UWF Fury Hour: Episode 25

UWF Fury Hour Episode 25, 22nd April 1991

We open with a recap of the previous episode's ending, except this time there is no commentary and it actually makes the whole thing look a wild brawl. Herb is most upset about what happened to Don Muraco.

Don Muraco says he is all about getting involved.

Don't stick your nose Terry Gordy's business! He rambles and stutters for so long - including some sort of world tour where you can't stick your nose in his business - that they eventually fade out.

Tonight we will see Don Muraco vs Terry Gordy! Call me a pessimist, but I highly doubt that match is ending cleanly...

Craig and Bruno are here to talk more about the upcoming UWF Sportschannel TV Washing Machine Champion tournament. Bam Bam Bigelow is here tonight and Bruno thinks he is one of the favourites to win the tournament. Bam Bam the TV Champ has a certain ring to it. Craig keeps trying to start rumours that Bruno is entering the tournament himself. Stop trying to disappoint me! Herb doesn't listen, and instead runs down the shittiest list of wrestlers possible. Except for Bam Bam Bigelow, of course.

Captain Lou Albano cuts a stupid long promo for his hotline.

The Beach Brawl is coming!

Pretty sure it's just been 10 minutes of promos and shilling so far.

John Tolos calls Cactus Jack "Nuts". And that's what he wants in his "stable".

Chris Michaels vs Cactus Jack
Advertising tickets for Beach Brawl is more important than watching this match, apparently. And by "apparently" I mean it absolutely is because I'm pretty sure they aren't selling any. Cactus Jack does a leap to the "hard cement floor".

Winner = Cactus Jack via countout

Michael Keaton playing a tough cop, while Sylvester Stallone is doing a silly comedy? 1991 was backwards world!

Why, yes - I would pay $2 to talk to Bruno Sammartino. About anything. Even the UWF.
Especially about the UWF.

The Power Twins vs S.D. Jones (w/Mr. Haiti) & Johnny B. Good
One of the twins gets into it with Herb ringside. Bruno thinks maybe Herb didn't buy a ticket.

John Tolos joins the commentary team YAY! He thinks everyone else should retire. TV is for "beautiful people" so Bruno and Craig should be maybe allowed to do radio instead. Johnny B. Good is such a pro he can barely get in the ring. Holy moly he may actually be the worst-looking wrestler I have ever seen - and I've watched 24 episodes of the UWF! The Director agrees and plugs Beach Brawl tickets instead of showing the match.

Winners = The Power Twins via double duplex and elbow combo

S.D. Jones did absolutely nothing while his partner got destroyed. Great comeback, Jones! He gets on the mic but there is no possible way anyone watching this could understand anything and the commentators don't even bother to repeat it. Oh wait - looks like he's calling The Power Twins back to the ring to fight him alone. Where was this fighting spirit when your tag-team partner was getting embarrassed? Mr. Haiti offers to be Jones' partner and "Lenny The Matchmaker" makes it official... but The Power Twins just bail.

The shit sound system was one thing, but having Bruno and Craig talk over the whole time when even they didn't know what was happening did not help.

'Mr. Wonderful' reminds you to drink that thick rich milkshake.

Captain Lou's Corner
S.D. Jones is back. He and Albano just talk over each other while saying nothing, except that they like each other a hell of a lot more than I like either of them.

Jeebus now we get another promo for Albano's "rapline". I promise you, half of this show has just been people shilling shit.

THE BEACH BRAWL! Now with added seagull and waves sound effects for more beach!

Bam Bam Bigelow vs Afa 'The Wild Samoan' (w/Samu)
Bigelow beats up both Samoans while the commentators talk about New York.

Winner = Bam Bam Bigelow via disqualification

People try to throw Paul Orndorff around so he has to stay buffed to make sure it doesn't happen.

The UWF wrestlers are serious about training at The Power Shack.

"Tell your cable operator you want to see The Beach Brawl!" so they can laugh at you?

The Cheetah Kid vs The Beast
Battle of the jungle? Craig and Bruno spend half the match wondering if The Beast is hiding an international object, then he uses one and they still can't figure it out. The Cheetah Kid is a combo of aerial moves at turtle speed.

Winner = The Cheetah Kid via top rope senton or something that just kind didn't really look all that great

Don Muraco vs Terry Gordy
Muraco gets the upper hand... so 'Dr. Death' comes out and attacks him.

Winner = Don Muraco via disqualification

Beat down of Muraco to end the show.

Thoughts:

• I was pretty over the ads about 10 minutes in. Then they just kept going. 
• There may have been some wrestling on the show... but looking at these results, I don't think it was worthwhile.
• While I prepare this for posting, I'm listening to this. Incredibly fitting.