UWF Fury Hour: Episode 40

UWF Fury Hour Episode 40, 26th August 1991

Bruno is excited for the women today. Craig talks about the new faces we've seen. MotherFucker we've only seen The Keeper and The Animal and they were geeks.

Frank E tries to hype the crowd. I try to hype my will to live.

Jim 'The Animal' (w/The Keeper) vs David Perry?

The Animal is a mighty big rip-off of a more famous pro-wrestler from my childhood (and before), George 'The Animal' Steele. Even right down to the soft toy being his most prized possession.

The most hilarious result of them taping the commentary live with the matches, is that Craig is promoting the hell out of Orndorff vs Orton - despite the fact that match was aired last week. AND the week before.

Winner = Jim 'The Animal' via The Keeper doing some cheating.

After struggling to find a working mic in the building, Herb asks 'The Animal' if he's "a monkey or a hippo", then laughs to himself and runs away.

Captain Lou's Corner

Today's guest is Joshua Bengorian, who is apparently the UWF Israeli Champion. Is that a UWF sanctioned title? Albano supports Bendorkian committing genocide, apparently. He's often imitated?? I suppose there a large number of geeks in this world...

Joshua Bengorian vs Mohammad 'The Butcher' (w/Abudanen??)

Is this for the UWF Israeli Championship? Bendorkavich hands out Israeli flags to the people in attendance. Yay propaganda! The Butcher eats the ropes. Holy fuck this is awful.

Winner = Joshua Bendorkian via disqualification for some reason I give zero fucks about.

And yes, apparently that match was for the UWF Israeli Championship.

If you buy (The?) Beach Brawl on VHS, you also receive a free autographed picture of 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams. I want the cookies instead.

The Cuban Assassin (W/Mr. Red) vs Joe Defuria?

Mr. Red gets on the mic to tell the fans they stink. Bruno and Craig mock The Assassin's physique. Bruno mocks Defuria's punching and HAHAHAHAH

Winner = The Cuban Assassin via piledriver.

Mr. Red gets back on the mic and this time I can't understand anything he says. Yay!

Now you can order a full 6 volumes of "The Best of the UWF" on VHS. If you buy them all, you will receive (The?) Beach Brawl for free. This ad is even accompanied by a Girls On Film rip-off, so it must be a good deal.

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Dave Johnson?

Dave Johnson thinks he is Bob Orton and can attack Orndorff before the bell. But that does not work if you are not Bob Orton.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via squash.

B. Brian Blair vs Death Row 3260 (w/Gorgeous John)

Bruno is aghast at someone having the temerity to call themselves "Gorgeous". Death Row tries a leapfrog, but just ends up throwing his crotch in Blair's face.

Death Row's dropkick is... slightly better this week. Blair does a leapfrog and takes out the referee, which allows Gorgeous John to cheat. But he hits Death Row instead.

Winner = B. Brian Blair via pin after bad guys fail at cheating.

After the match, Blair beats up Gorgeous John and runs away. Craig calls this "a good win" for Blair.

Alison Royale vs Luna Vachon (w/The Black Harts)

Bruno is raving about Royale so much I can only imagine he is madly in love with her or she owes him $100. Vachon is likely the 2nd best wrestler to feature on this week's show. Royale is not.

Captain Lou Albano decides this episode hasn't been awful enough and joins the commentary team. He throws bizarre insults at Bruno and Craig, before deciding they deserve a raise. Take it up with your buddy Herb! Vachon gives the referee a shove and Bruno is upset the referee didn't punish her. "You can't do that!". Well, clearly she can!

Bahaha Fire Cat comes out for no reason but still just stands there doing nothing while The Black Harts attack Royale.

Winner = Luna Vachon via top rope splash.

Apparently, PWI thought a match at (The?) Beach Brawl was "one of the best of the year" or something.

Thoughts:

• I want to see Death Row 3260 vs Joe Derfuria OR Joshua Bendorkavic.
• This show felt at least 3 hours long.
• We got to meet the promised "new faces" tonight, and the future certainly looks bright!