UWF Fury Hour: Episode 6

UWF Fury Hour Episode 6, 5th November 1990

TONIGHT! Billy Jack vs Ken Patera battle to determine THE MASTER OF THE FULL NELSON

Oooh the intro has been updated - now we've got a Rocky-inspired theme song, complete with 'fighting' montages! Along with some random photos of Hollywood scenery.

Herb and Bruno are here! Tonight we have the Kings of the Full Nelson! Plus the usual wrestlers and THE VIKING!!!

'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff vs Gary Keys
Some dude is holding up a Four Horseman sign and I can't help but imagine a world where Ric Flair bailed on WCW a year earlier and turned up in UWF to battle Paul Orndorff. 

Winner = 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff via piledriver

Orndorff talks about Dr. Death jumping him from behind. Did that happen? I thought they had a match that ended with a bullshit double count-out.

'Chief' Jay Strongbow vs Cactus Jack
Strongbow's entrance music is less Native American and more Japanese sounding. But he is also less Native American and more Italian American, so whatever. Herb says Strongbow showed his his teepee - and it's a big one! Bruno is just like 'What the fuck are you talking about?!?'. Strongbow's "war dance" is hilariously bad; less Native American war dance, more kid trying to kick ants out of his pants. Wait - my episode is cut! I don't have the end of the match!!

Winner = Logman via not having to watch the whole thing

'Cowboy' Bob Orton vs Michael Moore
Herb immediately lets us know that Orton will easily win. Shocker! Orton hits his top-rope suplex and Herb goes absolutely nuts.

Winner = 'Cowboy' Bob Orton via superplex

Herb wants to see him do that to Orndorff. Biased jerk! I thought you supported the good guys??

Nikita says he hasn't liked what's been happening in professional wrestling until he saw UWF - because these people wrestle! Tell that to 'Chief' Jay Strongbow vs Cactus Jack!

Captain Lou's Corner
Today, Captain Lou Albano is 'live' in the middle of the ring. HOLY SHITBALLS IT'S ANDRE THE GIANT!!!

He came here because the UWF is the best in the world. OK. Andre is confused and thinks UWF stands for U Want to Fight?

THE VIKING!!! and his plastic hammer have "a message for Mr. X and Mr. B: I'll be back!". Dude, where are you going??

THE VIKING vs Kevin Benjamin
Herb and Bruno can't get over Andre the Giant coming out to say "Hi". Who cares, now that THE VIKING is here?!? THE VIKING is so far ahead of the times that Bruno doesn't even know what moves he's doing!

Winner = THE VIKING via murder

The doctor has to come out again, but this time THE VIKING is all 'this guy needs to be killed more to make it worth your time' and drops some more elbows. THE VIKING is the best!

David Sammartino vs Riki Ataki
Apparently, David came out earlier to help 'The Chief' against Cactus Jack - so that's all I missed. Herb mentions Ataki hasn't won a match in the UWF - no shit, he's a jobber and you guys make it VERY clear at the start of each match that he sucks. Poor David; his Dad is so interested in his match that instead of giving him glowing commentary he is choosing to argue with Herb about the main event.

Winner = David Sammartino via figure four boredom

Andre the Giant says we will see a lot of him here in the UWF. Spoiler: we will never see him again.

Billy Jack Haynes vs Ken Patera
Bruno thinks they are under-reporting Patera's weight. I mean, there's no weight clases, so who cares?!? Bruno does - that's who! In a complete surprise, this is the slowest and most boring match ever until Billy Jack Haynes beats up the referee for reasons.

Winner = Ken Patera via disqualification

Ken Patera teases getting back in the ring for 5 more minutes, but he already won the match so he goes home instead.

Next week: Billy Jack Haynes will rematch Colonesl DeBeers. The black referee wants to another chance to call this match. I smell screwball antics.

Thoughts:

• Andre the Giant was a hell of a get. Shame Vince cut him off on that.
• THE VIKING
• We got our first meeting of this guy: