3 April 2005
Staples Center
Los Angeles, California - USA
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, Michael Cole & Tazz
My thoughts before this viewing:
This will be my first time watching this show, so I can offer no thoughts except I am about as interested now as I was in 2005. Triple H is the champion again? Batista and John Cena in title matches? Blurgh
America the Beautiful
It's Lillian Garcia again! And this time it is cheesier than ever.
4/10
Opening Video Package
Lots of wrestlers acting out scenes from movies. Fucking gag.
-1/10
Opening Match
Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
Wow, Eddie went from champion to opener.
Rey doesn't have a cool costume this year. His theme song said something about him making guys tap out, but I've never seen him even try a submission.
Winner = Rey Mysterio via pinfall following hurricanrana
8/10
Backstage
JBL and some black guy run into Triple H and Ric Flair. The H bomb now has a very stupid handlebar moustache
1/10
Some quality celebrities are in the front row.
This 'WrestleMania Goes Hollywood' thing really brought out the big stars, huh?
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit (w/Tomko) vs Shelton Benjamin vs Edge vs Kane
Christian finally has a better theme song. Benoit crossfaces everyone because you can't win with a submission. Shelton Benjamin decides he is going to be the crazy man in this match.
Winner = Edge via ladder climbing
7/10
In The Ring
A retard gets beaten up by some nasty Muslims and I'm ready to break out the tequila.
Then Real American hits and Hulk Hogan is here to save the day! His heroics and posing for the crowd brings a tear to my eye...
1/10
Video Package
Randy Orton is a legend killer and kills legends. Undertaker is a legend and... legends?
4/10
Undertaker vs Randy Orton
Undertaker comes out with the druids and shit and seems to be on a hoverboard. Michael Cole claims Undertaker is playing mind games with Orton - which would make sense if Orton was actually out there watching instead of having Undertaker come out first. Maybe he's playing mind games with the referee? Undertaker botches the powerbomb yet again. Even Kevin Nash can do that move - Kevin Nash, the worst champion ever. I mean, he doesn't do it well, but at least he can do it.
Winner = Undertaker via Undertakering
7/10
Video Package
Christy Hemme and Trish Stratus were arguing over... something?
2/10
WWE Women's Championship
Christy Hemme (w/Lita) vs Trish Stratus (c)
Christy comes out to The Hives? I like her already! They say Trish is jealous of Christy's success. What is this success? Being in Playboy? Isn't Trish more successful because she got where she is today without having to pose naked in a magazine?
Winner = Trish Stratus via pinfall following chick kick
What a dumb name for a finisher.
5/10
At least Trish's outfit was good?
Video Package
I don't know... I can't quite figure out what they are trying to get across with these videos tonight. All I got from this was Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels are going to fight.
2/10
Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
Far
Keen
Owl
Winner = Kurt Angle via the longest ankle-lock in the history of the universe
10/10
So how do you follow a match like that?
Why, with a shitty video of Stacy Keibler and some wrestlers re-enacting the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct, of course! And what would a WWE video be without Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah involved?
-3/10
Piper's Pit
Fuck me. Last time we had one of these I almost killed my TV, my neighbours and Chris Benoit's family. Tonight's guest is 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin and 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper has already sworn at the crowd, so we are in for a quality segment... Piper and Austin argue over who was more of a rebel when Carlito comes out and says they are not cool. Ooooooh buuuuurrn!
Why can't I be falling asleep now instead of during the last match?
-1/10
Time for more movie trailers. Do these guys enjoy looking stupid?
1/10
Sumo Match
Big Show vs Akebono
Are we for real right now? Akebono has such skinny legs for such a fat dude.
Winner = Akebono via sumo
1/10
Video Package
JBL thinks John Cena is a bad dude. John Cena thinks JBL is a coward. Logman thinks these guys suck.
2/10
WWE Championship
John Cena vs JBL (c)
John Cena is kinda lame here. And JBL is a bag of shit. The crowd chants "Boring" and they are not wrong.
Winner = John Cena via pinfall following FU
New Champion!
2/10
Hall of Fame highlights.
Sylvester Stallone inducted Hulk Hogan and that's about all you need to know.
Video Package
The H bomb and Batista were friends but now they are enemies. I feel like I've written similar things a hundred times these past 3 weeks.
4/10
Musical Performance
Of fuck, it's Motorhead again. And they are possibly worse than last time. Fun fact: I would see Motorhead live in person about 8 months later. They sucked then, too.
1/10
World Heavyweight Title
Batista vs Triple H (c) (w/Ric Flair)
I can't decide if I should watch the recent RoboCop movie or Guardians of the Galaxy after this. I have some time up my sleece and figure some form of entertainment. Because this main event is not entertaining.
Winner = Batista via who cares?
3/10
Batista celebrates while his generic theme plays to send us out.
WrestleMania XXI: The Awards
Staples Center
Los Angeles, California - USA
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, Michael Cole & Tazz
My thoughts before this viewing:
This will be my first time watching this show, so I can offer no thoughts except I am about as interested now as I was in 2005. Triple H is the champion again? Batista and John Cena in title matches? Blurgh
America the Beautiful
It's Lillian Garcia again! And this time it is cheesier than ever.
4/10
Opening Video Package
Lots of wrestlers acting out scenes from movies. Fucking gag.
-1/10
Opening Match
Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
Wow, Eddie went from champion to opener.
Winner = Rey Mysterio via pinfall following hurricanrana
8/10
Backstage
JBL and some black guy run into Triple H and Ric Flair. The H bomb now has a very stupid handlebar moustache
1/10
Some quality celebrities are in the front row.
This 'WrestleMania Goes Hollywood' thing really brought out the big stars, huh?
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit (w/Tomko) vs Shelton Benjamin vs Edge vs Kane
Christian finally has a better theme song. Benoit crossfaces everyone because you can't win with a submission. Shelton Benjamin decides he is going to be the crazy man in this match.
Winner = Edge via ladder climbing
7/10
In The Ring
A retard gets beaten up by some nasty Muslims and I'm ready to break out the tequila.
1/10
Video Package
Randy Orton is a legend killer and kills legends. Undertaker is a legend and... legends?
4/10
Undertaker vs Randy Orton
Undertaker comes out with the druids and shit and seems to be on a hoverboard. Michael Cole claims Undertaker is playing mind games with Orton - which would make sense if Orton was actually out there watching instead of having Undertaker come out first. Maybe he's playing mind games with the referee? Undertaker botches the powerbomb yet again. Even Kevin Nash can do that move - Kevin Nash, the worst champion ever. I mean, he doesn't do it well, but at least he can do it.
Winner = Undertaker via Undertakering
7/10
Video Package
Christy Hemme and Trish Stratus were arguing over... something?
2/10
WWE Women's Championship
Christy Hemme (w/Lita) vs Trish Stratus (c)
Christy comes out to The Hives? I like her already! They say Trish is jealous of Christy's success. What is this success? Being in Playboy? Isn't Trish more successful because she got where she is today without having to pose naked in a magazine?
Winner = Trish Stratus via pinfall following chick kick
What a dumb name for a finisher.
5/10
At least Trish's outfit was good?
Video Package
I don't know... I can't quite figure out what they are trying to get across with these videos tonight. All I got from this was Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels are going to fight.
2/10
Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
Far
Keen
Owl
Winner = Kurt Angle via the longest ankle-lock in the history of the universe
10/10
So how do you follow a match like that?
Why, with a shitty video of Stacy Keibler and some wrestlers re-enacting the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct, of course! And what would a WWE video be without Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah involved?
-3/10
Piper's Pit
Fuck me. Last time we had one of these I almost killed my TV, my neighbours and Chris Benoit's family. Tonight's guest is 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin and 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper has already sworn at the crowd, so we are in for a quality segment... Piper and Austin argue over who was more of a rebel when Carlito comes out and says they are not cool. Ooooooh buuuuurrn!
Why can't I be falling asleep now instead of during the last match?
-1/10
Time for more movie trailers. Do these guys enjoy looking stupid?
1/10
Sumo Match
Big Show vs Akebono
Are we for real right now? Akebono has such skinny legs for such a fat dude.
Winner = Akebono via sumo
1/10
Video Package
JBL thinks John Cena is a bad dude. John Cena thinks JBL is a coward. Logman thinks these guys suck.
2/10
WWE Championship
John Cena vs JBL (c)
John Cena is kinda lame here. And JBL is a bag of shit. The crowd chants "Boring" and they are not wrong.
Winner = John Cena via pinfall following FU
New Champion!
2/10
Hall of Fame highlights.
Sylvester Stallone inducted Hulk Hogan and that's about all you need to know.
Video Package
The H bomb and Batista were friends but now they are enemies. I feel like I've written similar things a hundred times these past 3 weeks.
4/10
Musical Performance
Of fuck, it's Motorhead again. And they are possibly worse than last time. Fun fact: I would see Motorhead live in person about 8 months later. They sucked then, too.
1/10
World Heavyweight Title
Batista vs Triple H (c) (w/Ric Flair)
I can't decide if I should watch the recent RoboCop movie or Guardians of the Galaxy after this. I have some time up my sleece and figure some form of entertainment. Because this main event is not entertaining.
Winner = Batista via who cares?
3/10
Batista celebrates while his generic theme plays to send us out.
WrestleMania XXI: The Awards
- Best Match
Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
I was prepared to score it lower as I thought Michaels was going to win, but when he tapped to the ankle-lock I was yelling at my television. I think that means I was into it. - Worst Match
John Cena vs JBL
Just a bunch of boringness. I don't really consider the sumo match a 'match' under these settings, and if it were judged as being a sumo match it was fine. - Highlight of the Show
Shelton Benjamin trying to steal the show with some crazy high spots in the ladder match. He didn't steal the show, but it was fun watching him try. - Lowlight of the Show
A wrestler having the gimmick of a guy that is intellectually handicapped. - Star of the Show
I fee like I have to give it to Kurt Angle for such an amazing match, but this show didn't really have a 'star' as such. - Best Celebrity Appearance
Rob Schneider? - Worst Celebrity Appearance
Adam Sandler? - Tonight's Meal
Today I had a nice garlic wrap with avocado, spinach, red onion and tomato with a hoki fillet, topped with tartare sauce. Was quite nice. My beverage of choice today was 7-Up for a taste on non-caffeine sweetness. The Oatmeal Creme Pie was ok, but alas today was my last one; the American food store has run out of boxes and won't be getting any more in for a few weeks. What are the chances other people are actually eating this garbage? So instead, from tomorrow I will be eating some Chips Ahoy cookies - chocolate chip cookies. Except these ones are chocolate biscuits with Reeses' peanut butter chips. Yum!. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
It hasn't magically gotten any cleaner overnight - I must discuss what hours my cleaning gnomes work and why this hasn't been taken care of yet. Their last invoice may not be paid this month. - Overall Score
Started off strong, peaked, then fell to doom. The constant in this show seemed to be that the matches were fine but all the videos and skits were just horrendous. And then the matches weren't fine. I don't know...
5 out of 10
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