28 March 2010
University of Phoenix Stadium
Glendale, Arizona - USA
Attendance: 72,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry 'the King' Lawler & Matt Striker
My thoughts before this viewing:
I remember this show for one main reason - the return of Bret Hart! Yes, my hero returned to wage war against Vince McMahon for the wrongs he did 13 years before. However, I do not recall much in the way of my enjoyment. I remember thinking the main event was incredibly predictable, but there were a few surprises during the night. I'm just excited to see Bret Hart and hopefully he can rescue me from this nightmare that is WrestleMania March Madness. So let's see if can be a hero to the zero in this modern year-o...
America the Beautiful
Today's guest singer is Fantasia - remember her? I forgot how awesome she is. She is fantastic. Oh I bring the comedy!
9/10
Opening Video Package
Everyone wants their WrestleMania moment. Good luck.
5/10
Opening Match
Unified Tag Team Championship
R-Truth & John Morrison vs The Miz & Big Show (c)
R-Truth is a terrible rapper.
Wow, that was quick!
Winners = The Miz & Big Show via pinfall following knockout punch from Big Show
4/10
WretleMania takes up a whole week now. I totally would have beaten those kids at the spelling bee. losers.
Triple Threat
Randy Orton vs Ted Dibiase Jr vs Cody Rhodes
Ted Dibiase Jr is introduced as just Ted Dibiase. That has to be confusing for some people, since his Dad went into the Hall of Fame last night.
So one guy here has been pushed as their chosen one for the last 6 years, the other two are generic nobodies - how will this work out?
Cody and Ted plan on teaming up and don't care who wins. Of course that only lasts about 6 minutes before they starting beating each other up. And of course Randy Orton is invincible against two men when neither is named Triple H.
Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following RKO on Ted Dibiase Jr
4/10
Backstage
Josh Mathews introduces Vickie Guerrero. Apparently she is wrestling tonight? Holy crap! After Jillian Hall sings awfully, it turns into a Slim Jims commercial where Santino Marella and his fake monobrow makes out with Mae Young.
-1/10
That started off good and then somehow fell into the bog of eternal stench.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Kofi Kingston vs MVP vs Evan Bourne vs Jack Swagger vs Shelton Benjamin vs Matt Hardy vs Dolph Ziggler vs Drew McIntyre vs Kane vs Christian
One of the commentators says Shelton Benjamin has been in all the Money in the Bank matches - nope, he hasn't. This match is full of nobodies. Guess you gotta start somewhere - even if it is a match where you could die.
Kofi can't run up ladders like Shelton Benjamin.
But he can almost use them as stilts.
I really don't understand what the point of that was. "Who will carry WWE into the 21st Century?" What a weird question to ask in 2010...
Winner = Jack Swagger via 2 days of trying to unhook the briefcase
7/10
That was the least brutal of all the Money in the Bank matches so far. Very few crazy things, and they weren't that crazy. I bet WWE were very disappointed in Shelton Benjamin.
Highlights from the Hall of Fame inductions last night. Bret Hart gave what I am sure was an awesome speech to induct his Father, Stu. Bob Uecker made bad jokes.
Video Package
Sheamus used to watch Triple H as a kid. So what is he now, a teenager??
3/10
Triple H vs Sheamus
Apparently Sheamus has had the best first year in WWE history because he won the WWE championship for a 5 minutes. Really? Someone might want to talk to Kurt Angle and ask him if that's better than winning every single belt in the company within your first 10 months. They said Ric Flair is Triple H's mentor; he was like a 4-time world champion and burying people long before meeting Ric Flair. Come on!
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following pedigree because Triple H gonna Triple H
4/10
Edge is in a new Slim Jims commercial. He's no 'Macho Man' Randy Savage.
Video Package
CM Punk turned up to Rey Mysterio's daughter's birthday party. Nobody likes a party crasher - especially one that can't sing Happy Birthday in tune. But next time they probably shouldn't have the party in the middle of a wrestling ring on live TV.
7/10
Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk (w/Luke Gallows & Serena)
CM Punk buries the crowd for being drunk and on drugs because he chooses to be better than all of us. It's true. The commentators spend the match burying 'straight edge' in every possible way they can. So let me get this straight; Steve Austin comes out and throws beer around - that makes him a hero. CM Punk comes out and says drugs and alcohol are bad - that makes him a sick person. No wonder there are so many problems with the wellness policy. This year Rey Mysterio is dressed as one of those blue things from Avatar.
That was a shitty movie. CM Punk is wearing GI Joe inspired trunks.
That was an awesome cartoon. Punk wins the battle of the wrestling gear. But not the match.
Winner = Rey Mysterio via pinfall following the usual Rey Mysterio things
8/10
Video Package
Bret Hart came back to the WWE! He wanted closure, but Vince McMahon just made him look stupid again. Vince then fell for the classic 'Bret Hart pretends to be injured until Vince McMahon signs the contract for a match at WrestleMania" - Vince screwed Vince!
9/10
No Holds Barred
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Vince McMahon
I hate this remix of Bret Hart's theme. Vince comes and decides it is time for the SWERVE! This is now a lumberjack match
No Holds Barred Lumberjack Match
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Vince McMahon
Vince hired the entire Hart family to be the lumberjacks, as well as Bret's brother, Bruce, as the guest referee. Why would you even need a biased referee if a match is no holds barred? You can do whatever you want and it doesn't matter. Oh wait - SWERVE THE SWERVE
The Harts all took the money but were in on it with Bret! BRET SCREWED VINCE!
Which leads to 11 minutes of Vince McMahon being systematically destroyed by Bret and the Hart family. It is such a beating that Bret has to take a seat on the very chair he has been bashing Vince with and catch his breath.
Vince didn't even get in one offensive move.
Winner = Bret 'Hitman' Hart via submission following hilarious destruction
10/10
It really should be marked lower, but it was Bret 'Hitman' Hart beating up Vince McMahon for 11 minutes. Fuck you if that's not your fantasy!
Video Package
Edge won the Royal Rumble. Chris Jericho is the World Heavyweight Champion. Edge isn't a big enough star to get a shot at the WWE title, so these two must fight!
7/10
Edge vs Chris Jericho (c)
Champion out first because aaaaaahh what else is new?
Boredom? Oh no, that's not new.
Winner = Chris Jericho via pinfall following codebreaker
5/10
Edge goes nuts and beats up Chris Jericho like a good sore loser. WrestleMania traditions!
Earlier tonight Yoshi Tatsu won a battle royal for no reason.
10-Diva Tag Match
Eve Torres, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Beth Phoenix vs Layla, Michelle McCool, Maryse, Alicia Fox & Vickie Guerrero
A match so bad the referee actually had to stop the pin so they could redo things.
Winners = the team of bad girls via splash from Vickie Guerrero on somone
1/10
Video Package
Batista is a bad angry man and jealous of John Cena's success. He also injured John Cena a year ago. Guess how this is going to play out...
7/10
WWE Championship
John Cena vs Batista (c)
This time John Cena gets some type of military entrance. Because he was such an important military man, due his portrayl of a marine in that Hollywood blockbuster, The Marine?
Best sign of the night: "Batista loves fishsticks"
I don't really hate John Cena, but dear gawd his shoulder tackles look like the weakest crap possible.
Winner = John Cena via submission following John Cena
New Champion!
5/10
John Cena sees his biggest fans and makes sure to celebrate with them.
Apparently there is a show called Extreme Rules, which is "the only night of the year rules are for breaking!" As opposed to all the matches they do like hardcore and no holds barred and lumberjack and ladder matches and on and on and on and on...
Video Package
Cheesy pan pipes don't get me excited for a rematch. Might as well throw in some whale calls while you are at it.
4/10
Main Event
Career vs Streak
Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels
I actually lose track of the stupid things Michael Cole says in this match. Even when there is video evidence of something happening he makes up some stupid story instead. Which I guess is par for the course with this show. However this is a great match and I will tell you the ending in gif form:
Winner = Undertaker via pinfall following some tombstone piledrivers and powerbombs and what not
9/10
It's kinda fitting that Shawn Michaels' career ends the night that Bret Hart returns to get revenge.
Undertaker leaves Shawn Michaels to say goodbye to the fans. No music. no pyro. Even the commentators are mostly silent. Just the fans chanting for Shawn Michaels and him thanking them "for a wonderful life" as he walks back to the dressing room.
WrestleMania XXVI: The Awards
University of Phoenix Stadium
Glendale, Arizona - USA
Attendance: 72,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry 'the King' Lawler & Matt Striker
My thoughts before this viewing:
I remember this show for one main reason - the return of Bret Hart! Yes, my hero returned to wage war against Vince McMahon for the wrongs he did 13 years before. However, I do not recall much in the way of my enjoyment. I remember thinking the main event was incredibly predictable, but there were a few surprises during the night. I'm just excited to see Bret Hart and hopefully he can rescue me from this nightmare that is WrestleMania March Madness. So let's see if can be a hero to the zero in this modern year-o...
America the Beautiful
Today's guest singer is Fantasia - remember her? I forgot how awesome she is. She is fantastic. Oh I bring the comedy!
9/10
Opening Video Package
Everyone wants their WrestleMania moment. Good luck.
5/10
Opening Match
Unified Tag Team Championship
R-Truth & John Morrison vs The Miz & Big Show (c)
R-Truth is a terrible rapper.
Winners = The Miz & Big Show via pinfall following knockout punch from Big Show
4/10
WretleMania takes up a whole week now. I totally would have beaten those kids at the spelling bee. losers.
Triple Threat
Randy Orton vs Ted Dibiase Jr vs Cody Rhodes
Ted Dibiase Jr is introduced as just Ted Dibiase. That has to be confusing for some people, since his Dad went into the Hall of Fame last night.
Cody and Ted plan on teaming up and don't care who wins. Of course that only lasts about 6 minutes before they starting beating each other up. And of course Randy Orton is invincible against two men when neither is named Triple H.
Winner = Randy Orton via pinfall following RKO on Ted Dibiase Jr
4/10
Backstage
Josh Mathews introduces Vickie Guerrero. Apparently she is wrestling tonight? Holy crap! After Jillian Hall sings awfully, it turns into a Slim Jims commercial where Santino Marella and his fake monobrow makes out with Mae Young.
-1/10
That started off good and then somehow fell into the bog of eternal stench.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Kofi Kingston vs MVP vs Evan Bourne vs Jack Swagger vs Shelton Benjamin vs Matt Hardy vs Dolph Ziggler vs Drew McIntyre vs Kane vs Christian
One of the commentators says Shelton Benjamin has been in all the Money in the Bank matches - nope, he hasn't. This match is full of nobodies. Guess you gotta start somewhere - even if it is a match where you could die.
Kofi can't run up ladders like Shelton Benjamin.
Winner = Jack Swagger via 2 days of trying to unhook the briefcase
7/10
That was the least brutal of all the Money in the Bank matches so far. Very few crazy things, and they weren't that crazy. I bet WWE were very disappointed in Shelton Benjamin.
Highlights from the Hall of Fame inductions last night. Bret Hart gave what I am sure was an awesome speech to induct his Father, Stu. Bob Uecker made bad jokes.
Video Package
Sheamus used to watch Triple H as a kid. So what is he now, a teenager??
3/10
Triple H vs Sheamus
Apparently Sheamus has had the best first year in WWE history because he won the WWE championship for a 5 minutes. Really? Someone might want to talk to Kurt Angle and ask him if that's better than winning every single belt in the company within your first 10 months. They said Ric Flair is Triple H's mentor; he was like a 4-time world champion and burying people long before meeting Ric Flair. Come on!
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following pedigree because Triple H gonna Triple H
4/10
Edge is in a new Slim Jims commercial. He's no 'Macho Man' Randy Savage.
Video Package
CM Punk turned up to Rey Mysterio's daughter's birthday party. Nobody likes a party crasher - especially one that can't sing Happy Birthday in tune. But next time they probably shouldn't have the party in the middle of a wrestling ring on live TV.
7/10
Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk (w/Luke Gallows & Serena)
CM Punk buries the crowd for being drunk and on drugs because he chooses to be better than all of us. It's true. The commentators spend the match burying 'straight edge' in every possible way they can. So let me get this straight; Steve Austin comes out and throws beer around - that makes him a hero. CM Punk comes out and says drugs and alcohol are bad - that makes him a sick person. No wonder there are so many problems with the wellness policy. This year Rey Mysterio is dressed as one of those blue things from Avatar.
Winner = Rey Mysterio via pinfall following the usual Rey Mysterio things
8/10
Video Package
Bret Hart came back to the WWE! He wanted closure, but Vince McMahon just made him look stupid again. Vince then fell for the classic 'Bret Hart pretends to be injured until Vince McMahon signs the contract for a match at WrestleMania" - Vince screwed Vince!
9/10
No Holds Barred
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Vince McMahon
I hate this remix of Bret Hart's theme. Vince comes and decides it is time for the SWERVE! This is now a lumberjack match
No Holds Barred Lumberjack Match
Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs Vince McMahon
Vince hired the entire Hart family to be the lumberjacks, as well as Bret's brother, Bruce, as the guest referee. Why would you even need a biased referee if a match is no holds barred? You can do whatever you want and it doesn't matter. Oh wait - SWERVE THE SWERVE
The Harts all took the money but were in on it with Bret! BRET SCREWED VINCE!
Which leads to 11 minutes of Vince McMahon being systematically destroyed by Bret and the Hart family. It is such a beating that Bret has to take a seat on the very chair he has been bashing Vince with and catch his breath.
Winner = Bret 'Hitman' Hart via submission following hilarious destruction
10/10
It really should be marked lower, but it was Bret 'Hitman' Hart beating up Vince McMahon for 11 minutes. Fuck you if that's not your fantasy!
Video Package
Edge won the Royal Rumble. Chris Jericho is the World Heavyweight Champion. Edge isn't a big enough star to get a shot at the WWE title, so these two must fight!
7/10
Edge vs Chris Jericho (c)
Champion out first because aaaaaahh what else is new?
Boredom? Oh no, that's not new.
Winner = Chris Jericho via pinfall following codebreaker
5/10
Edge goes nuts and beats up Chris Jericho like a good sore loser. WrestleMania traditions!
Earlier tonight Yoshi Tatsu won a battle royal for no reason.
10-Diva Tag Match
Eve Torres, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Beth Phoenix vs Layla, Michelle McCool, Maryse, Alicia Fox & Vickie Guerrero
Winners = the team of bad girls via splash from Vickie Guerrero on somone
1/10
Video Package
Batista is a bad angry man and jealous of John Cena's success. He also injured John Cena a year ago. Guess how this is going to play out...
7/10
WWE Championship
John Cena vs Batista (c)
This time John Cena gets some type of military entrance. Because he was such an important military man, due his portrayl of a marine in that Hollywood blockbuster, The Marine?
Best sign of the night: "Batista loves fishsticks"
I don't really hate John Cena, but dear gawd his shoulder tackles look like the weakest crap possible.
Winner = John Cena via submission following John Cena
New Champion!
5/10
John Cena sees his biggest fans and makes sure to celebrate with them.
Apparently there is a show called Extreme Rules, which is "the only night of the year rules are for breaking!" As opposed to all the matches they do like hardcore and no holds barred and lumberjack and ladder matches and on and on and on and on...
Video Package
Cheesy pan pipes don't get me excited for a rematch. Might as well throw in some whale calls while you are at it.
4/10
Main Event
Career vs Streak
Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels
I actually lose track of the stupid things Michael Cole says in this match. Even when there is video evidence of something happening he makes up some stupid story instead. Which I guess is par for the course with this show. However this is a great match and I will tell you the ending in gif form:
9/10
It's kinda fitting that Shawn Michaels' career ends the night that Bret Hart returns to get revenge.
Undertaker leaves Shawn Michaels to say goodbye to the fans. No music. no pyro. Even the commentators are mostly silent. Just the fans chanting for Shawn Michaels and him thanking them "for a wonderful life" as he walks back to the dressing room.
WrestleMania XXVI: The Awards
- Best Match
The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels
I totally thought this match was overrated first time I watched it - mainly because the stipulation made it crystal clear who was winning. But I was wrong. The ending was all sorts of awesome. - Worst Match
10-Diva Tag Match
I'm sure that is no surprise that the 'Divas' had the worst match of the night. At least they are consistent. - Highlight of the Show
Bret 'Hitman' Hart putting Vince McMahon in the sharpshooter. A moment I waited half my life to see. - Lowlight of the Show
Santino Marella with a fake monobrow shilling Slim Jims while imagining himself getting off with an old lady, who then turned into 'Mean' Gene Okerlund in a dress, and then into Melina. - Star of the Show
Shawn Michaels. The crowd were here for two reasons; 1 - see Bret Hart put Vince McMahon in the sharpshooter, and 2 - see Shawn Michaels' career come to an end. He delivered a WrestleMania moment. - Best Celebrity Appearance
I guess Fantasia by default. - Worst Celebrity Appearance
There were no other celebrities. Unless we wish to count Bob Uecker and his Hall of Fame induction and bad jokes. - Tonight's Meal
Tonight I returned to the nacho wrap, with avocado and sour cream. It was the same meal I had at WrestleMania XIII when we said goodbye to Bret Hart. Now, 13 WrestleManias later, he returns and the circle is complete. Pepsi Next was the beverage of choice and the Reeses' Chips Ahoys were fantastic. An all-round delicious meal. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
Unlike last time, I got more food on my shirt than my face. I have forfeited my UFC championship title. - Overall Score
I enjoyed that. I was bored by a lot of it but the good was really enjoyable. Shawn Michaels went out on a real high note and CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio surprised me. Minus the botches by Mysterio, that could have been a challenge for match of the night. Oh and did I mention Bret Hart returned and beat Vince McMahon to death and then put him in the sharpshooter? That makes up for Slim Jim commercials and boring Divas matches. I feel rejuvenated. When I needed a hero, the Hitman was there to help me through this final hurdle. That's why he is the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be...
6 out of 10
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