WrestleMania Easter Extravaganza: WrestleMania XXXVII, Night Two

11 April 2021

Raymond James Stadium
Tampa, Florida - USA

Attendance: 18,501

Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Samoa Joe & Byron Saxton

My thoughts before this viewing:
It's night two! And I think I said all I needed to say in my previous bLog. Because I just finished Night One, it's still Good Friday/Bad Friday, and I wrote about what I knew yesterday because I had no idea what matches were on which night. But now I know what matches are on tonight: Roman Reigns vs Daniel Bryan vs Edge, Asuka vs That Australian Wrestler I Can't Remember the Name of Right Now, Kevin Owens Mac vs Sami Zayn with Logan Paul somehow involved, and maybe some other bullshit I didn't care about in the first place!

NIGHT TWO

America the Beautiful
Today's performer is "the new voice of country music", some blonde bitch! She has yellow nail polish, so she gets points for that. It's certainly better than her singing or guitar playing.

BAHAHAH they're actually mixing in footage of the wrestlers watching last night's performance.
5/10

Opening Video Package
We get a repeat of last night's video package, now with added highlights from Night One. Yawn.
2/10

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are back to "host". This time they're dressed like pirates. Hulk is actually pulling this off - apart from his sneakers. There are lots of pirate jokes. And piped in crowd noises.

Video Package
Oh shit I had actually forgotten about The Fiend! Bah gawd I miss forgetting about The Fiend... Randy Orton set The Fiend on fire - don't worry, it was a match stipulation. Alexa Bliss is now a crazy little girl. They're trying so hard to make some sort of spooky horror movie, but it all just looks childish. Then The Fiend magically transforms to heal his burns.

-5/10

Opening Match
Randy Orton vs The Fiend
Orton is walking to the ring slowly like he thinks he's the Undertaker. Alexa Bliss comes out to children's music because she's crazy.

Oh there is a big jack-in-the-box next to the ring. Wow. Bliss winds the handle and The Fiend comes out the top.

The match hasn't even started and I don't see how they could cram any more bullshit into this. Oh cool - they are going to wrestle under a "spooky" red light. The Fiend pretty much just no sells everything. Then there are some flames and Bliss appears on the box with some black goo leaking on her head.

The crowd chant "Holy Shit!". I think they meant "This is shit!".

Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following an RKO.
-10/10

The arena goes black and everything magically disappears. This was worse than anything the UWF ever did. Are people genuinely cheering this???

I guess things can only get better from here?

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan are backstage with Eric Bischoff. Bayley interrupts again. She wants Bischoff to appear on her "show" - which I guess is a talking segment on one of the shitty WWE shows. He says he would rather have Bianca Belair appear on his podcast. He and Hogan make up some story about a boat and then plug Bischoff's podcast again as they run away.

Women's Tag-Team Championship
Natalya & Tamina vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c)

Am I even going to make it through the first hour?? Baszler just smashes Natalya with mean looking knees and it is a lot of fun. Nia Jax gets in the ring and it is substantially less fun. Same for Tamina. Natalya goes for a move and hilariously misses. Her and Tamina just stand in the ring watching Jax for like 10 minutes so she can eventually land a splash on them. Bah gawd. Tamina attempts another shitty superfly splash but fails. Natalya puts the Sharpshooter on the wrong person.

Winners = Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax via submission
2/10

Video Package
Sami Zayn is being silenced. His best friend Kevin Owens didn't support him. Logan Paul got involved somehow. They list Paul's roles in life, like YouTuber & actor, but leave out 'Piece of Shit'.
2/10

JBL is given a special introduction as he joins the commentary team. At least they are giving me fair warning...

Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn
Zayn needs a new theme song, because this one is far too happy and upbeat for an angry bad guy. Hahaha he introduces Logan Paul and the booing starts immediately, but are quickly replaced with some totally real cheering. During the match, we constantly cut to Logan Paul "reacting" to the action.

Back and forth, back and forth. Crazy moves here and there. It always seems these days that when real friends wrestle each other, they try to hurt each other best they can.

Winner = Kevin Owens via pinfall following a Stunner.
7/10

Corey Graves complains about Kevin Owens ruining the night for Sami Zayn. Logan Paul congratulates Owens, so Zayn gets up in his face. Paul pushes him and mocks him as he leaves. The crowd boo Logan Paul some more and Owens is like 'don't touch me' and gives him a stunner to rousing cheers.

Matt Riddle talks to The Great Khali backstage. Riddle talks like an absolute fucking moron. If Khali just slapped him down now, it would be the WrestleMania highlight of his career.

WWE Shop. Old Spice. Manther? I don't even know anymore.

Three weeks ago, Sheamus beat Matt Riddle with his scooter. Fuck yeah!

WWE US Championship
Matt Riddle (c) vs Sheamus
How is it Sheamus has been living in the USA for so long, and is yet still so gawdam white? My tolerance for this show is fading fast, and douchnozzlesupremes like Matt Riddle are not helping. Sheamus botches a top rope move that almost hurt Riddle - do it again! That said, the ending was pretty cool.

Winner = Sheamus via pinfall following that gif.
3/10

New Champion!

Baron Corbin needs a Snickers to sort out his costume problems. What, he is going to wear the Snickers wrapper instead?

Out in front of some bad green screen on the street somewhere, Triple HHH gives Bad Bunny an ugly microphone. That was his payment for WrestleMania?

WrestleMania Sunday has a different theme song. Don't worry - it sounds a lot like last night's.

Video Package
Big E won the Intercontinental Championship to the excitement of many computer screens in attendance. Apollo wants respect because he comes from Nigerian royalty. Dude should be hanging out with Israel Adesanya and Kamaru Usman, if that's his story. Big E thinks coming from Florida makes him a better person. Seriously.
4/10

Nigerian Drum Fight
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Big E (c) vs Apollo
Yet again, a no disqualification match with a silly name - and some African drums and shit around the ring. They beat each other with Kendo sticks, which I do not believe are Nigerian drums. Graves compares all the instruments to a concert by The Who. I'm not their biographer, but I don't recall them using congas and assorted African percussion. Big E has it won, but then some massive dude comes out and destroys him.

Winner = Apollo via pinfall following some other dude smashing Big E for him.
7/10

New Champion!

It felt like the match was only just getting started, but it was fun while it lasted.

We get some "highlights" of last night's WrestleMania. There's a whole bunch of footage of Bianca Belair celebrating with her husband that they didn't air last night.

Get the COVID vaccine like WWE Superstars! Well, a few of them. Probably only the five that appeared in this PSA .

'Stone Cold' Steve Austin will be at WrestleMania in Texas. Good for him.

2021 Hall of Fame.
Molly Holly is still super cute. Ozzy Osborne went in, but not Nigel Tufnel? Eric Bischoff was also inducted, which explains why he's backstage with Hulk Hogan plugging his podcast. And Kane was the headliner? He can hang out with Donald Trump and Kid Rock in the RIGHT-wing hurdy hurr.

Video Package
Asuka has done it all in WWE - including losing to Charlotte Flair. Rhea Ripley has also lost to Charlotte Flair, so that means she's ready for Asuka. They had a contract signing that ended with fisitcuffs. I'm shocked.
5/10

Raw Women's Championship
Asuka (c) vs Rhea Ripley
There is some shitty band to play for Ripley's entrance and holy shit! Is the singer even in time? Holy fuck I AM DYING HERE! Finally some entertainment! They have some fast action to start. Asuka gets in some dancing and seems to be enjoying herself. She misses her butt attack. Twice. Ripley kinda taunts her, but she is not very good at trash talk. Eventually, Asuka turns it around. She finally lands the butt attack. I would think Asuka kicking a woman in the chest would hurt a lot, but apparently not enough.

Winner = Rhea Ripley via pinfall following Riptide
6/10

New Champion!

Has Asuka even won a match at WrestleMania? WWE don't deserve her.

We get a recap of the Orton/Fiend nonsense from the start of the show because things were getting enjoyable again.

Titus O'Neil and Hulk Hogan come out to do some actual hosting. Titus says "Thank You" to everyone, so Bayley interrupts again. She wants pyro and the WWE production crew oblige - that's all it takes? She complains about having to carry the hosting duties and on one hand I'm like, yeah I guess she did appear more than the actual hosts, but on the other hand it doesn't sound like that was her job. And what else was she going to do? The Bella Twins come out and Bayley shuts them down straight away. They beat her up for making a John Cena joke and the crowd boo. Hahahaha.

There are shitty WWE shows on the shitty WWE Network which is now part of Peacock. Which is probably shitty, too.

Video Package
Edge won the Royal Rumble and challenged Roman Reigns, but somehow Daniel Bryan got involved. Roman Reigns is as boring as ever: head of the table, tribal chief, blah blah blah. Daniel Bryan kind of beat him but Edge cost him the match. That makes no sense. He could have had a match against Daniel Bryan instead!
7/10

Main Event
Triple Threat Match
WWE Universal Championship
Daniel Bryan vs Edge vs Roman Reigns (c) (w/Paul Heyman & Jey Uso)
Holy moly Edge is quite over with this crowd! Uso takes out Daniel Bryan right away, because that is how WWE triple threat matches have to work. Then Edge beats up Uso and he has to be taken to the back, so that means Uso will come back at the end and help Reigns win, because that's how WWE matches always have to work. Edge just throws Reigns in the ring apron and then the barrier, over and over again. The crazy bug-eyed look Edge does is so silly; it's not like he follows it up by going for some sort of crazy killer move - he just does something super basic every time. Hahaha he and Reigns spear each other at the same time like a video game. Daniel Bryan gets a "Yes" lock on Reigns, and Heyman's reactions are just hilarious.

Reigns powerbombs Bryan on Edge and one of them can be heard comically moaning. The crowd chants "Roman Sucks" and he gets all sad-face about it. I thought he was supposed to be a tough angry man? Edge spears him outside so now everyone is dead. Does anyone have a Money in the Bank briefcase they could cash in right now? Ummm ouch?

Bahahaha even more ouch!

Reigns should have tapped so we could have double champions right now. Edge beats everyone with a chair - see, this is where you should use your silly bug-eye look. He sets up a double con-chairto and oh look - here comes Jey Uso to interfere!

Winner = Roman Reigns via pinfall on BOTH Edge and Daniel Bryan after bashing their heads with a chair.
6/10

I think Daniel Bryan vs Edge would have been a better match.

Pyro. Posing. Fuck you. Good night.

WrestleMania XXXVII: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Big E vs Apollo
   It wasn't anything special, but it was fun while it lasted. I would have said Owens/Zayn, but Logan Paul being involved is a big no.
2. Worst Match
   Randy Orton vs The Fiend
   I don't know what's more insane; that someone thought Alexa Bliss having black goo ooze all over her face was good storytelling, or that the crowd were actually chanting "holy shit" like it was awesome or something.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Fucked if I know. Shayna Baszler's knees?
4. Lowlight of the Show
   Goto #2.
5. Star of the Show
   There are no stars in this company.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Bad Bunny? He was pretty much the main talking-point all night.
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   Logan Paul and his shitty self doing nothing but bad acting.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Today I rocked another couple of flavours: first, vege chicken strips, baked, with a salad base and burger sauce. Then a Hoki filet with salad and Burger sauce. Good times were had by my taste buds. There was not enough Pepsi in the world to get me through some of this...
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   The nice hoodie was put away and I'm glad as there were a couple of spills, but I am now in my Easter pyjamas, so it's all good.
10. Overall Score
    Fuck... I don't know. It started horribly, got better before getting painfully boring, and the wrong people kept winning. The main event was predictable. Maybe they should have had Bayley as host?
    4 out of 10