29 March 1998
FleetCenter
Boston, Massachusetts - USA
Attendance: 19,028
Commentators: Jim Ross & Jerry 'the King' Lawler
My thoughts before this viewing:
I remember wanting to watch this when it was shown on TV, but I had to work that night. And everyone was watching it in the break room so I kept avoiding it as much as I could. Then I was super annoyed because it took forever to come out on video so I could finally watch it. What a maroon I can be. I don't recall much other than The Rock being hilarious, 'Stone Cold' Steven Austin being a total badass and The Undertaker & Kane being awesome. I'll explain why later. But yeah, this show is what launched 'The Attitude Era' and saved the WWF from going out of business, making a household name out of that Steve Austin guy. And not the Billion Dollar Man (though he was already a household name. That show is so awesome, I really must watch that again at some point when WrestleManias don't consume my life).
National Anthem/America the Beautiful
The Degeneration-X band are here to perform the "alternative" versions of these song. This is the first time I've ever heard Americans boo their own national anthem.
-1/10
Opening Video Package
People are concerned tradition is dead at WrestleMania, but tonight will prove tradition is alive. You dare say this after that musical performance???
3/10
15 Tag Team Battle Royal
The Legion of Doom are now with Sunny and sporting a new look.
They have even grown out the mohawks. Bad move - makes them look like old Dads. Bad guys that aren't even in the match are allowed to just walk in at will and eliminate dudes they don't like, then leave. Interesting rules. The Headbangers have added some colour to their outfits. They still suck and look even suckier, but now they do it with colour.
Winners = The Legion of Doom
4/10
Everyone has a 3:16 sign of some sort, whether it be Steven Austin, their own names or Eric Cartman. It's 1998 - South Park was SUPER popular.
Honky Tonk Man is here to promote the hotline. Loser.
WWF Light Heavyweight Championship
Taka Michinoku (c) vs Aguila
Jerry Lawler assures us his son could beat both men. Fair enough - he is a trained pro-wrestler and is about twice the size of either man. And neither of these men are particularly good at anything.
Winner = Taka Michinoku via pinfall following Michinoku Driver
3/10
I like high-flying matches but WCW and Mexico had all the best talent at it, so the WWF had to settle for these guys.
Backstage
Gennifer Flowers is interviewing The Rock, who assures her he is the people's champ. They discuss how much better America would be if The Rock was the President. His shirt is awesome.
8/10
WWF European Championship
Owen Hart vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) (w/Chyna)
Hunter is played in by the Degeneration-X band, who perform the Degeneration-X theme. They are even shit at their own songs. The H bomb is starting to use the name 'Triple H/HHH' because he is obviously not good at long words. Chyna will be handcuffed to Sgt Slaughter so she doesn't interfere. Owen is the last of the Hart Foundation left in the WWF - let's see how that works out for him... Oh, he gets punched in the balls by Chyna. Of course...
Winner = HHH via pinfall following low blow and pedigree
5/10
Chyna then beats up Sgt. Slaughter.
Buy 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin's new t-shirt!
Video Package
Marc Mero is not as popular as his wife and her implants so he brought in some bad guys to get rid of her? No sense required.
3/10
Mixed Tag Team Match
Marc Mero & Sable vs Goldust & Luna Vachon
Oh he is 'The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust' now. What a great name. Marc Mero no longer looks like Little Richard. Sable still has wonky eyes. Sable powerbombs Luna who completely no sells it, so she uses Marc Mero's finisher instead to piss him off.
Winners = Marc Mero & Sable via pinfall following TKO on Luna from Sable
2/10
Tenessee Lee introduces Jeff Jarrett and Gennifer Flowers for no apparent reason. I love that Vince McMahon seems to hate Bill Clinton so much that he is willing to hire someone that is only known for having an affair with him.
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Ken Shamrock vs The Rock (c) (w/The Nation of Domination)
Winner = Ken Shamrock via submission
4/10
New Champion?
Shamrock beats up the rest of the Nation of Domination and then goes back to putting The Rock in an ankle lock. Then he gets all bug-eyed and beats a bunch of referees and officials. So the referee reverses the decision.
Winner = The Rock via disqualification
So no new champion
So Shamrock gets even angrier and beats up on The Rock some more. Good job, referee!
WWF Tag Team Championship
Dumpster Match
Chainshaw Charlie & Cactus Jack vs The New Age Outlaws (c)
To win this match you must put both of the other tag team in a dumpster and close the lid. Sound exciting? Chainsaw Charlie & Cactus Jack should have called themselves something like the C & C Music Factory. The WWF announce the gate as a new record or something, being over a million dollars, so Jerry Lawler asks for a pay rise. I say no, you suck. The tag teams end up fighting to the backstage area and Terry Funk uses a forklift to dump the New Age Outlaws into a conveniently placed dumpster.
Winners = Chainsaw Charlie & Cactus Jack via dumping their opponents
New Champions!
5/10
Video Package
Kane is The Undertaker's brother whom he thought had died in a fire (which may or may not have been started by The Undertaker himself). Kane has super magical powers. The Undertaker has super magical powers. The Undertaker quotes Jules Winfield from Pulp Fiction to make this even cooler. But when both men are shooting lightning bolts from their wrists, it is all just superfluous.
9/10
Pete Rose is the guest ring announcer and this crowd hates him, which is fair enough because all he does is insult them. So Kane beats him up to thunderous applause. Why have the bad guy beat up the guy the crowd hates, thus making people cheer the bad guy? Is it really this hard to run a pro-wrestling company?
The Undertaker vs Kane (w/Paul Bearer)
The Undertaker has an epic entrance with druids and shit.
Lawler says people may not be aware of the history between these two men, despite their being a video package right before this match that covered it pretty well. Heck, even my little 3 sentences summed it all up easily, Jim Ross thinks The Undertaker's plan is to let Kane punch himself out - that is a terrible strategy. Remind me not to hire you as my coach if I ever take up some form of combat sports. The Undertaker then destroys the Spanish announce table because it has lasted far too long during this show.
Looks like someone forgot to install the screws in that kit-set table. Four Tombstone piledrivers later and this match is over.
Winner = The Undertaker via pinfall following 3 tombstone piledrivers
7/10
Because 3 tombstone piledrivers aren't enough to put him away for good, Kane beats The Undertaker with a chair and then tombstones him on it for good measure. No magical powers were used, much to my disappointment.
Video of some WWF legends putting over the new guys.
WWF Championship
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels (c)
Guest Enforcer: Mike Tyson
The Degeneration-X band perform the Degeneration-X theme again for Shawn Michaels' entrance. They have not improved. Michaels attacks Austin with some of the band's gear - the best use of it all night.
Feel free to break the rest of it. The fans chant "Holyfield" at Tyson and the commentators pretend they can't understand it. The referee gets a face full of Michaels' bum, so that's him finished for the night.
Austin hits the Stone Cold Stunner so Tyson has to count the pin.
Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via pinfall following Stone Cold Stunner
New Champion!
7/10
Shawn Michaels steals Mike Tyson's new 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin t-shirt and won't give it back, so Tyson knocks him out.
Isn't this guy on parole or banned from boxing or something? He probably shouldn't be punching people in the face in front of 20,000 witnesses. Instead of the new champ celebrating to end the show, we are instead left with the image of Shawn Michaels laying in the ring and then highlights from tonight to send us out.
WrestleMania XIV: The Awards
FleetCenter
Boston, Massachusetts - USA
Attendance: 19,028
Commentators: Jim Ross & Jerry 'the King' Lawler
My thoughts before this viewing:
I remember wanting to watch this when it was shown on TV, but I had to work that night. And everyone was watching it in the break room so I kept avoiding it as much as I could. Then I was super annoyed because it took forever to come out on video so I could finally watch it. What a maroon I can be. I don't recall much other than The Rock being hilarious, 'Stone Cold' Steven Austin being a total badass and The Undertaker & Kane being awesome. I'll explain why later. But yeah, this show is what launched 'The Attitude Era' and saved the WWF from going out of business, making a household name out of that Steve Austin guy. And not the Billion Dollar Man (though he was already a household name. That show is so awesome, I really must watch that again at some point when WrestleManias don't consume my life).
National Anthem/America the Beautiful
The Degeneration-X band are here to perform the "alternative" versions of these song. This is the first time I've ever heard Americans boo their own national anthem.
-1/10
Opening Video Package
People are concerned tradition is dead at WrestleMania, but tonight will prove tradition is alive. You dare say this after that musical performance???
3/10
15 Tag Team Battle Royal
The Legion of Doom are now with Sunny and sporting a new look.
They have even grown out the mohawks. Bad move - makes them look like old Dads. Bad guys that aren't even in the match are allowed to just walk in at will and eliminate dudes they don't like, then leave. Interesting rules. The Headbangers have added some colour to their outfits. They still suck and look even suckier, but now they do it with colour.
Winners = The Legion of Doom
4/10
Everyone has a 3:16 sign of some sort, whether it be Steven Austin, their own names or Eric Cartman. It's 1998 - South Park was SUPER popular.
Honky Tonk Man is here to promote the hotline. Loser.
WWF Light Heavyweight Championship
Taka Michinoku (c) vs Aguila
Jerry Lawler assures us his son could beat both men. Fair enough - he is a trained pro-wrestler and is about twice the size of either man. And neither of these men are particularly good at anything.
Winner = Taka Michinoku via pinfall following Michinoku Driver
3/10
I like high-flying matches but WCW and Mexico had all the best talent at it, so the WWF had to settle for these guys.
Backstage
Gennifer Flowers is interviewing The Rock, who assures her he is the people's champ. They discuss how much better America would be if The Rock was the President. His shirt is awesome.
8/10
WWF European Championship
Owen Hart vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) (w/Chyna)
Hunter is played in by the Degeneration-X band, who perform the Degeneration-X theme. They are even shit at their own songs. The H bomb is starting to use the name 'Triple H/HHH' because he is obviously not good at long words. Chyna will be handcuffed to Sgt Slaughter so she doesn't interfere. Owen is the last of the Hart Foundation left in the WWF - let's see how that works out for him... Oh, he gets punched in the balls by Chyna. Of course...
Winner = HHH via pinfall following low blow and pedigree
5/10
Chyna then beats up Sgt. Slaughter.
Buy 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin's new t-shirt!
Video Package
Marc Mero is not as popular as his wife and her implants so he brought in some bad guys to get rid of her? No sense required.
3/10
Mixed Tag Team Match
Marc Mero & Sable vs Goldust & Luna Vachon
Oh he is 'The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust' now. What a great name. Marc Mero no longer looks like Little Richard. Sable still has wonky eyes. Sable powerbombs Luna who completely no sells it, so she uses Marc Mero's finisher instead to piss him off.
Winners = Marc Mero & Sable via pinfall following TKO on Luna from Sable
2/10
Tenessee Lee introduces Jeff Jarrett and Gennifer Flowers for no apparent reason. I love that Vince McMahon seems to hate Bill Clinton so much that he is willing to hire someone that is only known for having an affair with him.
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Ken Shamrock vs The Rock (c) (w/The Nation of Domination)
Winner = Ken Shamrock via submission
4/10
New Champion?
Shamrock beats up the rest of the Nation of Domination and then goes back to putting The Rock in an ankle lock. Then he gets all bug-eyed and beats a bunch of referees and officials. So the referee reverses the decision.
Winner = The Rock via disqualification
So no new champion
So Shamrock gets even angrier and beats up on The Rock some more. Good job, referee!
WWF Tag Team Championship
Dumpster Match
Chainshaw Charlie & Cactus Jack vs The New Age Outlaws (c)
To win this match you must put both of the other tag team in a dumpster and close the lid. Sound exciting? Chainsaw Charlie & Cactus Jack should have called themselves something like the C & C Music Factory. The WWF announce the gate as a new record or something, being over a million dollars, so Jerry Lawler asks for a pay rise. I say no, you suck. The tag teams end up fighting to the backstage area and Terry Funk uses a forklift to dump the New Age Outlaws into a conveniently placed dumpster.
Winners = Chainsaw Charlie & Cactus Jack via dumping their opponents
New Champions!
5/10
Video Package
Kane is The Undertaker's brother whom he thought had died in a fire (which may or may not have been started by The Undertaker himself). Kane has super magical powers. The Undertaker has super magical powers. The Undertaker quotes Jules Winfield from Pulp Fiction to make this even cooler. But when both men are shooting lightning bolts from their wrists, it is all just superfluous.
9/10
Pete Rose is the guest ring announcer and this crowd hates him, which is fair enough because all he does is insult them. So Kane beats him up to thunderous applause. Why have the bad guy beat up the guy the crowd hates, thus making people cheer the bad guy? Is it really this hard to run a pro-wrestling company?
The Undertaker vs Kane (w/Paul Bearer)
The Undertaker has an epic entrance with druids and shit.
Lawler says people may not be aware of the history between these two men, despite their being a video package right before this match that covered it pretty well. Heck, even my little 3 sentences summed it all up easily, Jim Ross thinks The Undertaker's plan is to let Kane punch himself out - that is a terrible strategy. Remind me not to hire you as my coach if I ever take up some form of combat sports. The Undertaker then destroys the Spanish announce table because it has lasted far too long during this show.
Looks like someone forgot to install the screws in that kit-set table. Four Tombstone piledrivers later and this match is over.
Winner = The Undertaker via pinfall following 3 tombstone piledrivers
7/10
Because 3 tombstone piledrivers aren't enough to put him away for good, Kane beats The Undertaker with a chair and then tombstones him on it for good measure. No magical powers were used, much to my disappointment.
Video of some WWF legends putting over the new guys.
WWF Championship
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels (c)
Guest Enforcer: Mike Tyson
The Degeneration-X band perform the Degeneration-X theme again for Shawn Michaels' entrance. They have not improved. Michaels attacks Austin with some of the band's gear - the best use of it all night.
Feel free to break the rest of it. The fans chant "Holyfield" at Tyson and the commentators pretend they can't understand it. The referee gets a face full of Michaels' bum, so that's him finished for the night.
Austin hits the Stone Cold Stunner so Tyson has to count the pin.
Winner = 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin via pinfall following Stone Cold Stunner
New Champion!
7/10
Shawn Michaels steals Mike Tyson's new 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin t-shirt and won't give it back, so Tyson knocks him out.
Isn't this guy on parole or banned from boxing or something? He probably shouldn't be punching people in the face in front of 20,000 witnesses. Instead of the new champ celebrating to end the show, we are instead left with the image of Shawn Michaels laying in the ring and then highlights from tonight to send us out.
WrestleMania XIV: The Awards
- Best Match
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels
Predictable but still good. Michaels even remembered to sell his 'career-ending back injury' every so often. - Worst Match
Marc Mero & Sable vs The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust & Luna Vachon
Just an excuse to make Sable more popular. Strangely, she was more covered up than usual. But she was certainly more over than anyone else in that match. - Highlight of the Show
The Rock getting to show some personality. The dude was only just getting started. - Lowlight of the Show
The Degeneration-X band. A few years ago I took part in a music competition for 12 year-olds and saw better talent. And probably better Rage Against the Machine impersonations. - Star of the Show
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin. I had actually forgotten how insanely popular this guy was. - Best Celebrity Appearance
Mike Tyson. He didn't do much, which was probably the best way to use Mike Tyson. - Worst Celebrity Appearance
Gennifer Flowers. I still can't understand why she was here or why anyone should care about her. - Tonight's Meal
Tonight I had the usual salad veges: baby spinach, cucumber, red onion, capsicum and tomato, with some mustard and ketchup, but decided to try some quorn 'chicken' burgers, topped with sweet chilli sauce and fried mushrooms. Epic. After such savoury goodness the Oatmeal Creme Pie went down nicely. I also mixed it up by trying some 7-Up Light. It was better than I expected. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
Again, I don't think I spilled anything on it tonight. Though the stains on it already are probably building their own cities by now. - Overall Score
This show continued the current tradition of being a mess of pointless stuff outside of the main event. Except this time there was a pretty cool co-main event, so perhaps we are getting somewhere? I wouldn't count on it...
5 out of 10
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