UWF Fury Hour: Episode 46

UWF Fury Hour Episode 46, 12th July 1992

Tonight! We will see Ivan Koloff vs 'The Boogie Woogie Man' Jimmy Valiant. And more Colonel Red. Hoo-fucking-rah.

Wet N' Wild vs The Marauder & Viper II

Tolos says Wet N' Wild have some fantastic moves that he hasn't seen in a long time. Craig tries to insult Tolos' fans. Wet N' Wild are still wanting to be the tag-team champions - so why do they continue to wrestle in a company where there is no tag-team championship? Steve Ray does sort of reverse Boston Crab that just... looks stupid. But Viper II has a hole in his tights, so the commentators instead focus on that.

I mean, fair enough; you're in the UWF, son! The big leagues! You should take pride in your appearance when you're reaching a television audience of... Herb's family every week.

Winners = Wet N' Wild via Sunny Beach getting the pin via Splash.

Call The UWF Powerline! Before the phone service is cancelled...

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Stone Cold

Next week Orndorff will get a shot at 'Cowboy' Bob Orton and the coveted UWF Southern States Championship. So the commentators spend the majority of this match discussing that match instead.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via Piledriver

Orndorff looks all kinds of uninterested in this show.

Colonel Red's Corner

Red is just shouting at Herb that he won't interview Jimmy Valiant, so Valiant comes out and threatens to beat him up instead. Why would being interviewed by Colonel Red be so important to him?? Ivan Koloff comes out and he and Valiant need to be separated. Tolos is very excited! He says he likes "action in the ring, out of the ring, in the parking lot and in the toilet!"?

The Nightstalker vs Dick Steel

Someone please explain to Craig what a hatchet is. Actually, explain to him what a lot of things are. And keep him away from all microphones forever.

Winner = The Nightstalker via Chokeslam.

'Cowboy' Bob Orton thinks Paul Orndorff is only getting a title shot because he is Herb's boyfriend? I thought this dude was trying to be a good guy now?? Also, if Orndorff was getting preferential treatment, I don't think he would have been screwed over for 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams so many times.

'Cowboy' Bob Orton vs Helmet Hessler (w/Kevin Casey)

So if Orton were to lose this match, what would happen to next week's main event? Would it be changed to Paul Orndorff vs Helmet Hessler? Or would he just miss out on fighting for the title? Also, why does Orton have issues with Orndorff getting a title shot when he's willing to grant one Helmet Hessler, who's only been in the UWF a short while AND is coming off a loss last week?? And why would I actually think about these things?!?! 

Kevin Casey keeps teasing hitting Orton with his golf club, but Craig tells us "the couple of thousand fans in attendance" keep alerting the referee to his attempts.

Winner = 'Cowboy' Bob Orton via Belly-to-Back Suplex

So next week's main event will go ahead unchanged! What a relief!

Jimmy Valiant is excited to wrestle Ivan Koloff! After he wins, he is going to beat up Colonel Red as well. He sings some type of rock'n roll song and if it were anyone else I'd say it was awful and I have to kill myself, but it's the Boogie Man so I'll allow it.

Special Grudge Match

'The Boogie Woogie Man' Jimmy Valiant vs Ivan Koloff (w/Colonel Red)

John Tolos tries to start a "U.S.A." chant. And a "Golden Greek" chant. I'm pretty sure Valiant is going to spend more time partying with the crowd than he will actually wrestling in this match. 

Tolos says Valiant "has that style". Homeless-old-drunk-recovering-junkie style? Valiant hits Koloff with a cane and then chokes him - so this is no disqualification? Valiant chokes Koloff with a cable, but that somehow ends with Valiant being hurt and Koloff being totally ok. Now the referee is counting Valiant for choking Koloff in the ring - good to see there are some set rules here. And Colonel Red is allowed to hit Valiant with his cane?

Winner = Ivan Koloff via Colonel Red hitting Jimmy Valiant.

Herb runs out and says he is reversing the decision, so Colonel Red knocks him out of the ring and beats him with his cane. Valiant and Koloff continue to brawl in the ring, but eventually Valiant grabs a chair and slooooooowly comes to Herb's rescue. VERY slowly. So slowly that Craig is like 'Here comes Valiant to make the save - no he's not. Oh yes he is! Oh wait - no, yes here he comes!' Herb is a bloody mess and is taken out on a stretcher.

Thoughts:

• Main event was kinda fun? Mainly because Jimmy Valiant is always just ludicrously fun - even when he's a slow old man.