UWF Fury Hour: Episode 47

UWF Fury Hour Episode 47, 19th July 1992

And we have finally arrived at the final episode of The UWF Fury Hour!

Craig and John Tolos celebrate the occasion with finally getting to give a new introduction. They hype tonight's title match between Orton and Orndorff. Tolos predicts Orton will be the winner and claims he "has never been wrong!". Craig calls him old. What a dick.

UWF Special Report

We get a recap of the Jimmy Valiant and Colonel Red feud. Which seems to be more of a Herb Abrams and Colonel Red feud. Either way, it involves Colonel Red so fuck that.

Highlights from the first Orton/Orndorff match are shown. It was a good match.

Highlights from the second Orton/Orndorff match are shown. It was not as good as the first.

UWF Southern States Championship

'Cowboy' Bob Orton (c) vs 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff

Orndorff comes out to some wonderful synth music. Orton comes out to the theme from Bonanza. We start off with a bunch of reversals and whatnot, before things really slow down. Lots of arm holds and amateur wrestling. Craig plugs Orton's gym - maybe hoping to score a free membership. Couple of near-falls each and Tolos is VERY excited - so much that he starts listing off as many wrestling holds as he can remember. It's mostly variations on things like headlocks, and leglocks, but he manages to keep it going for a while. Orton and Orndorff follow his lead and go back to wrestling holds again. They collide off a shoulder block and Orton tumbles outside the ring. Orndorff helps him back in... only to sucker him; Orndorff turns the heel act up to 11 and starts stomping the shit out of Orton. He takes Orton over to the commentator's table and drives a cup into his face.

Oh no - he's got Craig's germs! I would submit immediately. Orton falls on the table again and where the hell is Tolos? Dude sounds like he's calling this match from somewhere outside. Some fat dude gets into it with Orndorff and that leads to Orton getting back in the fight - which makes the crowd VERY happy. Orndorff begs him off so Orton bites him! Oh great - now you BOTH have Craig's germs. You are both going to die. They brawl outside the ring some more and Orton drives Orndorff into the ring-post. Orton goes for the pin, but Orndorff barely gets his foot on the ropes. More reversals. Orndorff tumbles over and calls for a timeout. Orton gets Orndorff on the top rope ready for the dreaded Superplex, but Orndorff pulls out... a piece of paper? And hits him with it? He puts it in his trunks, but just so everyone is clear what he did, he pulls it out again in front of the camera and then puts it back in his trunks.

Thanks! He goes for the Piledriver, but Orton reverses it into a backdrop and Orndorff reverses that into a rollup!

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via rollup

New Champion!

The crowd are not happy. Because they are stupid. Clearly - they paid to go watch a UWF show live! Orndorff intimates they can kiss his wonderful ass.

The crowd chant "Cheater!" and Orndorff is upset. Me too, because Orndorff is awesome.

Craig says Herb is still in the hospital or something so can't be here to interview the new champion, but will hopefully have an opportunity to do so in the future. Great idea - if you weren't about to be cancelled! Craig is flabbergasted Orndorff resorted to cheating to win instead of using his wrestling ability or "his weight training". Dafuq is wrong with this motherfucker!?!?

UWF Special Report

Herb is covered in blood, screaming manically about Colonel Red. And show's over, folks!

Thoughts:

• It was a one match show. But you know what? It was a good match! It started off painfully slow, but it built well and it's great to see Orndorff hold up that ugly green belt.
• Herb cutting an unintelligible promo to end the last episode of The Fury Hour is about as fitting as anything could be in The UWF.
• Don't worry - there's still more to come!