31 March 1996
Arrowhead Pond
Anaheim, California - USA
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Vince McMahon & Gorilla Monsoon
My thoughts before this viewing:
I probably watched this around 1997/98 - before WrestleMania XI, though. Which is probably lucky because if I had watch that show first I probably wouldn't have bothered with this one. Though if I had watched XI first, I would probably think better of XII. I remember enjoying it the first time I saw it, however. I at least remember most of the match-ups, if not how the matches go. Of course The Ultimate Warrior is back and that is something people still talk about (you'll see why). And then there is the main event. The main event that takes up half the show. I've actually watched that a few times as well, for some odd reason. Bret 'Hitman' Hart? Shawn Michaels? Yeah, they are pretty cool. So let's see what we can see in two thousand and fifteen...
Opening Video Package
Nothing but hype for the main event in super serious voice. Hells to the yeah!
9/10
Vince and Lawler hype the show and we are straight into it - no national anthem, no America the Beautiful, just straight to the action! I guess when your main event is your show there isn't much pointing wasting time.
Yokozuna, Ahmed Johnson & Jake 'the Snake' Roberts vs Vader, The British Bulldog & Owen Hart (w/Jim Cornette)
Would you believe that Yokozuna is now even fatter? Dude looks like a Volkswagon in spandex.
Lawler thinks you should stomp on snakes. That's a great safety lesson for the kids at home. Jake Roberts has still got it. Kinda. His appearance is ironic, because the pre-show was based around Vince making fun of Hulk Hogan and 'Macho Man' Randy Savage for being old.
Winners = Vader via pinfall following splash
4/10
Doc Hendrix is running the hotline tonight. You remember those old party lines they used to advertise on late night TV? Yeah - Sunny totally makes it look like one of those.
Video Package
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper is now the President of the WWF. Well that explains everything! Goldust has a crush on him but Piper has never supported equality for anyone so this means violence! Yay homophobia!
4/10
Hollywood Backlot Brawl
Piper is out the back with a baseball bat and bashes in Goldust's car.
Then he throws him into the catering table. Dammit, Piper - there are kids starving in Africa who would have eaten that food!
I've never noticed before just how much Piper snarls and growls - no wonder he had such an issue with Mr. T. He was probably intimidated by someone who had a much scarier growl. Goldust gets in like one punch before jumping back in his car to run over Piper. Then he flees the area so Piper jumps in a big white truck to chase him. Hey, you remember back around this time when OJ Simpson led the police in a car chase and he was driving a big white truck? Surely that is just a coincidence...
1/10
Backstage
Doc Hendrix is talking to Savio Vega. And I do mean talking TO; Doc says about 3,000 words which only leaves Savio time for about 4 and a half.
1/10
Savio Vega vs 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin (w/'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase)
Steve Austin is now the million dollar champion - does that mean he beat Ted Dibiase for it?
Vince gets the two competitors confused. Savio Vega is a beefy lation and Steve Austin is a bald white guy - totally easy mistake to make.
Roddy Piper calls from his truck. Pay attention to the road, ya goof! He says he is going to chase Goldust to Tijuana. Dude, the luchadores in Tijuana would destroy you and Goldust before you could eat a burrito. I recommend you turn around and stay in the safety of the WWF. Or just fuck off.
If the million dollar belt is worth a million dollars, why would you risk damaging it by hitting people with it? Imagine if it knocked out one of the jewels or chipped the gold. I'm sure the cost of repairs would outweigh the money you get for winning a match.
Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via submission following beatdown with the million dollar belt
4/10
Footage of Roddy Piper driving his white truck - which totally isn't just footage of the OJ Simpson car chase. No, not at all.
Backstage
Mr. Perfect interviews Diesel. In typical Diesel fashion, he just no sells everything involving The Undertaker. This guy... Then he says he will "take cool" of him. Worst WWF champion ever.
1/10
More Roddy Piper car chase nonsense. I applaud Vince McMahon for trying to make a show worse than WrestleMania XI.
The Ultimate Warrior vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Helmsley really has the biggest nose. And Sable has always had loopy eyes.
According to Jerry Lawler's sources, the Warrior is now 400 pounds and has a shaved head. For a moment I thought this was so they could pull a swerve and bring out King Kong Bundy...
HHH throws everything at the Warrior - even hits him with the dreaded pedigree, which no one gets up from! But Warrior gonna Warrior...
Grunt snarl ROAR!
Winner = The Ultimate Warrior via pinfall following destruction
4/10
Shill for merch.
Wow the prices are going up! And now they even offer monthly payment plans. That denim WrestleMania XII jacket will surely make you the talk of the town!
shill for merch
Backstage
Todd meets a new superstar calledLittle Richard Marc Mero and gives him his first introduction to the WWF fans... by fucking up his name. What a great start! Then he rumbles with Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Mero is lucky it is 1996 and not 2006 or he'd be blackballed for that.
1/10
More Piper/OJ car chase footage. Urgh.
The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs Diesel
Diesel swears right into the camera and Vince acts like it didn't happen. If that had been anyone else he would have offered an apology to the viewers and said bad things. Shows you who his favourites are, huh? The Undertaker really needs to revisit this look at least once more before he retires.
The urn is now small again. It's the attention to detail that really captures the WWF fans.
The Ultimate Warrior is now on the hotline. Damn, that would be well worth $2 a minute. Someone wanna lend me a phone?
I actually enjoy reading the signs in the crowd. Tonight there is an out of work musician looking for people to jam with. Because WrestleMania is totally the best place for that.
Winner = The Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
5/10
The Ultimate Warrior is now at the online table. How on earth did the internet make it past 1996?
Piper and Goldust are back. Gawdam the pain won't stop! They head to the ring after nearly crashing their cars into each other - this is some stupid dangerous stuff. Goldust kisses Piper, which causes him to 'hulk up' and then grab Goldust's balls before spanking him. I thought Piper was angry because he hated that sort of thing? Then Piper strips him and it turns out Goldust wears women's under-garments.
-3/10
OK, Piper, you can fuck off to WCW now.
You can also order a plaque commemorating tonight's main event. It will even include an actual piece of the canvas they wrestle on. If Bret Hart wins, put me down for 3.
Video Package
Some hype for the main event. It's OK, but the one to start the show was better. And the one they had on the pre-show was even better.
4/10
Gorilla Monsoon is named the new president of the WWF. I guess beating up wrestlers for expressing a different sexual orientation finally got noticed by someone.
60 Minute Iron Man Match
WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Bret 'Hitman' Hart (c) vs Shawn Michaels (w/José Lothario)
Shawn Michaels rides a flying fox from the top of the stadium and into the crowd. Hot damn that looks impressive!
But Bret Hart doesn't need to do flashy shit like that be the man - he is cool as cucumber.
So the winner of this match is the man who can get the most amount of falls during the 60 minutes. And guess what? There are no falls.
Draw
Gorilla Monsoon decides we need to have a definitive winner, so he orders the match to continue under sudden death rules. Bret is pissed, and fair enough - he didn't agree to this crap!
Shawn Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere and gets the pin.
Winner = Shawn Michaels via pinfall following Sweet Chin Music superkick
8/10
Shawn Michaels celebrates so long they have to keep looping his music but they do it in a really weird place that makes it super noticeable.
Highlights of the show to that great WrestleMania theme music to send us out.
WrestleMania X: The Awards
Arrowhead Pond
Anaheim, California - USA
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Vince McMahon & Gorilla Monsoon
My thoughts before this viewing:
I probably watched this around 1997/98 - before WrestleMania XI, though. Which is probably lucky because if I had watch that show first I probably wouldn't have bothered with this one. Though if I had watched XI first, I would probably think better of XII. I remember enjoying it the first time I saw it, however. I at least remember most of the match-ups, if not how the matches go. Of course The Ultimate Warrior is back and that is something people still talk about (you'll see why). And then there is the main event. The main event that takes up half the show. I've actually watched that a few times as well, for some odd reason. Bret 'Hitman' Hart? Shawn Michaels? Yeah, they are pretty cool. So let's see what we can see in two thousand and fifteen...
Opening Video Package
Nothing but hype for the main event in super serious voice. Hells to the yeah!
9/10
Vince and Lawler hype the show and we are straight into it - no national anthem, no America the Beautiful, just straight to the action! I guess when your main event is your show there isn't much pointing wasting time.
Yokozuna, Ahmed Johnson & Jake 'the Snake' Roberts vs Vader, The British Bulldog & Owen Hart (w/Jim Cornette)
Would you believe that Yokozuna is now even fatter? Dude looks like a Volkswagon in spandex.
Lawler thinks you should stomp on snakes. That's a great safety lesson for the kids at home. Jake Roberts has still got it. Kinda. His appearance is ironic, because the pre-show was based around Vince making fun of Hulk Hogan and 'Macho Man' Randy Savage for being old.
Winners = Vader via pinfall following splash
4/10
Doc Hendrix is running the hotline tonight. You remember those old party lines they used to advertise on late night TV? Yeah - Sunny totally makes it look like one of those.
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper is now the President of the WWF. Well that explains everything! Goldust has a crush on him but Piper has never supported equality for anyone so this means violence! Yay homophobia!
4/10
Hollywood Backlot Brawl
Piper is out the back with a baseball bat and bashes in Goldust's car.
Then he throws him into the catering table. Dammit, Piper - there are kids starving in Africa who would have eaten that food!
I've never noticed before just how much Piper snarls and growls - no wonder he had such an issue with Mr. T. He was probably intimidated by someone who had a much scarier growl. Goldust gets in like one punch before jumping back in his car to run over Piper. Then he flees the area so Piper jumps in a big white truck to chase him. Hey, you remember back around this time when OJ Simpson led the police in a car chase and he was driving a big white truck? Surely that is just a coincidence...
1/10
Backstage
Doc Hendrix is talking to Savio Vega. And I do mean talking TO; Doc says about 3,000 words which only leaves Savio time for about 4 and a half.
1/10
Savio Vega vs 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin (w/'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase)
Steve Austin is now the million dollar champion - does that mean he beat Ted Dibiase for it?
Vince gets the two competitors confused. Savio Vega is a beefy lation and Steve Austin is a bald white guy - totally easy mistake to make.
Roddy Piper calls from his truck. Pay attention to the road, ya goof! He says he is going to chase Goldust to Tijuana. Dude, the luchadores in Tijuana would destroy you and Goldust before you could eat a burrito. I recommend you turn around and stay in the safety of the WWF. Or just fuck off.
If the million dollar belt is worth a million dollars, why would you risk damaging it by hitting people with it? Imagine if it knocked out one of the jewels or chipped the gold. I'm sure the cost of repairs would outweigh the money you get for winning a match.
Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via submission following beatdown with the million dollar belt
4/10
Footage of Roddy Piper driving his white truck - which totally isn't just footage of the OJ Simpson car chase. No, not at all.
Backstage
Mr. Perfect interviews Diesel. In typical Diesel fashion, he just no sells everything involving The Undertaker. This guy... Then he says he will "take cool" of him. Worst WWF champion ever.
1/10
More Roddy Piper car chase nonsense. I applaud Vince McMahon for trying to make a show worse than WrestleMania XI.
The Ultimate Warrior vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Helmsley really has the biggest nose. And Sable has always had loopy eyes.
According to Jerry Lawler's sources, the Warrior is now 400 pounds and has a shaved head. For a moment I thought this was so they could pull a swerve and bring out King Kong Bundy...
HHH throws everything at the Warrior - even hits him with the dreaded pedigree, which no one gets up from! But Warrior gonna Warrior...
Grunt snarl ROAR!
Winner = The Ultimate Warrior via pinfall following destruction
4/10
Shill for merch.
Wow the prices are going up! And now they even offer monthly payment plans. That denim WrestleMania XII jacket will surely make you the talk of the town!
shill for merch
Backstage
Todd meets a new superstar called
1/10
More Piper/OJ car chase footage. Urgh.
The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs Diesel
Diesel swears right into the camera and Vince acts like it didn't happen. If that had been anyone else he would have offered an apology to the viewers and said bad things. Shows you who his favourites are, huh? The Undertaker really needs to revisit this look at least once more before he retires.
The urn is now small again. It's the attention to detail that really captures the WWF fans.
The Ultimate Warrior is now on the hotline. Damn, that would be well worth $2 a minute. Someone wanna lend me a phone?
I actually enjoy reading the signs in the crowd. Tonight there is an out of work musician looking for people to jam with. Because WrestleMania is totally the best place for that.
Winner = The Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
5/10
The Ultimate Warrior is now at the online table. How on earth did the internet make it past 1996?
Piper and Goldust are back. Gawdam the pain won't stop! They head to the ring after nearly crashing their cars into each other - this is some stupid dangerous stuff. Goldust kisses Piper, which causes him to 'hulk up' and then grab Goldust's balls before spanking him. I thought Piper was angry because he hated that sort of thing? Then Piper strips him and it turns out Goldust wears women's under-garments.
-3/10
OK, Piper, you can fuck off to WCW now.
You can also order a plaque commemorating tonight's main event. It will even include an actual piece of the canvas they wrestle on. If Bret Hart wins, put me down for 3.
Video Package
Some hype for the main event. It's OK, but the one to start the show was better. And the one they had on the pre-show was even better.
4/10
Gorilla Monsoon is named the new president of the WWF. I guess beating up wrestlers for expressing a different sexual orientation finally got noticed by someone.
60 Minute Iron Man Match
WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Bret 'Hitman' Hart (c) vs Shawn Michaels (w/José Lothario)
Shawn Michaels rides a flying fox from the top of the stadium and into the crowd. Hot damn that looks impressive!
But Bret Hart doesn't need to do flashy shit like that be the man - he is cool as cucumber.
So the winner of this match is the man who can get the most amount of falls during the 60 minutes. And guess what? There are no falls.
Draw
Gorilla Monsoon decides we need to have a definitive winner, so he orders the match to continue under sudden death rules. Bret is pissed, and fair enough - he didn't agree to this crap!
Shawn Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere and gets the pin.
Winner = Shawn Michaels via pinfall following Sweet Chin Music superkick
8/10
Shawn Michaels celebrates so long they have to keep looping his music but they do it in a really weird place that makes it super noticeable.
Highlights of the show to that great WrestleMania theme music to send us out.
WrestleMania X: The Awards
- Best Match
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Shawn Michaels
They had better matches, but even their worst match would have been better than everything else on this show. The idea to have no falls in the 60 minutes was both good and bad, but overall it was a really good match. - Worst Match
Savio Vega vs 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin
Close call but I give it to this because the Warrior/HHH match quick and kinda funny when you look at it with today's context. - Highlight of the Show
Bret 'Hitman' Hart being awesome. Seriously, if I could get my hands on some classic mid-90s Bret Hart merch I would be a very happy man. - Lowlight of the Show
Showing footage of OJ Simpson running from the police while under suspicion of murder and trying to pretend it is 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper chasing Goldust. - Star of the Show
Shawn Michaels. WWF made it as clear as they could that he was their guy and you should love him as well, what with that awesome entrance and the way Vince McMahon celebrated everything he did. Kudos, because he didn't suck the way did Diesel did. - Best Celebrity Appearance
No celebrities this year - not even in attendance. - Worst Celebrity Appearance
No celebrities this year - not even in attendance. - Tonight's Meal
Tonight's wrap was something different; I cooked up some Indian pakoras and onion bahji, then put them with beetroot & garlic hummus, baby spinach, red onion, capsicum, tomato, cucumber and topped it all with mango chutney and yoghurt & garlic sauce. Was rather delicious. I'm exhausted right now so Pepsi Max was the only thing that could keep me alive. The Oatmeal Creme Pie was actually kinda tasty tonight. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
I overfilled my wraps so now my t-shirt is overfilled with stains. Also, the iron-on transfer isn't holding up so well... - Overall Score
Notice I didn't say a lot about this show? That's because there wasn't a lot to talk about - it was the very definition of a one match show. No promos. A few matches. This show was just here. The main event is definitely great, but being over an hour it isn't something you sit down to watch all the time. And even then, I have it in my blu-ray collection of the Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels feud so I wouldn't bother coming to WrestleMania XII to see it.
4.5 out of 10
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