UWF Fury Hour: Episode 39

UWF Fury Hour Episode 39, 19th August 1991

Could they not find any interesting footage of Florida, so have to keep reusing the New York stuff? Craig and Bruno are with Captain Lou Albano and promise us some new faces this week. Last week you promised a bunch of matches that didn't happen either, so fuck off.

We will finish the 'Mr. Wonderful'/Bob Orton match now, so "Sit back and enjoy and watch". Wait - you mother fuckers are playing the whole match again from the beginning?? Why the fuck didn't you just play a shorter match last week and then play this match in full this week?!?! IS THIS REALLY THIS HARD!?!?!?!

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs 'Cowboy' Bob Orton

Orton attacks Orndorff before the bell and punishes Orndorff's shoulder against the ring post, before getting in the ring to pose. It's actually the same strange edit as yesterday. Bruno berates the referee for not using a countout already, but I don't know, it's kinda good for a change. Orndorff tries to get in the ring, but Orton just stomps him. Eventually, he just hulks up and does some stomping of his own, so Orton rakes the eyes. 

Why am I recapping this like I think I'm some sort of pro-wrestling recapper?

Bruno wants them to stop brawling and give us a proper wrestling match. Orton is doing a boring armbar, so I would think this would be to his liking? They take it back outside the ring and Orton beats Orndorff with a chair. Bruno is unhappy and again calls for a countout. Clearly he's on Dr. Herb's payroll. Craig seems more concerned with Orndorff's hair. Craig says he went to 'Mr. Wonderful's house to read his dictionary - sounds like a real party! 

Double Disqualification

What a surprise! They continue to brawl outside the ring, including Orndorff hitting Orton with a video tape, before beating up the referee as well. They get in the ring to continue the fight, but then Orton is all like 'Nah I'm going to get a hot dog'.

Captain Lou's Corner
Albano is backstage with The Keeper and The Animal. They are here and they are new - no shit. They're also fucking stupid. No shit, LOGMAN! The Animal has a soft toy. The Keeper says he stole The Animal from The Bronx Zoo. Albano just goes on a rant about how crazy The Animal is and looks, when he really just looks like a dork. Like seriously, what the fuck do cheek bones have to do with making someone look dangerous??

The UWF have ratings! Bob Backlund is "rated" #5 after wrestling a total of... 1 matches in The UWF.

Today we have a new segment! It's called 'To The Point' and it's basically The View with old men.
Herb has actually shaved, so you know he's being sincere! Despite the opening graphic calling it To The Point, Herb says it's called In This Corner. Albano wants Bruno's opinion on today's pro-wrestling. Oh, they're going to talk about Vince McMahon on trial for being a steroid fiend. Bruno is disappointed that it makes the whole pro-wrestling industry look bad, but he's hoping it forces the government to take action and clean things up. Spoiler: never going to happen. Albano says today's wrestlers need to be more like Bruno (NO SHIT) and have a good mind and good ethics and not take steroids. Herb wants to get the message out to all the young people that they should stay away from steroids - maybe just stick to fun drugs like coke? Bruno totally buries Hulk Hogan for his testimony and pretending he's never taken steroids. Herb admits they don't do drug testing in the UWF, but somehow turns this around into a promo for 'Dr. Death' Steve Williams. Albano tries to call Bruno a hypocrite, because there was showmanship in pro-wrestling during the 50's and 60's, but Bruno is like 'Dude, I didn't like it back then - but at least we were wrestlers!'. Then this just further descends into 'old men reminiscing about the old days' and Albano tells Herb he's doing a great job BAHAHAHAH Herb tries to reply but is cut off by going to commercial.

Wait - that was out main event? Or was it all the commercials?

Thoughts:

• Shots fired!
• Orndorff/Orton was not as good as their last match.
• There was only one match tonight. It wasn't very good but it at least it was complete for once.
• Donahue for the main event? What even is this??