Return of the WrestleManiaMania

Hey, remember this?

Another of Logman's failed plans

Yes, that goes on the pile with posting about Kissathon, watching every episode of Gundam and finishing my first album. Except it is a bit different; I did actually listen to Kissathon but didn't post about it, I have every episode of Gundam but am yet to make room for it with all the Lucha Libre and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles again, and I actually did finish my first album! It's just that the finished quality was crap so I trashed the whole thing.

Well, no I didn't. It was my laptop getting stolen and that trashed my work. Stupid thieves. Though the quality was crap. Everything recorded with the mic sounded terrible.

So as I approach another birthday, I can't help but feel like I have a lot of unfinished business here. Perhaps this is why I am still alive?

I don't know, but I'm thinking that WrestleManiaMania may be able to take place but in an even crazier way. You see, this year is WrestleMania 31. There are 31 days in March - get the idea already?

There are so many obstacles here; no holidays whatsoever so I would have to watch every show after work  - including the ones that go over 4 hours, plus Monday and Friday nights already have their designated shows so that would make the show go even longer. And since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lucha Underground already have their own designated meals, I have no idea what that means for WrestleMania meals. Would it just be snacks? Would it be full meals and I would just have to get even fatter? Would I go insane from the lack of sleep and overload of terrible pro-wrestling?

That's kinda the fun.

So let's do this.
Seriously, I have the WrestleManias.
I just need to think of a cool name for this...

WrestleMarchia? WrestleMonthia? Godzilla vs WrestleMania?

Holy shit I need to watch my Godzilla movies too...
 

I Have a Plan

I can’t even remember when I last bLogged…

It really is a travesty that I don’t do this anymore. For you, the reader, anyway. So to further my belief that the world needs to be a better place I would like to publicly apologise and offer my intent to bLog a bit more. I at least have one major plan in the works.

30 WrestleManias in 30 Days

I think I came up with the idea for this a couple of years ago and have been anxiously awaiting the 30th WrestleMania finally taking place next year. All this planning and anticipation has led me to constantly make changes – and it is quite likely more will come in the next 6 months. Originally I had looked at making it a full journey through March because I thought it would time nicely with WrestleMania XXX airing on 30th March (US time) and then I could find a friend with Sky whose house I could invade and watch the event live for the first time ever.

Alas, my old friends Vince McMahon and HHH must have known of my intent and decided WrestleMania XXX would be best taking place the following Sunday. Jerks.

Instead, this ridiculous viewing marathon will begin April 1st (NZ time) which happens to be the 29th anniversary of when the first one took place. That is cool. Also means I won’t have to pay lots of money so I can watch WrestleMania XXX live – even cooler (thanks, Vince). Plus I am taking half of April off work due to Easter and my birthday (which I always take off) which will make it easier to watch these long shows in the evening, instead of having to rush home and get ready and then go to bed directly after the show. Because that wouldn’t happen. And then by the end of the 30 days I would just be tired and grumpy. Especially after watching a bunch of crappy WrestleManias.

After each show I will be coming on here to write about what I have just watched, rate the matches and show, etc. Because there aren’t enough wrestling reviews out there on the internet.

Of course, Logman likes to make things more interesting/difficult for himself, so in order to approach all 30 WrestleManias with the same attitude I will view them all in the same manner; I will have the same meal, drink the same drinks, and wear the same clothes. Yes, you heard me – I am going to wear a WrestleMania logo t-shirt for the entire duration of the shows. That isn’t to say I will wear it all day every day, most likely just for the actual shows themselves. I expect by WrestleMania XXX the t-shirt will be covered in all sorts of stains and smells, but that is the price I will pay. For food, I am planning on making burgers and fries for each show. I am still undecided on drink; the last few WrestleManias I have watched while drinking Corona, but I feel being a Mexican beer it isn’t really applicable to this show and should be saved for when I am watching Lucha Libre, and there aren’t any other beers I enjoy drinking (especially American beers). Pepsi Max will most likely be the drink of choice, but please feel free to offer suggestions.

As for each WrestleMania, I don’t plan on doing a play-by-play for every match – if you want that there are a million other sites that can give you that. Plus, half of my readers really don’t care about pro-wrestling. Instead I will just make note of the key points, make fun of stuff that deserves it (like Vince McMahon’s clothing and toupees) and then offer the following awards for every show:

1. Best match
2. Worst match
3. Highlight of the Show
4. Lowlight of the Show
5. Star of the Show
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
8. Meal Rating
9. T-shirt Cleanliness
10. Overall Score

Then, once all 30 have been watched and enjoyed and made fun of, I will make an overall list of awards:

1. Best Match (including the Top 3)
2. Worst Match (including the Bottom 3)
3. Favourite Moment (with Honourable Mentions)
4. Most Embarrassing Moment (with Honourable Mentions)
5. Best WrestleMania
6. Worst WrestleMania
7. Total Number of Different Wrestlers (not really an award, but screw you I think that will be interesting)
8. Number of different celebrities (see above, minus the interest)
9. Most WrestleMania Appearances by a Wrestler (including Win/Loss Ratio)
10. Mr. WrestleMania* Award for Outstanding Awesomeness

This should be fun.

I’m in the midst of trying to track down live versions of as many WrestleManias as possible, because the ones I currently have are mostly the WWE Anthology versions which all have edits to the music and commentary – and even some of the matches – and I like to be excessive about these things. I want to hear the original theme every time Demolition come to the ring!

The real fun should be some of these I’ll be seeing with fresh eyes; believe it or not, I’ve only seen the first WrestleMania once (and that was the edited Anthology version), some I have only seen once or twice, while I’ve still not seen 21 through to 25. It will make for interesting viewing. I’m actually very excited to see all the 80’s and 90’s ones again. Not so much anything after that…

Until then, I may post every so often with hilarity. But I’ve just started watching the original series of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from the start and plan to finish the last episodes of that 31st March (see what I’m doing?) and since the universe is probably going to kill me once that finishes, I am trying to make sure there are no loose ends left behind.



*Shawn Michaels likes to refer to himself as Mr. WrestleMania, as do many wrestling fans. Especially fans of Shawn Michaels. But I am going to look at win/loss records, as well as who has the best matches to finally determine who the real Mr. WrestleMania is. And it won’t be Shawn Michaels**




**Shawn Michaels is an overrated douchebag 

That Reminds Me...

Does anyone else remember Shooting Stars?

That show was fantastic!

Talk About Bored

Seriously. I can't even think of anything to blog about at the moment!

I have started on blogs regarding all the musical activity from last month, but decided it really needed some sort of visual aids so they will not be posted until after this weekend. But that leaves me with very little options, as my time outside of the office has been filled with drum beats that rock my head until I can't do anything but sit in bed quietly watching old episodes of South Park.

Yes, very old episodes of South Park.

Though it may surprise some people, despite the seriously crude sexual humour, I really do enjoy South Park - though I have a very up and down attitude towards it; when it first came out in '98 it was one of the TV shows that I never dared to miss (along with WCW Nitro, WWF Raw and Shooting Stars), but then as season 2 continued I got very bored with the show very quickly. I went and saw the movie, but at the time I didn't enjoy it at all (more on that later) and then my old pal Steve downloaded season 3 (back when downloading a 20mb TV show was AMAZING) I was hooked again... for about a month. Then a year later he got me to watch season 4 with him and that was it - I was officially a fan again! I blame the "Finger Bang" episode. This made me revisit the movie, and I saw the error of my ways and finally realised the cinematic gold that it truly is. I seriously think I watched it every day for about a month... though that could be because I was in a really weird space and was totally latching on to anything that made me feel slightly entertained, including staying up for 3 days playing Pirates! on my Commodore 64... but that's another story.

Anyways, after Steve downloaded season 5 - which, for the record, took about 5 years to actually air on NZ television - I was excited, but then after watching it I was way too grossed out and it sort of killed my fandom for the show. And yeah, since then I haven't watched it, except for maybe 1 episode where the US Government is trying to start a war with heaven because they believe Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction up there (I think that was season 6) and then 1 from season 10 - the mighty Make Love Not Warcraft episode (if you haven't seen that I recommend downloading it at your next convenient time).

Anyways, as part of my way of getting back in the mood to re-record all of this old material, I decided to revisit some old episodes of South Park and downloaded the entire 1st and 2nd seasons. And boy did I forget just how funny they were! While Mr. Hankey still creeps me out to the highest degree, there are some hilariously funny moments. And these versions have the added bonus of introductions by Matt Stone and Trey Parker (which I had seen on the home video versions, but not all of them) - when they are "entertaining" the old people, I can't imagine anything funnier. Well, OK those do get a bit old pretty quick. But there is one that has me in stitches every time (I'm going to upload it to youtube so I may post a link).

And Not Without My Anus is still far and away my favourite cartoon episode of all time. Terrance and Philip rule!

So yeah, a huge mighty post about how much I like South Park. I would say I'm pretty bored

Funniest Pictures of the Week

bah that didn't do it justice, so go to this link here:

Evil Villain Flow Charts

Ten Points of Interest

Shawn Michaels is bald. I can’t stand him and his bald head that he tries to cover with long hair.

Bon Jovi’s New Jersey album is so underrated – has been my favourite album of theirs since it came out.

I despise the current WWE product, yet I keep reading the results and such on the internet. And this probably means that come March, I will end up downloading Wrestlemania 24. and it will be even worse than SummerSlam 2007.

Why would anyone insist on keeping windows closed during beautiful Christchurch summer weather? Are they allergic to fresh air?

Someone needs to release the music Hammer and Tupac did together.

Corner Gas is the funniest show I’ve seen in a long time. I suggest anyone reading this goes directly to Amazon.ca and purchase it. Maybe I could write a blog about that show…

Superpoke! Needs a function where I can smash a bottle over someone’s head for continuing to add me as a friend even though I have repeatedly refused their request.

Ducks rock.

My coffee is delicious, but it is far too hot to be drinking coffee.

I should do some work.

I Am Not a Violent Person

After watching the Rocky movies again in the weekend, I went home last night and a strange thought occurred to me; has anyone else noticed that my favourite things to watch are all based on violence? I mean, first you have The Rocky movies, then pro-wrestling – Miami Vice and The A-Team both have excessive use of weapons and firearms. Heck, even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles suffered the wrath of caring parents when I was a kid for being too violent!

It isn’t really something I can explain, because for the most part I would dare to say that I love these shows for reasons other than the action/violence. In the case of TMNT and the A-Team, it is the humour that has always made me appreciate the shows, while Rocky and Miami Vice have strong stories and characters that I can really care about and get involved in. And as for pro-wrestling… I’m not sure - I think that is just the redneck in me.

But do we think this exposure to violence has affected me, like groups have always claimed it would? Well, my blogs usually are filled with references to hurting someone in some way… but does that make me a violent person?

Perhaps

But then, I’ve never actually engaged in any sort of ‘physical violence’ myself; at school, I managed to avoid any actual fights (somehow – like, seriously, just thinking about it now I’m amazed. I was such a smart arse and used to be a lot smaller than what I am now… and at the roughest school in Hamilton… how on Earth did I not get beat up?) And any time I have ever had any sort of ‘injury’ was through complete stupidity on my part (like falling over on to a chair and slicing the side of my face – that sort of thing). I’ve been watching pro-wrestling on and off for 20 years, and other than a sharpshooter for everyone I meet in this life, I don’t think I’ve tried many wrestling manoeuvres on people. I’ve been on the receiving end on many, but I’ve never actually slammed anyone. Maybe if I was bigger…

And as for The A-Team and Miami Vice, I don’t see me buying guns or building tanks out of washing machines.

But I do have to concede defeat on the TMNT side, as my friends and I all had serious desires to become ninjas when we were 10; we wouldn’t hit each other, more tried to make our own nunchukas and practiced using them. We were even planning a venture into the sewers one day via the manhole in my front yard. Luckily we decided it wouldn’t be worth it, as the TMNT lived in New York.

I loved being a kid.

What was I saying about violence? I think I was trying to say that it doesn’t have influence on children. I get really annoyed every time I see someone in the paper or on TV saying that young people commit crimes because of what they see in movies, on television or in video games. To me, it is a complete cop out and an excuse for lousy parents. It also gives society something new to complain about. But I think I have actually given some weight to their argument here… I do want to put everyone in a sharpshooter. I do want to perform a corkscrew plancha over my fence onto pedestrians. I do want to live in the sewers and fight evil forces that try and take over the Earth.

But do I want to go beat someone up? No. Do I enjoy watching someone get legitimately hurt? No. For me, any sort of violence has a limit; any time I see a wrestler injure themselves, I cringe and think “arrrgh”. Every time Tubbs & Crockett shoot someone, I laugh at the lack of blood (and how there really shouldn’t be any drug dealers left in Miami, as I’m sure they had killed them all by the 4th season). And despite being weapons specialists in the Vietnam War, no one in The A-Team ever shot anyone.

Bah I hate how ‘on the fence’ I’m sounding on this. I’m really not – like I said, I’ve watched so much violence in my life that if we are to believe some people, I should have committed numerous killing sprees by now, and left everyone else injured from multiple power bombs. Saying someone is going to be violent because they have seen it in media is like saying a rich white kid is gangster because he listens to 50 Cent.

What I’m dancing around is this:

‘Fake’ violence is funny
Real violence is not

Serving God Ain't Hard With a Credit Card

I know I'm going to get blasted by a lot of people, but I had to share this short video. It may be old, but it is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.

And yes, it is funny because it is true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6MbinakS7I

I Don't Want Your MTV

Reading this large MySpace survey that people have been filling in (and I have refused, due to the ridiculous questions), I see that when given the choice between MTV and BET everyone I know chooses MTV.

I want to know WHY?

Seriously, there is nothing good about MTV. Let's start at the beginning with their initial advertising in New Zealand; computerised images of naked people do not make good commercials. I may love Atari 2600 graphics, but they should never be used to draw a penis. Especially on tv.

And then there's the shows; you get rednecks running around hurting themselves because they don't know any better, celebrities showing off how rich they are and the ludicrous things they have bought, and people doing up cars in such a way that would inspire every boy racer to spend the rest of their life spending money on their cars. Because that's what the world needs - more loud, obnoxious cars with fancy things.

And then you have the music - the M in MTV.
Someone want to tell me where that is? This isn't the 80's anymore, when MTV was actually revolutionary and played music all the time. Now it's just a subtext to everything; the channel is much more about the culture and helping to push trends.

Most importantly, MTV is just big marketing tool used to push products and make kids think something is cool.

MTV sucks

America's Next Talk Show Guests

OK so it's Friday, and we all know what that means: America's Next Top Model!!!

I have to say, this cycle has possibly been the most all round frustrating. Sure, last cycle I was consistently infuriated by the judges decision to keep Jade every week (especially the week Molly Sue went - worst decision in ANTM history!), but I really feel like this cycle is worse. It seems like there are some girls there that the judges consider to have great "potential" to be models, and therefore keep giving them chances. Now I'm all for that, but really after 6 weeks competition, they should actually be giving great shots or going home.

Before I start my rant, I just have one question for you all to ponder:

How in the world is Jaeda still in the competition?

I'm not saying I totally disagree with all of the eliminations so far, least of all Christian & A.J. And yes I was extremely glad to see the last of Monique the Psycho. But they actually toyed with the idea of letting her stay, even though all her previous photos had been pathetic (throwing cell phone shot anyone?) and I do remember last cycle when Danielle was told by Jay that if she didn't do the photo shoot she would be going home. So let me get this straight; Danielle gets out from hospital and has to go for a trek through the jungle or she is eliminated, but Monique - who was genuinely sick too - gives up on doing a photo shoot on a moving runway and she gets sympathy and the option of being judged by her previous efforts??? Oh that's right, she had potential

Then there are the two models who should have gone home at least 3 times now; Jaeda and Eugena. I just don't get it... neither of them have done anything even remotely decent, yet every week we hear the same thing from the judges: "We see a girl who has the potential to be a model". Whoop-dee-do. Maybe they do - I mean, I'm sure not experienced with models or the fashion industry and I would think that Tyra, Nigel & J* know better, but when do they start accepting that these girls are useless and have the modeling ability of a Big Mac. And I'm not talking about one of those 'made for commercial-picture perfect' Big Macs, I'm talking about a 'fresh off the grill in the middle of rush hour and made by an acne prone-intellectually and hyngienically challenged teenager' Big Mac!

*(notice I don't include Twiggy there? Only thing she knows better than me is how cool it was to have a cameo in The Blues Brothers)

Last week was seriously the most infuriating episode since the infamous Molly Sue vs Jade decision. First of all, Brooke's pictures that week weren't that bad - I actually think her Romance Novel picture was kinda OK. Wasn't awesome, but not that bad. Then you look at Jaeda's - it was way too obvious that she was physically repulsed by Fabio, and it came through so strongly in her picture. Good professional conduct there. And then you have Eugena, whose picture I don't even remember - but I do remember that it was lame. But what drove it home for me, was that when we had the 'look back' at Brooke's shots from the series, some of them were actually really good. Most people will know that I have never been much of a fan of Brooke at all, but that little retrospective made me think "Hey, this girl has done some seriously cool shots. What have Jaeda and Eugena done?" The answer is NOTHING!

Except stink up my screen with their crying and moaning. Seriously, if I have to hear Jaeda cry about her hair one more time I'm going to fly to the States and slap her myself. You had a bad haircut - big deal. You moan for a week and get over it. Or wear a hat. Or accept the fact that you look like a man and become a drag queen; I don't care, just go home and get off my TV!

And then there is Anchal... this girl is like a dream come true for Tyra; wants to be a model, not white, and has such a lack of self-esteem that she needs support and to be constantly told she is good. And we all know that Tyra just wants to be Oprah, so what better way for her to show the world she cares by helping this needy little girl? Every week - no matter how bad her photo is - Tyra puts on her best caring voice and tells Anchal just how beautiful she is. I can't wait for the Tyra Banks Special where these two sit on the couch and discuss all of Anchal's image issues, and how she only managed to survive on ANTM because of all the love and support she got from Tyra.

And I was comforting myself with the hope that one of those three would be leaving tonight... but now I see that it is the whole 'story so far' episode, where we see all the stuff we've already seen and no one gets eliminated. Boring. But I've just been to the TV3 website, and it looks like May 11th could be a good episode to watch:

The Girl Who Breaks Down [PGR]
Fri 11-May 19:30
During an intense acting challenge, one model chastises the group while another reveals something traumatic in her past.


Oh yeah that sounds like good entertainment!

And LOGMAN Takes On Blogger!

This was just a blog from my MySpace which I wrote when first setting up my new Blogger. I felt the need to move it over here, because I did some typical Logan-style bashing of a TV show

So as some of you may have noticed, I have deleted a couple of old Blogs. This is because MySpace's Blog thing is dumb and wouldn't bring up my old ones (which is especially annoying if you had never read my award winning* blog called Crimes Against Music). So luckily the first 2 are back up there so you can read about the pain of the Miami Vice movie whenever you like

Unless you are blind. In which case, you won't see me pulling faces at you right now

That's right - right now!

Back to the story...

Funnily enough, the plan to write a weekly blog of humour for you all has been thwarted, due to my unexpected trip to Brisbane last year. I tell you, I'll be having a strong talk with my brother about timing...

And I've been trying to find the time, but as you can tell from my new profile pic, my spare time is being used much more wisely: lots of photo tampering (I have an obsession with giving people the same face paint as the Ultimate Warrior. I think I may post some if anyone is interested) and watching Boston Legal. Which reminds me; what's the deal with that show? The first few episodes were pretty good, and I was successfully hooked, but it seems that since Candice Bergen joined the cast it all of a sudden got all political. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for political discussion. But I can't stand it when a show compromises being funny to try and give the viewer a message. That's what Sesame Street is for! And I probably wouldn't mind so much, but all the messages seem to involve America being the greatest nation in the universe.

Yeah, because we don't hear that much anywhere else

It's a typical American thing to do in television to make the show more "intelligent", but really smart comedies don't need to make these blatant - and painfully stupid - story angles. It reminds of MASH... and Murphy Brown. Wait a minute - Candice Bergen was Murphy Brown! And now that we're on the subject, she wasn't exactly very good when she guest starred on The Muppet Show. Right, we need to keep her off TV from here on. Maybe Denny Crane could rip off his suit to reveal his Star Trek uniform underneath, then grab his communicator and say "Mr. Scott... open the space hatch to dispose... of this... intruder!" and then a hatch opens and she gets sucked into the deep void of space. And Alan can reveal he is really from the planet Vulcan... and then their office building transforms into a giant spaceship... and then Denny Crane turns to Optimus Prime and says "Optimus... we need to find... some energon... before it's too late" to which Optimus Prime replies "I know, Denny. My warning diodes are pulsating - this is a mission to save the world" and then bring on the big music... maybe the glam rock version of The Transformers theme that they used for the movie

That would make a great show

*Crimes Against Music received the Logan Gilchrist Excellence Award in 2006 for its Achievements in Excellence, making it the most excellent blog you have ever seen!