17 March 2002
Skydome
Toronto, Ontario - Canada
Attendance: 68,237
Commentators: Jim Ross & Jerry 'the King' Lawler
My thoughts before this viewing:
I first saw this show a year after it happened. By the time 2002 rolled around, I had stopped watching WWF as I had grown tired of the constant crap that this show had become, and the predictability of Triple H coming back from injury to win the Royal Rumble just made me cringe. Coupled with the end of WCW, yet another re-hashing of the Montreal screwjob and more McMahon drama, I just gave up on pro-wrestling altogether. Until I moved to Melbourne and had nothing to do, so I hit the local video store and saw they had this. And it featured The Rock vs Hulk Hogan - I was like ZOMG! WTF? BBQ! I think I remember that match and the main event, or at least features of them, but nothing else. Well, I think something else but I've decided not to look it up yet so I don't have anything spoiled for me. So shall we see what can be seen in two thousand and fifteen? Yes indeen.. d.
That almost worked.
Musical Performance
Saliva suck ass. Wheres Robert Goulet with Oh Canada?
I would imagine this is the biggest crowd they have and will ever play to.
2/10
Opening Video Package
WrestleMania means a lot to the wrestlers.
8/10
Opening Match
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rob Van Dam vs William Regal (c)
Rob Van Dam is not to be confused with Jean-Claude.
Jim Ross buries the guy for being part of smaller wrestling promotions. Yes, it is a poor reflection on him that the WWF chose to ignore his popularity and skills in favour of guys like Billy Gunn.
Winner = Rob Van Dam via pinfall following frog splash
7/10
Backstage
Christian has some harsh words for DDP. And funny looks.
3/10
WWF European Championship
Diamond Dallas Page (c) vs Christian
Christian's theme sucks worse than Saliva. I'm surprised this championship still exists; don't they have like 12 championships now?
Winner = Diamond Dallas Page via pinfall following diamond cutter
6/10
DDP pokes fun so Christian breakdances?
Backstage
The Rock makes Coach take his vitamins and say his prayers, then asks what Hulk will do when Rockamania runs wild on him. Rockamania sounds like an awesome concert headlines by Kiss.
10/10
WWF Hardcore Championship
Maven (c) vs Goldust
Spike Dudley runs in because matches don't actually matter in the hardcore division. So why the fuck waste the time actually booking a match for the title?
Winner = Spike Dudley via pinfall following hardcore rules
New Champion!
1/10
Musical Performance
Drowning Pool are also here to play us a song. What the fuck is this, a metal concert? Is this Rockamania running wild? Then please, Hulk Hogan, save us from this madness with your mighty leg drop of doom!
3/10
Backstage
Spike Dudley is fighting with Crash Holly but the Hurricane comes in and steals the pin. Because hardcore, I guess.
Winner = Hurricane via hardcore stuff
1/10
Kane vs Kurt Angle
Angle tells Canada they aren't as awesome as him. Whoa slow down there, Kurt - let's not get crazy.
The crowd is filled with signs about Bret Hart. Not a real surprise - he is Canada's greatest Canadian.
Winner = Kurt Angle via pinfall with foot on the ropes
6/10
Good to see some WrestleMania traditions are alive and well.
Backstage
Hurricane is perving on the Godfather's hoes while they discuss their boobs.
-1/10
Video Package
Undertaker beat up Ric Flair's friends and family until he agreed to this match. Why? Because you are such an out of shape biker that looks like he should be in a Metallica tribute band, you can now only beat old men?
4/10
No Disqualification
Ric Flair vs Undertaker
This period of the Undertaker is the absolute worst - makes me so glad I wasn't watching back then. Oh what a surprise - Ric Flair is bleeding. Jim Ross calls Undertaker "Booger Red" but refuses to explain the term to Jerry Lawler, who then spends about 17 minutes asking him to explain and making wild guesses. They botch the powerbomb ending so go with the tombstone instead. You all suck.
Winner = Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
1/10
And I still don't know what a booger red is.
Backstage
Michael Cole accuses Booker T of being stupid, which infuriates Booker T because he is wearing glasses and studied Einstein's theory of relatives. Michael Cole is not one to be judging the intelligence of others.
6/10
Edge vs Booker T
Call me crazy, but two guys that are already irrelevant fighting over a shampoo commercial doesn't mean a lot to me. Especially since I would have been better than either of them. Edge tries the spinnaroony and proves it takes skill because he looked stupid. Good work in front of your home crowd, doofus.
Winner = Edge via pinfall following edgecution
3/10
Backstage
Hurricane assures Coach he isn't really a pervert. His friend Mighty Molly hits him with a frying pan
Winner = Mighty Molly via frying pan
New Champion!
4/10
Molly is super cute.
Video Package
Vince McMahon brought in the New World Order and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin doesn't like them.
2/10
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs Scott (w/Kevin Nash)
Sometimes things are so lame you have lots to make fun of. Others are so lame you have nothing to say. This is the latter multiplied by boredom.
Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via pinfall following stone cold stunner
2/10
WWF Axxess
Some kid is better than Michael Cole on commentary and Booker T is not in the WWF video game. Lots of people enjoyed touching a statue of Stacy Keibler's butt. That's actually really creepy.
Musical Performance
Because this show hasn't quite reached its ideal level of suckitude, Saliva are back to play another crappy song which brings out the Dudley Boyz.
4/10
Four Corner Elimination
WWF Tag Team Championship
The Hardy Boyz vs The Dudley Boyz (w/Stacy Keibler) vs The APA vs Billy & Chuck (c)
It's an elimination match - so of course the teams show their low fight IQ and stop other teams from getting pins and eliminating other teams. Because that would only make the match easier.
APA eliminated by the Dudley Boyz
now the commentators are burying Jeff Hardy for not having a tan. Maybe there aren't many windows in his methlab - give the guy a break.
Dudley Boyz eliminated by Hardy Boyz
They've spent more time talking about Stacy's butt than they have the match. Only once have they made a gay joke about Billy & Chuck.
Winners = Billy & Chuck via not having a great butt like Stacy Keibler?
4/10
Backstage
Hogan tells Hall & Nash not to get involved. Of course, Nash completely no sells it and tells the crowd they will interfere anyway. Because Kevin Nash is a dick.
2/10
Backstage
Mighty Molly is leaving the building but gets taken out by Christian, who has obviously finished breakdancing.
Winner = Christian via jerkiness
New Champion!
2/10
Molly was a way cuter champion.
Video Package
Hulk Hogan came back to the WWF and hated everyone, but The Rock believed in Hogan! So now they must fight to see who is the best.
7/10
The Real Main Event
The Rock vs Hulk Hogan
This match is awesome - mostly because the crowd are unbelievably excited for Hulk Hogan. Like, The Rock is supposed to be the good guy but the crowd is clearly behind Hogan in every possible way.
But especially when he poses. Because who doesn't enjoy seeing an old man flex his sagging muscles?
Winner = The Rock via pinfall following people's elbow
8/10
Hulk shakes hands with The Rock to show respect. But the NWO don't do respect, so Hall and Nash come down and beat up Hulk. So The Rock returns and beats up the NWO. They really should have done that the other way around and had Hogan save The Rock from his stupid friends. Then Hogan poses to The Rock's music - that should have been Real American. And it should have sent us out...
Did you know the WWF had a bar or something in New York? Well, they did - and that's where loser like Big Show have to spend WrestleMania instead of getting to be on the show.
Triple Threat
WWF Women's Championship
Lita vs Trish Stratus vs Jazz (c)
I'd care but no one else does.
Lita pretends to take her top off and it got the biggest response of the match; so her bra is the more over than anyone else in the match?
Winner = Jazz via who cares
3/10
Backstage
Christian is leaving the building and gets attacked by Maven.
Winner = Maven via hardcore nonsense
New Champion!
1/10
Maven steals his belt and his taxi!
Musical Performance
Drowning Pool return to play Triple H to the ring. How many fucking times does this guy get to have a band play his entrance? And why can't he ever pick a decent one? Fuck you, big nose.
2/10
We have now reached optimum levels of suckitude.
WWF Undisputed Championship
Triple H vsStephanie McMahon (c) (w/Chris Jericho) Chris Jericho (c) (w/Stephanie McMahon)
Obviously this is before the WWF implemented a wellness policy, because the H bomb looks like he's been on a steady diet of steroids since last WrestleMania. For someone so rich, Stephanie McMahon sure has a terrible boob job. Jericho tries to imitate Bret Hart by doing the figure-four on the ring post. But he forgot he is not Bret Hart and is instead a man of fail. In fact, his role could have been played by absolutely anyone else on the roster and this match would have been exactly the same. He may as well have been Shane McMahon, because this match was all about Triple H vs Stephanie. ALL about them. The crowd agree and chant for Hogan.
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following pedigree
4/10
Triple H poses and his song goes 'blah blah I am the game blah blah' while we are told this was the greatest main event in WrestleMania history, so I say 'fuck you' to send us out.
WrestleMania XVII: The Awards
Skydome
Toronto, Ontario - Canada
Attendance: 68,237
Commentators: Jim Ross & Jerry 'the King' Lawler
My thoughts before this viewing:
I first saw this show a year after it happened. By the time 2002 rolled around, I had stopped watching WWF as I had grown tired of the constant crap that this show had become, and the predictability of Triple H coming back from injury to win the Royal Rumble just made me cringe. Coupled with the end of WCW, yet another re-hashing of the Montreal screwjob and more McMahon drama, I just gave up on pro-wrestling altogether. Until I moved to Melbourne and had nothing to do, so I hit the local video store and saw they had this. And it featured The Rock vs Hulk Hogan - I was like ZOMG! WTF? BBQ! I think I remember that match and the main event, or at least features of them, but nothing else. Well, I think something else but I've decided not to look it up yet so I don't have anything spoiled for me. So shall we see what can be seen in two thousand and fifteen? Yes indeen.. d.
That almost worked.
Musical Performance
Saliva suck ass. Wheres Robert Goulet with Oh Canada?
I would imagine this is the biggest crowd they have and will ever play to.
2/10
Opening Video Package
WrestleMania means a lot to the wrestlers.
8/10
Opening Match
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rob Van Dam vs William Regal (c)
Rob Van Dam is not to be confused with Jean-Claude.
Jim Ross buries the guy for being part of smaller wrestling promotions. Yes, it is a poor reflection on him that the WWF chose to ignore his popularity and skills in favour of guys like Billy Gunn.
Winner = Rob Van Dam via pinfall following frog splash
7/10
Backstage
Christian has some harsh words for DDP. And funny looks.
3/10
WWF European Championship
Diamond Dallas Page (c) vs Christian
Christian's theme sucks worse than Saliva. I'm surprised this championship still exists; don't they have like 12 championships now?
Winner = Diamond Dallas Page via pinfall following diamond cutter
6/10
DDP pokes fun so Christian breakdances?
Backstage
The Rock makes Coach take his vitamins and say his prayers, then asks what Hulk will do when Rockamania runs wild on him. Rockamania sounds like an awesome concert headlines by Kiss.
10/10
WWF Hardcore Championship
Maven (c) vs Goldust
Spike Dudley runs in because matches don't actually matter in the hardcore division. So why the fuck waste the time actually booking a match for the title?
Winner = Spike Dudley via pinfall following hardcore rules
New Champion!
1/10
Musical Performance
Drowning Pool are also here to play us a song. What the fuck is this, a metal concert? Is this Rockamania running wild? Then please, Hulk Hogan, save us from this madness with your mighty leg drop of doom!
3/10
Backstage
Spike Dudley is fighting with Crash Holly but the Hurricane comes in and steals the pin. Because hardcore, I guess.
Winner = Hurricane via hardcore stuff
1/10
Kane vs Kurt Angle
Angle tells Canada they aren't as awesome as him. Whoa slow down there, Kurt - let's not get crazy.
Winner = Kurt Angle via pinfall with foot on the ropes
6/10
Good to see some WrestleMania traditions are alive and well.
Backstage
Hurricane is perving on the Godfather's hoes while they discuss their boobs.
-1/10
Video Package
Undertaker beat up Ric Flair's friends and family until he agreed to this match. Why? Because you are such an out of shape biker that looks like he should be in a Metallica tribute band, you can now only beat old men?
4/10
No Disqualification
Ric Flair vs Undertaker
This period of the Undertaker is the absolute worst - makes me so glad I wasn't watching back then. Oh what a surprise - Ric Flair is bleeding. Jim Ross calls Undertaker "Booger Red" but refuses to explain the term to Jerry Lawler, who then spends about 17 minutes asking him to explain and making wild guesses. They botch the powerbomb ending so go with the tombstone instead. You all suck.
Winner = Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
1/10
And I still don't know what a booger red is.
Backstage
Michael Cole accuses Booker T of being stupid, which infuriates Booker T because he is wearing glasses and studied Einstein's theory of relatives. Michael Cole is not one to be judging the intelligence of others.
6/10
Edge vs Booker T
Call me crazy, but two guys that are already irrelevant fighting over a shampoo commercial doesn't mean a lot to me. Especially since I would have been better than either of them. Edge tries the spinnaroony and proves it takes skill because he looked stupid. Good work in front of your home crowd, doofus.
Winner = Edge via pinfall following edgecution
3/10
Backstage
Hurricane assures Coach he isn't really a pervert. His friend Mighty Molly hits him with a frying pan
Winner = Mighty Molly via frying pan
New Champion!
4/10
Molly is super cute.
Video Package
Vince McMahon brought in the New World Order and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin doesn't like them.
2/10
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs Scott (w/Kevin Nash)
Sometimes things are so lame you have lots to make fun of. Others are so lame you have nothing to say. This is the latter multiplied by boredom.
Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via pinfall following stone cold stunner
2/10
WWF Axxess
Some kid is better than Michael Cole on commentary and Booker T is not in the WWF video game. Lots of people enjoyed touching a statue of Stacy Keibler's butt. That's actually really creepy.
Musical Performance
Because this show hasn't quite reached its ideal level of suckitude, Saliva are back to play another crappy song which brings out the Dudley Boyz.
4/10
Four Corner Elimination
WWF Tag Team Championship
The Hardy Boyz vs The Dudley Boyz (w/Stacy Keibler) vs The APA vs Billy & Chuck (c)
It's an elimination match - so of course the teams show their low fight IQ and stop other teams from getting pins and eliminating other teams. Because that would only make the match easier.
APA eliminated by the Dudley Boyz
now the commentators are burying Jeff Hardy for not having a tan. Maybe there aren't many windows in his methlab - give the guy a break.
Dudley Boyz eliminated by Hardy Boyz
They've spent more time talking about Stacy's butt than they have the match. Only once have they made a gay joke about Billy & Chuck.
Winners = Billy & Chuck via not having a great butt like Stacy Keibler?
4/10
Backstage
Hogan tells Hall & Nash not to get involved. Of course, Nash completely no sells it and tells the crowd they will interfere anyway. Because Kevin Nash is a dick.
2/10
Backstage
Mighty Molly is leaving the building but gets taken out by Christian, who has obviously finished breakdancing.
Winner = Christian via jerkiness
New Champion!
2/10
Molly was a way cuter champion.
Video Package
Hulk Hogan came back to the WWF and hated everyone, but The Rock believed in Hogan! So now they must fight to see who is the best.
7/10
The Real Main Event
The Rock vs Hulk Hogan
This match is awesome - mostly because the crowd are unbelievably excited for Hulk Hogan. Like, The Rock is supposed to be the good guy but the crowd is clearly behind Hogan in every possible way.
Winner = The Rock via pinfall following people's elbow
8/10
Hulk shakes hands with The Rock to show respect. But the NWO don't do respect, so Hall and Nash come down and beat up Hulk. So The Rock returns and beats up the NWO. They really should have done that the other way around and had Hogan save The Rock from his stupid friends. Then Hogan poses to The Rock's music - that should have been Real American. And it should have sent us out...
Did you know the WWF had a bar or something in New York? Well, they did - and that's where loser like Big Show have to spend WrestleMania instead of getting to be on the show.
Triple Threat
WWF Women's Championship
Lita vs Trish Stratus vs Jazz (c)
I'd care but no one else does.
Winner = Jazz via who cares
3/10
Backstage
Christian is leaving the building and gets attacked by Maven.
Winner = Maven via hardcore nonsense
New Champion!
1/10
Maven steals his belt and his taxi!
Musical Performance
Drowning Pool return to play Triple H to the ring. How many fucking times does this guy get to have a band play his entrance? And why can't he ever pick a decent one? Fuck you, big nose.
2/10
We have now reached optimum levels of suckitude.
WWF Undisputed Championship
Triple H vs
Obviously this is before the WWF implemented a wellness policy, because the H bomb looks like he's been on a steady diet of steroids since last WrestleMania. For someone so rich, Stephanie McMahon sure has a terrible boob job. Jericho tries to imitate Bret Hart by doing the figure-four on the ring post. But he forgot he is not Bret Hart and is instead a man of fail. In fact, his role could have been played by absolutely anyone else on the roster and this match would have been exactly the same. He may as well have been Shane McMahon, because this match was all about Triple H vs Stephanie. ALL about them. The crowd agree and chant for Hogan.
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following pedigree
4/10
Triple H poses and his song goes 'blah blah I am the game blah blah' while we are told this was the greatest main event in WrestleMania history, so I say 'fuck you' to send us out.
WrestleMania XVII: The Awards
- Best Match
The Rock vs Hulk Hogan
By far the most exciting thing on this show. Big thumbs up to the crowd for making it even more fun. - Worst Match
Undertaker vs Ric Flair
I would have said any of the hardcore matches but they weren't really matches, more like backstage skits. Ric Flair continues to boggle my mind that he has convinced millions of people that he is actually good at professional wrestling. - Highlight of the Show
The staredown between The Rock and Hulk Hogan. - Lowlight of the Show
Having Jim Ross try and put over the H bomb as the biggest star in the world. We get it - he is married to the boss's daughter and you guys want us to love him. It doesn't stop him from being a piece of shit. - Star of the Show
Hulk Hogan. This was an awesome return to WrestleMania for him and it really felt like the biggest WrestleMania match in a very long time. No question, it should have gone on last. - Best Celebrity Appearance
Does a Bret Hart sign count? - Worst Celebrity Appearance
The bands. They sucked. - Tonight's Meal
Tonight it was vegetarian meatballs on avocado, spinach, red onion, capsicum, cucumber and tomato, topped with mustard. It was great. Pepsi Next continues to please my tastebuds but I probably needed more caffeine to survive this show. The Oatmeal Creme Pie was what it was. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
Meatballs are messy. Very messy. - Overall Score
This was a serious struggle. I don't know if it was just me but this show started great and then quickly fell off a cliff to the sea of boring, then sailed away on the ship of nothingness. I just can't work out if I was just too tired and WrestleMania'd out, or if this shows sucks. Given the main event revolved around the two most overrated wrestlers in pro-wrestling, I'm willing to admit it is the latter. Seriously, those guys are a blackhole to good times.
4 out of 10
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