Jim Kelly June Jamboree: Hot Potato (1975)

THE MOVIE
A US Senator's daughter has been kidnapped in a place called Chang-Lon, by a madman called Carter Rangoon. He's crazy, but wise: "A long journey begins - not ends - with the first step". 

Some army dude spends 6 minutes on the phone to the Senator reassuring him that they have it under control and are sending their best men. He hangs up the phone and asks the other army people where Chang-Lon is. COMEDY

Anyways, the only man that can take this job is Jones. And yes, it's my main man Jim Kelly.

And this time he's hanging out with a lot of white people; including his partner Johnny Chicago. When did Jones need a fucking partner? Or white people in his life that weren't just there to get karate kicked in the junk? Johnny Chicago complains about his payment for this job. Repeatedly. Jones and Chicago meet up with their contact in Thailand - a Chinese woman who happens to be from the army or something, because they spend the rest of the movie calling her "Sarge". But that doesn't matter right now, because of course they mistake her for a prostitute - because she's Asian, get it? MORE COMEDY.

Meanwhile, Carter Rangoon is spouting off all sorts of proverbs like he's Roger Moore in Spice World. He's kinda dressed like him too. "Necessity, besides being the mother of invention, can also be the wife of deception." His plan is to keep the Senator's daughter and let the good guys capture some other girl that looks exactly like her. I have no idea why. But he has pet tigers that eat people who don't get his metaphors and life-lessons, so he's got that going for him.

Before going to rescue the girl, they go pick up the last member of their bad comedy troupe team, a big fat disgusting white dude called White Rhino, or Leonardo. Or I give no fucks. He's having an eating competition against a chubby lady, and he wins by eating mashed potatoes from his hands. Look, if you wanna be fat - be fat. But at least have some fucking hygiene and use eating utensils. Of course, this makes him irresistible to women. MORE FUCKING COMEDY.

So the "good guys" turn up to Rangoon's compound and proceed to take part in the worst fucking movie fight scene I have ever seen, take the fake Senator's daughter, and make a break for it. However, Jones feels the whole thing was too easy, so now he's suspicious. Too easy? Y'all fought like 100 men and broke down their compound with a herd of Elephants. After they leave, Rangoon discovers that the fake Senator's daughter actually stole some important documents from him, so he sends his men to kill her. So... you didn't need to send a double at all? And being attacked constantly in the jungle just makes Jones more suspicious. 

Standard jungle villain attire...

And then out of nowhere, Johnny Chicago tells Jones he's falling in love with the Senator's daughter. Like, I don't even think I've seen them have a conversation? And Jones and "Sarge" are falling in love, despite the only stuff they've talked about is how much they don't trust the Senator's daughter? Also, there is more COMEDY with Leonardo the Rhino being a fat piece of shit, but honestly, fuck that right now.

Eventually, Rangoon catches up with our "heroes" and kills the fake Senator's daughter and then tells them all she was a fraud. Or she admitted to it. Like it matters - bitch is dead and Johnny Chicago is heartbroken. After another riddle to make them rethink what they know about the universe, he takes them back to his compound where they must defeat his men and escape with the real Senator's daughter. Or listen to more nonsense proverbs about listening with no ears, I guess.

REACTION

This was the whitest movie Jim Kelly made. True story; at one point, I put down my hot chocolate and yelled at the no one around that I had had enough. I checked the display and only 16 minutes had passed. So much of it was supposed to be funny, but really none of it was. It was just slapstick nonsense and bad acting and bad everything. Carter Rangoon and his madcap proverbs of nonsense were actually entertaining, I will give it that, but Rhino and Johnny bickering about hats and pay and other stupid shit just made me long for the days when I was watching Three the Hard Way. The only actual moments of humour involved people speaking in random Asian languages and Sarge translating them entirely ridiculously; e.g. some old lady said to them "気をつけてね" and Sarge translated that as the old lady telling Rhino he looked like elephant in lingerie or something. But that's probably only funny if you understand what all these people are saying in the first place, so unless you understand Japanese, Thai, Cantonese and Mandarin, these jokes aren't going to work for you.

JIM KELLY

This pains me to say, but this was my man's worst performance to date. That's not to say it is all on him; he wasn't really the leading man - it was more of an ensemble of shit that drove the movie - and he wasn't given anything good to work with here. His job seemed to be just walking around, talking to Sarge and making a few innuendoes here and there. Most of the "story" seemed to revolve around the fucking fat dude and his storing of food in his clothes and being attractive to women. Because that is COMEDY.

It's bizarre; this movie was written by the same guys that wrote Black Belt Jones and is clearly designed to be a sequel, yet it lacks absolutely everything that made Black Belt Jones so awesome. I would recommend never watching this movie. Never. Ever. Never ever never.