30 March 2003
Safeco Field
Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, Michael Cole & Tazz
My thoughts before this viewing:
I saw this one not too long after watching the last WrestleMania, and like WrestleMania XVIII, I have very little recollection. I do recall it being similar to XVIII in terms of production, but I probably had less interest in this show as I was now further removed from the goings-on of the WWF (now called World Wrestling Entertainment - WWE - from this show onwards). Will it be as much of a struggle as last night's viewing? Or will your hero find entertainment from this world of wrestling? Or will he just end up re-enacting his own WrestleMania using a Dark Knight Mr. Potato-Head and some Transformers? That would be an interesting battle. Lindsay Lohan will be the guest referee and sing the national anthem, to which I will accompany her on synthesiser. Now to write a national anthem for the LOGMAN universe...
Oh, you're still here? Guess we better get on with this show so it's time that you know...
Opening Video Package
It's just the same as last year, only they have added comments from Brock Lesnar.
8/10
Oh yeah, there has been a 'brand split' between the shows, so we will have different commentary teams depending on the match. Make sense? There are also 2 world champions now - make even less sense?
Tazz is excited because he's "never been a part of anything like this before!". Except for the last 3 WrestleManias where he had matches in front of some larger crowds? Got it.
Opening Match
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Rey Mysterio vs Matt Hardy v1 (c) (w/Shannon Moore)
Oh shit - it's Rey Mysterio dressed as Daredevil!
Let's hope he is more entertaining than that movie. And Matt Hardy v1 - complete with 'Matt Facts':
I liked this Matt Hardy. Then it became apparent he is a pathetic waste of space for a human being and I changed my mind. There was lots of cool flippy stuff in this match. Because that's what Rey Mysterio does.
Winner = Matt Hardy via pinfall while holding the ropes in true WrestleMania tradition
8/10
Backstage
Some girls arrive. They are apparently 'cat fight girl'. I am apparently 'not interested'.
-1/10
Musical Performance
It's "The WWE's favourite band in the whole world - LIMP BIZKIT!" Pity this is 2003 and no one else in the world agrees with the WWE. Fred Durst pulls the finger to the crowd. Um, okay? That makes you super cool, Fred. He, like the WWE, seems surprised that no one gives a shit about his band or the song Rollin'.
2/10
The Undertaker tries to make Fred Durst feel better and gives him a manly hug. He should have gone all Undertaker on him because his career is dead. Ha I am so funny!
2-on-1 Handicap Match
Undertaker vs Big Show & A-Train
A-train is really hairy. And has pierced nipples. That can't be too comfortable to wrestle with.
Winner = Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
6/10
Backstage
The 'cat fight girls' meet up with Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler. I'm sure this will result in excitement.
-1/10
Jim Ross tells the US armed forces to beat up everyone in Iraq so they can come home. Fuck you and your war-mongering.
Triple Threat
WWE Women's Championship
Trish Stratus vs Jazz vs Victoria (c) (w/Steven Richards)
Jerry Lawler spends the entire match making jokes about PMS and threesomes, and just generally perving on the women. Good to know the WWE respect female athletes so much. Victoria is jacked! She could probably punch Lawler in the balls if she wanted. I think she should. Stupid old pervert.
Winner = Trish Stratus via pinfall following a kick or something
New Champion!
5/10
Backstage
Coach is with The Rock who is now a bad guy. He says Act 1 and 2 don't matter. Just like his first 2 movies don't matter.
8/10
Triple Threat
WWE Tag Team Championship
Chris Benoit & Rhyno vs Los Guerreros vs Team Angle (c)
Team Angle are very talented.
Chavo Guerrero is very talented. Eddie Guerrero is one of the all-time greats.
Chris Benoit is one of the all-time greats a psychotic killer.
Rhyno is just a fat sack of crap.
This was before Benoit's brain turned to mush, because he uses his intelligence to keep Rhyno out of the match as much as possible. Which means this match is awesome. And let's Benoit and Eddie do awesome stuff like this:
Winners = Team Angle via pinfall on Chavo Guerrero
9/10
Backstage
It's plastic women in skimpy clothing again. Now they are arguing. Jerry Lawler is so excited he is probably going to have a heart attack.
-3/10
Video Package
Chris Jericho used to worship Shawn Michaels but now plans on ending his career. That means Jericho will lose the match.
4/10
Shawn Michaels vs Chris Jericho
Hey look - Shawn Michaels is back from that 'career ending injury' again. Funny he was able to heal up perfectly in time for the departures of The Rock and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin... His entrance took as long as his celebrations at the end of WrestleMania XII. And he doesn't know how to use confetti guns.
Winner = Shawn Michaels via pinfall following typical Shawn Michaels match
7/10
They hug... then Jericho kicks him in the balls.
That was awesome.
Backstage
A referee goes into Vince McMahon's office. OK...
Musical Performance
Limp Bizkit perform 'Crack Addict - this year's WrestleMania theme. Oh, I thought it was Jeff Hardy's new theme. My mistake...
5/10
Cat Fight
The women strip to their underwear and have a pillow fight. Why? Coach gets pantsed and then pinned.
Fuck.
You.
All.
-5/10
And to think, one of these women would go on to have a serious relationship with George Clooney.
Video Package
Booker T had a troubled youth; after his Mother passed away he found himself on the streets and eventully turned to crime, which resulted in a short jail sentence for burglary. But he has worked hard to get where he is today - he has never been handed anything in life. Unlike old big-nose cock face.
7/10
World Heavyweight Championship
Triple H (c) (w/Ric Flair) vs Booker T
This could be the feel good story of the night; a guy overcoming everything and working hard to turn his life around, who came from the bottom to finally become World Heavyweight Champion! Except HHH is a piece of shit and doesn't do feel good. Unless you mean him feeling good by hitting the pedigree and waiting 10 minutes to pin the guy with only one hand on him in the most disrespectful way possible.
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following pedigree
1/10
Fuck you, big nose.
Video Package
Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan made WrestleMania a success, but Vince thinks it was all him. Which would explain why almost every WrestleMania has sucked since Hulk Hogan left. Oh and Vince is still holding a grudge about that.
7/10
Street Fight
Hulk Hogan vs Vince McMahon
Oh, yay! Another McMahon match! This is just what I needed after all that garbage... Why is Hogan coming out to Jimi Hendrix and not Real American? So two old men beat each other to a bloody mess and who should come out? Why, it's another old man -'Rowdy' Roddy Piper!
The Curse of WrestleMania returns! He beats Hulk with a lead pipe... but guess what? Hogan 'hulks up'! Big boot, 3 leg drops of doom and fuck you, Vince.
Winner = Hulk Hogan via pinfall following 3 leg drops
5/10
Video Package
The Rock and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin still hate each other. The 2nd best Limp Bizkit music video you will ever see.
9/10
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs The Rock
Yeah The Rock is still awesome. Even as a bad guy. He proves this by stealing Steve Austin's vest and talking trash to the crowd at every turn.
Winner = The Rock via pinfall following rock bottom
8/10
Video Package
Brock Lesnar has had to deal with swerve after swerve against Kurt Angle. I would take this more seriously if the music hadn't been lifted from a Star Wars video game.
6/10
WWE Championship
Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle (c)
Champ out first because oh stop it...
Michael Cole is losing his voice. Oh please please please please! Tazz calls Lesnar "the vanilla gorilla". Sounds like a white rapper. Or an ice cream flavour. Angle takes Lesnar toFunky Suplex Town.
And then Brock tries to murderise himself.
That Chris Benoit fellow is a bad influence on these guys. Brock manages to actually move some of his limbs again and Kurt tells him to hit his regular finisher so they can finish this match and both get to the hospital pronto.
Winner = Brock Lesnar via pinfall followingshooting star face plant F-5
7/10
That was a great match until Brock landed on his face. Had he nailed it, that would have been an amazing WrestleMania moment. But now it really looks like he needs to get to the hospital. Kurt Angle already had neck surgery schedule for the next day - no joke. Because Kurt Angle is actually insane and I'm quite surprised he didn't Benoit someone himself. Brock and Kurt embrace as Brock's music plays to send us out.
What, no Limp Bizkit?
WrestleMania XIX: The Awards
Safeco Field
Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, Michael Cole & Tazz
My thoughts before this viewing:
I saw this one not too long after watching the last WrestleMania, and like WrestleMania XVIII, I have very little recollection. I do recall it being similar to XVIII in terms of production, but I probably had less interest in this show as I was now further removed from the goings-on of the WWF (now called World Wrestling Entertainment - WWE - from this show onwards). Will it be as much of a struggle as last night's viewing? Or will your hero find entertainment from this world of wrestling? Or will he just end up re-enacting his own WrestleMania using a Dark Knight Mr. Potato-Head and some Transformers? That would be an interesting battle. Lindsay Lohan will be the guest referee and sing the national anthem, to which I will accompany her on synthesiser. Now to write a national anthem for the LOGMAN universe...
Oh, you're still here? Guess we better get on with this show so it's time that you know...
Opening Video Package
It's just the same as last year, only they have added comments from Brock Lesnar.
8/10
Oh yeah, there has been a 'brand split' between the shows, so we will have different commentary teams depending on the match. Make sense? There are also 2 world champions now - make even less sense?
Tazz is excited because he's "never been a part of anything like this before!". Except for the last 3 WrestleManias where he had matches in front of some larger crowds? Got it.
Opening Match
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Rey Mysterio vs Matt Hardy v1 (c) (w/Shannon Moore)
Oh shit - it's Rey Mysterio dressed as Daredevil!
Winner = Matt Hardy via pinfall while holding the ropes in true WrestleMania tradition
8/10
Backstage
Some girls arrive. They are apparently 'cat fight girl'. I am apparently 'not interested'.
-1/10
Musical Performance
It's "The WWE's favourite band in the whole world - LIMP BIZKIT!" Pity this is 2003 and no one else in the world agrees with the WWE. Fred Durst pulls the finger to the crowd. Um, okay? That makes you super cool, Fred. He, like the WWE, seems surprised that no one gives a shit about his band or the song Rollin'.
2/10
The Undertaker tries to make Fred Durst feel better and gives him a manly hug. He should have gone all Undertaker on him because his career is dead. Ha I am so funny!
2-on-1 Handicap Match
Undertaker vs Big Show & A-Train
A-train is really hairy. And has pierced nipples. That can't be too comfortable to wrestle with.
Winner = Undertaker via pinfall following tombstone piledriver
6/10
Backstage
The 'cat fight girls' meet up with Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler. I'm sure this will result in excitement.
-1/10
Jim Ross tells the US armed forces to beat up everyone in Iraq so they can come home. Fuck you and your war-mongering.
Triple Threat
WWE Women's Championship
Trish Stratus vs Jazz vs Victoria (c) (w/Steven Richards)
Jerry Lawler spends the entire match making jokes about PMS and threesomes, and just generally perving on the women. Good to know the WWE respect female athletes so much. Victoria is jacked! She could probably punch Lawler in the balls if she wanted. I think she should. Stupid old pervert.
Winner = Trish Stratus via pinfall following a kick or something
New Champion!
5/10
Backstage
Coach is with The Rock who is now a bad guy. He says Act 1 and 2 don't matter. Just like his first 2 movies don't matter.
8/10
Triple Threat
WWE Tag Team Championship
Chris Benoit & Rhyno vs Los Guerreros vs Team Angle (c)
Team Angle are very talented.
Winners = Team Angle via pinfall on Chavo Guerrero
9/10
Backstage
It's plastic women in skimpy clothing again. Now they are arguing. Jerry Lawler is so excited he is probably going to have a heart attack.
-3/10
Video Package
Chris Jericho used to worship Shawn Michaels but now plans on ending his career. That means Jericho will lose the match.
4/10
Shawn Michaels vs Chris Jericho
Hey look - Shawn Michaels is back from that 'career ending injury' again. Funny he was able to heal up perfectly in time for the departures of The Rock and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin... His entrance took as long as his celebrations at the end of WrestleMania XII. And he doesn't know how to use confetti guns.
Winner = Shawn Michaels via pinfall following typical Shawn Michaels match
7/10
They hug... then Jericho kicks him in the balls.
That was awesome.
Backstage
A referee goes into Vince McMahon's office. OK...
Musical Performance
Limp Bizkit perform 'Crack Addict - this year's WrestleMania theme. Oh, I thought it was Jeff Hardy's new theme. My mistake...
5/10
Cat Fight
The women strip to their underwear and have a pillow fight. Why? Coach gets pantsed and then pinned.
Fuck.
You.
All.
-5/10
And to think, one of these women would go on to have a serious relationship with George Clooney.
Video Package
Booker T had a troubled youth; after his Mother passed away he found himself on the streets and eventully turned to crime, which resulted in a short jail sentence for burglary. But he has worked hard to get where he is today - he has never been handed anything in life. Unlike old big-nose cock face.
7/10
World Heavyweight Championship
Triple H (c) (w/Ric Flair) vs Booker T
This could be the feel good story of the night; a guy overcoming everything and working hard to turn his life around, who came from the bottom to finally become World Heavyweight Champion! Except HHH is a piece of shit and doesn't do feel good. Unless you mean him feeling good by hitting the pedigree and waiting 10 minutes to pin the guy with only one hand on him in the most disrespectful way possible.
Winner = Triple H via pinfall following pedigree
1/10
Fuck you, big nose.
Video Package
Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan made WrestleMania a success, but Vince thinks it was all him. Which would explain why almost every WrestleMania has sucked since Hulk Hogan left. Oh and Vince is still holding a grudge about that.
7/10
Street Fight
Hulk Hogan vs Vince McMahon
Oh, yay! Another McMahon match! This is just what I needed after all that garbage... Why is Hogan coming out to Jimi Hendrix and not Real American? So two old men beat each other to a bloody mess and who should come out? Why, it's another old man -'Rowdy' Roddy Piper!
Winner = Hulk Hogan via pinfall following 3 leg drops
5/10
Video Package
The Rock and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin still hate each other. The 2nd best Limp Bizkit music video you will ever see.
9/10
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs The Rock
Yeah The Rock is still awesome. Even as a bad guy. He proves this by stealing Steve Austin's vest and talking trash to the crowd at every turn.
Winner = The Rock via pinfall following rock bottom
8/10
Video Package
Brock Lesnar has had to deal with swerve after swerve against Kurt Angle. I would take this more seriously if the music hadn't been lifted from a Star Wars video game.
6/10
WWE Championship
Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle (c)
Champ out first because oh stop it...
Michael Cole is losing his voice. Oh please please please please! Tazz calls Lesnar "the vanilla gorilla". Sounds like a white rapper. Or an ice cream flavour. Angle takes Lesnar to
And then Brock tries to murderise himself.
That Chris Benoit fellow is a bad influence on these guys. Brock manages to actually move some of his limbs again and Kurt tells him to hit his regular finisher so they can finish this match and both get to the hospital pronto.
Winner = Brock Lesnar via pinfall following
7/10
That was a great match until Brock landed on his face. Had he nailed it, that would have been an amazing WrestleMania moment. But now it really looks like he needs to get to the hospital. Kurt Angle already had neck surgery schedule for the next day - no joke. Because Kurt Angle is actually insane and I'm quite surprised he didn't Benoit someone himself. Brock and Kurt embrace as Brock's music plays to send us out.
What, no Limp Bizkit?
WrestleMania XIX: The Awards
- Best Match
Los Guerreros vs Chris Benoit & Rhyno vs Team Angle
Not a major surprise that these guys put on an awesome match. Is surprising they did it with Rhyno. - Worst Match
Triple H vs Booker T
I best not write anything or I won't stop... - Highlight of the Show
Brock Lesnar still being alive after the worst WrestleMania botch of all time. There is a reason this man became the UFC heavyweight champion. - Lowlight of the Show
Four women engaging in the most pathetic pillow fight ever. - Star of the Show
The Rock. Even as a bad guy he was incredible and he really was the key to the match with Austin being so fun. - Best Celebrity Appearance
Damn - do Limp Bizkit get this award by default??? - Worst Celebrity Appearance
Fred Durst. - Tonight's Meal
Tonight saw avocado, spinach, red onion, capsicum, cucumber, tomato topped with fried mushrooms and a quorn chicken patty, with a splash of sweet chilli sauce. Seriously so good. I continue on my voyage towards the Pepsi Next generation (what?) and the Oatmeal Creme Pie was quite tasty. That concerns me. - T-Shirt Cleanliness
Not a lot of stains added tonight. Though I am not sure there is enough clean space left to create any more stains. - Overall Score
This was a really good show. Other than the HHH/Booker T shitfest, every match was at least enjoyable and most were thoroughly entertaining. There was some absolutely awful filler with those catfight girls and Brock Lesnar trying to break his own neck certainly hurt the ending, but on the whole that was a good show. Now if they could actually get a good musical group like Run DMC again, things will be great!
6.5 out of 10
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