UWF Fury Hour: Episode 10

UWF Fury Hour Episode 10, 10th December 1990

We get a recap of the feud between 'Chief' Jay Strongbow and Cactus Jack (and David Samamrtino and 'Wildman' Jack Armstrong, I guess). Because it's been so thrilling thus far...

Herb tells us tonight's main event was supposed to be 'Killer Bee' B. Brian Blair vs 'Cowboy' Bob Orton, but John Tolos wouldn't sign the match. Bruno expects "a wild main event" anyways. But who cares when THE VIKING is here?!?

B. Brian Blair is hanging out with Captain Lou Albano and Honey. Blair and Albano insist Honey remain seated because she hasn't recovered from that headbutt a month ago. 

Orton and Tolos talk more smack and 'The Golden Greek' is looking more and more like a high school coach.

Larry Zybysko vs The Ghost of Kevin Benjamin
Zybysko is not Bruno's hero, apparently. Herb would like to see Zybysko win the UWF title; it's an imaginary title right now, so just close your eyes and believe... David Sammartino is out to watch the match again because I guess there isn't a TV backstage?

Winner = Larry Zybysko via abdominal stretch

That is the most 'Larry' ending possible.

Advertisements time. Get a load of this schmuck:

Louie Spicolli "sings" New York, New York. Or he's doing Primal Therapy.

Our friend the black referee tells Herb he doesn't want to have Colonel DeBeers suspended - he only wants the opportunity to referee his matches. Herb doesn't ask for any sort of explanation.

Colonel DeBeers vs The Bulldozer
Herb and Bruno just make fun of The Bulldozer for being fat and useless.
Herb: "Went down like a tonne of bricks!"
Bruno: "Went down like a bulldozer!"
He tries a move but fails - Bruno says he took too long. Houses don't tend to move very fast, yo!

Winner = Colonel DeBeers via racism

Herb is happy the referee for that match was a white dude. Seriously.

Now Herb is in New York with a big black cop that wants to fight Colonel DeBeers or something. The viewer is finally told that the UWF will be in New York in January. Cool, because the only tickets you've been advertising are in Los Angeles. Still to be confirmed if Colonel DeBeers vs Black NY Cop will be the main event.

'Wild Thing' Steve Ray vs Louie Spicolli
'Wild Thing' steals a little girl and throws out a t-shirt for a lucky fan. The crowd repay his enthusiasm by chanting "WILD THING SUCKS". It's probably only like 10 people, but that's almost half the crowd. Now they're chanting "WILD THING IS A WOMAN". The UWF attracts only the finest people. Spicolli manages to enter the ring without tripping over for once and Bruno is very impressed. I fear his standards are slipping...

Winner = 'Wild Thing' Steve Ray via splash

Captain Lou's Corner
This week Don 'The Rock' Muraco is here. He's happy because he has been travelling and surfing all over the world. I guess that takes money, which is how he ended up here?

Ask The Wrestlers

Steve Stevens?!? Is it really him??
Bruno puts over a bunch of legends because he thinks it's unfair to just pick one. Plus Bruno is a commentator now - not a wrestler, STEVE STEVENS!!!

THE VIKING vs Robbie Allen
This ref is the actual worst.

Winner = THE VIKING

THE VIKING drops some elbows after the match because Robbie Allen dares to remain alive.

Colonel DeBeers insults the police because... South Africa? It's amazing how much of a South African accent he doesn't have.

'The Golden Greek' John Tolos gets out of a limousine to tell you he is coming to New York with his "stable". Oh, it now consists of 3 wrestlers: 'Cowboy' Bob Orton, Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine and 'Dangerous' Dan Spivey. Greg Valentine is yet to appear in the UWF and yesterday I saw Dan Spivey wrestling in WCW, so good luck with your "stable". Also, that sounds like a really shitty pro-wrestling stable.

'Chief' Jay Strongbow vs Cactus Jack
Before the match, Strongbow bitches to the commentators about something and Bruno is just like "Well, get in there and fight him!". Cactus Jack uses an international object and Herb calls it a gimmick - I find that mildly amusing. Strongbow does some light power-walking outside the ring and Herb claims this is his "war dance". Strongbow steals Cactus Jack's gimmick and lays out the referee.

Winner = Cactus Jack via disqualification

Cactus Jack goes outside and throws a bunch of chairs into the ring, which somehow results in he and Strongbow brawling to the back. Stongbow then comes back to the ring and apologises to the referee, before ranting to Bruno and Herb some more. Herb suggests an Indian Death Match. This would have all been more effective had anyone outside of Herb and Bruno been able to hear whatever the fuck 'Chief' was ranting about.

Thoughts:

• WCW this week had Black Scorpion nonsense and Michael Fucking Wallstreet. Not even THE VIKING and his plastic accessories could save this show from being boring, so I have no idea which was worse. Either way, the loser is me.