UWF Fury Hour: Episode 43

UWF Fury Hour Episode 43, 29th June 1992

Check out that date - this is not a typo!
Turns out my concern for promoting a "possible" signing of The Ultimate Warrior was unfounded, because that was the UWF's last week of television before being taken off the air for it would seem about 9 months. The remaining dates on their one-year deal saw the UWF replaced by some women's wrestling show, where Bruno Sammartino would also serve as a commentator.

So here we are again! Can Herb bring the company back to life in a successful direction?

Craig and 'The Golden Greek' John Tolos welcome us to the Universal Wrestling Federation. 'Cowboy' Bob Orton is now the UWF Southern States Champion. Mr. Red has been promoted to Colonel.

Orton gives a rambling promo about what the announcers have been saying about him. There has been no UWF for 9 months so I have no idea what they've been saying about him. He's being a nicer guy so people in his everyday life enjoy talking to him. Apparently he beat 'Rugged' Ronnie Garvin for this title. He wants to fight 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff in a fair fight or something. Seems fishy.

'Cowboy' Bob Orton vs Midnight Star
The UWF Southern States Championship belt is bright green and looks weird. So it's perfect for the UWF! Just like this 'Midnight Star':

Is this match for the title? Tolos thinks Orton is Lex Luger? 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams couldn't fulfil his contract or something, so there will be another tournament to crown a new TV champion. Sure. Orton looks and moves like he's aged about 5 years in the last 9 months.

Winner = 'Cowboy' Bob Orton via Superplex

Tolos acts like he's never seen Orton perform a superplex before. Bro - you were his manager. You've seen him use that to win matches many times. Herb tells Orton it was a great match and I can barely hear Orton over the music played in the venue. Good job!

Herb talks about how The UWF is what pro-wrestling should be and then brings in Captain Lou Albano. You get a fuck you like you should do. Call the Powerline?

Ivan Koloff (w/Colonel Red) vs Jake Steel
Colonel Red is wearing white because he is a fucking moron. He shouts at the crowd about something.

Tolos assures Craig he is going to make him "a great sportsman". Huh?? Wait - Colonel Red was the former manager of Jimmy Valiant? And Jimmy Valiant is coming to The UWF??

Winner = Ivan Koloff via clothesline with a chain.

Koloff needed to cheat to beat a jobber?

Colonel Red's Corner

HOLY FUCK THEY ACTUALLY SPELLED IT "REDS"
Ivan Koloff is here with his nephew, Vladimir. Is this just Nikita with a different name? But then what do you do with all those Nikita Koloff t-shirts? He looks like he's been skipping the gym since we last saw him. They say absolutely nothing - and in Vladimir's case, literally.

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Tommy Angel
Orndorff doesn't seem too happy to be here today. Tolos says he doesn't want to give Orndorff too much praise, and then proceeds to spend the entire match saying how great Orndorff is in every way.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via Piledriver

Orndorff thinks Orton is one of the best wrestlers of all time, but wants to beat him for "the belt that the whole world wants". You guys are going to fight over my Transformers belt??

'Pistol' Pez Whatley vs The Marauder
Whatley. Koloff. Orndorff. Valiant. Orton. Is this 1992 or 1982??
Craig can't pronounce "Marauder" - keeps calling him "The Moroder". Tolos goes on a rant about wrestlers in the 1950's - which makes sense, because this match looks like it is from the 1950's. Craig and Tolos discuss the way Whatley shakes his ass and the great success it can help lead him to. Seriously.

Winner = 'Pistol' Pez Whatley via crossbody

Watch some boxing on "state of the art videotape".

Wet N' Wild vs Johnny Kidd & Stone Cold
First "The Rock from Hawaii" and now Stone Cold??
Tolos and Craig say these are the top contenders for the World's Heavyweight Championship. WHAT?!?! Tolos calls Wild Thing "unorthodox" and doesn't think he's quite "elite level", which Craig takes a great deal of offense at. Craig thinks the jobberdudes should just quit and give the match to Wet N' Wild, while on the other hand Tolos thinks Wet N' Wild are having a tough time trying to beat them.

Winners = Wet N' Wild via crossbody

Crossbody is the new official move of the UWF, it would seem.

Tolos says the jobbers are awesome. Wet N' Wild looks like they may have gotten worse.

'The Boogie-Woogie Man' Jimmy Valiant is here! And he's looking... not so Boogie-Woogie. He is not happy with Colonel Red.

And we out!

Thoughts:

• UWF 2.0. might be twice as bad.
• I'm not sure what happened, but it seems with nine months of no television tapings, Herb forgot how to book screwy finishes - there were none at all for once!
• Throwing an ugly green belt on 'Cowboy' Bob Orton with almost no context is pretty darn great.
• This show is sorely missing Bruno on commentary.