WrestleMania March Madness, Day Twenty: WrestleMania XX

14 March 2004
Madison Square Garden
New York City, New York - USA

Attendance: 18,000

Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, Michael Cole & Tazz

My thoughts before this viewing:
I first saw this show in 2007, just because I kinda figured why not? I hadn't watched any pro-wrestling in years but was starting to watch some old WCW, and it was probably just before Chris Benoit decided to change his legacy. I remember good things about this. Let's see how it holds up in the re-up...

America the Beautiful
Haven't seen one of these for a while. Tonight we have the Boys Choir of Harlem. Understandably, this makes the song very gospel-like. Which is a good thing.
9/10

Opening Video Package
Vince McMahon is a genius. The wrestlers are dreamers.
9/10

It ends with Vince, Shane and Shane's infant child. Man, if only they'd given the company to Shane...


Opening Match
US Championship
John Cena vs Big Show (c)

John Cena raps for about 10 minutes about penis jokes and Big Show being an animal. He is a terrible rapper. And he can't beat Big Show so cheats. What a hero!
Winner = John Cena via pinfall following heroic cheating
New Champion!
5/10

Michael Cole says John Cena just did the impossible. Really? EVERYONE beats Big Show. In fact, he hasn't won a match at WrestleMania yet.

Backstage
Coach is proving he is the whitest black guy on the planet by sounding fake and silly when he tries to talk street. Eric Bischoff is here and tells Coach to find the Undertaker.
2/10

Backstage
Evolution look sharp. They let Randy Orton do all their talking for about an hour. That is not so sharp.
-1/10

Fatal 4 Way
World Tag Team Champions
Dudley Boyz vs Cade & Jindrak vs La Resistance vs Booker T & Rob Van Dam (C)

You know how I love tag team matches? This was boring.
Winners = Booker T & Rob Van Dam via pinfall following frog splash
3/10

Backstage
Coach is looking for Undertaker. He instead encounters 'Mean' Gene Okerlund and Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan who are getting it on with Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah. Old people sex!
-1/10

Video Package
Chris Jericho and Christian had a bet over who could sleep with Trish Stratus. This is actually the most sappy and pathetic video I have ever seen - and I've watched Switched at Birth. At least I know why they are going to fight, I guess.
1/10

Chris Jericho vs Christian
Christian still has his dumb theme music. Chris Jericho gets the crowd going with a "You fucked up!" chant - I'm sure that's what he wanted to hear at the biggest show of the year. Trish comes down and Jerry Lawler turns his pervert setting to high. She accidentally hits Jericho.
Winner = Christian via pinfall following Trish hitting Jericho
7/10

Trish beats up Jericho. Oh, so it wasn't really an accident. Swervy swerve swerve...
Christian beats up Jericho some more and makes out with Trish. Drrrrrraaaaaaaaaammma!

Backstage
Lillian Garcia talks to Mick Foley. The Rock comes in and steals the microphone and the show.
9/10

3-on-2 Handicap Match
The Rock & Sock Connection vs Evolution
Remember when Mick Foley retired? Me neither...
The Rock has more charisma and personality than the other 4 men in this match combined.
Winners = Evolution via pinfall following stuff
6/10

Hall of Fame ceremony highlights.

'Mean' Gene introduces the class of 2004. There are a lot of old guys. Greg Valentine looks like he would fit in with Urge Overkill.

Playboy Evening Gown Match
Sable & Torrie vs Stacy Keibler & Miss Jackie
I've seen Ronda Rousey fight. This was not like a Ronda Rousey fight. I wish it had been quicker than a Ronda Rousey fight.
Winners = Sable & Torrie via stripping
-3/10

Earlier today
A lot of pimply British & European young men travelled all the way here to see WrestleMania. Enjoy having your terrible looking faces immortilsed by WrestleMania. Though you are kinda lucky it is this show and WWE have buried it with Chris Benoit's body...

Backstage
Speaking of the man who never existed...
Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit decide to make the worst promo ever. But then they turn it around and it somehow becomes magical and awesome. Much like how Benoit was once awesome and then became an insane murderer.
8/10

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Cruiserweight Championship Open

Ultimo Dragon is here!!! And he tripped on his cape on his way to the ring.

Oops.
This year Rey Mysterio is dressed as The Flash.

At least he is going with DC. Billy Kidman decided he has way more experience than Brock Lesnar at botching the shooting star press so tries to show him how it's done. Of course, Rey Mysterio is the last man standing so he faces Chavo Guerrero for the title. But even dressing as a super fast superhero can't protect you from Chavo's cheating skills.
Winner = Chavo Guerrero via Guerrero tradition
7/10

That match should have been way longer. I'm pretty sure it got less time than the stripper match!

Video Package
Brock Lesnar cost Goldbert the Royal Rumble, so Goldberg cost Lesnar the WWE Championship. Needless to say, they do not like each other very much.
7/10

Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar
Guest Referee: 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin
Here are the various chants that roared throughout Madison Square Garden during this match:
"You sold out!"
"Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!"
"Austin!!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"Booorring!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"This match sucks!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"We want Bret!!!"
"Booorrring!"
"Goldberg sucks!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"Hogan!"
"This match sucks!!!"
"We want puppies!"
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
I think that went well.
Winner = Goldberg via atrocity
-1/10

Brock Lesnar gets one more loud "You sold out!" chant followed by the "Na na nah hey hey goodbye" song again. So Steve Austin gives him a stunner to give the crowd something to cheer about for the first time since the match started. Then he gives Goldberg a stunner, too, because why not?

Vince comes out to say "thank you". You better thank me, asshole - this has been a long 20 days so far...

Fatal 4 Way
WWE Tag Team Championship
The APA vs The World's Greatest Tag Team vs The Basham Brothers vs Scotty Too Hotty & Rikishi (C)
Yes, they are in fact doing the exact same type of match for the other tag team titles. How original!
Thankfully, Jim Ross is not on commentary so we don't have to hear RAHkishi every 5 minutes. He still has a real fat ass.
Winners = Scotty Too Hotty & Rikishi via Rikishi's fat ass
4/10

There's a quick video to hype the return of Edge. People are supposed to care?

Jesse Ventura is back! But only to introduce Alan Partridge Donald Trump. He mocks Trump's hair.

There is a barber on the stage but it is not Brutus Beefcake. What a missed opportunity!

WWE Women's Championship
Victoria (c) vs Molly
Victoria still comes out to Tatu. That is awesome. The commentators spend most of the match talking about women's panties. That is not awesome.
Winner = Victoria
4/10

Because she lost, Molly now has to have her head shaved. Again, where is Brutus Beefcake when you need him...

Michael Cole insults Eurythmics. It's like the guy wants me to hate him.

Video Package
Kurt Angle is concerned Eddie Guerrero will bring shame and dishonour to the world of pro-wrestling. Oh the irony. After this, Kurt Angle would go on to get arrested for DUI twice and also for stalking a woman. The worst Eddie Guerrero did was... die?
8/10

WWE Championship
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Kurt Angle
This match has one of the greatest endings ever; Angle gets an ankle-lock and Eddie manages to escape, but rolls around the mat as his ankle is now in terrible pain - even unlacing his boot to relieve some pressure. Sensing he has him finished, Angle sinks in another ankle-lock but Eddie slips out of his boot and gets a sneaky rollup, even hooking the ropes for added trickery.
Winner = Eddie Guerrero via all sorts of hilarious dishonesty
10/10

Video Package
Kane didn't approve of the Undertaker being an out of shape biker that listened to Limp Bizkit.
5/10

Undertaker vs Kane
Kane has now lost his shirt - AND his mask! Remember how he was badly hurt in a fire? He is also now bald. Maybe the long hair and the scars were also part of a stipulation when he lost the mask...
Winner = Undertaker via usual stuff
4/10

Video Package
Chris Benoit won the Royal Rumble but Shawn Michaels can't handle not being the centre of attention, so this was made a triple threat match instead. Dick. Kill him and leave a bible next to his lifeless corpse Punch him in the face, Benoit!
8/10

World Heavyweight Championship
Chris Benoit vs Shawn Michaels vs Triple H (c)
Jim Ross would dearly like us to believe the crowd are behind Shawn Michaels. I'd almost believe it, if the crowd weren't booing him and chanting "You screwed Bret!". I guess those deafening "Let's go, Benoit!" chants are also meant for Shawn Michaels?
Winner = Chris Benoit via submission making big nose tap
New Champion!
10/10

I always thought Benoit's wife and son joined him at the end and he killed them and left bibles next to their lifeless bodies celebrated with him. Oh well, shows how good my memory is. Instead, Eddie Guerrero joins his best friend in the ring because they are now both champions! They celebrate together as Our Lady Peace plays to send us out.

WrestleMania XX: The Awards

1. Best Match
   Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle
   Very close between this and the main event but I just found the psychology in this was insane. In an amazing way. That ending makes me smile.
2. Worst Match
   Playboy Evening Gown Match
   Honestly, they should have scrapped that and just done a triple threat between Ultimo Dragon, Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero for the Cruiserweight title.
3. Highlight of the Show
   Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero standing at the end as confetti covered the arena, holding their arms high as the WWE and World Heavyweight Champions. Obviously it is sad how their lives ended, but this was a special moment.
4. Lowlight of the Show
   I don't care about old people having sex.
5. Star of the Show
   The Rock. Because even in a small midcard match that didn't mean anything, he was still super awesome. And I thank him for that.
6. Best Celebrity Appearance
   Does Jesse Ventura count?
7. Worst Celebrity Appearance
   I don't know... Pete Rose.
8. Tonight's Meal
   Tonight was back to the falafel wrap, willed with spinach, cucumber, red onion, capsicum and tomato, then topped with garlic & yoghurt and sweet chilli sauce. Such a great meal. Still living off Pepsi Next - hopefully some sleep tomorrow will mean I can lay off the caffeine for a day or two. Oatmeal Creme Pie was fine.
9. T-Shirt Cleanliness
   About the same, which is code for disgusting.
10. Overall Score
    Awesome show. Sure, there is some awfulness in there with the ladies stripping and Randy Orton cutting one of the worst promos I have ever seen & heard. And then there was the Lesnar/Goldberg match, though as terrible as it is, it is extremely memorable for how the crowd just destroy it. Loved it! Benoit and Guerrero showed why they had been so loved by fans for years and this was their night. And Kurt Angle is a machine - he certainly deserves respect. And almost no McMahons! And while events in the 3 years proceeding this show may have changed how this show is viewed, there are still some real feelgood moments to be had. So when you combine awesomeness with botchamania, what do you get? Botchawesomania.
    7.5 out of 10