UWF Fury Hour: Episode 33

UWF Fury Hour Episode 33, 17th June 1991

Yay Beach Brawl replays! While I've already seen these matches, it might be interesting to see if they've been edited any better for TV.

We get the same opening video package from The Beach Brawl - this is the way pro-wrestling used to be. Great teachers of the sport... like Captain Lou Albano.

I really don't recall when the explosion sounds were added to the opening, but bah gawd they are the best.

Craig and Bruno welcome us to "the best matches from The Beach Brawl". Craig says 'let's take a look a the show' but instead we get an ad for The Naked Gun 2 1/2 - that would be a great show. Well done, Herb!

The Black Harts (w/Luna Vachon) vs Jim Cooper & The Fire Cat
Craig tries to call Luna ugly but Bruno isn't having any of it. Craziest thing I learned from the Dark Side episode was Luna married BOTH Black Harts. There's definitely some crowd noise added for extra excitement. Shame they can't CGI some crowd. 

Winners = The Black Harts via things

I don't want to say it was edited that much better, but the added crowd noise helped it seem less boring.

Voice over guy calls The Black Harts "creeps". Okay, Edgelord.

Brian and Craig are interviewing The Black Harts and Luna Vachon... in some weird, empty office.

So it's a job interview? The Black Harts want to work backstage for the UWF? Brian tries to explain that Jim Cooper and The Fire Cat are a great tag-team - Craig is trying hard not to laugh. Luna threatens Wet N' Wild for the tag-team championship like it actually exists. Casual conversation BAHAHAHA. Craig says Luna's snake looks unhealthy and she is highly offended. The Black Harts just sit there making bird calls or something. This is getting fucking mad. Now Craig asks if she's "been thinking about the tag-titles". MOTHERFUCKER she's only mentioned them like 5 times already. He says Wet N' Wild have seen The Black Harts' faces and that they're ugly - this dude is such a shit stirrer!
Craig: "Do you ever worry about that snake choking you?"
Luna: "Do you ever worry about me spitting on you?"
Brian: "Yeah, I do kinda worry about that."

HOLY FUCKBALLS THAT WAS HILARIOUS

I wish I could share audio on here, because this Jeep ad has the best music.

Remember, fans - you can still buy the replay of The Beach Brawl! Which is why they are showing you every match on free television...

Mask Confusion vs The Power Twins
The Power Twins come to the ring carrying fly-swatters - did I notice that previously? And why is Craig making fun of them for balding? They still have a fair bit of hair and there are wrestlers on this show with much less. Hell, Bruno's hair is thinning pretty badly. Craig is a dick. It's the same boring match, except somehow Blair taking on both twins is somehow even more hilarious this time around.

Winners = Mask Confusion/The Killer Bees via deception. Decepticons? Insecticons??

Honestly, how is that BS legal?

Oh, you can even buy The Beach Brawl on VHS? And it costs more than the PPV did? Sounds like a deal!

The UWF are coming back to Florida because they haven't quite killed the territory yet.

Craig and Brian are back in their office, this time for a performance review with The Power Twins.

The Twins point out Mask Confusion/The Killer Bees/Name Confusion are cheaters. Brian calls this sour grapes, but the Twins defiantly reply they had eggs for breakfast. Apparently there will be a tag-team tournament in a few months - good luck! This company will by lucky to stage a potluck dinner by then. The Power Twins say it was a camera trick - they didn't really lose. Craig says they're now out of contention for the tag-team titles - wait, so they were top contenders, lost one match, and now they're not even considered contenders? WTF? Craig for some reason starts giving them shit about not liking snakes. Neither do you, dipshit! I didn't see you running to hug Luna's snake 10 minutes ago. Craig insults them some more, so The Power Twins insult him back and Brian is all like "another personal attack". BAHAHAHA THE FUCKING GALL

You can still buy The Beach Brawl programme because no one else did.

Captain Lou Albano wants you to call him because he's done nothing else this show and is now lonely.

You can pay to get pre-recorded silly outgoing messages for your answering machine?

Oh, we're done?

Thoughts:

• This was the about the funniest damned episode you could imagine.
• The format actually worked really well; maybe if the matches were a bit quicker it would have been perfect, but I really liked having the dedicated backstage interviews instead of Captain Lou Albano just yelling over the top of what they're trying to say.
• This past week's WCW was just Clash of the Champions XV, and while there were a couple of good matches, there were a bunch of screwy finishes and NOTHING made me laugh the way this show did. UWF WINS