Reviews and Business

 This BLog really does not have much going for it anymore - I looked at the previous posts and it's just been reviews, reviews and more reviews. Which I'm kinda fine with.

So in that vein, today is the 20th Anniversary of the television debut of the notorious UWF. The UWF was a super terrible US pro-wrestling promotion. I had never heard of it until earlier this year, when Dark Side of the Ring ran an episode detailing how batshit insane the promoter Herb Abrams was, and how gawdawful the show was. Which sounds like my kind of show!

So to celebrate, I'm going to watch the first episode and review. Then watch the rest and give some quick notes. I was planning to watch the whole damn thing within the month, but I'm actually pretty busy with work sometimes (sometimes!), so between that  and not wanting to completely alienate my wife or have her realise she married a total psychopath, I'll probably watch a couple of episodes a week and write what I want. Think of the amount of effort I put in to the WrestleMania reviews, then divide it by 1000. Somewhere between that and the quick notes I did during my Ryan Adams marathon a while back.

And then you can all read and enjoy! Because I'm sure that's why you're here!

Or not. Like I care.

More WrestleMania March Madness

The Zombie of WrestleMania Future taunts me...

Bah gawd, I can't believe I'm going to do this again!

I attempted to review WrestleMania 34 or whatever it was 2 years ago. I honestly tried. But it was fucking boring and reminded me of how much I fucking hate WWE. Last year I gave AEW a chance, and while Double or Nothing was one of the absolute most awesome pro-wrestling shows I've seen in years, the remainder of their work has me thinking I just don't enjoy modern pro-wrestling. It's terrible. Just a bunch of dudes and dudettes doing a bunch of planned spots before doing the next planned spot and then a bunch of predictable shit happens and it ends and the pro-wrestling fans act like it was the greatest thing in the ever. Pro-wrestling fans are stupid. Especially WWE fans; they think my reviews of the previous WrestleManias are incorrect and unfair! So I said "Fuck you, bLog of WrestleManias!" and happily ignored the last year and accepted I would never have to review one again.

And then along came COVID-19...

At first, I was like, 'OK I might consider doing this if WrestleMania gets cancelled. I'm working from home, so I have some time'. But then WWE made an announcement I couldn't possibly ignore:

WrestleMania 2020 to take place from the WWE Performance Center with NO CROWD IN ATTENDANCE.

Holy fuck that sounds like a trainwreck of bahgawdful proportions.

And I live for it.

Imagine goofs like The Miz coming out and pointing to the no one in the crowd; wrestlers killing themselves for a dangerous spot so the no one can chant "This is awesome" during their otherwise boring match; The H Bomb having a ludicrous over the top entrance so as to impress the no one in attendance.

Sadly, what that means is I need to review the last 2 WrestleManias to stay complete. I did actually prepare a draft for WrestleMania 34 - even made my flatmate watch it with me and added her comments. But I was so bored I couldn't be bothered making the gifs and doing awards. So I'm going to rewatch and then probably offer an entirely new review. Because I kinda feel adding someone else to the mix isn't consistent with the other 33 reviews I did.

WrestleMania 35 I have not seen. And I barely know anything about.

And that would also mean watching another 14 hours of WrestleMania before the embarrassment of WrestleMania 36 - so I should be in a hell of mood to mock the shit out of it!

Will your hero survive and waste another 3 days of his life writing about 21 hours of television that he doesn't enjoy? Or will he crumble under the pressure and go back to his leisurely life of cats and the 1978 Formula One World Championship?

Stay tuned to find out!

*** UPDATE ***

I just read that WrestleMania will now be taking place over two nights.
What in the actual FUCK IS THIS?!?!
How am I supposed to treat this? Still just do one day to watch the whole event or treat them as two separate entities and watch over multiple days?

I'm confused...

WrestleMania March Madness

I still don't have a great name for this, so hopefully this will do for now.

So I have decided on healthy fooding for this marathon in the way of wraps filled with veges and protein things I can eat, like falafel, vege patties and hoki (yes, I have recently had to accept life as a pescetarian so some types of fish are now involved in my diet. Mostly easy stuff like Hoki. Not Loki.). I may go for, like, chips or something to accompany these wraps, however. I mean, most evenings this will be 4 hours of pro-wrestling I will have to endure so quality fooding is a must. However, my health dictates that eating too much crap every night for 31 days would just be a terrible idea.

I am making a trip to the American food store on Saturday, though, so might pickup an American treat to go with the main event for each show. After all, WrestleMania is an American tradition. As is me making fun of America and WWE - so this just makes perfect sense in my world.

My t-shirt will be ready to roll at some point Saturday. I will post a picture of how it looks before this begins, because I can't imagine it looking similar after 31 days of food and stuff.

T-minus 3 days

 

Return of the WrestleManiaMania

Hey, remember this?

Another of Logman's failed plans

Yes, that goes on the pile with posting about Kissathon, watching every episode of Gundam and finishing my first album. Except it is a bit different; I did actually listen to Kissathon but didn't post about it, I have every episode of Gundam but am yet to make room for it with all the Lucha Libre and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles again, and I actually did finish my first album! It's just that the finished quality was crap so I trashed the whole thing.

Well, no I didn't. It was my laptop getting stolen and that trashed my work. Stupid thieves. Though the quality was crap. Everything recorded with the mic sounded terrible.

So as I approach another birthday, I can't help but feel like I have a lot of unfinished business here. Perhaps this is why I am still alive?

I don't know, but I'm thinking that WrestleManiaMania may be able to take place but in an even crazier way. You see, this year is WrestleMania 31. There are 31 days in March - get the idea already?

There are so many obstacles here; no holidays whatsoever so I would have to watch every show after work  - including the ones that go over 4 hours, plus Monday and Friday nights already have their designated shows so that would make the show go even longer. And since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lucha Underground already have their own designated meals, I have no idea what that means for WrestleMania meals. Would it just be snacks? Would it be full meals and I would just have to get even fatter? Would I go insane from the lack of sleep and overload of terrible pro-wrestling?

That's kinda the fun.

So let's do this.
Seriously, I have the WrestleManias.
I just need to think of a cool name for this...

WrestleMarchia? WrestleMonthia? Godzilla vs WrestleMania?

Holy shit I need to watch my Godzilla movies too...
 

Random Thoughts from a Ryan Adams Marathon: Day 2

* A Stranger is Born is basically just Those Weren't the Days but in worse quality

* Forever Valentine features some seriously good stuff. Massive thumbs up for this.

* Stranger's Almanac has some serious moments of awesome. When people ask me of the goodness Whiskeytown have to offer, I will mash this album in their face.

* The Complete Fucker Demos is misleading. This sounds like a well produced album, not dislike something Ryan Adams would have released around 2007. Coolness.

* B-Sides and Rarities contains some good songs for sure. I Hope it Rains at My Funeral contains some seriously George Harrison-esque slide guitar.

* Pneumonia is just a straight up phenomenal album. Just a pure joy to listen to and an awesome way to end the Whiskeytown section.

* Destroyer is not a cover of the same-named album by Kiss. That's a real shame.

* Exile on Franklin St has some serious hilarity to it. Weird versions of songs that would become great plus just straight up weird songs. Interesting.

271 songs down.

Random Thoughts from a Ryan Adams Marathon: Day 1

* Blank Label is lame.

* Kotten is OK but I seem to forget anything about the music as soon as it finishes.

* Patty Duke Syndrome is seriously good. Somewhat similar to the rocking stuff Ryan Adams makes now. Must remember to listen to this more often.

* Exile on Daisy Street... lots of just... dirge? I don't know. You know when you go to a bar and the band playing are really pretentious and think they are playing like super progressive indy rock including 10 minute jams on the same boring chords? That is what these recordings are. 19 year-old Ryan Adams needed a punch in the face and someone to boo him off stage.

* The Skylarks is pretty much the same just shorter songs and better audio quality.

* The Space Madness Sessions is again more of the same. Ryan Adams obviously liked grunge a lot in the early 90s. However, the few tracks with a slight country influence are darn fun and would have been great if he revisted them with Whiskeytown (probably did - I haven't looked ahead to check).

* 1994 Solo Recordings is probably one of the most country things he's ever done, possibly due to the completely stripped back nature. Good stuff. Better recordings would be fun.

* it segued nicely into Rural Free Delivery, the first proper Whiskeytown recordings. Good straight up alt. country goodness

* Faithless Street is an album I never search out to listen to, however it must be noted it is awesome. Despite Ryan Adams' fake southern accent.

* The Freightwhaler Sessions are Whiskeytown with a bit less countryness and no fake Southern accent. Not bad things.

* Drunken Confessions is interesting. Listening to this you can kinda just picture some rednecks sitting around with instruments in their lounge making music. Not that DRA is a redneck at all, but by Prime that fake Southern accent makes him sound like one. Kinda think that is the point of it. Steal a Car is a mighty nice song.

* Those Weren't the Days is a top notch collection of quieter tunes. Like Ashes & Fire 20 years before it would exist. Further Down the Road is pure class and 10 Second Til the End of the World is just fantastic. Actually, this is really good. I'm guessing most of it can be found on Stranger's Almanac, which I will probably get to tomorrow.

115 songs down.

LOVE GUN (1977)

All the women gathered to hear the ponderings of the great philosophers...

Spoiler Alert:
This album is good.

I don't even know where to start. Maybe the start of the album? Would that make the most sense?
'I Stole Your Love' is probably the 2nd best opening track Kiss have ever done - as much attitude as B.A. Baracus, and a duelling guitar solo as well! More please... 'Christine Sixteen' is Gene being the dirty old man he is and singing about picking up a school girl or something - doesn't matter, because that song is really cool. 'Got Love For Sale' is probably the biggest unappreciated gem in the entire Kiss catalog. It has so much groove and coolness, yet people seem to forget it exists. Listen to it once and you'll be hooked like me. Or I'll hook your face with a pointy guitar!

'Shock Me' is the first Kiss song with Ace singing vocals. Oh and he played bass and guitars on it, so it is more of an 'Ace & Peter' track, but whatever. That happens a lot from here on. Strange that Gene was the one that convinced Ace to sing on the song, but Gene never plays bass on any of Ace's songs. Not sure whose decision that was... oh yeah, the song rules. Unless Tommy Thayer is playing it. Then I boo him off the stage (or at least try to).

'Tomorrow and Tonight' is one of the weaker songs on here; the whole thing just reeks of 'trying to make an anthem' but not really succeeding. Don't worry, this isn't the first time and it sure won't be the last. Or worst.

This brings us to the title track... one of the best Kiss songs ever. Period. If you disagree, you are welcome. But as far as music, lyrics, vocals and everything else goes this song is pure Kiss-perfection. Ace's solos just bring so much attitude to this song at the end as well... Awesomeness personified.

Peter Criss makes his appearance with 'Hooligan' and I dig it. Some people hate Peter, but those people can suck my balls. He wrote some cool songs and in the Kiss setting they were able to make them rock a bit more than if he had been a solo artist (see my future reviews of his solo albums for more). 'Almost Human' just sounds like 'God of Thunder Part 2' - I'm not a huge fan of the original, so a re-visiting doesn't do much more for me. 'Plaster Caster' is another super great classic Kiss song that just captures everything about this band I love. In fact, it is the 2nd Kiss song I ever learnt to play and perform live. They should play that song live more often.

The last song on the album is the odd covering of 'Then She Kissed Me'. It is OK. While not at all terrible, it is a weird way to end one of the greatest rock albums of the 70's. Not only that, this was the last Kiss studio album to truly feature the original lineup. Things would change forever after this...

But what a way to end things.

Highlights:
I Stole Your Love, Christine Sixteen, Got Love For Sale, Shock Me, Love Gun, Hooligan, Plaster Caster

Lowlights:
Not getting the same recognition as Destroyer.

Verdict = 5 Smoking Les Pauls

ROCK AND ROLL OVER (1976)

The Kiss buzzsaw - for all your rock'n roll carpentry requirements...

This always feels like the 'forgotten make-up album' to me, purely because the majority of the tracks aren't live staples or appear on any of the million of Kiss compilations out there (a few of which I will review later). It might be because the album was sandwiched inbetween 2 of Kiss' defining albums so fans forget about how cool some of these tracks are. Or maybe the modern lineup of Kiss have no idea how to even play these songs at all - come see me, Paul Stanley, and I'll teach you how to play 'em. Just don't bring that loser Tommy Thayer to my house. And leave Gene Simmons behind, while you're at it. And don't bad-mouth Peter and Ace while you're here. Oh just forget it!

'I Want You' is classic Kissory, but with a cool duelling guitar solo. Then 'Take Me' is just the most non-subtle classic Kiss rock'n roll you could ask for. 'Calling Dr. Love' is actually one song from here that is still played live today - so I don't need to teach them how to play this one. Which is good, because it is 4 chords and I wouldn't want them to get confused.

Then the album hits that dreaded middle patch again... look, these songs aren't 'bad' as such, just not as good as the rest; when you are forced to compare a track like 'Ladies Room' to a track like 'Calling Dr. Love', it just sounds like filler. 'Baby Driver' is easily the worst Peter Criss song so far (don't worry, it won't keep that title) and 'Love 'Em and Leave 'Em' just kinda... I don't know... I bet it would sound cooler live.

Speaking of which, this album was actually recorded in a theatre to try and capture the real Kiss energy better - all their studio albums generally sounded pretty limp, so it was hoping setting them up like a live show would make everything sound awesome. I'm not overly sure how well it worked, but hey, that be some info for you.

OK back to the tracks... I've never heard a man brag about being fast in bed, but Paul Stanley does it and still rocks in 'Mr. Speed'; 'See You in Your Dreams' is pretty cool, and 'Hard Luck Woman' is kinda cool in that Rod Stewart kind of way (no, not how I look like Rod Stewart). Then the album ends with a hard rock punch to your genitals in 'Makin' Love' and we're done the same way we started - classic Kissory.

So yeah, much like Destroyer, an average middle section is sandwiched between some darn awesome songs. Much like how this album is pretty good but sandwiched between 2 of Kiss' best albums, thus probably making it seem less cool. Or more, depending on who you ask. I dunno... the album's artwork sure is cool though. Ace should have pointed his lazer blasting eyes to his left to stop Gene licking his chin. That's my thoughts, anyway.

Highlights:
Take Me, Calling Dr. Love, Makin' Love

Lowlights:
Nothing offensive here

Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Pauls

DESTROYER (1976)

"We're off to see the wizard... "

This album...

When I first became a fan of Kiss, THIS was the album everyone raved about. They still do. The cover art. The album title. The song titles. It all screams 'Ultimate Kiss Album'. It opens with 'Detroit Rock City', for crying out loud. So, I got the album and cranked it up loud... and...

... was thoroughly disappointed. It isn't that it is bad. It just isn't the non-stop amazingness that Kiss fans talk it up as.

The two opening tracks are amazing and set the album up well. And I do mean amazing. But then almost everything after is just... I don't know... they are good songs, they just never really quite hit their mark. Then to make up for it, they get covered in strings and pianos and choirs. 'Flaming Youth' is one of those songs that sounds like it has so much promise, but the chorus just kind of lacks any kind of hook that grabs you and makes you want to throw your fist in the air.

And that goes for everything in the middle of the album. 'God of Thunder' has never really done much for me, 'Great Expectations' is kind of humorous, 'Flaming Youth' and 'Sweet Pain' both rock hard in places, before the album goes back to classic awesomeness with 'Shout It Out Loud' and 'Do You Love Me?'.

Then there is 'Beth' - Kiss' first actual hit. For all the grief Gene and Paul and fans give Peter Criss, without him and this song Kiss would never have even broken through to the mainstream audience the way they did. For that alone, he deserves eternal high-fives from all of us.

This album is also seen by some (meaning me, LOGMAN) as the beginning of the end of Kiss as we knew it; it was the first album other people played on songs (rumour has it Ace wouldn't leave his card game to record a solo or acoustic guitar or something) and really shows the control/influence Gene and Paul were looking to take. It would be the only time it didn't fail, which we will get to later.

Awesome album. A little overrated, sure - but still awesome.

Highlights:
Detroit Rock City, King of the Night Time World, Shout it Out Loud, Do You Love Me?

Lowlights:
Nothing

Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Pauls and a thumbs up

HOTTER THAN HELL (1974)

Sunbathing in the Kiss house always gets rough

After a good but not amazing effort on debut, Kiss moved to LA to make their follow-up. Unfortunately, the LA smog consumed the recordings and made everything sound like it was fighting its way out of sludge. Which is a shame, because this album rocks hard!

'Got to Choose' is one hell of a cool opening song, and anyone that ever disses Peter Criss' skills as a drummer should listen to his awesome fills in 'Parasite' - probably the heaviest Kiss song to date. 'Goin' Blind' is their first attempt at a slow song, I guess. Ace's solo is awesome. In fact, Ace's solos on all these songs are killer. The title track, 'Hotter than Hell' is a solid rocker, then you get the high energy of 'Let Me Go Rock'n Roll' - which is so damn awesome it was their show closer until 'Rock'n Roll All Nite' came about.

Then 'All the Way' is your classic stomping groove while Gene makes fun of some woman for talking too much kind of song, followed by another heavy classic 'Watchin' You'. Next, Peter hits us with his song for the album 'Mainline'... and it's... there... 

'Comin' Home' is apparently written about how unhappy they guys were in LA and wanted to get back to New York. Then Peter says 'Hey guys, my last song wasn't good enough' so he sings the Ace written 'Strange Ways' and the world explodes from the awesome and the album has no choice but to end.

Notice I have nothing bad to say? That's because this album is awesome with a fist pumping in the air while I head bang. The only negative is the production, because this album could have sounded so much better had it been recorded well. Also, 'Comin' Home' sounds so much better on 'Unplugged' it's hard to take the original version seriously now. And I don't really know how an acoustic song can rock harder than the same song in electric form.

Highlights:

Got to Choose, Parasite, Hotter than Hell, Let Me Go, Rock'n Roll, Strange Ways

Lowlights:

The sludgey production that makes everything sound muffled. Or just covered in grime.

Verdict = 4 Smoking Les Pauls

Kissathon 2013

And so it began on Monday - the greatest musical marathon known to mankind!

Well, actually only the 2nd craziest I have ever done. Pretty sure my Lennonthon many years ago was crazier. And don't get me started on the problems involved in ever trying to do an Elvisthon...

Anyways, I managed to form a rather impressive playlist to do this - 545 songs all up!
The album list looks like this:

• Kiss
• Hotter Than Hell
• Dressed to Kill
• Alive!
• Destroyer
• Rock and Roll Over
• Love Gun
• Alive II
• Double Platinum
• Ace Frehley
• Gene Simmons
• Paul Stanley
• Peter Criss
• Dynasty
• Unmasked
• Out of Control  - Peter Criss
• Music from "The Elder"
• Let Me Rock You - Peter Criss
• Killers
• Creatures of the Night
• Creatures of the Night (1985 Remix)
• Lick It Up
• Animalize
• Asylum
• Frehley's Comet - Ace Frehley
• Crazy Nights
• Live+1 - Ace Frehley
• Second Sighting - Ace Frehley
• Smashes, Thrashes & Hits
• Trouble Walkin' - Ace Frehley
• Hot in the Shade
• Revenge
• Alive III
• Criss (EP) - Peter Criss
• Cat #1 - Peter Criss
• Kiss Unplugged
• Carnival of Souls: The Final Sessions
• 12 Picks - Ace Frehley
• Loaded Deck - Ace Frehley
• Greatest Kiss
• You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!!
• Psycho Circus
• Psycho Circus - Bonus Disc
• Alive! The Millennium Concert
• Live to Win - Paul Stanley
• One for All - Peter Criss
• Anomaly - Ace Frehley
• Sonic Boom
• Monster
• Destroyer {Resurrected}

That is a total of 50 albums, though I have kinda cheated a little; where compilation albums like Smashes Thrashes and Hits and You Wanted the Best... just have songs that appear elsewhere, I have only listened to the new tracks. Except Double Platinum and Greatest Kiss. I did listen to those completely. So yeah - I make no sense... and then throw in Ace's solo track from Spacewalk somewhere too...

There was a bunch of stuff I decided to exclude because it was just repetitive. That album they did a few years ago where they re-recorded all their most popular songs using the new lineup - no way in hell was I ever bothering with that. There were a few others involving the new lineup that I just did not see the point in. The less Tommy Thayer, the better.

I've gone in a good chronological order as well, except for one album - that being Destroyer {Resurrected}. Technically, I believe it came out after Monster, but I felt after sitting through 2 albums involving Tommy Thayer meant I had to end it on a happier note. Seriously, Tommy Thayer is no way to end a Kissathon this great.

Tommy Thayer - FUCK OFF

So here we are at Thursday night and how am I doing?
Well, not that great. I had a terrible first day due to annoying meetings (apparently listening to Alive! during business meetings is not the done thing) and now I am playing a bit of catchup before tomorrow. But I should be on track to finish at the end of work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.

As for results, I've been a little surprised by my findings so far.
But you will have to wait a little bit longer for those...

So let's see what I think of the albums, one-by-one...

Bored? Then Listen to a Ridiculous Amount of Kiss

Because that will solve all your problems.

Not really sure why I decided this, but I have only one week of work left before a two week holiday so figured it was the perfect time to do a Kiss music marathon.

Maybe it's because Summer is starting. Maybe it's because I want to get their play count higher in my iTunes. Maybe it's because I'm in a silly mood from watching so much Chikara. Maybe it's because I'm in a frustrated mood from not watching enough Chikara. Or maybe I've just been drinking way too much Tequila lately...

But yes, starting Monday morning - Kiss music marathon. Not only that, I will be using the wonderful world of mathematics to finally decide once and for all which Kiss album is the best. I will rate each and every song as I listen to it - some for the first time in years - and also some thought on each album. Then I will report my findings back to my readers, who I am sure can't wait to find out why I think Rock'n Roll Over is infinitely better than Sonic Boom.

Spoiler alert: No Thommy Thayer on Rock'n Roll Over.

So perusing my personal collection, as well as looking at other albums I can get beforehand, here is a chronological listing of what I will be listening to (in chronological order too):

Kiss

Hotter Than Hell

Dressed to Kill

Alive!

Destroyer

Destroyer (Resurrected)

Rock and Roll Over

Love Gun

Alive II

Double Platinum

Ace Frehley

Gene Simmons

Paul Stanley

Peter Criss

Dynasty

Unmasked

Killers

Music from "The Elder"

Creatures of the Night

Creatures of the Night (1985 Remix)

Lick It Up

Animalize

Asylum

Crazy Nights

Smashes, Thrashes & Hits

Hot in the Shade

Revenge

Alive III

Kiss Unplugged

Carnival of Souls: The Final Sessions

Greatest Kiss

You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!!

Psycho Circus

Psycho Circus - Bonus Disc

Alive! The Millennium Concert

Sonic Boom

Monster

I'm also hoping to include all the solo work of the original members as well. I'm not going to bother with anything released outside of Kiss by Vinnie Vincent, Eric Carr or Bruce Kulick. And especially not Thommy Thayer.

So far, looking at a potential 51 albums to get through. Holy cow that is a lot of music!

It isn't that bad, though, because a few are compilations where I have removed the songs I already have. Their final grading will be mathematically graded accordingly to make sense. Unlike that sentence.

This will be fun. For me. Until the second day. Then who knows who this will go?

Stay tuned...

The BLog is Mightier Than the Blog... or something

I think Baron von Aaron of the Flying Doofus Brigade must read my blog; he's barely said a word to me since I posted my rant on how annoying he is. Hasn't even told me about how awesome it was to play lots of guitar in the weekend with his amazing musician friends, or even commented on the quality of the mix for the Elvis songs I'm listening to (for the record, right now it is disc 2 of I Believe. Awesome set this). I was half expecting a pointless conversation where he acted like he was seeking my advice on what to do about his broken Telecaster, only to completely ignore what I suggest (I've told him to purchase a new neck from the same place I purchased the one for my bass, so any day now I expect him to come to work and brag about how he fixed it himself with some parts from a ukulele and a lot of polyfiller).

While I am sure the good life won't last, it would be pretty awesome if everyone I worked with started reading my blog and following my advice. Especially the parts where I tell them they suck in comparison to my barrels of awesome! I doubt any of that would get me fired...

So for my work colleagues or whatever the crap you fools want to call yourselves, here are some more things you can do to make our office a better place to spend the day:


Better Use of the New TV
Our office won a fancy new TV, but instead of just giving it to me they decided that having a closed auction between staff would be better. Personally, I don't agree but am willing to compromise: place it behind my computer monitor and hook it up to my PC so I can play DVDs all day. You don't know how many times a day I think "This productivity analysis is boring - I wish I were watching Aloha From Hawaii right now"

New Computer Speakers
I realise that I really only get to use them on Fridays or lucky days when Claudine is sick or something. We'll get to that next. But I'm thinking to go with the TV, we should get some sort of home theatre system. I'm not in need of anything too fancy. A simple Wharfdale system will suffice. You can get rid of that big ugly cupboard behind me to make room for the rear speakers - it only has old papers and things in there anyway.

My Speakers Go Up to 11
Yeah the whole headphones thing is tiring. I get sick of having to take them off all time - effort is not my strong point. So you guys can all just start closing your office doors. And by closing, I mean lock them and build new ones that lead you through each other's offices and nowhere near my little space out here. Then I can watch Queen rock Wembley at an appropriate volume.

I Win All the Damn Time
You know that saying 'Are ya winning?' that you all just LOVE to use? Yeah... it sucks. Even more than you guys. I am not a lame old southerner like the rest of you so that automatically means I win whatever crappy game you think we are playing. And I drink Brawndo, so you are all completely p'wnd right now.

Where is My US Trip?
I've been here 3 years now and there is still no sign of my company paid trip to the good ol' U.S. of A. And on greater thought, Seattle is pretty lame; I mean, sure, when I was younger I wanted to go there because that was the home of grunge and my favourite bands like Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains and I wanted to see if the Mother Love Bone wall is still there. But I was young and foolish then. Now I have grown up and realised the error of my youth and really couldn't care less about any of that. Plus, learning more about the logging industry and spending all my time with Americans in a Starbucks really doesn't sound all that appealing. So why not send me to the one place in America I really do want to go: Graceland! Anything I learn there would be much more beneficial to my future than in our head office. I mean let's be real, what am I going to be doing in 10 years time; cutting down trees or performing as a washed up Elvis tribute artist in dingy clubs all over New Zealand?

Just don't touch my stuff while I'm away - especially my empty energy drink bottle collection that is now so large it takes up half my desk and blocks the calendar. That's just part of its charm.


I think this would be a good start to improving the moral in the office. And by "the", I mean 'my'. And by "moral", I mean 'possibilities to do even less work than I do now without being interrupted'

My Boss - My Hero

Y'know, I always find it curious when my boss does something that we've been told not to do. I remember a few months ago, when we first got our new printers, and we were all explicitly told to never use colour as the ink is too expensive. Yet Julian always uses colour; I would have thought that a money pinching accountant would be the first person to complain about people costing the company money. Maybe he knows something that I don't know, and that the colour ink is actually cheaper? I bet that is what it is, because Julian is a smart guy!

I also love that he expects me to work the same motivating hours that he does. The Saturday he called me and told me to come in to the office was very exciting - I felt totally privileged! I mean, I had never had the honour of working on a Saturday with this company until then. And when I found that it was to fix a mistake that he had made... well, let's just say it made my day that much sweeter. Who gets those kinds of opportunities?

And then there are days he asks me to start early, and then gets frustrated when I go to leave at my usual finish time. Last week, I had the nerve to try and leave half an hour early, using my hour early start as an excuse - but he was strong, and told me no. I think he realises that I am very lazy, and is teaching me that I need to put in extra hours and work at least a full-time schedule (possibly more) if I want to earn my part-time wages.

Or maybe it is my incompetent work skills that are forcing him to keep me here longer; I mean, I, apparently, am not good enough to do half the work I was doing before he started here. Heck, I don't even know what actually goes on with the finance side of Blakely Pacific anymore! Apart from the tasks that he emails me, instructing me how to do them and so forth. I mean, entering data is such a scary thing to do, and I've only been using our software for a full year now - whereas he's been using it since February and probably has a much better understanding of the data I was maintaining before he even started here.

It is such a shame that Julian's contract with Blakely Pacific finishes in a little over a fortnight. The idea that this company could be back to utilising my time is very scary, and I truly hope we can cope without his expertise and leadership.

Thank you, Julian, for such an enjoyable 6 months.

Why Do I Have To Remember?

At work I have 3 seperate passwords for 3 seperate programs: my computer login, CT3 (our US log tracking software) and PC Banking.

It wasn't a problem when first setting up my computer, as I just used the same password for each program. But then came a problem... not sure if I should blame my employers or Windows, but someone needs the blame. You see, the passwords expire at different times - my login seems to expire every so often, CT3 requests I change not quite as often, and PC Banking just has a completely different set of rules that I choose not to care about.

So now I'm using 3 different passwords. Not that it's too confusing, but still. The real problem when comes when I have to keep changing them, because once a password has been used I'm not allowed to use it again on that program. And that is where the real problem lies.
I am a pretty imaginative guy, and thinking of passwords isn't the problem. However, remembering these passwords is not my strong point. I have a core group of 3 passwords I use in my life, so anything after that just becomes a mash of letters and numbers that I couldn't remember if it was stapled to my hand in neon lighting. I had a month off between December and January - do you think I could remember my passwords when I returned? Do you think an elephant would remember the passwords if they were away that long?

Anyway, I was thinking about this as all week my login has been stating that my password is about to expire, and I'm really in no hurry to change it. I was really grasping at straws for my last CT3 password (and I'm amazed I have not forgotten it, even though it is longer than the Russian alphabet), and I'm just not sure I have anything memorable left in me.

So instead I'm going to suggest a new login system for Windows (Yo Bill Gates - take note!) that involves a series of pictures that must be matched with various statements via multiple choice, such as show below:





1 - The Traveling Wilburys
2 - Open Mic Night at The Cathedral
3 - Iron Maiden World Tour 2000





1 - The Goblin King
2 - Peter Pan
3 - Cher





1 - Popeye
2 - The Head Chef at Medieval World
3 - Please Don't Tell Scott Steiner I Was Making Fun of Him - If He Asks, Tell Him I Said He Is A Nice Guy And A True Role Model To Society





1 - The Latest Hallensteins Mailer
2 - Chillin' Out, Miami Vice Style
3 - A Scene From 'The Lion King'


I think this way we could cut out the use of passwords and make a much more secure process to use our computers

Justify Myself

And for those wondering just why music is so important to my day, it is mainly because of great conversations like this:

Julian: Logan, can you please call this company and get a reference for their bank account number? [shows Logan company invoice]
Logan: I've already set them up
Julian: I know, but I need to check their details
Logan: Well, I just copied the info from their other account so there aren't any problems
Julian: Have we paid them before?
Logan: Yes.
Julian: Well, you need to call them and get something sent through because I'm not happy with that and I can't find any record of them being paid before.
Logan: It's in the system - I will show you

[Logan brings up prior records, showing supplier payment history]

Logan: I don't think they would have changed account in a couple of months

[Julian goes quiet and goes back to his office. Then from his office, the following phone call can be heard:]

Julian [on phone to supplier] : Hi could I please get a reference for your bank account number?

What's Fun on Trademe Today?

I like to pass my time looking at pointless things on Trademe, so I thought I should share some of my current favourtie things for sale:

My New Favourite Wallpaper

Yum Yum, Baby!

and

a board game that Sherie really needs to own

yes that is all
boring I know
welcome to my world

My Work Bio

We had to fill these in at work for some sort of 'Employee Appreciation' thing at the next shareholders meeting. I thought it might be interesting to fill it out with complete honesty:

What do you do for the company?
Waste its money as it continues to pay me wages and pay for travel expenses

What do you like most about your work?
Spending all day reading WCW Nitro reports and keeping my MySpace up to date

What were you doing before coming to work for Port Blakely?
Working part-time in a cafe and using my spare time much more wisely, working on music and various projects at church

In three words, how would you describe yourself?
F*** You, WCW.©

Describe the perfect day off
Lying in bed watching TMNT or Rocky all day long, and never having to even think about going back to my stupid boring office

Finally

Oh yes, it has only taken me this long... but I have finally finished moving all my blogs from my MySpace page to my Blogger. This Blogger, in fact. And OK, it's not actually all of them - just the ones that aren't MySpace specific or completely pointless (like the one that just basically tricked all the people who have subscribed to my blog on MySpace into reading a blog that simply said "It's been a long time since I wrote my last blog... and this is no exception" - so I guess I have now moved it across to here, as I just wrote it out).

So...
I'm in Timaru for the week on "business". I think it must be the business of sleeping, because I haven't done a bit of work since getting here. Oh no wait, I did pack some boxes yesterday. Exciting stuff.

But the good thing is, I have been able to use all this time to reacquiant myself with an old friend - Worms! And no, I don't mean as in "I have worms", but the computer game Worms. I don't want to risk lifting my nerd points even higher (is that even possible?) so I won't spend too much time talking about the game, but if you don't know it then you need to find a copy. It's basically you have teams of worms and go around blowing each other up, and is extremely addictive. I swear, the game is so full of nicotine it should be banned... or at least have high taxes imposed on it to deter young people from buying it. I don't really understand what is so fun about a bunch of worms throwing Mad Cows and Banana Bombs at each other... no wait, that is why it's so much fun! I can't decide what my favourite weapon is; the Sheep or the Super Banana Bomb. I mean, a sheep going "Baaa" and then blowing up is pretty cool, but a whole bunch of bananas bouncing around the screen is equally enjoyable. Good thing NASA aren't requiring my assistance this week, because trying to figure out which I like more is going to take my full attention. I just wish there was a weapon that caused complete destruction, like the Death's Head in Scorched Earth (now I'm taking it old skool - geek stylz!)

And speaking of Scorched Earth, did anyone else ever think that the Smashing Pumpkins song Tales of a Scorched Earth was inspired by that very game? Man, I always got the titles of the two confused when I was a teenager

And props to Sharon for letting me borrow the first season of Beverly Hills, 90210 while I waste away in Timaru for the week. I can't believe how entertaining it is watching it this time around; just being so aware of Luke Perry's age makes things so much funnier. Watching a 30 year-old man play the part of a hip teenager is very entertaining

A lot more entertaining than this blog, that's for sure

And I did end up spending more time talking about a video game than anything else... All these years working hard to change my reputation are slowly coming undone, and the true geekiness of the mighty LOGMAN is slowly being revealed as each day goes by.

CURSE YOU, INTERNET!!!

Vince Russo Books My Work part 3

FRIDAY
Reconciliation on a Pole. Just before we start, Director comes to the front and declares a new stipulation: if Accountant fails, Vince Russo will be fired. Accountant is WALKING. I am WALKING. We both go to grab the Reconciliation from the pole, and I get it first. I quickly duck to my computer and start the reconciliation (apparently we've forgotten what happened yesterday), but there are some calculations that don't add up. I ask The Receptionist for a calculator (as I said, it seems like yesterday's events don't matter) and she hands me one – except the batteries are missing! And in another swerve, she throws the batteries to Director, who then throws them in the bin! Who would have seen that coming? As I WALK over to Director and accuse him of treachery, Accountant steals the Reconciliation away and begins working on it, using the correct codings from yesterday (now yesterday's events matter) and processing the things I had not done. I continue to be distracted by Director, and Accountant nears completion of the reconciliation, when Janet comes to ringside to cheer on Accountant. Then she enters his office… and slaps Accountant! Vince Russo sneaks in, steals the Reconciliation and completes it. Vince Russo is the New Champion! Accountant doesn't know what happened and looks confusingly on as Vince Russo and Janet embrace. Director grabs the briefcase and he, The Receptionist, Vince Russo and Janet all run to the Director's office. Once there they open the briefcase, and inside they find…

NOTHING!!!