WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXVIII, Night Two

2 April 2022

AT&T Stadium
Dallas, Texas - USA

Attendance: 65,653 

Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee, Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves & Byron Saxton

We're back - "WrestleMania Saturday" was pretty good, and now I actually know what is in store for tonight's show; Johnny Fucking Knoxville, Pat McAfee, and Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns. Insert shrug emoji.

NIGHT TWO

America the Beautiful

Jesse James Decker is apparently many wonderful things. She is a pretty good singer, but bah gawd she has some nasal qualities and a hideous Southern twang going on. That said, this is easily the best performance of the weekend.
6/10

Opening Video Package

Mark Wahlberg says "it's rare the sequel is as good as the original". My man made Transformers: The Last Knight, so he knows from experience. He then says "We gotta run it back"; so you're saying we are just going to do all the matches from last night again? I bet this dude got paid millions of dollars for this 30 second appearance. Stupendous!

5/10

Triple H's music hits and bah gawd this show is already worse than last night. Is this his chance to do the thank you to the fans and welcome to WrestleMania? They should warn me if he's opening the show so I can do something else during that time, like make my wraps, pour some Pepsi, or stick my head in the microwave. Seriously, fifteen minutes of him thinking he's Vince McMahon? And retiring, or something? I don't know. Just fuck off.

Triple Threat

Raw Tag-Team Championship

RK-Bro (c) vs The Street Profits vs Alpha Academy

I don't know who the hell Alpha Academy are and someone should run Matt Riddle down with a burning Hummer, but The Street Profits are cool so at least I have one team to support here. What is up with this fucking "Alpha" moron doing the stupidest "Shush" ever? Oh hey - I remember Otis from previous WrestleMania's! He had a beard and was fun. Now he has none of those things. Montez Ford is fucking YEAH!
Orton & Riddle double-team the Profits and both act like Orton, which is very silly. Alpha Chad Gable has tried the top-rope twice now and both times he looks like he is about to poo his pants and throw up. Honestly, dude, if you're not comfortable with it you should just stay off, because you look stupider. Lots of high-flying crazy shit. Lots of shit in general.

Winners = RK-Bro via pinfall following Orton hitting an RKO.

6/10

I would rate that match higher if it involved better people. However, Montez Ford is awesome and this should have been his moment so his family could have a big WrestleMania weekend. Make him WWE Champion and I might tune in again. Hahaha just kidding.

Post-match, the Profits pour drinks for RK-Bro and then call over that Gable Stevenson guy WWE signed yesterday. Chad Gable is not happy. Because they are both called Gable and wrestle? New Gable doesn't know what he's doing at all... but then daaaamn suplex!

Bobby Lashley vs Omos

It's not a terrible 'big man' match, but then they fuck something up and it kills the crowd. Lashley goes for The Hurt Lock, but Omos says 'Nope!'. Omos just throws Lashley around some more. That's a big man he's throwing and catching! Lashley suplexes Omos and the crowd goes nuts.

Winner = Bobby Lashley via pinfall following spear

7/10

I'm probably being generous, but I enjoy when big dudes fight like big dudes. Omos does look terrible trying to sell stuff, though.

There's a video of WWE hanging out with retards and George W. Bush. So extra retards.

Pat McAfee is still commentating - shouldn't he be preparing for his pro-wrestling debut?

Video Package

Sami Zayn is still paranoid and making bad videos. Johnny Knoxville is old and has brain damage. Legit. He put Zayn's phone number on Instagram, so people called him while he was trying to eat dinner or something. How are these highlights being set to a really fun pop-rock song?

7/10

Anything Goes
Johnny Knoxville vs Sami Zayn

Is it really impossible to just call a match "No Disqualification"? Knoxville comes out wearing safety goggles. He should be wearing a fucking crash helmet. Zayn tries to grab something from under the ring and there are a whole bunch of mouse traps. Huh? This is like a hardcore match from 1999 where a whole lot of dumb shit just happens for no reason. Knoxville blows an airhorn at Zayn as he runs towards him, but he does it too late like a total doofus. Some idiot I guess from Jackass is now in the ring? Zayn is scared of a guy in his underpants, which totally makes sense if pro-wrestling were performed in full body suits. Why is he rolling him under the ring? Oh, that's because there is another Jackass character hiding under there. A little dude slams Zayn and Knoxville hits a tornado DDT. Then the Jackass guys bring some sort of kicking contraption into the ring. What the fuck is the point of that? Wouldn't it just be easier to kick the dude with your own leg? And how does Knoxville have control of the pyro? Then Knoxville pulls out a taser like he thinks he's Colonel DeBeers. Zayn runs into a... giant hand?

Tongs to the wang and then he goes through a mousetrap-covered table he setup earlier. The Jackass crew then bring in a giant mousetrap. Pat McAfee calls this "majestic" and "stupendous" BAHAHAHA I like this Pat McAfee. The giant mouse trap breaks, so Knoxville has to manually make it catch Zayn.

Winner = Johnny Knoxville via pinfall from mousetrap?

7/10

I mean, it was totally stupid bullshit. But I laughed. And Pat McAfee is actually great.

Backstage, the door to Brock Lesnar's dressing room is shown. I'm guessing this was to remind the other wrestlers that he is the only star, so only he deserves his own dressing room.

Fatal 4-Way

Women's Tag-Team Championship

They announce the rules, and once again it is one fall to a finish. THAT'S NOT FATAL AT ALL YOU DUMBFUCKS.
Naomi & Sasha Banks vs Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley vs Shayna Baszler & Natalya vs Queen Zelina & Carmella (c)

Naomi does her typical dancing and glowing, while her tag-team partner comes out in a Lamborghini. Liv Morgan and Rhea Ripley have decided to dress up as Catwomen. Of course, the geniuses on commentary think they are Batwomen. Huh - this is like a party for people whose tag-partners at last year's WrestleMania got fired. Carmella is now being billed as "the most beautiful woman in WWE" - which is stupid - and she's wearing some stupid mask covering her face? Sasha and Morgan kick everyone out of the ring so they can try and have an actual wrestling match, I guess. I think I ask this most WrestleManias, but how is it Natalya grew up around this business and has an Uncle that is actually the greatest ever, yet here we are probably 20 years into her career and she is still so darn average. And how is it Shayna Baszler was so average at MMA but is so darn good at this pro-wrestling thing? I like Liv Morgan, but her screaming is comical. And she is not strong enough for this Tower of Doom.

Winners = Sasha Banks & Naomi via double-team pin

4/10

New Champions!

It... actually wasn't as bad as I expected!

They show a replay of the tag-team match from last night, but refuse to explain how The Miz tagging his partner in the middle of the ring was allowed.

Video Package

Edge thinks he is the most important part of WrestleMania and starts shit with AJ Styles for no reason. Cool. Edge is sad because he's been having bad matches, or something. Styles is the king of WrestleMania matches not living up to the hype, so you two are made for each other. Also, crushing his head with a chair is probably not going to make him perform better. Holy shit, Edge is a truly terrible promo.

2/10

AJ Styles vs Edge

The commentators say AJ Styles has been taking out WWE legends... like... Austin Theory. Who?? Edge comes out on a throne like he's Triple H or some shit. He even has a new entrance song. You know, as average as AJ Styles has become in WWE, he is certainly using that WWE paycheck to take good care of his hair. He bashes Edge's headed into the steps. Graves thinks the sternum is where your ribs are. Edge is now dominating, but what did he hurt his knees doing a move or something? Edge continues to slow the match down like he's heel Bret Hart minus the awesomeness. Styles with the epic slide into the turnbuckles. Lots of reversals that end with Edge getting an STF locked in. Makes me wonder if John Cena is ever coming back. Or at least giving us a Bumblebee sequel. More reversals. Styles goes for a Torture Rack, which is weird from a little dude like him, but Omos should totally use that as his finisher. Imagine someone up on that giant's shoulders. More submission reversals. I could have saved us all a bunch of time and just written that and nothing else. Styles hits a superplex onto the ring apron? Jeebus. The referee hits them with the looooongest outside 10-count ever, but then doesn't count them down at all when they have been laying in the middle of the ring for a minute. Edge kicks out of the Styles Clash, so Damian Priest runs out to distract... Styles.

Winner = Edge via pinfall following a spear of all fucking things

7/10

It was too long and a bit boring, but I did consider a higher score until that stupid ending.

Edge and Priest are being hyped as the "new breed" or some shit. I don't care. Do what you want - I am 100% certain they won't be together come next WrestleMania.

New Day vs Sheamus & Ridge Holland (w/Butch?)
Bryon Saxton continues to make it abundantly clear he does not watch Smackdown. Neither do I. After that last match, this one need to be quick. And thankfully, it is.

Winners = Sheamus & Ridge Holland via pinfall

4/10

I don't care enough about those bad guys to care about that match.

Michael Cole hyping the main event: "There has never been a WrestleMania match like this!". Except twice before.

The Weeknd are responsible for another WrestleMania theme. And this one probably sucks more.

The Undertaker comes out to walk around and give a bit of a wave. It's like he is taunting us that this show will never end.

Video Package

Pat McAfee always wanted to be a pro-wrestler, but took up American Football instead. It pays better. Austin Theory is Vince McMahon's favourite wrestler or some shit. I care less about him than ever. Pat McAfee is living his dream.

6/10

Pat McAfee vs Austin Theory (w/Vince McMahon)

McMahon does his stupid strut down the ring and the commentators kiss his ass, because that is what all WWE employees do. Fans do it for free, because they are stupid. Why does Theory call himself "A-Town"? That's possibly the stupidest nickname since "The Real OC". McMahon clearly tells Theory what to do with his cellphone and they take selfies together. Jeebusfuckingchrist. McAfee comes out to Seven Nation Army - noice. And the Dallas Cheerleaders - not so noice. Cole reminds us he is actually undefeated at WrestleMania, so hopefully McAfee wins tonight and sets up a streak vs streak match at WrestleMania XXXIX. Cole makes jokes about Vince being old and deaf - holy shit, when did this dude get balls?? It's especially funny, given his job involves having Vince yell in his headset about what to say. McAfee thinks he is The Rock and starts to commentate himself beating up Theory. McAfee misses a top-rope swanton, but holy shit he hits a picture perfect backflip. And leaps to the top rope like a mofo.

Winner = Pat McAfee via pinfall via rollup and holding the tights.

6/10

Vince berates his 'chosen one' and then challenges McAfee to a match or something.

Pat McAfee vs Vince McMahon (w/Austin Theory)

Theory attacks McAfee from behind, which leads to Vince beating up McAfee... and the crowd chanting "You still got it!" at Vince? You fucking morons deserve this shit. Theory attacks McAfee some more - why is that not a disqualification? Man, what a way to absolutely murder what was a feelgood moment. Vince is given a football - dude should be careful, he might break his leg. Then he kicks it into McAfee bahahaha how fucking stupid.

Winner = Vince McMahon via pinfall following football?

-5/10

That was the second stupidest thing I've seen all weekend. Fuck this show.

McMahon's music hits and Vince has a heart attack - clearly that was a fuckup on someone's part and he was expecting someone else, because then 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin's music plays and he comes out. Stupid fucking old man can't hear music properly - Cole was right. Let me get this straight; you had a great thing with Pat McAfee living the dream and winning his pro-wrestling debut at WrestleMania, only to immediately destroy that goodwill so Vince could have one last WrestleMania moment with Steve Austin? Austin hits Theory with the Stunner and the kid gives it the biggest bump ever hahaha. Vince wants to have a beer with Austin for old times' sake. We all know where that is heading. HOLY SHIT WORST STUNNER EVER!! 

Austin is pissing himself.

Austin very gently stomps old POS Vince. I'm guessing McAfee is next for the beer/stunner combo... McAfee spits beer everywhere and Austin seems to love it. Austin then pours beer on the dude for good measure, then plugs his beer label on the way out.

Video Package

You'd think for "the biggest main event in WrestleMania history" they'd do something a bit more interesting than just having boring highlights set to a shitty Metallica song. I'd hope there was actually some kind of story involved here, but what would I know.

1/10

Main Event

WWE Championship Unification

Brock Lesnar (WWE Champion) vs Roman Reigns (WWE Universal Champion) (w/Paul Heyman)

The result for this is pretty clear-cut; Reigns is winning. He's the future of WWE and the chosen one and this is what they've been building for like six years now or however long it has been since he started headlining this garbage truck. The real question for me is: will this actually be interesting? Because their last match sure was not. What is going on in CGI Roman Reigns' crotch??

He's upgraded his Thanos glove to red, so now it is faster? He has a microphone and I'm scared I am going to have to listen to one of his promos, but thankfully he just delivers one boring sentence about acknowledging him. I do! I acknowledge you are one boring motherfucker! Lesnar's having a great time - he gives zero fucks about winning and losing, so long as the man gets paid. The match gets going and it is just spamming suplexes and (not so) Superman punches. The hilarity that these dumbfucks in the crowd actually think Lesnar might win this with a single F5. Also hilarious that the referee is knocked out and misses all sorts of cheating, but can easily see someone calling him over to make the pin a second later. Heyman truly is a barrel of WrestleCrap with his "My tribal chief" babbling. What the fuck am I watching here...

Winner = Roman Reigns via pinfall following a spear

5/10

New unified champion?

Roman Reigns poses with his belts forever and gets some pyro and fuck you good night!

WrestleMania XXXVIII: The Awards

1. Best Match
   AJ Styles vs Edge
   It was mighty slow at points and went a bit long. And while I thoroughly enjoyed The Knoxville/Zayn match, that enjoyment was based on fucking how stupid the whole thing was.
2. Worst Match
   Pat McAfee vs Vince McMahon
   Yeah. Fuck Vince McMahon.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Pat McAfee having the absolute time of his life. Close second would be Vince McMahon completely fucking up the Stunner at all-time levels.
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Pat McAfee vs Vince McMahon
5. Star of the Show
   'Stone Cold' Steve Austin. Not even close.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Pat McAfee.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Logan Paul was in the highlights, so he can have this again because fuck that guy.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Wraps featured avocado, baby spinach, cucumber, red onion, olives and corn fritters, topped with burger sauce. Honey mustard may have suited it more. PepsiMax with raspberry is good for a change and possibly improved my attitude.
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   I did not spill a thing! Which is nice, because I do not wish to ruin my Easter pyjamas.
10. Overall Score
    This was the night of the bad guys! Even when there were moments the good guys won, the bad guys got the upperhand after the match to get the HEAT. The bullshit with Vince McMahon - look, I get it, but it was a poor idea executed poorly. The main event was obvious. But on the whole, not nearly as bad as I expected and, well, I actually had a fun old time with plenty of WrestleCrap madness.
    5 out of 10

WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXVII, Night Two

11 April 2021

Raymond James Stadium
Tampa, Florida - USA

Attendance: 18,501

Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Samoa Joe & Byron Saxton

My thoughts before this viewing:
It's night two! And I think I said all I needed to say in my previous bLog. Because I just finished Night One, it's still Good Friday/Bad Friday, and I wrote about what I knew yesterday because I had no idea what matches were on which night. But now I know what matches are on tonight: Roman Reigns vs Daniel Bryan vs Edge, Asuka vs That Australian Wrestler I Can't Remember the Name of Right Now, Kevin Owens Mac vs Sami Zayn with Logan Paul somehow involved, and maybe some other bullshit I didn't care about in the first place!

NIGHT TWO

America the Beautiful
Today's performer is "the new voice of country music", some blonde bitch! She has yellow nail polish, so she gets points for that. It's certainly better than her singing or guitar playing.

BAHAHAH they're actually mixing in footage of the wrestlers watching last night's performance.
5/10

Opening Video Package
We get a repeat of last night's video package, now with added highlights from Night One. Yawn.
2/10

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are back to "host". This time they're dressed like pirates. Hulk is actually pulling this off - apart from his sneakers. There are lots of pirate jokes. And piped in crowd noises.

Video Package
Oh shit I had actually forgotten about The Fiend! Bah gawd I miss forgetting about The Fiend... Randy Orton set The Fiend on fire - don't worry, it was a match stipulation. Alexa Bliss is now a crazy little girl. They're trying so hard to make some sort of spooky horror movie, but it all just looks childish. Then The Fiend magically transforms to heal his burns.

-5/10

Opening Match
Randy Orton vs The Fiend
Orton is walking to the ring slowly like he thinks he's the Undertaker. Alexa Bliss comes out to children's music because she's crazy.

Oh there is a big jack-in-the-box next to the ring. Wow. Bliss winds the handle and The Fiend comes out the top.

The match hasn't even started and I don't see how they could cram any more bullshit into this. Oh cool - they are going to wrestle under a "spooky" red light. The Fiend pretty much just no sells everything. Then there are some flames and Bliss appears on the box with some black goo leaking on her head.

The crowd chant "Holy Shit!". I think they meant "This is shit!".

Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following an RKO.
-10/10

The arena goes black and everything magically disappears. This was worse than anything the UWF ever did. Are people genuinely cheering this???

I guess things can only get better from here?

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are backstage with Eric Bischoff. Bayley interrupts again. She wants Bischoff to appear on her "show" - which I guess is a talking segment on one of the shitty WWE shows. He says he would rather have Bianca Belair appear on his podcast. He and Hogan make up some story about a boat and then plug Bischoff's podcast again as they run away.

Women's Tag-Team Championship
Natalya & Tamina vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c)

Am I even going to make it through the first hour?? Baszler just smashes Natalya with mean looking knees and it is a lot of fun. Nia Jax gets in the ring and it is substantially less fun. Same for Tamina. Natalya goes for a move and hilariously misses. Her and Tamina just stand in the ring watching Jax for like 10 minutes so she can eventually land a splash on them. Bah gawd. Tamina attempts another shitty superfly splash but fails. Natalya puts the Sharpshooter on the wrong person.

Winners = Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax via submission
2/10

Video Package
Sami Zayn is being silenced. His best friend Kevin Owens didn't support him. Logan Paul got involved somehow. They list Paul's roles in life, like YouTuber & actor, but leave out 'Piece of Shit'.
2/10

JBL is given a special introduction as he joins the commentary team. At least they are giving me fair warning...

Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn
Zayn needs a new theme song, because this one is far too happy and upbeat for an angry bad guy. Hahaha he introduces Logan Paul and the booing starts immediately, but are quickly replaced with some totally real cheering. During the match, we constantly cut to Logan Paul "reacting" to the action.

Back and forth, back and forth. Crazy moves here and there. It always seems these days that when real friends wrestle each other, they try to hurt each other best they can.

Winner = Kevin Owens via pinfall following a Stunner.
7/10

Corey Graves complains about Kevin Owens ruining the night for Sami Zayn. Logan Paul congratulates Owens, so Zayn gets up in his face. Paul pushes him and mocks him as he leaves. The crowd boo Logan Paul some more and Owens is like 'don't touch me' and gives him a stunner to rousing cheers.

Matt Riddle talks to The Great Khali backstage. Riddle talks like an absolute fucking moron. If Khali just slapped him down now, it would be the WrestleMania highlight of his career.

WWE Shop. Old Spice. Manther? I don't even know anymore.

Three weeks ago, Sheamus beat Matt Riddle with his scooter. Fuck yeah!

WWE US Championship
Matt Riddle (c) vs Sheamus
How is it Sheamus has been living in the USA for so long, and is yet still so gawdam white? My tolerance for this show is fading fast, and douchnozzlesupremes like Matt Riddle are not helping. Sheamus botches a top rope move that almost hurt Riddle - do it again! That said, the ending was pretty cool.

Winner = Sheamus via pinfall following that gif.
3/10

New Champion!

Baron Corbin needs a Snickers to sort out his costume problems. What, he is going to wear the Snickers wrapper instead?

Out in front of some bad green screen on the street somewhere, Triple HHH gives Bad Bunny an ugly microphone. That was his payment for WrestleMania?

WrestleMania Sunday has a different theme song. Don't worry - it sounds a lot like last night's.

Video Package
Big E won the Intercontinental Championship to the excitement of many computer screens in attendance. Apollo wants respect because he comes from Nigerian royalty. Dude should be hanging out with Israel Adesanya and Kamaru Usman, if that's his story. Big E thinks coming from Florida makes him a better person. Seriously.
4/10

Nigerian Drum Fight
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Big E (c) vs Apollo
Yet again, a no disqualification match with a silly name - and some African drums and shit around the ring. They beat each other with Kendo sticks, which I do not believe are Nigerian drums. Graves compares all the instruments to a concert by The Who. I'm not their biographer, but I don't recall them using congas and assorted African percussion. Big E has it won, but then some massive dude comes out and destroys him.

Winner = Apollo via pinfall following some other dude smashing Big E for him.
7/10

New Champion!

It felt like the match was only just getting started, but it was fun while it lasted.

We get some "highlights" of last night's WrestleMania. There's a whole bunch of footage of Bianca Belair celebrating with her husband that they didn't air last night.

Get the COVID vaccine like WWE Superstars! Well, a few of them. Probably only the five that appeared in this PSA .

'Stone Cold' Steve Austin will be at WrestleMania in Texas. Good for him.

2021 Hall of Fame.
Molly Holly is still super cute. Ozzy Osborne went in, but not Nigel Tufnel? Eric Bischoff was also inducted, which explains why he's backstage with Hulk Hogan plugging his podcast. And Kane was the headliner? He can hang out with Donald Trump and Kid Rock in the RIGHT-wing hurdy hurr.

Video Package
Asuka has done it all in WWE - including losing to Charlotte Flair. Rhea Ripley has also lost to Charlotte Flair, so that means she's ready for Asuka. They had a contract signing that ended with fisitcuffs. I'm shocked.
5/10

Raw Women's Championship
Asuka (c) vs Rhea Ripley
There is some shitty band to play for Ripley's entrance and holy shit! Is the singer even in time? Holy fuck I AM DYING HERE! Finally some entertainment! They have some fast action to start. Asuka gets in some dancing and seems to be enjoying herself. She misses her butt attack. Twice. Ripley kinda taunts her, but she is not very good at trash talk. Eventually, Asuka turns it around. She finally lands the butt attack. I would think Asuka kicking a woman in the chest would hurt a lot, but apparently not enough.

Winner = Rhea Ripley via pinfall following Riptide
6/10

New Champion!

Has Asuka even won a match at WrestleMania? WWE don't deserve her.

We get a recap of the Orton/Fiend nonsense from the start of the show because things were getting enjoyable again.

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan come out to do some actual hosting. Titus says "Thank You" to everyone, so Bayley interrupts again. She wants pyro and the WWE production crew oblige - that's all it takes? She complains about having to carry the hosting duties and on one hand I'm like, yeah I guess she did appear more than the actual hosts, but on the other hand it doesn't sound like that was her job. And what else was she going to do? The Bella Twins come out and Bayley shuts them down straight away. They beat her up for making a John Cena joke and the crowd boo. Hahahaha.

There are shitty WWE shows on the shitty WWE Network which is now part of Peacock. Which is probably shitty, too.

Video Package
Edge won the Royal Rumble and challenged Roman Reigns, but somehow Daniel Bryan got involved. Roman Reigns is as boring as ever: head of the table, tribal chief, blah blah blah. Daniel Bryan kind of beat him but Edge cost him the match. That makes no sense. He could have had a match against Daniel Bryan instead!
7/10

Main Event
Triple Threat Match
WWE Universal Championship
Daniel Bryan vs Edge vs Roman Reigns (c) (w/Paul Heyman & Jey Uso)
Holy moly Edge is quite over with this crowd! Uso takes out Daniel Bryan right away, because that is how WWE triple threat matches have to work. Then Edge beats up Uso and he has to be taken to the back, so that means Uso will come back at the end and help Reigns win, because that's how WWE matches always have to work. Edge just throws Reigns in the ring apron and then the barrier, over and over again. The crazy bug-eyed look Edge does is so silly; it's not like he follows it up by going for some sort of crazy killer move - he just does something super basic every time. Hahaha he and Reigns spear each other at the same time like a video game. Daniel Bryan gets a "Yes" lock on Reigns, and Heyman's reactions are just hilarious.

Reigns powerbombs Bryan on Edge and one of them can be heard comically moaning. The crowd chants "Roman Sucks" and he gets all sad-face about it. I thought he was supposed to be a tough angry man? Edge spears him outside so now everyone is dead. Does anyone have a Money in the Bank briefcase they could cash in right now? Ummm ouch?

Bahahaha even more ouch!

Reigns should have tapped so we could have double champions right now. Edge beats everyone with a chair - see, this is where you should use your silly bug-eye look. He sets up a double con-chairto and oh look - here comes Jey Uso to interfere!

Winner = Roman Reigns via pinfall on BOTH Edge and Daniel Bryan after bashing their heads with a chair.
6/10

I think Daniel Bryan vs Edge would have been a better match.

Pyro. Posing. Fuck you. Good night.

WrestleMania XXXVII: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Big E vs Apollo
   It wasn't anything special, but it was fun while it lasted. I would have said Owens/Zayn, but Logan Paul being involved is a big no.
2. Worst Match
   Randy Orton vs The Fiend
   I don't know what's more insane; that someone thought Alexa Bliss having black goo ooze all over her face was good storytelling, or that the crowd were actually chanting "holy shit" like it was awesome or something.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Fucked if I know. Shayna Baszler's knees?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Goto #2.
5. Star of the Show
   There are no stars in this company.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Bad Bunny? He was pretty much the main talking-point all night.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Logan Paul and his shitty self doing nothing but bad acting.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Today I rocked another couple of flavours: first, vege chicken strips, baked, with a salad base and burger sauce. Then a Hoki filet with salad and Burger sauce. Good times were had by my taste buds. There was not enough Pepsi in the world to get me through some of this...
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   The nice hoodie was put away and I'm glad as there were a couple of spills, but I am now in my Easter pyjamas, so it's all good.
10. Overall Score
    Fuck... I don't know. It started horribly, got better before getting painfully boring, and the wrong people kept winning. The main event was predictable. Maybe they should have had Bayley as host?
    4 out of 10