29 March 2015
Levi's Stadium
Santa Clara, California - USA
Attendance: 76,976
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry 'the King' Lawler & JBL
My thoughts before this viewing:
I have not seen this show before. It took place yesterday and I've been busy watching 30 other WrestleManias to fit it in. Plus it would have been weird to watch it out of order. I haven't been paying too much attention the past few month to WWE because I have lost a lot of interest in it - and considering I didn't have the greatest interest in the first place, the bar is now very low. So I don't expect much from this show. But Sting will make his WrestleMania debut so that should be fun. I like Sting. As usual, my BFF decided to spoil a few things for me because he is a swell guy. I must remember to punch him in the balls next time I see him.
America the Beautiful
Aloe Blacc is our singer? I'm showing my age by not being familiar with this guy. He's all accapella and awesome.
9/10
Opening Video Package
LL Cool J talks to us about how the world has changed and technology and so on... it somehow relates to WrestleMania.
9/10
Opening Match
Ladder Match
Intercontinental Championship
Daniel Bryan vs Dolph Ziggler vs R-Truth vs Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper vs Stardust vs Bad News Barrett (c)
Hey, Daniel Bryan, how does it feel to be the most popular man in WWE and ending last year winning the WWE World Heavyweight championship and realising a lifelong dream... and then the following year being relegated to the opening match for a meaningless title?
This match is nuts. Absolute nuts. And then Dean Ambrose is murderised.
Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler make me laugh out loud by having a headbutt war.
Winner = Daniel Bryan via climbing a ladder before other men
8/10
Roman Reigns is strong because he wears Tapout.
Video Package
Randy Orton has done everything in WWE. Including getting people fired, failing the wellness policy multiple times and being slapped with sexual harassment lawsuits. But they don't cover those in this video
8/10
Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins
Randy Orton DDT's Seth Rollins' little bodyguards and they sell it like death for the entire match. Until the end when they get involved and Rollins and Orton are kicking out of each other's finishers. And then Rollins doesn't.
Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following RKO outta nowhere
6/10
Buy WWE Toys!
Video Package
Triple H loves WWE more than anyone. Definitely more than me. Especially when he's involved. Sting is here for reasons? At least his coat looks awesome.
7/10
Sting vs Triple H
Sting gets some weird Japanese entrance and is wearing a coat not nearly as cool as the one he had in the video. Of course, the H bomb gets an even bigger and crazier entrance that involves terminators.
How much do they spend on his entrances every year???
The commentators bury Sting and WCW as much as they can. Because WCW has only been out of business for 14 years and WWE still can't move on. The match gets nostalgic as D-Generation X come out and get beaten up by Sting. Then the NWO come out and beat up D-Generation X. This would have been really cool in 1997 when these guys weren't all dinosaurs and make me cringe. Then Shawn Michaels kicks Sting in the face. Sting fights back but is no match for the H bombs ego.
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following a sledgehammer to the face
1/10
Because this company is just bullshit and incredibly insecure. To make it worse, they shake hands. Because Triple H really needed Sting to put him over.
Fuck. You.
Advertisement for the WWE network. If you pay for that shit I have no sympathy for you when the Diva Search sucks all kinds of suckiness.
Backstage
Maria Menounos interviews Daniel Bryan. But not really - it's just a lot of Hall of Famers telling him how proud they are. Should you guys have been more proud when he won the WWE World Heavyweight championship? You're proud of him for winning a title for nobodies? WWE really want to make sure we accept this is his spot now.
-1/10
Maria even fucked up the Ron Simmons "Damn!" part. Shut your mouth, stupid bitch.
Musical Performance
I'm pretty sure this is the the third time Skylar Grey is performing at WrestleMania. She sucks as much as Travis Barker is awesome.
1/10
Diva Tag Match
AJ Lee & Paige vs The Bella Twins
AJ gets punched once and sells it like death. The Bella twins are actually two of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen.
Winners = AJ Lee & Paige via submission from AJ's octopus thing they call the Black Widow which makes no sense because she is not a widow. Unless her husband become the first person to die in a UFC fight
1/10
Hall of Fame highlights.
Lots of people that suck - if I had a hall of fame, these dudes would not make the cut. And I sure wouldn't have Kevin Nash/Diesel as the headlining name. Worst WWF Champion ever.
Video Package
Rusev is an evil Russian, so American hero John Cena must stop him.
4/10
US Championship
John Cena vs Rusev (c) (w/Lana)
Rusev rolls in with a tank.
John Cena comes out to speeches from George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan, so Rusev is the winner in my books. Crowd seems to agree with me and sings "John Cena sucks!" to his theme song. I think the only person they like in this match is Lana.
Winner = John Cena via pinfall following attitude adjustment
New Champion!
5/10
Some chit-chat between the 'Kickoff panel'. Booker T has a new book that he plugs every chance he gets. That would probably be a good read.
In The Ring
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H announce the attendance and brag about how successful WrestleMania is. Makes me glad I illegally download all your shows when I can bothered watching them. Thank Prime - The Rock is here to help me not hate this show any more. And he brings in Ronda Rousey to help him lay the smack down on these two. Kinda exciting but that took half an hour - and I am not exaggerating.
8/10
The Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt
The commentators are surprised The Undertaker has returned. Really? WWE advertised this match - you should have known he was going to appear.
Winner = The Undertaker via usual
6/10
Chris Jericho has a podcast on the WWE network. I am sure he thinks it is the greatest.
Video Package
Roman Reigns is a guy trying to live up to his family's legacy and provide for his children. Brock Lesnar gives no fucks about that because he murderises everyone.
8/10
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar (c) (w/Paul Heyman)
Lesnar beats the shit out of Reigns and welcomes him to "Suplex City, bitch!" - much to the approval of the crowd. Roman Reigns is the new John Cena; booked as the underdog, overcomes all the odds, loved by women and children everywhere. And hated passionately by everyone else.
Seth Rollins? What the?
With both men down, he cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase to make this match a triple threat.
Roman Reigns vs Seth Rollins vs Brock Lesnar (c) (w/Paul Heyman)
Reigns takes out Lesnar with a spear so Rollins gives Reigns a curb stomp and steals the title!
What the FUCK?!?!?
Winner = Seth Rollins via pinfall following a total what the fuck
New Champion!
8/10
Unbelievable! I was ready to write this off because I figured Reigns was going to just 'John Cena' this shit, but that was incredible. Rollins swings the belt around like a boss and gives a big fuck yeah to send us out!
WrestleMania XXXI: The Awards
Levi's Stadium
Santa Clara, California - USA
Attendance: 76,976
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry 'the King' Lawler & JBL
My thoughts before this viewing:
I have not seen this show before. It took place yesterday and I've been busy watching 30 other WrestleManias to fit it in. Plus it would have been weird to watch it out of order. I haven't been paying too much attention the past few month to WWE because I have lost a lot of interest in it - and considering I didn't have the greatest interest in the first place, the bar is now very low. So I don't expect much from this show. But Sting will make his WrestleMania debut so that should be fun. I like Sting. As usual, my BFF decided to spoil a few things for me because he is a swell guy. I must remember to punch him in the balls next time I see him.
America the Beautiful
Aloe Blacc is our singer? I'm showing my age by not being familiar with this guy. He's all accapella and awesome.
9/10
Opening Video Package
LL Cool J talks to us about how the world has changed and technology and so on... it somehow relates to WrestleMania.
9/10
Opening Match
Intercontinental Championship
Daniel Bryan vs Dolph Ziggler vs R-Truth vs Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper vs Stardust vs Bad News Barrett (c)
Hey, Daniel Bryan, how does it feel to be the most popular man in WWE and ending last year winning the WWE World Heavyweight championship and realising a lifelong dream... and then the following year being relegated to the opening match for a meaningless title?
This match is nuts. Absolute nuts. And then Dean Ambrose is murderised.
Winner = Daniel Bryan via climbing a ladder before other men
8/10
Roman Reigns is strong because he wears Tapout.
Video Package
Randy Orton has done everything in WWE. Including getting people fired, failing the wellness policy multiple times and being slapped with sexual harassment lawsuits. But they don't cover those in this video
8/10
Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins
Randy Orton DDT's Seth Rollins' little bodyguards and they sell it like death for the entire match. Until the end when they get involved and Rollins and Orton are kicking out of each other's finishers. And then Rollins doesn't.
Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following RKO outta nowhere
6/10
Buy WWE Toys!
Video Package
Triple H loves WWE more than anyone. Definitely more than me. Especially when he's involved. Sting is here for reasons? At least his coat looks awesome.
7/10
Sting vs Triple H
Sting gets some weird Japanese entrance and is wearing a coat not nearly as cool as the one he had in the video. Of course, the H bomb gets an even bigger and crazier entrance that involves terminators.
The commentators bury Sting and WCW as much as they can. Because WCW has only been out of business for 14 years and WWE still can't move on. The match gets nostalgic as D-Generation X come out and get beaten up by Sting. Then the NWO come out and beat up D-Generation X. This would have been really cool in 1997 when these guys weren't all dinosaurs and make me cringe. Then Shawn Michaels kicks Sting in the face. Sting fights back but is no match for the H bombs ego.
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following a sledgehammer to the face
1/10
Because this company is just bullshit and incredibly insecure. To make it worse, they shake hands. Because Triple H really needed Sting to put him over.
Fuck. You.
Advertisement for the WWE network. If you pay for that shit I have no sympathy for you when the Diva Search sucks all kinds of suckiness.
Backstage
Maria Menounos interviews Daniel Bryan. But not really - it's just a lot of Hall of Famers telling him how proud they are. Should you guys have been more proud when he won the WWE World Heavyweight championship? You're proud of him for winning a title for nobodies? WWE really want to make sure we accept this is his spot now.
-1/10
Maria even fucked up the Ron Simmons "Damn!" part. Shut your mouth, stupid bitch.
Musical Performance
I'm pretty sure this is the the third time Skylar Grey is performing at WrestleMania. She sucks as much as Travis Barker is awesome.
1/10
Diva Tag Match
AJ Lee & Paige vs The Bella Twins
AJ gets punched once and sells it like death. The Bella twins are actually two of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen.
Winners = AJ Lee & Paige via submission from AJ's octopus thing they call the Black Widow which makes no sense because she is not a widow. Unless her husband become the first person to die in a UFC fight
1/10
Hall of Fame highlights.
Lots of people that suck - if I had a hall of fame, these dudes would not make the cut. And I sure wouldn't have Kevin Nash/Diesel as the headlining name. Worst WWF Champion ever.
Video Package
Rusev is an evil Russian, so American hero John Cena must stop him.
4/10
US Championship
John Cena vs Rusev (c) (w/Lana)
Rusev rolls in with a tank.
Winner = John Cena via pinfall following attitude adjustment
New Champion!
5/10
Some chit-chat between the 'Kickoff panel'. Booker T has a new book that he plugs every chance he gets. That would probably be a good read.
In The Ring
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H announce the attendance and brag about how successful WrestleMania is. Makes me glad I illegally download all your shows when I can bothered watching them. Thank Prime - The Rock is here to help me not hate this show any more. And he brings in Ronda Rousey to help him lay the smack down on these two. Kinda exciting but that took half an hour - and I am not exaggerating.
8/10
The Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt
The commentators are surprised The Undertaker has returned. Really? WWE advertised this match - you should have known he was going to appear.
Winner = The Undertaker via usual
6/10
Chris Jericho has a podcast on the WWE network. I am sure he thinks it is the greatest.
Video Package
Roman Reigns is a guy trying to live up to his family's legacy and provide for his children. Brock Lesnar gives no fucks about that because he murderises everyone.
8/10
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar (c) (w/Paul Heyman)
Lesnar beats the shit out of Reigns and welcomes him to "Suplex City, bitch!" - much to the approval of the crowd. Roman Reigns is the new John Cena; booked as the underdog, overcomes all the odds, loved by women and children everywhere. And hated passionately by everyone else.
Seth Rollins? What the?
With both men down, he cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase to make this match a triple threat.
Roman Reigns vs Seth Rollins vs Brock Lesnar (c) (w/Paul Heyman)
Reigns takes out Lesnar with a spear so Rollins gives Reigns a curb stomp and steals the title!
What the FUCK?!?!?
Winner = Seth Rollins via pinfall following a total what the fuck
New Champion!
8/10
Unbelievable! I was ready to write this off because I figured Reigns was going to just 'John Cena' this shit, but that was incredible. Rollins swings the belt around like a boss and gives a big fuck yeah to send us out!
WrestleMania XXXI: The Awards
- Best Match
Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns (and vs Seth Rollins)
It was hilariously entertaining. And then the surprise cash-in made it even better. - Worst Match
Sting vs Triple H
I hope they paid Sting a lot of money to come in and lose his first match in WWE after all these years. Fuck you, WWE. - Highlight of the Show
The Rock and Ronda Rousey standing in the ring together. The actual segment was way too long but those two are awesome. - Lowlight of the Show
Sting losing his first match with WWE. I can not express just how ridiculous it is to have him finally come to the company after all these years just so he can lose to Triple H. Fuck you, WWE. - Star of the Show
Seth Rollins. Dude is awesome and he managed to save WWE from an angry crowd at the end of the show. - Best Celebrity Appearance
Ronda Rousey. I wish the segment had been a bit better but she is awesome and a total superstar. The UFC better hope she never loses.
- Worst Celebrity Appearance
Maria Menounos. She couldn't even keep her mouth shut for 20 seconds to let Ron Simmons do his thing.
- Tonight's Meal
Tonight I decided to celebrate the end of the marathon with my favourite meal - corn chip casserole. And then put it in a wrap, because this whole marathon has been wraps and I don't mess with the rules. It was delicious. Pepsi Next was as good as always, as were the Chips Ahoy! with Reese's peanut butter cups. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
No changes today. But guess what? It looks gross anyway. - Overall Score
I was ready to write this off after Sting lost, because that was bullshit and there is no other way to put it. Luckily the main event was exciting. Well, the end of it was. It was otherwise an enjoyable show, I guess. Great ending. But fuck you, WWE.
5 out of 10
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