I love how redundant these titles are...
2 April 1989
Historic Atlantic City Convention Hall, Trump Plaza
Atlantic City, New Jersey - USA
Attendance: 18,946
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura
My thoughts before this viewing:
This was a pretty big show for me and most people I remember from 1989. 'Macho Man' Randy Savage was very popular with my friends and family, so the 'explosion' of the Mega Powers was of great interest. I remember enjoying this show - in fact, I may have even had it on VHS at one point. Totally not in my 20's, no no no...
Opening Video Package
The return of the sexy saxophone! This time Vince McMahon yells at us and everything blows up - manly-man-ness!
4/10
America the Beautiful
Tonight, we have WWF Women's champion Rockin' Robin to perform the song.
And then she doesn't?
Jesse has toned down his outfit tonight. I guess he got sick of upstaging everyone.
Oh wait, LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN!
Rockin' Robin to sing America the Beautiful.
Can we please have those 'technical problems' again? This is like a pathetic audition for a high school production of Happy Days: The Musical. On second thoughts, this is probably insulting to Americans. That makes this awesome - keep it up, Robin!
Take that, America!
3/10
Jesse is offended by her performance.
Opening Match
Hercules vs King Haku (w/Bobby Heenan)
Haku is carried out on a throne by a bunch of dorks.
The Fink forgets his name has changed and calls him King Tonga. Does anyone actually follow this show apart from Jesse? Heenan tells everyone around the world to stand up in respect for the King. Hercules is now a good guy so he can finally win a match.
Winner = Hercules via pinfall following suplex
4/10
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with The Rockers. They say the are greased lightning - but where are their 30 inch fins and purple-edged tail lights?
3/10
The Rockers vs The Twin Towers (w/Slick)
Good luck calling a team The Twin Towers these days. Both teams have great theme songs - glad WWF took my advice . The Big Boss man is an angry prison guard and his tag-partner is Akeem - a big fat white dude that claims to be from "deepest, darkest, Africa".
Pro wresting is fun.
Winners = The Twin Towers via pin following splash
5/10
Backstage
Tony Schiavone talks with 'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase, who assures us Brutus 'the Barber' Beefcake won't touch his hair.
3/10
'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase (w/Virgil) vs Brutus 'the Barber' Beefcake
The 'million dollar belt' is not on the line and neither is Beefcake's epic mullet.
Gorilla complains that this match has gone on too long.
Double countout
5/10
Because Brutus Beefcake is a good guy, he beats up both bad guys after the match and chases them off with his hedge-clippers.
Earlier Today
It's Lord Alfred Hayes! Talking to the The Bushwhackers, New Zealand's finest export, at a special WrestleMania brunch. They are eating and making a huge mess, then talk with their mouths full so you can't understand anything. Because we are all uncivilised and disgusting here in New Zealand. Just look at my WrestleMania shirt.
2/10
The Bushwhackers vs The Fabulous Rougeaus (w/Jimmy Hart)
The Bushwhackers do their funky walk to the ring - the "New Zealand Stomp", they call it. Because that's how we all walk here in New Zealand. Jesse thinks they are drunk. Probably - we are all drunk here in New Zealand. Ray Rougeau picks up one of The Bushwhackers who then totally gropes Ray's balls.
Awkward...
Winners = The Bushwhackers via pinfall following stuff
2/10
In The Crowd
Sean Mooney gets his face licked and groped by The Bushwhackers. That's how we say 'hello' here in New Zealand.
The Blue Blazer vs Mr Perfect
Announcers are hyping that this is going to be great match. The Blue Blazer is one of the most exciting young up-and-comers in the WWF and Mr Perfect is an undefeated in-ring technician, so this could very well be a classic...
Then it turns out to be one of the worst matches either man ever have. Well done, guys.
3/10
Jesse is introduced to the crowd to a huge ovation yet again.
Yesterday
There was a 5km run to hype WrestleMania. Mr. Fuji entered in his tuxedo and wrestling boots, then cheated because he is a bad guy.
Musical Performance
Run DMC. The greatest hip hop group ever - with the late Jam Master Jay totally hyping the crowd. These guys were my favourite at the time, no doubt - my cassette of Tougher than Leather was worn out from over playing. They are here to perform the WrestleMania Rap. Don't believe what you hear elsewhere - this was awesome. They rap about piledriving and that's about all I can make out because the sound mix is awful. But that doesn't stop them being the kings.
9/10
Gorilla didn't like it, but Jesse was down. Because Jesse is awesome.
Video Package
Recap of Demolition parting ways with Mr. Fuji and becoming good guys, while Mr. Fuji joined up with The Powers of Pain. The highlight is The Conquistadors in all their golden glory.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Demolition. Key words for every Demolition promo: stooges, kick, stinkin', teeth.
7/10
WWF Tag Team Championship
Demolition (c) vs The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji
This will contested as a 2 on 3 match. The sound guy hits Demotion's theme for Mr. Fuji's intro - he must have missed that video package showing he is no longer their manager.
Fuji tries to throw salt in the eye of Smash abut fails. Then Demolition beat up and pin the old man to keep their titles.
Winners = Demolition via pinfall following decapitation of Mr. Fuji
2/10
Backstage
Tony Schiavone is trying to interview 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, who is busy destroying his locker room and going crazy.
2/10
'Rugged' Ronnie Garvin vs Dino Bravo (w/Frenchy Martin)
For some reason Jimmy Snuka is introduced before the match starts - maybe to distract the crowd from the shitty match they are about to see? Because I'm pretty sure it will be shitty.
And I was right!
Winner = Dino Bravo via pinfall following side slam
1/10
And in the biggest surprise of the night, Garvin atacks Frenchy Martin after the match.
Strike Force vs The Brain Busters (w/Bobby Heenan)
Great match until Tito Santana accidentally hits Rick Martel with his flying forearm.
Rick Martel gets all sad face and storms off, leaving Tito to get beat down for about 10 minutes.
Winners = The Brain Busters via pinfall following spke piledriver
5/10
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Rick Martel. Gene is outraged. Martel says Tito is a loser so Gene tells him to fuck off.
3/10
Piper's Pit
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper's music hits and out comes Brother Love pretending to be Piper.
He then does a bang on impression of Piper while interviewing himself. The next guest is Morton Downey, Jr. Must be related to Robert Downey, Jr. Or maybe even Freddie Prinze, Jr. Gorilla says he is puffing on weed. Ummm... Out comes a very unhappy 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper - guess he paid to watch this shit. He gets in the ring and does lots of bad comedy/insults back and forth with Morton until it's time for WrestleMania 24. Piper just so happened to have a fire extinguisher hiding in the ring in case of an emergency. Ending this segment is an emergency, so Piper sprays Morton with it.
-5/10
Fuck all three of you. You just gave me leprosy.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene announces Hulk Hogan's new movie, No Holds Barred. Awesome movie featuring Zeus. Gene predicts it will be the bggest movie in history.
Sean Mooney talks to Donald Trump. He looks like Alan Partridge, except not as entertaining and more of a complete twat.
Jesse is FURIOUS that Hulk is coming to Hollywood to be like Jesse. Says if Hogan wants a job in Hollywood, he can drive his limo. Why would you want Hulk driving you around every day when you can't stand the guy? Plus he would get to drive a nice limo AND you are a great guy so would probably pay him more than the market rate. You'd be doing the guy a favour. Think this over a bit more carefully, Jesse.
Video Package
History of the Mega Powers. Hulk and Savage were best of friends but then Hulk started paying too much attention to Elizabeth. Bros before hoes, guys. Bros before hoes!
6/10
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Hulk Hogan. Hulk says he was a bigger star than Macho and he only stuck with Savage because he thought Savage believed in Hulkamania. Savage couldn't handle the pressure and is a coward. Holy shit, how is he the good guy here???
5/10
Jake 'the Snake' Roberts vs Andre the Giant (w/Bobby Heenan)
Special guest referee: Big John Studd
Either Big John Studd has grown or Andre is shrinking.
I decide to look up No Holds Barred - quite cheap on blu-ray at the moment. Not sure I need to see Zeus yell in high definition, though.
Winner = Jake 'the Snake' Roberts via disqualification
1/10
In The Crowd
Sean Mooney is up in the cheap seats with a drunk guy who is in love with Jake Roberts. Gorilla makes fun of the people that buy tickets there - WWF really know how to appreciate their fans.
Backstage
Tony Schiavone is with 'Sensational' Sherri. Sherri wasn't impressed with Rockin' Robin's singing. You and a million other people.
2/10
The Hart Foundation vs The Honky Tonk Man & Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine (w/Jimmy Hart)
Finally some Hitman to improve my mood while Jesse and Gorilla argue over who would have won if the two of them had wrestled. The Hitman cheats but it's OK., he looks good doing it.
Winners = The Hart Foundation via pinfall following use of international object
5/10
Video Package
The Ultimate Warrior and 'Ravishing' Rick Rude have a posedown. In a pro-wrestling first, it ends in violence and led to a match.
4/10
WWF Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship
The Ultimate Warrior vs 'Ravising' Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan)
Some fine example of 80's womanhood admires Rick Rude's ravishingness.
For a man with such a great physique, Rick Riude sure has some skinny legs.
I'm still recovering from that gawdawful Piper's pit segment.
Winner = 'Ravishing' Rick Rude by cheatng pin
6/10
As a good guy, The Ultimate Warrior then beats up Bobby Heenan to prove he is a really good guy.
This show is still going?
My Uncle Alan 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan vs Bad News Brown
If I hearUncle Alan Hacksaw yell 'Hooo!' one more time I am going to do something drastic - like watch WrestleMania VI tomorrow night. So he yells it another 20 times.
I hate you.
The match is thrown out so the ref is now one of my favouurie people on the show.
Double disqualification
-2/10
Hacksaw has a big booger hanging out of his nose and the cameras insist on showing us.
I will follow suit.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with The Red Rooster. If my gimimick was a red mohawk in the midst of long blonde hair I would retire.
2/10
The Red Rooster vs Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan (w/The Brooklyn Brawler)
This dork gets a theme but Andre still doesn't have one?
Winner = The Red Rooster via pinfall following who cares?
-1/10
I'm sorry, Bobby. You deserve so much better than this.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Miss Elizabeth and he tries to make her sad - probably so he can console her, the pervert. She tries to look sad but fails.
3/10
Main Event
WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Hulk Hogan vs 'Macho Man' Randy Savage (c)
The champ comes out first? Fuck you, Hulk.
Miss Elizabeth comes out in a sparkly shower curtain and gets in the way a lot. Macho actually hides behind her at one point to a chorus of boos. 80s crowds are awesome the way they boo and cheer at exactly what they are supposed to. Savage beats on Hogan for 20 minutes until Hulk 'hulks up' and finishes Savage with 3 punches, a boot and the leg drop of doom.
Winner = Hulk Hogan via pinfall following leg drop of doom
New Champion!
8/10
You know the drill by now - Hulk celebrates in the ring and poses for about 10 minutes. Then Jesse threatens to come out of retirement and beat him.
Real American plays us out.
WrestleMania V: The Awards
2 April 1989
Historic Atlantic City Convention Hall, Trump Plaza
Atlantic City, New Jersey - USA
Attendance: 18,946
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura
My thoughts before this viewing:
This was a pretty big show for me and most people I remember from 1989. 'Macho Man' Randy Savage was very popular with my friends and family, so the 'explosion' of the Mega Powers was of great interest. I remember enjoying this show - in fact, I may have even had it on VHS at one point. Totally not in my 20's, no no no...
Opening Video Package
The return of the sexy saxophone! This time Vince McMahon yells at us and everything blows up - manly-man-ness!
4/10
America the Beautiful
Tonight, we have WWF Women's champion Rockin' Robin to perform the song.
And then she doesn't?
Jesse has toned down his outfit tonight. I guess he got sick of upstaging everyone.
Oh wait, LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN!
Rockin' Robin to sing America the Beautiful.
Can we please have those 'technical problems' again? This is like a pathetic audition for a high school production of Happy Days: The Musical. On second thoughts, this is probably insulting to Americans. That makes this awesome - keep it up, Robin!
Take that, America!
3/10
Jesse is offended by her performance.
Opening Match
Hercules vs King Haku (w/Bobby Heenan)
Haku is carried out on a throne by a bunch of dorks.
Winner = Hercules via pinfall following suplex
4/10
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with The Rockers. They say the are greased lightning - but where are their 30 inch fins and purple-edged tail lights?
3/10
The Rockers vs The Twin Towers (w/Slick)
Good luck calling a team The Twin Towers these days. Both teams have great theme songs - glad WWF took my advice . The Big Boss man is an angry prison guard and his tag-partner is Akeem - a big fat white dude that claims to be from "deepest, darkest, Africa".
Winners = The Twin Towers via pin following splash
5/10
Backstage
Tony Schiavone talks with 'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase, who assures us Brutus 'the Barber' Beefcake won't touch his hair.
3/10
'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase (w/Virgil) vs Brutus 'the Barber' Beefcake
The 'million dollar belt' is not on the line and neither is Beefcake's epic mullet.
Double countout
5/10
Because Brutus Beefcake is a good guy, he beats up both bad guys after the match and chases them off with his hedge-clippers.
Earlier Today
It's Lord Alfred Hayes! Talking to the The Bushwhackers, New Zealand's finest export, at a special WrestleMania brunch. They are eating and making a huge mess, then talk with their mouths full so you can't understand anything. Because we are all uncivilised and disgusting here in New Zealand. Just look at my WrestleMania shirt.
2/10
The Bushwhackers vs The Fabulous Rougeaus (w/Jimmy Hart)
The Bushwhackers do their funky walk to the ring - the "New Zealand Stomp", they call it. Because that's how we all walk here in New Zealand. Jesse thinks they are drunk. Probably - we are all drunk here in New Zealand. Ray Rougeau picks up one of The Bushwhackers who then totally gropes Ray's balls.
Winners = The Bushwhackers via pinfall following stuff
2/10
In The Crowd
Sean Mooney gets his face licked and groped by The Bushwhackers. That's how we say 'hello' here in New Zealand.
The Blue Blazer vs Mr Perfect
Announcers are hyping that this is going to be great match. The Blue Blazer is one of the most exciting young up-and-comers in the WWF and Mr Perfect is an undefeated in-ring technician, so this could very well be a classic...
Then it turns out to be one of the worst matches either man ever have. Well done, guys.
3/10
Jesse is introduced to the crowd to a huge ovation yet again.
Yesterday
There was a 5km run to hype WrestleMania. Mr. Fuji entered in his tuxedo and wrestling boots, then cheated because he is a bad guy.
Musical Performance
Run DMC. The greatest hip hop group ever - with the late Jam Master Jay totally hyping the crowd. These guys were my favourite at the time, no doubt - my cassette of Tougher than Leather was worn out from over playing. They are here to perform the WrestleMania Rap. Don't believe what you hear elsewhere - this was awesome. They rap about piledriving and that's about all I can make out because the sound mix is awful. But that doesn't stop them being the kings.
9/10
Gorilla didn't like it, but Jesse was down. Because Jesse is awesome.
Video Package
Recap of Demolition parting ways with Mr. Fuji and becoming good guys, while Mr. Fuji joined up with The Powers of Pain. The highlight is The Conquistadors in all their golden glory.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Demolition. Key words for every Demolition promo: stooges, kick, stinkin', teeth.
7/10
WWF Tag Team Championship
Demolition (c) vs The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji
This will contested as a 2 on 3 match. The sound guy hits Demotion's theme for Mr. Fuji's intro - he must have missed that video package showing he is no longer their manager.
Winners = Demolition via pinfall following decapitation of Mr. Fuji
2/10
Backstage
Tony Schiavone is trying to interview 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, who is busy destroying his locker room and going crazy.
2/10
'Rugged' Ronnie Garvin vs Dino Bravo (w/Frenchy Martin)
For some reason Jimmy Snuka is introduced before the match starts - maybe to distract the crowd from the shitty match they are about to see? Because I'm pretty sure it will be shitty.
And I was right!
Winner = Dino Bravo via pinfall following side slam
1/10
And in the biggest surprise of the night, Garvin atacks Frenchy Martin after the match.
Strike Force vs The Brain Busters (w/Bobby Heenan)
Great match until Tito Santana accidentally hits Rick Martel with his flying forearm.
Winners = The Brain Busters via pinfall following spke piledriver
5/10
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Rick Martel. Gene is outraged. Martel says Tito is a loser so Gene tells him to fuck off.
3/10
Piper's Pit
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper's music hits and out comes Brother Love pretending to be Piper.
-5/10
Fuck all three of you. You just gave me leprosy.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene announces Hulk Hogan's new movie, No Holds Barred. Awesome movie featuring Zeus. Gene predicts it will be the bggest movie in history.
Sean Mooney talks to Donald Trump. He looks like Alan Partridge, except not as entertaining and more of a complete twat.
Jesse is FURIOUS that Hulk is coming to Hollywood to be like Jesse. Says if Hogan wants a job in Hollywood, he can drive his limo. Why would you want Hulk driving you around every day when you can't stand the guy? Plus he would get to drive a nice limo AND you are a great guy so would probably pay him more than the market rate. You'd be doing the guy a favour. Think this over a bit more carefully, Jesse.
Video Package
History of the Mega Powers. Hulk and Savage were best of friends but then Hulk started paying too much attention to Elizabeth. Bros before hoes, guys. Bros before hoes!
6/10
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Hulk Hogan. Hulk says he was a bigger star than Macho and he only stuck with Savage because he thought Savage believed in Hulkamania. Savage couldn't handle the pressure and is a coward. Holy shit, how is he the good guy here???
5/10
Jake 'the Snake' Roberts vs Andre the Giant (w/Bobby Heenan)
Special guest referee: Big John Studd
Either Big John Studd has grown or Andre is shrinking.
Winner = Jake 'the Snake' Roberts via disqualification
1/10
In The Crowd
Sean Mooney is up in the cheap seats with a drunk guy who is in love with Jake Roberts. Gorilla makes fun of the people that buy tickets there - WWF really know how to appreciate their fans.
Backstage
Tony Schiavone is with 'Sensational' Sherri. Sherri wasn't impressed with Rockin' Robin's singing. You and a million other people.
2/10
The Hart Foundation vs The Honky Tonk Man & Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine (w/Jimmy Hart)
Finally some Hitman to improve my mood while Jesse and Gorilla argue over who would have won if the two of them had wrestled. The Hitman cheats but it's OK., he looks good doing it.
5/10
Video Package
The Ultimate Warrior and 'Ravishing' Rick Rude have a posedown. In a pro-wrestling first, it ends in violence and led to a match.
4/10
WWF Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship
The Ultimate Warrior vs 'Ravising' Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan)
Some fine example of 80's womanhood admires Rick Rude's ravishingness.
For a man with such a great physique, Rick Riude sure has some skinny legs.
I'm still recovering from that gawdawful Piper's pit segment.
Winner = 'Ravishing' Rick Rude by cheatng pin
6/10
As a good guy, The Ultimate Warrior then beats up Bobby Heenan to prove he is a really good guy.
This show is still going?
If I hear
I hate you.
The match is thrown out so the ref is now one of my favouurie people on the show.
Double disqualification
-2/10
Hacksaw has a big booger hanging out of his nose and the cameras insist on showing us.
I will follow suit.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with The Red Rooster. If my gimimick was a red mohawk in the midst of long blonde hair I would retire.
2/10
The Red Rooster vs Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan (w/The Brooklyn Brawler)
This dork gets a theme but Andre still doesn't have one?
Winner = The Red Rooster via pinfall following who cares?
-1/10
I'm sorry, Bobby. You deserve so much better than this.
Backstage
'Mean' Gene is with Miss Elizabeth and he tries to make her sad - probably so he can console her, the pervert. She tries to look sad but fails.
3/10
Main Event
WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Hulk Hogan vs 'Macho Man' Randy Savage (c)
The champ comes out first? Fuck you, Hulk.
Winner = Hulk Hogan via pinfall following leg drop of doom
New Champion!
8/10
You know the drill by now - Hulk celebrates in the ring and poses for about 10 minutes. Then Jesse threatens to come out of retirement and beat him.
Real American plays us out.
WrestleMania V: The Awards
- Best Match
'Macho Man' Randy Savage vs Hulk Hogan
Not spoiled for choice, but Macho Man is just the man - 3 in row with this award now. Probably the best match of Hulk Hogan's career. - Worst Match
'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan vs Bad News Brown
Just a pile of crap in a garbage sandwich. - Highlight of the Show
Run DMC being awesome. Hilarious, because going into this show I thought that was going to be the worst thing. My how wrong I was... RIP JMJ. - Lowlight of the Show
The 'Piper's Pit' segment. Completely killed the show. If you were a non-fan and wanted to show a wrestling fan why they are stupid to be a fan of pro-wrestling, this is the segment you show them. And then go see a doctor because watching it gave you the AIDS. - Star of the Show
Do I have to give this award to anyone? I mean, Savage lost and Hogan didn't have the huge crowd support he usually does - his title win didn't come off as a big deal tonight. Jesse Ventura wasn't even his usual show-stealing self. I don't know... Miss Elizabeth? - Best Celebrity Appearance
Run DMC. There weren't any other celebrities this year - which isn't a bad thing. - Worst Celebrity Appearance
Who in the blue hell is Morton Downey, Jr anyway? - Tonight's Meal
Tonight's wrap was avocado, spinach, kale, cucumber, tomato, capsicum, red onion and alfalfa sprouts with falafel, topped with chilli sauce and garlic & yoghurt sauce. - yes, a repeat of last night. Was so good last night and I needed to use the left over falafel and veges. Was just as good tonight. The Oatmeal Creme Pie probably gave me a good dose of poison to numb the pain. Tonight I bought Mountain Dew and almost froze it. Luckily it just ended up being ice cold and full yum. Also made me super wired. Do the Dew! - T-Shirt Cleanliness
Tonight I spilled more of the Oatmeal Creme Pie than I did of my wraps. I might be getting better at this eating thing after 35 years. - Overall Score
Where do I start? The first half was good and I was excited. Then there were some average matches. Then the Piper's Pit segment set the world back 100 years and gave me cancer of the anus. After that it was all a blur of terrible. Luckily, the main event was great. But even then, having Macho Man just destroyed by Hulk left a sour taste to end the show. Which is a shame because my meal tasted good.
4 out of 10
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