UWF Fury Hour: Episode 28

UWF Fury Hour Episode 28, 13th May 1991

Craig and Captain Lou Albano are standing out in the sun and Albano looks like he's getting a little too much sun. Craig bitches about the way Albano is dressed..

The Black Harts (w/Luna Vachon) vs The Lynx & Random Jobber
Albano tries to say Luna has more tattoos than Bam Bam Bigelow because she has like 2 or something. He also uses the same jokes about tattoos being like watching cartoons or whatever it is he's been trying to do. 2 minutes in and I'm pretty sure he's said "moron" about 182 times. Holy fuck this guy... The Black Harts apparently have names but I only catch one of them. Albano inadvertently points out how shit this company by not even having a tag-rope on the corner. 

Winners = The Black Harts via vegematic? Is that what their finishing move is called?

UWF Sportschannel TV Championship Tournament Update
Brian is back to let us know Terry Gordy and Steve Ray have progressed in the tournament from matches that probably sucked.

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Dusty Wolfe
Albano tries to talk about Orndorff's diet and training regime, when anyone who's been watching knows it just involves those milkshakes and the muscle blaster.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via piledriver

'Cowboy' Bob Orton (w/'The Golden Greek' John Tolos) vs Florida Jobberman
Craig gives us a further update on the UWF Sportschannel UFC BBQ Championship Tournament, since Orton isn't involved; Cactus Jack, Bam Bam Bigelow, B. Brian Blair, Colonel DeBeers, Don Muraco, Terry Gordy, 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray and 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams are your quarter-finalists. Then they spend the rest of the match giving out the various phone numbers you can call to buy tickets.  You know, we had a "Tournament Update" segment about ten minutes ago - this type of information could have made that segment a big more substantial.

Winner = 'Cowboy' Bob Orton via superplex

Albano acts like that was the greatest finishing maneuver ever.

Six months later and they're still shilling 'Dangerous' Dan Spivey t-shirts.

Captain Lou's Corner
Today's "guests" are The Black Harts and Luna Vachon. One of The Black Harts is doing the "diamond" sign - must be a DDP fan? Or Jay-Z? Albano doesn't like this so quits. Yay Black Harts!

B. Brian Blair vs Rusty Brooks
Albano's gimmick is he refuses to say the names of the jobbers correctly. This shit may be entertaining for him, but makes it really difficult for me to bLog correctly. Now he's making old Dad jokes that would probably be somewhat funny if it were someone else telling them. Blair falls over applying his Shitshooter. Faaaark me...

Winner = B. Brian Blair via fail

The Power Twins (w/'The Golden Greek' John Tolos) vs 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray (w/o Tag Partner?)
Tolos finally has more people in his stable!!! Albano seems to have a real problem with Steve Ray being a good guy. Apparently, Sunny Beach didn't show up so 'Wild Thing' will have to wrestle alone? Oh wait, Sunny Beach has arrived late and hits people with his luggage.

Winners = The Power Twins via disqualification

Joining Tolos' stable was the right move!

Thoughts:

• This was an unwatchable show, made unlistenable by Captain Lou Albano on commentary.
• I don't remember a thing from WCW this week, but there is no way in hell it was even close to being this terrible.