its swagger and cool. One thing that strikes me with these last couple of songs is just how good Paul's voice is on this album.

Anyways, back to the generic mediocre stuff for a while. Then Eric Carr finally gets to show off his vocal chops on Little Caeser. Not a bad song, but I'm fairly sure he could have done something years before this. He sounds like a ballsier Gene Simmons! Speaking of Gene, he closes us out with yet another speed hair metal wannabe song.

Kiss albums should not be this long. Unless they are filled with amazing songs - which this wasn't.


Highlights:
Forever, Silver Spoon

Lowlights:
Read My Body



Verdict = 3 Smoking Les Paul Guitars