UWF Fury Hour: Episode 41

UWF Fury Hour Episode 41, 2nd September 1991

The New York skyline - Florida Style?

TONIGHT! The Fire Cat and "a mystery panther" will take on The Black Harts. Bruno thinks it might be Captain Lou Albano. Does he want me to kill myself?

You can still buy the UWF Beach Brawl official program. Get a bunch and give them to your family for Xmas!

The Keeper & The Animal vs Mike Larrier? & The Nightmare

The Keeper is actually Paul Samson - wasn't he a jobber in an earlier match?  I guess putting on shitty matches and losing means he can now have shitty matches and win? He's an inspiration to jobbers everywhere! The Animal is throwing lollies out to the crowd. Bruno says he never seen an animal like Jim (The Animal) at the zoo. This leads to Bruno discussing wrestling an Orangutan and a bear. He admits it was not smart. Dude, I'm watching the UWF so I know all about doing not smart things. 

Winners = The Keeper & The Animal via tombstone piledriver

After the match, Larrier attacks The Nightmare and The Animal makes the save. Odd. Bruno cared more about... well, everything besides that match.

J.R. James (w/Bobby Rogers) vs 'Dynamite' David Perry

Apparently this Bobby Rogers is the grandson of the legendary Buddy Rogers. Bruno sounds... skeptical. Bruno explains that we don't see some wrestlers again because it means they aren't good enough for the UWF. Is that what happened with David Sammartino? Bruno is mighty tough on that kid.

Winner = 'Dynamite' David Perry via superkick

Wait what?!? Is another jobber graduating to main guy? The bad guys beat him up after the match and the rest of the jobbers come out to split them up. Jobbers means sticking together!

Captain Lou's Corner
We are told this is a repeat of the one the other week where he interviewed Mr. Red. Thanks.

Super Ninja (w/ Mr Red) vs Madman Pongo?

Haha you can kind of catch Bruno, Craig and Lou talking in the background and not in character. Albano actually gets an onscreen graphic to let you know he's on commentary - he must be Herb's best friend or something. Albano completely buries both wrestlers and recommends they go wrestle in WCW. Seriously. Bruno obviously takes this as his cue to be more honest. Herb joins the commentary team and Bruno asks him why he signed these terrible wrestlers. As opposed to the other terrible wrestlers?

Winner = Super Ninja via some weird submission or pin or what?

Super Ninja beats everyone up so Herb gets in the ring and suspends Mr. Red for 30 days. Which would mean something if this company was actually still going to be in business more than 20 days. Herb and Albano beat up Mr. Red but Super Ninja attacks Herb outside the ring. No one saves him because, well... he's Herb. I like that Bruno and Albano are always acting like he's their best friend, but when he's beaten up they don't care at all.

Herb's dead

The Fire Cat & Mystery Partner vs The Black Harts (w/ Luna Vachon)

Frank E is like "I can only introduce one guy" and the crowd are chanting "WE WANT STING". Well ok maybe only like 5 people. His partner is... Wild Thing. Wow.

The Fire Cat & 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray vs The Black Harts (w/ Luna Vachon)

They all just brawl outside the ring and Alison Royale comes out to attack Luna Vachon. Some lady in the crowd starts giving Vachon shit as well.

Craig calls a suplex a "piledriver" because he's such a fucking brilliant play-by-play commentator. Herb just wants to rant about what happened to him "last week".

Double Disqualification

On that note, we outta here.

Thoughts:

• This was easily the worst card ever. It was basically jobbers vs jobbers in some pretty shitty matches.
• I can't stand Albano, but him shooting on commentary was at least an improvement.

UWF Fury Hour: Episode 40

UWF Fury Hour Episode 40, 26th August 1991

Bruno is excited for the women today. Craig talks about the new faces we've seen. MotherFucker we've only seen The Keeper and The Animal and they were geeks.

Frank E tries to hype the crowd. I try to hype my will to live.

Jim 'The Animal' (w/The Keeper) vs David Perry?

The Animal is a mighty big rip-off of a more famous pro-wrestler from my childhood (and before), George 'The Animal' Steele. Even right down to the soft toy being his most prized possession.

The most hilarious result of them taping the commentary live with the matches, is that Craig is promoting the hell out of Orndorff vs Orton - despite the fact that match was aired last week. AND the week before.

Winner = Jim 'The Animal' via The Keeper doing some cheating.

After struggling to find a working mic in the building, Herb asks 'The Animal' if he's "a monkey or a hippo", then laughs to himself and runs away.

Captain Lou's Corner

Today's guest is Joshua Bengorian, who is apparently the UWF Israeli Champion. Is that a UWF sanctioned title? Albano supports Bendorkian committing genocide, apparently. He's often imitated?? I suppose there a large number of geeks in this world...

Joshua Bengorian vs Mohammad 'The Butcher' (w/Abudanen??)

Is this for the UWF Israeli Championship? Bendorkavich hands out Israeli flags to the people in attendance. Yay propaganda! The Butcher eats the ropes. Holy fuck this is awful.

Winner = Joshua Bendorkian via disqualification for some reason I give zero fucks about.

And yes, apparently that match was for the UWF Israeli Championship.

If you buy (The?) Beach Brawl on VHS, you also receive a free autographed picture of 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams. I want the cookies instead.

The Cuban Assassin (W/Mr. Red) vs Joe Defuria?

Mr. Red gets on the mic to tell the fans they stink. Bruno and Craig mock The Assassin's physique. Bruno mocks Defuria's punching and HAHAHAHAH

Winner = The Cuban Assassin via piledriver.

Mr. Red gets back on the mic and this time I can't understand anything he says. Yay!

Now you can order a full 6 volumes of "The Best of the UWF" on VHS. If you buy them all, you will receive (The?) Beach Brawl for free. This ad is even accompanied by a Girls On Film rip-off, so it must be a good deal.

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Dave Johnson?

Dave Johnson thinks he is Bob Orton and can attack Orndorff before the bell. But that does not work if you are not Bob Orton.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via squash.

B. Brian Blair vs Death Row 3260 (w/Gorgeous John)

Bruno is aghast at someone having the temerity to call themselves "Gorgeous". Death Row tries a leapfrog, but just ends up throwing his crotch in Blair's face.

Death Row's dropkick is... slightly better this week. Blair does a leapfrog and takes out the referee, which allows Gorgeous John to cheat. But he hits Death Row instead.

Winner = B. Brian Blair via pin after bad guys fail at cheating.

After the match, Blair beats up Gorgeous John and runs away. Craig calls this "a good win" for Blair.

Alison Royale vs Luna Vachon (w/The Black Harts)

Bruno is raving about Royale so much I can only imagine he is madly in love with her or she owes him $100. Vachon is likely the 2nd best wrestler to feature on this week's show. Royale is not.

Captain Lou Albano decides this episode hasn't been awful enough and joins the commentary team. He throws bizarre insults at Bruno and Craig, before deciding they deserve a raise. Take it up with your buddy Herb! Vachon gives the referee a shove and Bruno is upset the referee didn't punish her. "You can't do that!". Well, clearly she can!

Bahaha Fire Cat comes out for no reason but still just stands there doing nothing while The Black Harts attack Royale.

Winner = Luna Vachon via top rope splash.

Apparently, PWI thought a match at (The?) Beach Brawl was "one of the best of the year" or something.

Thoughts:

• I want to see Death Row 3260 vs Joe Derfuria OR Joshua Bendorkavic.
• This show felt at least 3 hours long.
• We got to meet the promised "new faces" tonight, and the future certainly looks bright!