WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXIX, Night Two

2 April 2023

So-Fi Stadium
Inglewood, California - USA

Attendance: 67,553

Commentators: Michael Cole & Corey Graves

My thoughts before this viewing:
As mentioned yesterday (3 hours ago), when they ran down the card for this show, I was actually filled with hope. And jealousy. Because I think I may actually give a hoot about some of these matches. And all the worst people were part of night one. Except The Miz is still hosting. But, again, I will take that over him actually wrestling.

America The Beautiful
Jimmie Allen is somebody that I've never known. And he really dressed up for the occasion.

He just grooves on his own for a little bit and, hey, at least he sang the ending well?
5/10

Opening Video Package
Kevin Hart is back... in a bath robe.

Tonight is "more star power". No shit - Austin Theory and Brock Lesnar are not the same. Also, this is not a sequel; the first time they did "WrestleMania Hollywood" was WrestleMania XXI, so at this point it is more of a trilogy.

It's The fucking Miz and Snoop Dogg the WWE Marijuana Champion? The Miz does his arm thing again and just looks genuinely awkward. And shit.

Opening Match
Brock Lesnar vs Omos (w/MVP)

Omos just throws Lesnar around and it is fantastic! He eventually makes a mistake, so Lesnar takes him to suplex city.

Winner = Brock Lesnar via pinfall following an F5
6/10

Maaaan that was too quick!

WWE Shop offer free shipping again - they said it was yesterday only, so their shop lies as well? It's like they're not even trying anymore, but hey, neither am I!

Big E is still stuck at the vending machine.

Who plays these shitty WWE video games? I'll stick to WCW Backstage Assault, thank you very muchly.

"WrestleMania Showcase Fatal Four-Way Tag-Team"
Liv Morgan & Raquel Rodriguez vs Shotzi & Natalya vs Chelsea Green & Sonya Deville vs 'Rowdy' Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler

Liv has yet another new tag-team partner at WrestleMania. Wow, Rousey has really fallen off, huh? I don't think this Raquel is related to Rogan. Everyone is scared of her and she just laughably shrugs off a dropkick. Natalya goes for the double Sharpshooter. Where have Rousey and Baszler been? Because they sure haven't been in this match - they haven't even been on the apron awaiting a tag or anything. And why is Baszler missing a boot??

Winners = 'Rowdy' Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler via submission (Rousey with an armbar on Shotzi)
5/10

Rousey and Baszler celebrate for longer than they were in the match.

Video Package
More bullshit about Dominik Mysterios bad new friends. They used to hang out with Edge? Oh, wait - I think this is that faction they kinda started at WrestleMania XXXIX - so when I predicted they wouldn't be together by the next WrestleMania, I was kinda right - because they gave Edge the boot. Fair enough, he is old and boring.
5/10

Highlight of the Night again? The last one had zero to do with this actual night... and neither does this one! Bobby Lashley threw some fat dude out of the ring and won the Andre The Giant Battle Royal. And now he's on the stage to show off his trophy. Usually that would be the prelude to someone coming out and trashing it... but nope, this is just Lashley waving and holding his trophy like a dork. Corey Graves pretends this is some sort of amazing achievement that will only further Lashley's career. I think I will never hear this mentioned again... possibly because I don't watch WWE outside of WrestleMania...

Xavier Woods and his band of dorks run another video game simulation for the next match. If this were WCW Backstage Assault, I would just play as La Parka and beat their asses with a chair. Or a flaming 2x4.

Video Package
Some German dude has been whooping people and is now the Intercontinental Champion. Sheamus wants to challenge him. Drew McIntyre... has a sword. So it's a battle of the European dudes. Except it seems a bit more about Sheamus and McIntyre than the champion.
5/10

Titus is back on commentary for another round of impersonating Dusty Rhodes and I'm here for it.

Oh shit, more commercials? This particular match gets its own sponsor??

WWE Intercontinental Championship
Triple Threat
Drew McIntyre vs Sheamus vs Gunther (c)
I think this is first I'm seeing of the new Intercontinental belt. Or I just haven't been paying attention - which is VERY possible. Gunther delivers some massive chops and they just look hilarious on Sheamus. Then Gunther and McIntyre have a full-on chop battle. Chops and slaps for everyone! Sheamus pounds on McIntyre so much he looks gassed! Sheamus has it won, but McIntyre interferes. Gunther powerbombs Sheamus on to McIntyre and then powerbombs McIntyre for fun!

Winner = Gunther via pinfall following powerbombs for both Sheamus and Drew McIntyre. Equal opportunity powerbombs!
8/10

Bah gawd that was physical - almost to the point of being uncomfortable, but not quite, so it was just awesome. The commentators give it a standing ovation.

The Miz pays children to like him. Creepy.

WWE exploiting kids and stuff again.

Video Package
Bianca Belair won the title at the previous WrestleMania. And the two before that, but they don't seem to want to mention those. Asuka has new facepaint. And they show fans booing her, so we all know she is the villain here.
4/10

Raw Women's Championship
Bianca Belair (c) vs Asuka
Asuka never wins at WrestleMania, so I think Belair is in for a longer title reign. The really should hire a Japanese artist to perform Asuka's entrance theme. Or just get the rights to Rule by Ayumi Hamasaki. Belair keeps the night's theme of 'children are cheap labour' by having a bunch of kids dancing during her entrance. And holy shit the commentators have listened to me and are shutting the fuck up during these entrances! Asuka hits a whole lots of spinning shit. Belair is strong! Asuka misses the mist and gets an armbar, but yeah Belair is strong.

Winner = Bianca Belair via pinfall following her KOD or whatever it is called
7/10

Asuka's WrestleMania losing streak continues! She must surely be close to Big Show's record by now.

Alpha Academy are much less interesting than a chocolate bar.

Recap of the main event last night, because The Usos actually losing a match at WrestleMania is wildly unbelievable.

Things have been going well, so now it's time for The Miz and Snoop Dogg. They are trying to claim both nights attendance as one total, but I would guess 90% of the people here tonight were here yesterday. I mean, some of these dudes in the front row haven't even changed their clothes. The Miz bitches at Snoop Dogg about having to wrestle Pat McAfee... and it sounds like Snoop Dogg is going to make him wrestle again?

Shane McMahon vs The Miz
BAHAHAHAHA Shane immediately blows his knee attempting a leap frog.

No contest?

Snoop Dogg is pissed and takes it out on The Miz. Oh, now it's really on...

Snoop Dogg vs The Miz
A "People's Elbow" so hilarious, I can hear those wacky Germans laughing at 4am from the other side of the world. And a year in the past...

Winner = Snoop Dogg via pinfall following Snoopy's elbow?
10/10 no notes

Video Package
Edge worked his way to the top by being a total dick? Then he retired due to injury. He was a dick, so that's what you get. Finn Balor rose up in his place, or something. Edge came back after 9 years and claimed he was a better man, but he formed this Judgment Day group and they are bad guys. So bad, they turned on Edge. Rhea Ripley beat up Edge's wife. So why is Edge so mad at Balor? Why isn't he fighting Ripley?? The narrative here was all over the place.
2/10

Hell in a Cell
Edge vs Finn Balor
Trying to make an entrance all spooky with candles and shit does not work when doing it during the day time. Oh, wait - it's a tie-in for a fucking movie. WCW did this shit as well. Edge is disco gimp??

He's wearing a jacket with the old 'The Brood' logo and Cole says they debuted in 1997. Considering Edge debuted months before the rest of The Brood and he himself didn't debut until WrestleMania XIV in 1998, you can fuck off with your misinformation. Immediately with the weapons and Balor just no sells chair shots. Edge apparently regrets forming Judgment Day and now wants to make up for it by destroying his creation - just like Ted Dibiase and the NWO. More weapons. These painted kendo sticks look like folded drinks umbrellas. The crowd call for tables, because they are clearly invested in this story. Balor is leaking blood, so the match stops? And we switch to a wide shot so the viewers can't see him being tended to by a doctor. That's actually lamer than in WCW. Edge kills time during this break by looking for more weapons and then doing nothing with them. The match resumes... Balor makes noises like he's the fucking Tasmanian Devil. He lays Edge on a table and bahahaha it immediately splits perfectly in the middle.

Winner = Edge via pinfall following a con-chair-to
5/10

That was fucking silly. And pausing the match to tend to a cut completely killed any momentum it might have been gaining. Edge should go talk to Bret Hart about how great his match with 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper would have been if they had stopped it to clean up his blood.

Montage of WWE doucheburgers re-enacting famous scenes from various movies. Hold up; one of these dudes drops an F-bomb, but blood in a wrestling match is not allowed?!?!

Backstage Interview
Kayla still works here! Bianca Belair is partying with little children. Find some friends your own age!

Backlash. Bad Bunny. Boring.

Hall of Fame: Class of 2023
This year's inductees were Stacey Kiebler and Andy Kaufman. Obviously there were young girls in attendance, because Jerry 'the King' Lawler had to provide his speech via online. The Great Muta was inducted - despite never wrestling for WWE - as well as.. a referee? Oh, and Rey Mysterio. But not Rey Mysterio, Jr.? He was awesome in WCW. And that Adidas suit is something.

WrestleMania XL will always be sunny in Philadelphia.

More highlights of night one, like I didn't already watch that shit.

The Miz thinks you should gamble.

The Weeknd are still providing WrestleMania theme songs. And they are still terrible.

Do the Safety Dance in jail after you fail to do your taxes properly?

No wonder this company makes so much money they have to cut people due to budget cuts...

Video Package
Cody Rhodes has wanted to be WWE Champion since he was 8 years old and now he is going to finish his story. So he'll win and then die?? You know, all weekend these pre-match videos have been providing all sorts of backstory and helping the casual viewer (e.g. LOGMAN) informed of the story behind the matches. But then when it comes to the main event, they tell us absolutely nothing. That's the WWE I know!
6/10

Main Event
Undisputed WWE Championship
Cody Rhodes vs Roman Reigns (c) (w/Paul Heyman and some other dude named Solo?)
Reigns is introduced by... pianists? Michael Cole hilariously mocks Cody Rhodes for failing to become an actor when he was younger. And then he goes on to bag on The American Dream for never winning the WWE Heavyweight Championship. I mean, he came to the WWF for a grand total of 18 months in the midst of Hulkamania and was stuck feuding with the likes of Big Bossman and Honky Tonk Man. Hardly the respect a multiple-time NWA Heavyweight World Champion deserved. Paul Heyman babbles something about Roman Reigns "owning an island of relevancy". Honestly sounds like something Roger Moore would have said in Spice World. Haha what the commentators are impressed Rhodes knows the rules. Reigns dominates forever, until Rhodes eventually gets some offense and Cole is all like 'Wow, he's not just going to get smoked like a chump!' Ham Solo gets ejected from the match, but why do they bother agreeing to it? If they disqualify Reigns, he would still be champion. Rhodes hits a Crossroads and not even Heyman can pretend that was getting a three-count. Graves calls Reigns a "great white shark". Racist! Aaand here come the finishers! Reigns goes for a guillotine off his back and I'm pretty sure his shoulders were down for like a twenty-count. It's the main event at WrestleMania, so of course that means we gotta have the referee knocked out! Cole acts like it has never happened before. Well, allow me to check my notes...

*checks notes*

It's happened in the last 50 main events. Fuck you. The Usos run in and hit some superkicks and their Dudley Boys rip-off finisher. So Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens Mac chase them off. Rhodes recovers and hits a bunch of Crossroads... so Ham Solo comes back and murders Rhodes or something.

Winner = Roman Reigns via pinfall following a spear
6/10

If the referee was actually competent, he would have realised Ham Solo had disobeyed his order to leave the ringside and reversed his decision. And THAT would have been a fitting tribute to Dusty Rhodes!

I'll be honest; I knew the result of this and that probably hampered my enjoyment of the match. Michael Cole calls this the greatest title reign of all-time. HAHAHAHAHA no.

We get fan reactions and then it's pyro and posing and peace out!

WrestleMania XXXIX, Night Two: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Drew McIntyre vs Sheamus vs Gunther
   Very physical and very fun!
   
2. Worst Match
   Edge vs Finn Balor
   Like most Edge matches since he returned, it was slow and not all that exciting.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Snoop Dogg with the worst 'People's Elbow' ever? Shane O'Mac blowing his knee and thus ruining whatever they had planned?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   The Miz as host, although that is better than him wrestling. But then he went and did that, too. Again.
5. Star of the Show
   I mean... there really are no stars here?
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Snoop Dogg for doing barely anything and getting some sort of WWE belt out of it. Also, shout out to Rick Rubin for sitting behind the Spanish announce table at some point but obviously not agreeing to be on camera.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   I don't think there were any other celebrities tonight, but Logan Paul was in the highlights from last night, so let's just go with him, because fuck that douche.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Dear readers, I'm not going to lie to you; tonight I went kinda cheap. I had simple wraps of a Hoki filet on spinach with some baba ghanoush and a bit of coleslaw, all in a garlic butter wrap. I wasn't excited for this show, so didn't go all out on the meals this year. But I sure went 200% on the PepsiMax with Raspberry...
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   I can't say for certain, but I may have only got a bit of sauce on my sleeve. Which led to a great deal of panic, because this Hart Foundation hockey jersey was far more expensive than that white t-shirt I threw a WrestleMania logo...
10. Overall Score
    That was a WrestleMania! I had a nap after day one and a whole bottle of Pepsi, so maybe that helped my attitude, but there was genuinely not a bad match and some really fun ones to boot. As always, the skits and ads and hosts were fucking awful, and having the bad guy win the main event is kind of a downer, but otherwise this was probably the best WrestleMania I have watched in years.
    7 out of 10

WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXVIII, Night One

2 April 2022

AT&T Stadium
Dallas, Texas - USA

Attendance: 65,719

Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee, Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves & Byron Saxton

My thoughts before this viewing:
I'm back again! It's Easter Sunday - the day of the resurrection! Which is appropriate, because my bLogging of WrestleMania feels a lot like a zombie just scouring the Earth looking for something that might be interesting. And I have no brain for doing this.

Anyway, what's in store for me today? Ronda Rousey returns! Cody Rhodes possibly returning, too! And Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns for the 100th time, except this time it's to unify the two world titles. I'm actually interested! What I'm not interested in is the sheer length of this nonsense; I've actually finally caved and will be skipping the pre-shows from now on. I mean, I don't bLog about them and they are a colossal waste of time anyways, but if WWE want to make them TWO FUCKING HOURS LONG and then have WrestleMania go for another FOUR hours, and then multiply that over TWO FUCKING NIGHTS... yeah, Fuck y'all. Also, the pre-shows are usually so terrible, contain no actual matches and are just filled with annoying people that it immediately makes me hate WrestleMania before it even begins!

On that note...

NIGHT ONE

America the Beautiful
Bradley Gilbert is awful. The dudes singing harmony are even worse. This is like hard rock country wannabe? Or country hard rock wannabe? Either way, I wannabe dead.
2/10

Opening Video Package
Mark Wahlberg tells the wrestlers to "catch some greatness". Oh no, I misunderstood - his plea was for "WrestleMania Saturday" to catch the greatness. Because the wrestlers don't matter. You know, they could actually use this opening video to hype some of the matches instead of just pretending WrestleMania is the greatest invention in the history of history.
3/10

"Stupendous" is the word of the night, apparently. They claim there are over 70,000 people in attendance, which is probably a lie. And not even that great of a lie, when you consider they had over 100,000 people last time they were in this stadium. Y'all should just lie big and claim 200,000 people.

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are going to open the show? Skipping the pre-show isn't going to help much. Fuck this show.

Rick Boogs plays guitar. Pat McAffee parties on the commentary table. 

Stupendous.
Hey, Boogs - your guitar needs tuning. Badly. There is a recap from an earlier episode of Smackdown, where Boogs pretended to be injured to... get a title shot? Plays out of tune guitars, screams in falsetto, pretends to be injured - Boogs might actually be the best thing in WWE today!

Smackdown Tag-Team Championship
Shinsuke Nakamura & Rick Boogs (w/out of tune guitar) vs Jimmy & Jey Uso (c)
Oh, what a shock - the Uso's are the tag-team champions at WrestleMania! McAfee can't be bothered with the Uso first names, so I immediately like this guy. He says stupendous another 10 times, so he immediately lost that goodwill. Cole has absolutely nothing to talk about, so he just lists all the championships Nakamura has won... then does it all over again a couple of minutes later. Then tells us Lesnar vs Reigns is "the biggest main event in WrestleMania history". Clearly, Michael Cole is invested in this match. Boogs does some weird suplex where he drops to a knee and goes back up. Why? Oh, now he's really injured?

Winners = Jimmy & Jey Uso via pinfall following the old Dudley Boys' finisher because they are that void of anything interesting.
6/10

Michael Cole says something about Texas being Metroplex. I must have missed that part in The Transformers: The Movie.

Video Package
Baron Corbin used to be sad, because he lost all his money. He couldn't get in the arena to wrestle for WWE. How does being poor mean you no longer get security clearance for your job? Do the wrestlers have to pay to enter? Actually, that wouldn't surprise me... He was prepared to quit wrestling, but then he won millions of dollars at the casino - so now he is very happy. And used his winnings to buy a best friend? Holy shit - this is actually hilarious! The new happy friends beat up Drew McIntyre at some WWE show and stole his sword. McIntyre went from winning the championship at WrestleMania, to losing the championship at WrestleMania, to fighting BARON CORBIN in one of the opening/meaningless matches.
8/10

Drew McIntyre (w/sword that I guess he stole back?) vs 'Happy' Corbin (w/Madcap Moss)
Moss won the Andre the Giant Battle Royal, which I guess has been permanently moved to the Smackdown before WrestleMania, justifying my decision to drop the pre-shows from my viewing experience. Because seriously, what is the point of a TWO FUCKING HOUR pre-show if there are no matches? Corbin is winning, so of course that means he gets into an argument with Moss, which leads to McIntyre turning things around. McIntyre does his big dive over the top rope - mind your wang!!! Corbin gets a two count and is very NOT happy hur hur hur.

Winner = Drew McIntyre via pinfall following a claymore kick.
6/10

Corbin will be even less happy now.

Moss tries to get in the ring, but McIntyre chops the ropes with his sword and there are some explosion noises. Then he visits the commentary table and Pat McAfee is on his phone hahaha.

Some dude talked shit to his girlfriend about Sheamus in private, but she totally sold him out and now he's offering Sheamus a Snickers. I guess this is better than previous years...

WrestleMania t-shirts are discounted more than last year. Uglier, too.

Video Package
Rey Mysterio teaming with his son, Dominik, is a dream come true. The Miz needed a new tag-team partner, because John Morrison got fired yet again. So he chose the only person possibly more unlikeable than himself in Logan Paul. This is easily the worst tag-team in the history of history.
4/10

And to think, I was actually enjoying this show...

Rey & Dominik Mysterio (not his real surname) vs The Miz & Logan Paul
Rey is repping the Mexico flag and Dominik is flying the colours of the USA... because he hates his heritage? Corey Graves just turned up on commentary because I needed all my least favourite people in one place. Logan Paul does some punches and high jumps, and Graves actually compares him to The British Bulldog. Oh, fuck you very much! How did Jimmy Smith go from calling MMA with Bellator and the UFC, to selling this nonsense? Logan Paul pulls off Eddie Guerrero's signature moves because WWE can't stop milking the man's career. Apparently The Miz tagged himself in when Logan Paul was in the middle of the ring?

Not a legal tag

Winners = The Miz & Logan Paul via fuck off.
3/10

The Miz attacks Logan Paul to thunderous applause. I guess these two must now feud. They can do it all year, for all I care - I won't see any of it!

Stephanie McMahon comes out to greet the crowd because she thinks she is her Dad. I mean, she does surely suck as well. She introduces some American dude that will be a future WWE "superstar". I care more about this ad for Young Rock, and I gave up on that after episode 3.

Video Package
Bianca Belair won the Raw Women's Championship at WrestleMania last year, and it was a big deal. Such a big deal, that WWE had her lose the title 4 months later to Becky Lynch in like 20 seconds. WWE sure know how to book stars! Belair gave Lynch a haircut. And that's how she earned her rematch? She comes across like a really sore loser.
5/10

Raw Women's Championship
Bianca Belair vs Becky Lynch (c)
So what Lynch's name now? Big Time Becks? And her gimmick is thinking she's Walmart Lady GaGa?

The champion gets to stand in the ring while Belair has a marching band perform her entrance.

Honestly, the commentators really need to try shutting up for a couple of minutes during these big entrances - it would help them across as something special. Belair offers a handshake, but Lynch is like 'fuck you' and almost pins her in 10 seconds hahaha. Really, what they should have done was have Belair get revenge by pinning Lynch in 10 seconds - it would have been a great story. Instead, they have Lynch just beat the shit out of Belair for like 10 minutes. What kind of crazy person does a 450 splash from the middle turnbuckle? Lynch botches her finisher or something, but the commentators just pretend it was some innovative version of a dropkick. Sure thing, guys.

Winner = Bianca Belair via pinfall following DVD/KOD thing
5/10

New Champion!

There is some new series on the WWE Network/Peacock/Torrenting sites about bad guys in wrestling - but only talking to modern pro-wrestlers, like they know anything about being proper bad guys in pro-wrestling.

Video Package
Seth Rollins couldn't get a match at WrestleMania. Old POS Vince is like 'I'll give you a match, but your opponent will be a surprise!'. It's going to be Cody Rhodes, so it will only be a surprise if Seth Rollins managed to stay off the internet for a couple of months. He's a twitter addict, so I'm guessing not likely. And why would this be so important to him? He already earns megabucks - regardless of performing at WrestleMania or not - and it's not like this will be for a title or anything.
2/10

(Not Really a) Surprise Wrestler Cody Rhodes vs Seth Rollins
Rollins is introduced by a glee club or something. And he's actually being billed as "Seth 'Freakin' Rollins"? Whoa, baby, that is dumb. The surprise wrestler should have been Vince McMahon himself - I would have laughed a lot. But, shockingly, it is Cody Rhodes. What actually is a surprise is that he's still using his AEW theme song. AND still has that gawdawful neck tattoo.

Cole: "No one at AT&T Stadium can believe it!" - is that why the crowd were chanting his name before his music hit? 
Cole: "Rhodes has been competing at the highest level his entire career recently."

What?

AND THEN the commentators start acting like he's been retired for the last six years instead of wrestling all over the world and helping start the second biggest pro-wrestling promotion in the USA. Guys, it's not like he was in the UWF. Or fucking TNA. How did Rhodes not get disqualified for kicking Rollins in the balls? And how is Rollins totally okay? Rhodes hits his finisher but only gets a 2-count and the commentators absolutely bury the man for not getting the win HAHAHAHA. Rollins hits the Pedigree and I actually thought that might be the end, because I could imagine winning with The H Bomb's finisher would help HHH feel like he won the match vicariously. Holy shit Rhodes is just covered in welts and bruises. He imitates his Dad, sans polka dots this time, and it's honestly the feelgood spot of the night.

Winner = Cody Rhodes via pinfall following THREE crossroads
8/10

That was good shit.

2022 Hall of Fame
The Steiner Brothers were inducted? They should have been the headliners. Especially when they were inducted alongside other such illustrious pro-wrestling legends as... Booker T's wife. Yeah, okay there was also Vader. And The Undertaker. You know, it's actually funny how that dude spent like 30 years protecting his character and the last couple of years have exposed why - because he's actually a complete douchebag.

Pat McAfee is actually some sort of NFL player? But he always dreamed of becoming a pro-wrestler and has even been training for a few years. So tomorrow night he will make his pro-wrestling debut at WrestleMania Sunday.

We're... we're really calling them WrestleMania Saturday and Sunday now?

Michael Cole informs us Rick Boogs tore his knee and will require surgery. What a WrestleMania moment he'll never forget!

Video Package
Charlotte Flair thinks she's tougher than Ronda Rousey, because WWE wrestlers and their fans forget this shit has scripted winners. "My legacy is bigger than yours" is really the argument you want to make to hype a match? Rousey guarantees to make Flair tap-out. It's Charlotte Flair, so I guarantee that will never happen.
4/10

Smackdown Women's Championship
Ronda Rousey vs Charlotte Flair (c)
No Joan Jett? Or caring from the crowd? Ronda with some back and forth to start. The crowd seem kinda split. And rather dead. I don't know if it's because she looks like her Dad, but Flair seriously looks and moves like she's about 50 years-old. We finally get some drama as they exchange bad submission holds. Flair goes for the figure-four. Rousey reverses it and tries for an armbar. Flair reverses that and goes for another figure-four, then turns it into the figure-eight. Now they're trading bad near-falls - they should have stuck to bad submissions. Of course we get a referee bump, so Flair taps out and no one sees it (except for the crowd and the people watching at home and the other referees). You're using a referee that is legit close friends with Ric Flair to the point he even imitated him for a time in WCW and was his sidekick called "Lil' Natche" who helped Ric Flair win matches. I can't imagine a reputable commission would allow such a conflict.

Winner = Charlotte Flair via pinfall like you were expecting anything else?
3/10

Bahahaha welcome back, Ronda Rousey! WWE gonna WWE, I guess.

Bobby Lashley tells us WWE is where he was always meant to be. Except for those years he wrestled for other companies after quitting WWE because of racism?

Pitbull provided tonight's theme song. Do people actually listen to Pitbull when he makes music without Enrique Iglesias?

There will be matches tomorrow night on "WrestleMania Sunday", including another 4-way women's tag-team match. Faaaark I might just delete my whole hard drive now.

Video Package
The worst Metallica music video you will ever see.
2/10

Next year, WrestleMania will be in Hollywood. Will it be WrestleMania Monday as well?

Video Package
Kevin Owens Mac hates Texas. So he's the good guy, right?? He called out 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin because he stole Austin's finishing move? Austin is like 'All I gotta do is turn up, talk nonsense for half an hour and hit you with a Stunner? Fuck yeah - pay me!'. Why are they playing Kid Rock here? He's not from Texas. But he sure does suck as much as Texas.
5/10

Main Event
The KO Show featuring 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin
Our main event is actually going to be talking segment? And it's actually going to last 40 minutes?? Kevin Owens Mac just makes jokes about Texas until Austin comes out. What they should have done was just have Owens Mac talk shit to the crowd for like 15 minutes and then have Austin come out, hit a stunner and drink beer. Instead they sit down to talk... Owens Mac says he wants to pour a beer on Austin. Guess this dude never watched Steve Austin drink beer, because he happily does that himself. Why are the crowd chanting "What?" at Austin? WWE fans truly are the worst. Owens Mac explains why he hates Texas and you can't argue with him - in fact, I'd suggest he could have said much worse. He tells Austin he doesn't just want to talk - he wants to fight! Well, I guess that would explain why you're both wearing your wrestling gear... Owens Mac says Austin is embarrassing himself, but I don't know - I would think challenging a 60 year-old man who retired 20 years ago to a fight is pretty fucking embarrassing. Austin says he had his very first match in Dallas, Texas, so he might as well have his very last match in Dallas, Texas. Nostalgia is a hell of a drug...

No Holds Barred
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs Kevin Owens
This is a stupid idea. They trade right hands and then Austin SLOWLY stomps Owens Mac. He takes a beer and then SLOWLY stomps him some more. He knocks back (i.e. spills all over himself) beer #2. He's already old and slow - not sure how being drunk will improve things? Owens Mac actually gets in some offense, but it doesn't involve anything like making Austin actually take a wrestling move. Owens Mac pulls out a table; WWE laws mean he will be the one going through that. They brawl in the crowd and OH FUCK ME Owens Mac just suplexed Austin on the floor. Colour me fucking surprised; Austin is 60 and has had multiple neck surgeries - he shouldn't be doing this shit. Austin gets beers #3 to #5. Owens Mac tries to steal Austin's ATV. Pretty sure that would get you killed in Texas. So Austin throws Owens Mac on said ATV and takes him for a drive up the ramp. That would be considered drunk and dangerous driving anywhere else in the world. Beers #6 & #7. Corey Graves plugs Austin's beer label for him. It can't be that great, because Austin keeps spitting it everywhere. Owens Mac hits a Stunner. Austin kicks out. Owens Mac swings a chair and it bounces off the ropes back into his own face. Austin with the Stunner.

Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via pinfall following Stone Cold Stunner
7/10

Fuck it - it was a stupid idea, but I'll be damned if it wasn't entertaining.

Austin gets more beers and now I've lost count. Owens Mac gets up aaaaand gets another Stunner. I can't belive Owens Mac got to live out CM Punk's dream - pretty fucking spiteful of WWE, but this is the company that officially fired him on his wedding day, so WWE gotta WWE. Also, hell of a reason to make a dude re-sign with your company. No wonder Cody Rhodes came back. Maybe he'll get to avenge someone that betrayed his Father in WWE history... like... Sapphire?

Of course, Byron Saxton - proving WWE employees have never watched a WWE show in their lives - gets in the ring, hoping to share a beer with Steve Austin. Which means he also gets a Stunner. And bounces and flops around the ring like an electrocuted eel. Steve Austin's brother gets in the ring to share a beer with Austin aaaaaand... he doesn't get a Stunner. They drink/spill beer together and that's it for now!

WrestleMania XXXVIII: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Cody Rhodes vs Seth Rollins
   I thought it had great action and the crowd reaction to Cody's return was pretty awesome. Also, it felt like a bit of a WWE vs AEW match.
2. Worst Match
   Ronda Rousey vs Charlotte Flair
   I mean it wasn't terrible, but it was pretty boring and then that ending was hilariously typical WWE...
3. Highlight of the Show
   Maybe Cody's return?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Everything Logan Paul.
5. Star of the Show
   Steve Austin. That may have been the biggest pop I have heard in pro-wrestling in like 20 years.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Were there any? Does Ronda Rousey still count?
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Logan Paul, duh. Sure, his wrestling was fine, but fuck that guy.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Wraps featured avocado, baby spinach, cucumber, red onion, olives and corn fritters, topped with burger sauce. Honey mustard may have actually suited more. Decided to try some raspberry PepsiMax with the first day...
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   I did not spill a thing! Which is nice because I do not wish to ruin my Easter pyjamas.
10. Overall Score
    This was a pretty good show! There were some highs and some lows, but nothing overly awful. I was able to embrace the hilarious part of the hilariously bad, and that really helped. The booking is just WWE personified; The Uso's and Charlotte Flair retained their titles over people the crowd love and an old retired guy beat a younger guy in the main event. but I guess that's their problem. They can book the worst shows ever and still make a billion dollars sending their failure of a network to Peacock AND steal back a wrestler who helped start their biggest rival promotion. Fuck it!
    6 out of 10

WrestleMania Lockdown Lunacy: WrestleMania XXXIV

8 April 2018
Mercedes-Benz Superdome
New Orleans, Louisiana - USA

Attendance: 78,133

Commentators: Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

My thoughts before this viewing:
It's WrestleMania time!!! And here's a shock - there are actually matches I'm looking forward to! Asuka vs Charlotte Flair - the coolest and hottest female wrestler fighting for the title. Ronda Rousey teaming up with Kurt Angle. And Shinsuke Nakamura vs AJ Styles for the WWE Championship. Bah gawd!!! It makes me forget we're getting Reigns vs Lesnar for the title in the main event so WWE can finally achieve their goal of having Roman beat Lesnar at WrestleMania. I'm optimistic. I'm also optimistic WWE can use the next 5 hours to completely kill my enthusiasm.

America the Beautiful
Chloe and Halle? According the WWE they are a "critically acclaimed duo and the future of music"? I'm from the future and say you sure ain't no Boyz II Men.
5/10

Opening Video Package
"Everyone says life is short..." which is why I'm wasting mine watching WrestleMania. I'm pretty sure this is the same video package they used at WrestleMania XXX - including the same shitty song. I was already sick of that about 2 minutes into 6 years ago, so imagine my joy right now.
2/10

Michael Cole just said welcome to "the elegance" of WrestleMania.

Opening Match
Intercontinental Title Triple-Threat Match
Finn Balor vs Seth Rollins vs The Miz (c)

Seth Rollins is now the White King. And Graves' hair is about 10 shades douchier. Champ out... second? That's new. It's a shame they waste a decent song on someone completely not decent like The Miz, and as usual WWE make the most of such a superstar by using his entrance to introduce the various international commentary teams. Apparently he now thinks he's a movie star - call me when you remake Mr. Nanny. Or die. Finn Balor comes out with a large group of the gays:

Which seems to mean absolutely nothing. Michael Cole gives us some facts about the Intercontinental title at WrestleMania, which I have no doubt are complete bullshit but I do not have the time to go and check. This match is so important that we need to cut to John Cena sitting in the crowd.

Aaaaand it only took a couple of minutes for our first "This is awesome!" chant. Do wrestling fans not actually know what awesome is? That superplex-roll through for the pin spot was awesome - chant for that, you goofs!

Seth's boots are untied. He should win this and tie his laces.
Winner = Seth Rollins via pin following curbstomp
New Champion!
5/10

"He's had his WrestleMania moment before, but he hasn't had a moment like this"
You mean one that means less than all the others?

Promo for an Andre the Giant documentary. Looks good - unlike WrestleMania.
I want to watch that instead of WrestleMania.

John Cena is now taking selfies with fans. Dude's working hard!

Video Package
Lots of pointing. Also lots of Asuka. And Asuka is the bomb!
6/10

I want to marry Asuka

Smackdown Women's Championship
Asuka vs Charlotte Flair (c)
Don't you even think about fucking this up, WWE...
Champ out first? Sure - she isn't Asuka, so I'll allow it. She's accompanied by gladiators - they're not her Dad, so I'll allow it.

Honestly, what is it with WWE and big-nosed jerk-faces getting the most OTT entrances? And WTF is up with these lameass 3D graphics for everyone's entrances?

Asuka has a sparkly mask. It better not be the only sparkly thing she leaves with...

But WWE don't care about her so it's time to remind you John Cena is watching in the crowd.

Asuka does a flying bum attack which makes no sense because Japanese woman have no asses.
'This is the biggest women's match in WrestleMania history!'
Uhhh I saw the first WrestleMania and no women's match will ever be bigger than that one, so fuck you.
Now John Cena is confused.

Asuka hurts Flair's shoulder and mocks her for it

I love this woman!
And I fucking hate WWE
Winner = Charlotte Flair via Figure 8 submission
5/10

Fucking stupid.
Fucking stupid fuck!

Has anyone ever thought about how much Charlotte Flair looks like a cross between Ric Flair and Stephanie McMahon? Maybe she's their love child or something? Would sure explain complete bullshit like that.

Fuck this show.

"Charlotte was ready for Asuka!"

A ref sprints out and tells John Cena that Bumblebee is backstage or something, so John Cena decides the fans are annoying and runs backstage.

Meanwhile, Asuka is in the middle of the ring going 'Cooooool guess no one cares about my 3 year undefeated streak being ended'

WWE website store promotes stupid merch based on stupid crowd chants. Give me an Asuka t-shirt that says 'Fuck you, WWE'

Fatal 4-Way
US Championship
Bobby Roode vs Rusev (w/Aiden English) vs Jinder Mahal vs Randy Orton (c)
Roode's entrance is glorious.

Apparently this is "one fall to the finish" - so again, WWE don't understand what the rules for a fatal 4-way actually are.
Man, WTF is Orton doing with a shitty belt like the US title? Has his career regressed that badly? He tries to engage the crowd, but they don't care. Maybe that has something to do with it... So he RKO's everyone except Roode, which is glorious. The crowd chant for "Rusev Day". Which means he must lose.
Winner = Jinder Mahal via pinfall following whatever his finishing maneurver is.
New Champion!
4/10

Orton's sitting outside like 'I give zero fucks about that match' and it showed.

Snickers continue to make the most embarrassing ads for WrestleMania; this time it involves Mick Foley being arrested by some wrestlers because of his bad clothes, only for one of them to *swerve* reveal he's wearing the same outfit.

Thanks Kid Rock for continuing to make the shittiest of music!

Video Package
Ronda Rousey wants everyone's respect. So yeah, WWE is totally the best thing you can do to earn that! Stephanie McMahon claims pro-wrestling is much harder than MMA or the Olympics, but I don't know - Rousey seems to have the WrestleMania sign pointing shit down, so I think she's got a good chance here. Otherwise this is just 10 minutes of The H Bomb and Stephanie McMahon being The H Bomb and Stephanie McMahon.
Fuck this show.
2/10

Kurt Angle & 'Rowdy' Ronda Rousey vs Triple H & Stephanie McMahon
This year big nose dick face gets another motorcycle gang - only this time it's women only and Stephanie gets her own bike.

Fuck off, all of you.

So this is a couples match? How cute! The H Bomb is calling spots all over the place here - even put his hand in front of his mouth to pretend he wasn't. He also looks about 20 years older than when I last saw him. Stephanie blocks Ronda's armbar. Holy shit, why wasn't she training every woman in MMA?!? Then we actually get Rousey vs The H Bomb and I gotta say, that shit was fun. But you know, for someone that executes perfect armbars in real life, Rousey certainly has the fakest looking armbars in WWE.
Winners = Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey via armbar submission on Stephanie McMahon
7/10

Stephanie blocked like 3 armbar attempts from Rousey. She must be the toughest woman in the world and should go challenge Amanda Nunes right now!

Dana White is happy! I don't know why - he didn't make any money of this, did he?
Ronda's husband is in the crowd and boy he has shitty seats. Couldn't even get front row for his wife's debut? For their "biggest signing ever" she sure got a crappy deal.

Wrestlers wear Tapout and grunt.
I wear pyjamas and go 'Fuck you, WWE'

Triple Threat Match
Smackdown Tag-Team Championship
New Day vs The Usos (c) vs The Bludgeon Brothers
First we get 3D pancakes.

Then midgets in pancake costumes.

Then everybody dancing and throwing pancakes.

I think someone spiked my Pepsi. I guess pancakes can be seen as carbo-loading before extreme physical exertion, like wrestling. So I will allow it.

The Bludgeon Brothers also completely murderise everyone, so I'll allow that.
Winners = The Bludgeon Brothers via pinfall following destruction
New Champions!
5/10

Hard to believe we are still only halfway through this show. But then easy to believe when you realise how compeletely dead this crowd is.

WWE Network Promo
Not only are WWE bragging about their fucking blood money deal with Saudi Arabia, but also hiring Bruce Pritchard. I don't know which is worse. Ronda Rousey says WWE is her calling. I guess the Olympics and MMA were just a warm-up.
Fuck. Your. Network.

John Cena comes out in his wrestling gear!

He's obviously decided the show was too boring for even him to sit through. He's there with a referee, but another another referee comes down to whisper sweet nothings in Cena's ear. Clearly he said something stupid about Transformers because now John Cena is mad! Aaaand now he's sad and leaves the ring, heading back to his seat to drown his sorrows in beer and idiots. But wait - he seems to have tripped over a plug, because all the lights are out. Could it be the Undertaker??

NOPE it's just some dude wearing a curtain and carrying a guitar. What a WrestleMania moment!

Anyways, Elias is here to sing a song about "somebody else". I know that - it was #1 for ages. He says something about not going for a walk in the park with John Cena - how rude! Almost as rude as his shitty guitar playing. There's a dude in a purple shirt just freaking out right now, but John Cena is a sucker for a good old fashioned love song, so he completely destroyes Elias to complete apathy from the crowd.

Aaaah WrestleMania.

Now Cena is heading backstage? Only 2 minutes ago, he was prepared to sit down and watch the rest of the show. Did he suddenly remember there's still like 3 hours of this bullshit?

Lights go out again. Bah gawd I hope it's Elias returning to perform another song.

Oh no - it's the Undertaker! Well, it's actually the Undertaker's gear in the middle of the ring. Then it magically disappears and the Undertaker walks to the ring.

Slowly. Like, I've seen women walk down the aisle at their weddings faster than this. Commentators keep asking which Undertaker this is; are you fucking blind? It's the same old man leather cowboy Undertaker we've been seeing for the last 10 years or so. Except way older and slower. John Cena is in shock! Despite him challenging the Undertaker to a match at WrestleMania for weeks and running around the building excited when he thought the Undertaker was here for the match 5 minutes ago.

The Undertaker vs John Cena
"The Undertaker is in better shape than Cena was expecting"
Really? Because he told everyone he'd been watching Undertaker's training videos on social media, so I would think he had a great idea of what kind of shape he was in. But he probably didn't expect this:

Winner = Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
5/10

John Cena got in like 2 offensive maneuvers. And none of them interesting.

Apparently that was "one of the greatest WrestleMania moments ever!"
I'd put it in the top 7986 for sure!

Hall of Fame Highlights
Jeff Jarrett sang a song with Road Dogg. Kid Rock was inducted. Burn your fucking hall of fame to the ground. Goldberg was inducted and asked "Who's next?" Given he's since won another WWE Championship, I'd say Goldberg's next.

Video Package
Daniel Bryan was cleared to wrestle again - but his acting is still not cleared to be any good. They show clips of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn beating the crap out of Vince and Shane McMahon, so they are now my favourite wrestlers in WWE. Just play that shit for another 20 minutes, please. Kevin Owens was Daniel Bryan's friend, but now he's not - so that means Kevin Owens fighting a former friend has happened at every fucking WrestleMania he's appeared at. STOP BEING HIS FRIEND!
5/10

Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
Daniel gets murdered before the match even begins - $5 says that will last until the end of the match, when he'll make a miraculous comeback and win the whole thing. Now Shane McMahon will heroically compete against two pro-wrestlers and beats the crap out of them until they start cheating. No wait - they have to take advantage of his serious medical condition instead. That's even more ridiculous. Shane looks like he's about to have a heart attack. Or at least go to sleep. Probably should have carbo-loaded with New Day to keep his energy levels up. He's about to die when Daniel Bryan wins me $5.
Winners = Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon via 'Yes-Lock' Submission
4/10

Promo for a movie about Paige. She's as awful as The Rock is awesome.

Video Package
A tiny girl is bullying a big fat monster. No sense made.
-1/10

Raw Women's Championship
Nia Jax vs Alex Bliss (c) (w/Mickie James)
Nia completely destroys Mickie James while Bliss does her best attempt at an ANTM 'pretty but scared' photo shoot or something. Then lots of teenage girl screaming like their parents are ruining their lives, they somehow botch a throw, and I realise that the amount of fucks I could possibly give about this is equal to none.
Winner = Nia Jax via pinfall following Super Samoan Drop
New Champion!
1/10

Holy fuck that was a boring-ass teen drama that I wouldn't watch more than 2 seasons of.
More crowd reactions. Some dude in the crowd just celebrated WAY too hard and I can only assume he is a total loser and will be beaten up at school tomorrow.

Promo for Backlash. Fuck off if you think I'm going to watch that nonsense. But two more WrestleManias? Hell yes.
What a loser...

Video Package
AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura is apparently a dream match. Honestly, at this stage I'd just like AJ Styles to finally have a decent match at WrestleMania. I'm already impressed WWE actually showed so much footage of Styles wrestling for other companies - even showed a pic of him holding the TNA belt!
8/10

WWE Championship
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Nakamura's fake violinists looks totally awkward as fuck.

According the commentators, AJ Styles started using the 'Phenomenal Forearm' after wrestling in Japan, where a closed-fist is illegal:
1 - A closed fist is an illegal move in all of pro-wrestling everywhere
2 - He's been using the 'Phenomenal Forearm' since before I started watching him wrestle. Which dates back to 2001. AJ Styles started wrestling in Japan in 2013.
3 - Fuck you
You know, I've not seen any mention of this being WrestleMania 34 - all of WWE's promotional material just has it simply as "WrestleMania". But just now I noticed that on the back of the referee's shirt is the number 34. Huh...
Winner = AJ Styles via pinfall following Styles Clash
8/10

I guess Japanese aren't allowed to win at WrestleMania

They embrace Nakamura hands AJ the belt in a show of respect. Then he punches AJ in the balls and stomps the shit out of him.

Promo for the Greatest Royal Rumble.
No lie - I watched that.

Recap of the Preshow
This show has been so long that the preshow feels like it was yesterday.

What in the actual fuck is this?!?!

I don't even have words to describe it.
Oh wait - it's another unnecessary entrance for people no one cares about. Honestly, this crowd sounds like they're dead and want to go home already. I know I do. Wait - I'm already home? Why am I here?!?

Braun Strowman turns up to ROAR at everyone and make them run away and it's actually hilarious.

I've changed my mind - this was totally worthwhile.

Raw Tag-Team Championship
Braun Stowman & (?) vs The Bar (c)
Strowman announces he will be picking a tag-team partner from the crowd and then goes for a long search to find someone - eventually settling on some little girl. Seriously. This could be match of the night.

"This poor kid could get hurt!" Yes, please - kick her ass, Cesaro!
Oh wait turns out it's a boy. Dude needs a haircut and some facial hair, maybe.

Now Cesaro is talking all sorts of trash to this kid. Kick her his ass, Cesaro!

Dude spends the entire match in the corner, terrified and clinging to the ropes. No wait - Strowman just tagged her him in! Dammit - he immediately tags out again so Braun can demolish The Bar on his own. I really wanted to see Cesaro kick that little kid's ass.

Winners = Braun Strowman and Nicholas via pinfall via powerslams by Braun

New Champions!
7/10

If Cesaro had given that kid the giant swing, I would have gladly given it 10/10

Nicholas can't even hold up his own title belt!

Video Package
Roman Reigns is the people's hero standing up to Vince McMahon's chosen one. Seriously. I'm genuinely laughing at the irony, considering this is their 4th time trying to crown Roman as the future at WrestleMania.
6/10

WWE Universal Championship
Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar (c) (w/Paul Heyman)
This should be sooo fun and not at all predictable!
Aaaand it's time for button-mashing! German Suplexes vs Superman Punches!
CM Punk chants because this is the most exciting match after 7 hours. Brock looks like he's about to die and we're only 5 minutes in. He can barely lift Reigns for his 5th suplex city, bitch. After a 7th, Brock figures out the code to hit the F5 . After three, the crowd chant "Boring!". After the fifth, it's time for Roman Reigns to make his big comeback! The Spanish table is still in one piece, so Brock clears a table for destruction. This likely means he'll be the one going through it. Oh I'm wrong. Oh shit I'm even more wrong!
Winner = Brock Lesnar via pinfall following a million fucking suplexes and F5's
2/10

Brock leaves without even celebrating a bit. Why? Because this is all about how tough Roman Reigns is. Highlights of the show to send us home.

No wait - Roman leaves with his music blasting to actually end the night.
Roman Reigns is our hero!

Fuck off.


WrestleMania XXXIV: The Awards

1. Best Match
   AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura
   If the crowd hadn't been so dead, I have no doubt they would have been totally into this and therefore lifted it to where it needed to be. Plus I just couldn't live with myself if I gave this The H Bomb and his annoying wife.
2. Worst Match
   Nia Jax vs Alexa Bliss
   Teen drama bullshit mixed with poor wrestling.
3. Highlight of the Show
   A little girl boy becoming tag-team champion without actually wrestling. And I'm not joking. Though Cesaro beating the shit out of that kid would have been even better.
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Tough call between the Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax melodrama and Stephanie McMahon's promo on Ronda Rousey, where she did the whole 'this is a fake story, but this part is actually real'. But then I remember Nia screaming "HOW COULD YOU?!? I LOVED YOU!" during their match and I gotta back to that.
5. Star of the Show
   Ronda Rousey. Her match reminded me of the first WrestleMania main event - and that's what that should have been. Legit should have been the main event. Probably would have stopped the crowd from dying as well.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Ronda Rousey.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Kid Rock. Fuck that guy.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Tonight's wraps were a blend of avocado, spinach, onion, capsicum, strawberry tomatoes, beetroot hummus and bean sprouts with vegetarian meatballs in a tomato & basil sauce and mustard. Seriously good. I drank a truckload of Pepsi Max with Raspberry to get me through a 5 hours show. Also succumbed and had a Snickers because they sponsor this shit every year. WrestleMania - not my bLog. HEY SNICKERS SPONSOR MY BLOG.
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   I did not spill a thing! Incredibly amazing and I hope to repeat this miraculous fete the next two days.
10. Overall Score
    This was a long fucking show. Trim it down an hour, and it would have been better. End it after the Rousey match, and it would have been awesome. But WWE just have to cram everyone and everything on these shows and it hurts it. That said, I did actually have fun - despite Asuka getting completely shafted. That killed my vibe a great deal, but some seriously weird results aside, once I removed that disappointment and accepted things, this was a lot more fun than I expected.
    5 out of 10