SONIC BOOM (2009)

The mad scientist, Dr. Kiss, sent his 4 henchmen out to hypnotise the people with their brand of awful rock'n roll...

Kiss are back! With a new lineup! And... Tommy Thayer...

Fuck!

First thing I'll say, is that Paul's voice just does not sound like it used to. He sounds old and tired. Which happens when you sing like he does non-stop for 40 years. He's still cool, so I'll let it slide a little. Gene has stopped trying to sing all glam-metal, so the old voice thing works for him now.

The music? Well, this is just about as generic as you could ever imagine from Kiss: riffs that sound like they've been borrowed from previous songs, choruses that are desperate for a hook but have contrived lyrics about living life and working hard to be a rock star, refrains that go "Ah ah-ah-ah ah". It isn't that this stuff is terrible, it's just that it isn't really that great and is all really predictable.

Of special mention are songs like Never Enough, which comes across as the crappiest remake of Nothin' But a Good Time by Poison. That's an awesome song. Never Enough is quite crap. But not as bad as Stand - the verses are fine and sound like something off Psycho Circus. But then that chorus is the single cheesiest and most bullshit thing Kiss have ever done. Oh no, they just outdid it with the bridge section; bad enough they rip off themselves but to shout "Just look over your shoulder!"? Who the fuck they think they are now, the Jackson 5?? It's so bad, I'm surprised zombie Eric Carr didn't rise up and stab them all with his drum sticks before forming a new improved version of Kiss with Peter and Ace. That would have been the best choice of band to perform at the Rock'n Roll Hall of Fame.

You know, for all the claims that Tommy Thayer is an awesome guitarist, he sure doesn't do anything impressive on this album. Other than rip off Ace riffs.

Oh fuck, this album continues. Surely it gets better, right?

Wrong.
In fact, it just gets worse. Well, that's not entirely true - I like hearing Eric Singer sing, and All For the Glory is possibly the best song on this album. But like every other song on this album, it suffers from Super Try-hard Anthem Disorder. That's a real disease. Scott Stapp probably suffers from it too. Anyway, after that song it is just a barrel of clichés, from Danger Us ("Danger you/danger me/danger us!") to I'm an Animal (I thought you were supposed to be The Demon? And why are you stealing riffs from Lenny Kravitz?).


But the shit really hits the bottom when Tommy Thayer takes over on When Lightning Strikes. Stealing clichés from Ace's Spaceman character and using them to make a clichéd rock song with your shitty vocals? Yeah, shit doesn't get any worse than this. By the time Say Yeah offends me with its sheer terribleness, I'm ready to tell these guys to fuck off.


Highlights:
No one will think Ace Frehley was in any way responsible for this horse shit

Lowlights:
The chorus in Stand, Say Yeah, Tommy Thayer and his inescapable suckitude



Verdict = 4 Sad Tears of The Catman