UWF Fury Hour: Episode 23

UWF Fury Hour Episode 23, 8th April 1991

Bruno and Craig introduce us to a new wrestler who will be debuting today - Terry Gordy! Also appearing will be Sunny Beach and 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray. That's much less extraordinary. Bruno thinks they will be going very far. Far away from me? ALSO the UWF will be holding a tournament to crown the very first UWF champion!

We have new graphics yet again and Terry Gordy is listed as being from "Badstreet, USA". That makes me happy.

The Beach Brawl is coming! Wait - the UWF champion will be called "The UWF Sportschannel TV Champion"??

Terry Gordy vs Captain Badd
So while The Freebirds continue in WCW with just one original member, Terry Gordy has somehow ended up here? He comes out to Mötley Crüe's Looks That Kill that makes me even happier. It also makes me want to listen to Mötley Crüe again - they really didn't have a bad album. I tried to trash Generation Swine when I did my little unpublished marathon, but I really did listen to that a lot back in 1997 and I don't think it's nearly as bad as people would have you believe. Except for the shitty ballads that are just laughable.

Winner = Terry Gordy via powerbomb

Gordy has still got it. And that powerbomb was pretty rad. Also Looks That Kill would work more as the entrance song for a woman, given the chorus is all "She's got looks that kill!"

Gordy says he's here to kick butt and get titles. And the UWF is all out of titles??

There's a Delhi in New York? Do American's just have to steal everything??

B. Brian Blair vs Brian Donahue
I made a lot of jokes about Brian Donahue because I got his name confused with Brian Dennehy, but I have an edit function and will delete them all now. Craig tries to put over Blair's attempt at the Sharpshooter. Mutherfucker I see Sting do this in WCW all the fucking time and he looks fucking cool while this dipshit looks like a useless piece of shit botch machine EVERY TIME.

Winner = B. Brian Blair via the most insulting Shitshooter and I am now considerably less happy

Craig tries to make a joke about the Donahue show. What a nerd.

'The Golden Greek' John Tolos tells us he looks great in a polo shirt and suit jacket - it's not a good combo, sorry. He then brags about wrestling in the 50's. AND his "stable". Dude, you've got two wrestlers. That's not a stable that is a fucking a tag-team.

Herb is now shilling the Penta(gon Jr.) Hotel. Perhaps that was Honey doing the voice over previously...

Oh fuck me they are shilling some new weight gain drink and I am absolutely fucking dying.

If I'm riding in a nice limo, there's no way I'm watching UWF in the back. I save that nonsense for when I'm on my couch for hours on end like a fucking dork.

Captain Lou's Corner
Terry Gordy is here! Albano raves about the guy and Gordy... well... he just looks lost. He's good at beating people with chairs, so Albano tries to explain that means he's good at wrestling. Fuck me; after such an exciting debut earlier, this promo was one hell of a mistake.

Again: this shit is not live, people.

Captain Lou Albano shills The Beach Brawl. He never actually says the name or anything, but he at least does get the date right.

Don Muraco vs Afa 'The Wild Samoan' (w/Samu)
Where's Fatu? Don't get me wrong; I thought The Samoan Swat Team sucked in WCW, but I'm a completist so bring them all here! The Samoans attack Muraco before he can even get his shirt off.

Winner = Don Muraco via disqualification

So you've got Samu - a younger, less shitty wrestler - but you instead insist on having an old garbage wrestler like Afa wrestle on the show? That's so UWF.

Ask The Wrestlers

Herb can't believe the balls of Dan to ask this. Orton says that Tolos is only giving him advice during the matches and he makes him a better person.

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Carmine Albano
Next week, Orndorff will face 'Dr. Death' in a steel cage match! I wonder what type of nonsense will happen to make sure we don't get a proper finish. It'll be tough to do in a cage, I'm sure, but no doubt Herb can find a way... John Tolos joins the commentary team and compares Bruno to a flock of chickens? Bruno questions Cactus Jack & 'Cowboy' Bob Orton's credentials as a tag-team.

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via squash

The ring announcer sounds like he's speaking through a broken cellphone speaker.

We get a recap of the 'Mr. Wonderful'/'Dr. Death' feud but with still photos instead of much of the video footage. And Craig just talks all over 'Dr. Death's promos so you can't hear what he was saying. Quality promo package. 'Dr. Death' tells us he knows about many steel things and believes winning will make him the champion or something. Dude must have missed the tournament announcement.

It's not easy being 'Mr. Wonderful'.

The UWF superstars train at The Power Shack gym, so you should buy their t-shirt.

Wet N' Wild vs 'Cowboy' Bob Orton & Cactus Jack (w/'The Golden Greek' John Tolos)
Bruno believes this will be a big test for Wet N' Wild. Didn't this same match happen last week?? Why is it more of a test now? The problem with this match is Orton is good, Cactus Jack is OK, and Wet N' Wild are fucking terrible. Craig starts making fun of Tolos being dressed like a High School PE teacher and I can't help but agree. Dude should be wearing fancy suits. And I should be watching something else.

Draw via double disqualification, I guess

Tolos chokes Sunny Beach while Orton & Jack beat 'Wild Thing' with a surfboard. Do it some more!

Surf's up, Dude!

Remember when Steven Seagal starred in actual theatrical releases??

Thoughts:

• John Tolos is a great promo sometimes.