Logan's Afternoon at Work

So a friend who works at The Press was working late last night doing something that involved rugby - that was all the information I had, as she knew saying her work was rugby related would be more than enough to describe the pain. So I decided to utilise my impressive MS Paint skills to help her out:

I'm Not Funny

When did I become so unfunny? Is it because I am getting old? Is it because I am so uninterested in putting forth the effort to construct witty dialogue? Or is it just I am unfunny?

The answer is... all of the above

So, until I can think of humorous content, I will put this blog back on hiatus.

Byeeeeeeeeeee

Yawn

House of the Dead was funny. In no way whatsoever did that movie make sense or even look good. And I'm pretty sure they were going for a whole Terminator thing with the zombies and their red glowing eyes... but yeah, the main zombie was like Dr Frankenstein or something... brilliant stuff. Quick plot summary: rave on a deserted and evil island gets destroyed when zombies eat everyone so a small group of friends decide that they can't get to their boat so they fight their way back to a small house where they will protect themselves, only to discover the house is the head zombie's base of operations (where he continues to mutate his blood so he can live forever) and all to the beat of Prodigy rip-offs and HILARIOUSLY awful editing - complete with scenes from the video game it is based on. And I'm not joking at all

And as for Saw II - how many ways can we say 'predictable'?
The supposed big swerve was about as shocking as Robocop shooting a criminal; if you didn't guess it within the first half hour then you are a moron. A grade A flying moron (though I am quite sure you might be too stupid to be able to fly, so you would most likely crash. So I guess what I'm trying to say is you are stupid. Whoever you are). Quick plot summary: bad people get tortured. And most of them die.

Haven't watched Halloween yet (the Rob Zombie version). Not quite sure if my brain can take the insanity right now... though it might provide some distraction from the fact that I have nothing else to do. Though I feel some tequila would make it more interesting. But it doesn't matter because I have none and it is late. I should get some friends.

Friday the 13th part 51

So today is Friday the 13th.

When I was a kid, I really used to love Friday the 13th. No, I'm not superstitious at all. It was just that every time it came around, Channel 2 (you see, there were only 2 channels then so it is very easy to remember who did what) would play lots of horror movies until the early hours of the morning. And for the record, they also played a horror movie every Sunday night around 10:30, though it slowly got later and later until they stopped doing it. Wimps.

Anyways, I loved horror movies. People doing unspeakable things to other people and making everyone fear for their lives - grand entertainment. I don't love them so much nowadays, but I still enjoy the occasional horror film now and then... but mostly if it involves zombies. But back then? Well, let's just say I had all the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm St movies on video and I found them hilarious. Since then they have made another 2 Friday the 13th movies (plus a 'remake' of the 1st, even though they kinda changed the main plot point) and I might have to watch them some day...

Is there going anywhere? Probably not.

So it is Friday the 13th, and as tempted as I am to don a hockey mask and go around butchering teenagers on camp, I have decided instead to stay home and resurrect that lost tradition of horror movies on Friday the 13th by renting out Saw II (lord knows what I was thinking), House of the Dead (z-grade zombie movie that looks amazingly laughable) and Rob Zombie's Halloween (you might as well just write "train-wreck of insanity" all over that one). Should be interesting. Especially considering how much my flatmate can't handle horror at all - she couldn't even sit through half an hour of I Am Legend, and couldn't sleep after watching Donnie Darko.

I'm just wondering why I couldn't find any horror movies that involve robots - it's always some form of monster. I've seen Killer Klowns from Outer Space more times than I should admit, but why are there none about robots going crazy and killing people all over the world? I would love to watch something like that... I guess Robocop is probably the closest to that I can get, but if you happen to know of one please let me know.

Simon Barnett is a Fool

I started writing a post about how awesome robots are, but for some reason I can't be bothered finishing it right now. Which is saying something, because robots really are awesome. Instead, I will just quickly mention the annoyingness of Simon Barnett and people who so clearly care about social status.

You see, this morning on the radio (which I actually happened to be listening to for once) Simon and Gary were talking with an American man with a strong environmental message; he had kept all his rubbish for a year and worked hard to find ways to limit the amount of rubbish he created (he got it down to some incredible figure that I can't recall right now). It was very interesting and something that people should be thinking about because recycling isn't the one final answer to our waste problems and humans should be doing what we can to cut down.

Then as they are wrapping up, instead of giving everyone his blog address or any sort of information on anything they talked about, how does Simon sign off?

"I read you were a cameraman on the movie Wedding Crashers. I'm a big fan of Owen Wilson, and it was really sad to hear about that incident with him last year. What's he like as a person?"

Are you for real, Simon? I realise you crazy pentecostal christians think rich and famous people are what we should aspire to be (hence you all love John Key so much) but was that really what that interview should have ended with? The final impression you want to leave with your listeners is not how they can help reduce their waste and thus promote environmental awareness - daresay, the reason this man spoke to you in the first place - but that Owen Wilson is funny and how cool it is to work in Hollywood???

Where's Mr. T to pity some fools when you need him...

To the NZ Media, Sporting Communities and General Public:

Domestic violence is NOT acceptable, and the more you continue to praise and support a man who has admitted to beating he his former girlfriend, the more you make his actions seem insignificant. All people should be allowed justice and forgiveness, but this man has done everything in his power to avoid the justice system and until he is actually made to face up to his crimes, you should be reserving this unconditional love and support you all throw so willingly at at a man who has shown nothing but cowardice.

Is this really want we want to teach our children? That it is OK to beat your partner and then bribe her to avoid any police involvement? And then when things go wrong you should run into the woods threatening to kill yourself so your lawyers can get the trial delayed? Twice?

There is a reason Wrigley's have suspended all their advertising involving Chris Brown.

I am sick of hearing about Tony Veitch. Being involved with rugby is no excuse for what he has done; and until he can be a Man and stop crying, stop delaying this trial and just plead guilty and take whatever justice he deserves, he does not deserve to be on television feeling more important than the low-life that he truly is.

Shoot. Me. Now.

Sure - sensational headlining that isn't really followed up anything major. But the statistics make me sad that people's priorities are this out of wack.

Sky TV finds recession easier than All Blacks losing