UWF Fury Hour: Episode 5

UWF Fury Hour Episode 5, 29th October 1990

Tonight we get Koloff vs Koloff. As someone that has been watching 5 years of NWA/WCW over the last 15 months, I can safely say I am familiar with this story.

Herb and Bruno are looking forward to the main event - Herb is hoping the chain doesn't get brought in to the ring. FOREBODING?!?!

The Viking makes his debut tonight! Will he live up to the hype? The hype being me telling myself this dude is going to be bad.

Billy Jack Haynes vs Gary Keys?
Bruno likes Billy Jack Haynes' wrestling style. I used to as well!

Winner = Billy Jack Haynes via Full Nelson

Where's Davey Meltzer when you need him?

Trailer for Rocky V.
I'm trying to skip the ads today, because with us being in lockdown and me trying to catch up on a whole bunch of episodes, I have limited time to watch this nonsense. But I'll always stop the fast forward for some Rocky.

Ken Patera vs Riki Ataki
Herb gets me excited by hyping a future battle for the "Master of the Full Nelson" feud with Billy Jack Haynes. So exciting and never done before! Bruno completely writes off Ataki by comparing his wrestling to Bruno's opera career. Ouch!

Winner - Ken Patera via Full Nelson

'The Golden Greek' John Tolos is the manager of The Bounty Hunter. He references Dan Spivey - so is The Bounty Hunter just Dan Spivey? Why does he need to wear a mask to defeat B. Brian Blair, when Spivey had been smashing Blair on every episode??

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Matt Starr
Orndorff is aparently America's hero or something? He has U Can't Touch This as his entrance theme, so he actually should be. Dude is legit the most over guy on the roster.

Winner = Paul Orndorff via Piledriver

'Killer Bee' B. Brian Blair vs The Bounty Hunter
John Tolos repeats his earlier promo in front of the crowd. Herb is offended, but then follows Tolos' lead by calling B. Brian Blair "Bumblebee" without even a hint of irony. Blair has a new manager - a woman named 'Honey' - and she's carrying some bizarre weapon type of thing.

Which leads to Bruno and Herb arguing about what type of weapon it is. For the whole match. As the match progresses, it becomes less likely The Bounty Hunter is Dan Spivey, because I don't think even Spivey is this terrible.

Winner = B. Brian Blair via shenanigans

The Golden Greek stomps on The Bounty Hunter for losing. Dude has standards - deal with it. He gets on the mic and completely buries The Bounty Hunter some more, and then can't even get his name right. He then recommends Blair get some therapy for his buzzing. Now he's bragging about his "stable"; my man, the only wrestler you are associated with is The Bounty Hunter and you just told us he is the biggest loser in the world.

THE VIKING vs The Patriot
ZOMG THE VIKING IS CARRYING A PLASTIC HAMMER.

I'm fucking dying here. Unlike The Patriot, who is fucking dead already.

Winner = The Viking via murder

I have a new favourite wrestler. And it's not The Patriot.

A doctor comes in to stretcher out The Patriot's lifeless corpse. You know he's a legit doctor, because he's wearing a white coat and carrying a black bag.

Captain Lou's Corner
Today's guest is Ivan Koloff. Albano asks how he and Nikita are getting along. Do you not watch the fucking show?? As always, Captain Lou tells his guest he respects him and his skills but can't respect the bad things he is doing. Which only pisses Ivan off more.

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff is here to beat the greatest competition and be champion.

Ken Patera says he has beaten the best and always comes out number one. Except for when he fought Bruno. And Hulk Hogan. And Dino Bravo. And every fucking person.

Nikita Koloff vs Ivan Koloff
We're blowing off this feud pretty quick? Ivan beats the snot out of Nikita for a bunch. Nikita makes a comeback... and guess what happens next:

Time-limit draw

The Koloffs continue to fight outside the ring.

Herb tells us this was an awesome show. The Viking sure was!

Thoughts:

• Another relatively fun show
• Ken Patera is hilariously terrible
• THE VIKING!!!