UWF Fury Hour: Episode 34

UWF Fury Hour Episode 34, 24th June 1991

I guess it is time for more matches from The Beach Brawl! Wooo hoooo! I'll go stab myself now.

UWF Ladies Championship
Rockin' Robin vs Candi Devine
My copy joins the match in progress, which is absolutely fine with me! Craig rhymes "mere" with "hair" and is mighty pleased with himself.

Winner = Rockin' Robin via rollup

Craig thinks this is the peak of her career. I don't know if she ever wrestled at a WrestleMania, but she did defeat the music at WrestleMania V and I'd imagine that moment was pretty up there for her! 

Craig and Brian in their empty office are interviewing Rockin' Robin.

These pictures really just reinforce that the whole thing looks like a job interview. Brian wants to know what's next: "Touring across the country with the UWF?" Oh yeah, those extensive UWF tours of... The Penta Hotel and... Florida. Robin isn't a "desk person". The irony of someone saying that when being interviewed in the most generic office ever... Craig asks her to sing and I get ready to fucking throw my TV at Craig.

Now they're talking with Candi Devine, who is wearing the same gear she wrestled in. She has no other clothes? Her and Robin have fought many times "in the mid-West and also the West".

This Jeep commercial makes me want to rock out!

Recap of the previous battles between Wet N' Wild and Cactus Jack & 'Cowboy' Bob Orton.

Wet N' Wild vs 'Cowboy' Bob Orton & Cactus Jack w/'The Golden Greek' John Tolos
This match has a 45 minute time-limit draw? That's like my living limit for this match. Everything is so dark it's hard to see what's happening - if I were in the crowd, I'd be having a hard time seeing Tolos getting thrown into a cage. And not just because I'd be trying to set myself on fire. This reminds me of when Dusty Rhodes had a "gorilla" in a cage to sort out the Four Horsemen. That was fucking hilarious. This is not. Wild Thing's dropkick to knock Orton out of ring was.

Winners = Wet N' Wild via Orton cheating fail

Jack and Orton have a rumble afterwards. Tolos blows his whistle. Foley really did bleed a lot for the several people in attendance.

Oh fuck it's an empty office interview with Wet N' Wild.

Dudes clearly look under the influence. John Tolos was suspended 20 feet in the air. No wait it was 30 feet. Now it's 35 feet. Wild Thing was inspired by a girl in his apartment or something? Herb's wife? He is giving the most rambling nonsense answers. John Tolos is gone?? Sunny Beach likes cornflakes. Bah fucking gawd this is all kinds of hilariously awful. They like sharing... and say WW (Wet N' Wild) apparently stands for "Party Time". I don't see a single W in there, you fucking dropkicks.

Next candidate Brian and Craig have to interview is 'Cowboy' Bob Orton.

He calls Jack a goof and a scatterbrain. He needs to be in a ring with someone just as good as him. Apparently Tolos didn't drop brass knuckles - it was just his wallet and Orton was going to look after it until after the match. Cactus Jack is everywhere - except he's not here. Orton will stick to singles wrestling now.

Lou still wants you to call him to talk about celebrities. What celebrities does he know in 1991?

That's... it?

Thoughts:

• I remind you again - this show is NOT live. Whoever looked at that interview with Wet N' Wild and thought "Hell yeah, that's great television!" needs a serious high-five.
• It's close this week, but I'll give the win to WCW; the Desperadoes hunting Stan Hansen was hilarious. Either way, a fun week for someone that enjoys awful pro-wrestling segments.