UWF Fury Hour: Episode 42

UWF Fury Hour Episode 42, 9th September 1991

This week Craig and Bruno are joined on commentary by Captain Lou Albano. Yay. He brags about beating up Mr. Red, but doesn't mention anything about leaving Herb to get his ass kicked. Craig still can't figure out Super Ninja's name.

'Wild Thing' Steve Ray vs Mohammed The Butcher (w/Abu Dee?)

Wow, what an exciting match to get started with! 

Commentators don't even pretend to care about the match and just make jokes about how fat Mohammed is. Bruno stops making jokes and just says straight up "This guy is very fat". Wild Thing sprays him with a fire extinguisher? In the stomach??

Winner = 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray via clothesline

Wild Thing tries to press-slam Abu Dee, but fails so throws him on Mohammed.

'Dr. Death' Steve Williams will be defending his belt against 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray at a future show. WTF did that dude do to earn a title shot?

B. Brian Blair vs Sonny West
Damn - Blair is still around? Did Craig just call him Muraco??

Bruno finally explains why his version of the hotline is called "Hot Bruno".

Winner = B. Brian Blair via the longest sleeper hold in history.

Bah gawd that was hilariously bad. Because he's such a 'nice guy', Blair 'wakes up' Sonny West afterwards.

Ask The Wrestlers
Where is the fucking graphic? You mean, I'm going to have to start typing out the question myself??
"B. Brian Blair, will you ever wrestle 'Dr. Death' and what do you think of his wrestling tactics?"

Blair says he is a fan of Dr. Death and would love to wrestle him. I mean, he's got the coveted UWF Sportsbyline Nationwide TV VHS Championship - so who wouldn't want to wrestle for that??

We get a full recap of the Captain Lou Albano/Mr. Red/Herb Abrams drama. Wow. Desperate for content muchly?

To The Point

Herb and Captain Lou Albano are joined by Mr. Fucking Red and Super Ninja. They all just scream over each other - except for Super Ninja, who just stands there doing nothing. Why is Mr. Red so obsessed with getting Albano's segment? Mr. Red says he went over Herb's head. How? He owns the fucking promotion. Is this going to be the way they explain the company going off television? Albano keeps making comments about Mr. Red being fat. Herb says something about killing Mr. Red.

Mr. Voice Over explains this segment was recorded before Mr. Red was suspended for 30 days. Then why didn't you air it BEFORE he was suspended for 30 days? Because that part wasn't live, either.

I like bad promos, but that shit was absofuckinglutely painful.

Oh, wow - Official UWF Ratings!
Half of these guys haven't actually wrestled since Beach Brawl.

Next week - tag-team ratings! Excitement!

Frank E is with Luna Vachon and The Black Harts. Oh, it's just a repeat of her promo from a couple of weeks ago. Put Luna on To The Point.

Next week we will have another appearance of Mr. Red. Glad to see that suspension is really being enforced. Also, Herb will have news on possibly signing The Ultimate Warrior. Shouldn't he wait until he actually has the guy signed - not just it being possible?? Does he want another Andre The Giant embarrassment??

Thoughts:

• This was a show?
• To The Point may actually be the worst thing this show has ever attempted.
• In WCW, Nikita Koloff and 'Dangerous' Dan Spivey have already worn out their welcome again and are gone. Cactus Jack has just arrived and is feuding with the promotion's top star. Larry Zybysko is a tag-team champion.
• I don't know if I've said this enough while watching UWF, but fuck this show.

UWF Fury Hour: Episode 41

UWF Fury Hour Episode 41, 2nd September 1991

The New York skyline - Florida Style?

TONIGHT! The Fire Cat and "a mystery panther" will take on The Black Harts. Bruno thinks it might be Captain Lou Albano. Does he want me to kill myself?

You can still buy the UWF Beach Brawl official program. Get a bunch and give them to your family for Xmas!

The Keeper & The Animal vs Mike Larrier? & The Nightmare

The Keeper is actually Paul Samson - wasn't he a jobber in an earlier match?  I guess putting on shitty matches and losing means he can now have shitty matches and win? He's an inspiration to jobbers everywhere! The Animal is throwing lollies out to the crowd. Bruno says he never seen an animal like Jim (The Animal) at the zoo. This leads to Bruno discussing wrestling an Orangutan and a bear. He admits it was not smart. Dude, I'm watching the UWF so I know all about doing not smart things. 

Winners = The Keeper & The Animal via tombstone piledriver

After the match, Larrier attacks The Nightmare and The Animal makes the save. Odd. Bruno cared more about... well, everything besides that match.

J.R. James (w/Bobby Rogers) vs 'Dynamite' David Perry

Apparently this Bobby Rogers is the grandson of the legendary Buddy Rogers. Bruno sounds... skeptical. Bruno explains that we don't see some wrestlers again because it means they aren't good enough for the UWF. Is that what happened with David Sammartino? Bruno is mighty tough on that kid.

Winner = 'Dynamite' David Perry via superkick

Wait what?!? Is another jobber graduating to main guy? The bad guys beat him up after the match and the rest of the jobbers come out to split them up. Jobbers means sticking together!

Captain Lou's Corner
We are told this is a repeat of the one the other week where he interviewed Mr. Red. Thanks.

Super Ninja (w/ Mr Red) vs Madman Pongo?

Haha you can kind of catch Bruno, Craig and Lou talking in the background and not in character. Albano actually gets an onscreen graphic to let you know he's on commentary - he must be Herb's best friend or something. Albano completely buries both wrestlers and recommends they go wrestle in WCW. Seriously. Bruno obviously takes this as his cue to be more honest. Herb joins the commentary team and Bruno asks him why he signed these terrible wrestlers. As opposed to the other terrible wrestlers?

Winner = Super Ninja via some weird submission or pin or what?

Super Ninja beats everyone up so Herb gets in the ring and suspends Mr. Red for 30 days. Which would mean something if this company was actually still going to be in business more than 20 days. Herb and Albano beat up Mr. Red but Super Ninja attacks Herb outside the ring. No one saves him because, well... he's Herb. I like that Bruno and Albano are always acting like he's their best friend, but when he's beaten up they don't care at all.

Herb's dead

The Fire Cat & Mystery Partner vs The Black Harts (w/ Luna Vachon)

Frank E is like "I can only introduce one guy" and the crowd are chanting "WE WANT STING". Well ok maybe only like 5 people. His partner is... Wild Thing. Wow.

The Fire Cat & 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray vs The Black Harts (w/ Luna Vachon)

They all just brawl outside the ring and Alison Royale comes out to attack Luna Vachon. Some lady in the crowd starts giving Vachon shit as well.

Craig calls a suplex a "piledriver" because he's such a fucking brilliant play-by-play commentator. Herb just wants to rant about what happened to him "last week".

Double Disqualification

On that note, we outta here.

Thoughts:

• This was easily the worst card ever. It was basically jobbers vs jobbers in some pretty shitty matches.
• I can't stand Albano, but him shooting on commentary was at least an improvement.