UWF Fury Hour: Episode 37

UWF Fury Hour Episode 37, 15th July 1991

Tonight is highlights of the illustrious career of 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams. Well... at least his UWF career. Wow. Can't wait...

First he started a feud with 'Mr.' Wonderful' Paul Orndorff, which involved many attacks from behind. He beat 'Mr. Wonderful' with a chair and "I don't go behind the back, that's why I tell everybody... watch your back". I laughed again.

Now it's time for highlights of their lumberjack match - including the entrances of the lumberjacks. Are we really that desperate for content? I find it hard to have an interest in reviewing this match again, because it was pure nonsense.

Now it's time for the steel cage match! Herb calls it the place "no man wants to go". Except Orndorff straight up asked for it, didn't he?

Steel Cage Match
'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams
Fuck it, I'll bite. Orndorff tries to escape early - which makes no sense, since he asked for the steel cage because he wanted to get revenge. Even Bruno expresses how much nonsense that is. 

ZOMG THE UWF OATMEAL COOKIES. I very much want a pack now. I would eat them while listening to this Jeep Wrangler song.

I get the feeling escaping the cage was the ONLY way to win this match, which is incredibly poor booking. Orndorff goes to walk out the cage door and Terry Gordy slams it on his head.

Winner = double-disqualification nonsense

Gordy gets in the cage and helps Williams beat on Orndorff. Cactus Jack waits outside to stop anyone getting in to help, so Don Muraco comes out and beats him up. Muraco gets in the cage and the bad guys beat him up to.

This led to: Don Muraco vs Terry Gordy - which never happened - and Mr Wonderful vs... Colonel DeBeers? Again, awesome booking.

Also double-disqualification in a Steel Cage match is the most bullshit ever, right up there with double-countout in a fucking Street Fight.

Bam Bam Bigelow says nothing will stop him from destroying 'Dr. Death'.

'Dr. Death' says... something?

Now we are treated to Bigelow's Beach Brawl promo: he has been "studying hard!" He has "ability, do-bility and ho-bility..." "Mo' money, mo' happy!" and other various hilarities.

Craig says 'Dr. Death' had to "get through the toughest matches of the tournament". It was the ONLY match of the tournament.

'Dr. Death' talks about secrecy in his training camp, "but there'll be no surprises for Bam Bam!". I thought that was the point of secrecy? Brian asks him what his motivation for this match is - winning the title isn't enough for you, Brian?? Williams complains about people stabbing him in the back. MOTHERFUCKER you did that to Orndorff every week from day one. Then he threatens Bigelow with an arm-drag. Ooooh no! I'm surprised Bigelow didn't just forfeit right now.

The Making of a Champion

Frank Sinatra sings us My Way over the top of more highlights of 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams - including promos WITH NO SOUND. Again, 'Dr. Death's UWF highlights mainly involve him beating 'Mr. Wonderful' with chairs. What - no footage of him squashing Davey Meltzer the one time he was actually a good guy?

Oh, wait - that highlights package was our main event.

Thoughts:

• It may surprise you to know that 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams was actually related to Herb Abrams.
• I was going to bury this episode as a complete waste of time, but that end video package was hilarious; Sinatra crooning while a big hairy dude beats people with chairs? The whole shit was bizarrely surreal and had me laughing out loud.
• This week in WCW: Great American Bash 1991 - also a waste of time that featured some entertaining moments. But at least Ric Flair is gone for the next 18 months, so that's a bonus.

UWF Fury Hour: Episode 20

UWF Fury Hour Episode 20, 11th March 1991

I've got a whole new intro this week... but I'm thinking this is a different source than usual. Apparently this is "the greatest entertainment spectacle on earth!". They back this up by showing... matches that end in disqualifications and count-outs. And 'Dangerous' Dan Spivey.

Tonight! Craig and Buno tell those channel surfers to keep it right here, because we will see the much anticipated lumberjack match between 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff and 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams!  There will be 10 wrestlers surrounding the ring and Bruno expects them to play favourites.

Also, "another fan's question gets answered tonight!". I'm pretty sure they haven't been answered properly for a few weeks now, so these "fans" shouldn't be holding their breath.

Don Muraco vs Captain Badd
Bruno wants Craig to know that he enjoys working with him. You know, Bruno never said that to Vince OR Herb. Read between the lines there, guys! However, Bruno can barely contain his contempt for Captain Badd. Craig starts mentioning all of Don Muraco's wrestling idols were and Bruno is all like "I beat him. I beat him. And I beat him, too!" Bruno would have beaten Captain Badd as well.

Winner = Don Muraco via inverted piledriver

Herb is with 'The Rock' (not that one). "What's on your mind?" "Lumberjack!"

Lumberjack Match
'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams
The lumberjacks are out first and it's basically the whole UWF roster - including some random dudes I've never seen before. Frank E shows his amazing announcing skills by confusing 'Dr. Death' for Paul Orndorff. At first I'm like 'why is this match in the middle of the show and not the main event?' but then I realise it might actually mean it is aired in full instead of being chopped across two weeks like every other important match. Cactus Jack runs in to stop Orndorff from hitting the piledriver and the referee is knocked out. Now 'Cowboy' Bob Orton and John Tolos give Williams a briefcase so Don Muraco gets involved. 'Dr. Death' runs away before Orndorff can use it.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via disqualification

The crowd chant for the ever popular "BULL SHIT".

Herb tells Orndorff he didn't defeat 'Dr. Death. Um, he won by disqualification, so technically he did. Orndorff acknowledges the crowd are not happy so he wants a cage match! The crowd cheers, but it's not like the match will be happening now so why would they be happy? Herb tells Orndorff to tell Steve Williams, but Orndorff is like 'fuck you - you're the boss, do you're fucking job!'

Ask The Wrestlers

All the matches were great because Tolos is great. He then puts over Classy Freddie Blassie big time.

B. Brian Blair (w/shitty new entrance theme) vs The Beast
Craig thinks The Beast wears a mask because he's embarrassed about his wrestling skills. Bruno thinks he should change his name to The Lamb. I think he needs to fix the elastic in his pants.

Winner = B. Brian Blair via shitshooter

Bruno is having a great time making fun of The Beast.

Captain Lou's Corner
Wet N' Wild are here and claim they don't have a name for their new tag-team combination, so Albano figures out they should be called Wet N' Wild. Y'all realise they wrestled under that name last week? With graphics and everything? Even had a name card at the start of the show - which I fucking screen-capped in my recap?? Albano thinks now they will be the greatest tag-team of all-time. Suck my balls.

Some fans are excited for the UWF!

The Power Twins vs Chris Michaels and Tom Brandi
Holy shit these jobbers got an entrance AND name graphics! They're both wearing military camo pants - perhaps they have graduated to full-time not jobbers?

Winners = The Power Twins via top rope elbow which may be called The Power Ending

The Power Twins call Herb a midget. Dudes, he's about the same size as your manager. They want to fight Wet N' Wild again.

We get highlights of the lumberjack match? So when there is a big match, they either chop it up and play it in parts OR they play it twice in one night??

Thoughts:

• Pointless
• Making jokes about how awful The Beast is sounded like the most fun Bruno has had in some time.